To think I wasn't rude to husbands colleagues?

[catnoirr]

Good Afternoon,

It's been playing on my mind all morning, yesterday I had to go to DH work to collect something. He's just a manager in retail.

As I was waiting a colleague came up to me and was like "Oh you're (dh name) wife, been wondering what you look like!" and started giggling, and then she goes "Aww he's such a good man, he doesn't even flirt with anyone and customers come in asking if he's married, giving their numbers but he just doesn't entertain it! He must really love you a lot!"

I just responded like "That's normal, don't think I'm gonna give him brownie points for acting like a married man" (I said it in a nice tone so not serious or anything)

Dh comes over to give me what I needed and colleague goes "I was just telling your wife how loyal you are compared to previous managers" and Dh just goes "oh yeah, but she doesn't appreciate it" (all jokey!)

I didn't say anything just smiled, said my goodbyes etc then left.

Dh comes home demanding why I was rude to his colleague embarrassing him. I said, I'm sorry but I don't appreciate the first time someone comes up to me gushing how you don't flirt with people lol, It's normal to not be disloyal.
He then goes on about how she's only young and was just trying to be nice (I'm 27, the girl was around 20). I said I don't need reassuring from a stranger lol but now it's just weird.

I'm literally dumbfounded at the whole situation lmao! He's now moody saying I've embarrassed him!
I am heavily pregnant and maybe hormonal but I don't think I'm being unreasonable here?

@VegetarianDeathCult

So if he's not an Abercrombie and Fitch topless model, he's a supermarket sex god who gets poems and phone numbers on a regular basis? I want to hear more about this high street shag fest.

Your husband has a cult following, OP. Watch out for his fans pretending to browse fish fingers on the frozen food aisle and asking him lingeringly whether there are any special offers.

THAT's exactly what he claims happens.

He came home one night like "a woman kept hovering near the slimming world section and asking me a million questions and asking if she's even needs to buy the meals, my colleague shouted me over to sort out a cashier issue and she tapped me on the back and said "sorry, are you available?"

It's like I'm either conditioned to his fantasy ego boost or this shop has a serious customer base of over eager single women. I even said "so you are not just a manager, but also a slimming world rep"

I think I have a big Dh problem

@Unicant

you've done that girl a favour by telling her the truth. Hopefully she will go away and think about that and realise you are right and stop giving men free rein to behave irresponsibly by acting like its some kind of miracle when they dont. You said exactly the right thing it wasnt rude at all.

She will do nothing of the sort.

I feel like I’ve turned into my granny saying this but she’s a brazen little hussy who is trying to turn his head.

She’s eyeing up the opposition and getting the measure of you. Which is the last thing you need when you are in the late stages of pregnancy.

"Dh comes home demanding why I was rude to his colleague embarrassing him."

Oh dear.

Why would he assume that you were the rude one?

As soon as he was told what she said he should have been deciding to have words with her, not making excuses.

Who talks like that to a total stranger?

@thenewduchessofhastings

Sounds like your DH has a fan girl who's probably annoyed he doesn't give her the attention she'd like.I'm betting she's use to having blokes fawn over her 🙄

What she said was rude tbh and unless she's stupid then it sounds like she was trying to stir the pot.

When you've quite rightly put her back in her box she's gone crying to your DH and look it's worked because you're DH is peeved with you.Mission accomplished by annoying fan girl.

Yeah Dh said that all the boys are pestering her always and he has to sort them out.

I'm like

I think your response was good and he was being disrespectful to tell you off for it to be honest, she was flirting with him right in front of you. CF both of them.

She was extremely forward and rude.

And your husband was upset with you?!

More in his line to have a word with her.

I wouldn't be one bit impressed.

Forget about her and focus on your sulking, moody husband.

Very strange behaviour.

And of course you are pregnant.

I hope you have plenty of support from friends and family.

He doesn't sound that nice, to his pregnant wife.

She definitely fancies him and he is more concerned about her opinion of him that yours?

Protect yourself OP.

Actually just read some of those ‘be careful’ comments and thought I’d respond. You are about to have a baby, is this really what you need to focus your energy on right now? To be honest if they were having an affair like some posters are suggesting, they are doing a sloppy job at it but I really doubt they are, In all seriousness I’d say talk to your husband about how you would like to handle future awkward moments and forget this. It’s probably nothing.

@Mmn654123 I agree. It doesn't help that I'm huge, feel quite run down and now I know he's got petite little blondes fluttering their eyelashes at him.

I had no idea supermarkets were such hotbeds of lust . Now I'm imagining all the staff running around like the Benny Hill end credits, between the aisles.

You were a bit curt with her but quite frankly her comment was hugely inappropriate and I'm surprised your DH, as the manager, has decided that you are at fault and not his colleague. He's opening himself up to problems in the future if he allows a 'flirty' culture to continue. What if someone feels it's sexual harassment? Or worse?

It's like little comments keep getting back to me now like when he came home and said "work feel sorry for me, heavily pregnant wife with a toddler, I must be neglected Ha ha ha " now I know exactly who is making these remarks..

@OhCaptain

These “be careful” responses are baffling me.

What does OP have to be careful about? She can’t change anything that happens when she’s not there!

Nothing baffling about it. There is lots op can do. Manipulation works both ways.

Little miss pushy is trying to get husband to believe extra marital shagathons are normal and that all the customers and staff are gagging for it. It’s working.

Op needs to make him believe little miss rude is clingy, irritating, childish. Talk about her like she’s a different generation. Make him see her as if she’s a young teen. That removes her in his mind from being a potential affair to him being dodgy as hell to think of her like that.

Fight fire with fire.

Of course you have a DH problem but you can manipulate him just as others can. Trouble with straight talking in these cases is that it can just give him ideas.

Her comment and your response were equally odd.....

I don't think you need to be "careful" at all.

She's just immature and the only adult conversation she's used to is jokey, banter style talk. She won't have realised that she could be coming across as inappropriate whilst trying to make conversation with you.

To be fair, you're young and still full of the LOLs and LMAO too. They don't fit into your OP at all yet you've put them there.

I hate when people say something inappropriate and you respond to it in a sensible way as you did. What kind of thing were you supposed to say? She is quite young so maybe not quite out of her teenager stage.

She’s not jealous. She’s 20, you’re 27. People in their early 20s couldn’t care less about a 27 year old - to her you’re ancient, you’re even different generations. There’s absolutely no competition as neither of you are on her radar. I hate this rhetoric that younger women at work must be trying to steal your partner - when in reality she has better options than a practically 30 year old retail manager

The conversation was awkward but you were objectively rude. There’s other ways to navigate an awkward conversation. Your husband is at fault if this conversation made you uncomfortable - he feels comfortable enough to discuss this with her, and in turn she felt comfortable enough to discuss this with you. She was overfamiliar due to his overfamiliarity so didn’t realise she crossed a boundary. He could reign in discussing you at work to set boundaries.

@flakymate

She’s not jealous. She’s 20, you’re 27. People in their early 20s couldn’t care less about a 27 year old - to her you’re ancient, you’re even different generations. There’s absolutely no competition as neither of you are on her radar. I hate this rhetoric that younger women at work must be trying to steal your partner - when in reality she has better options than a practically 30 year old retail manager

The conversation was awkward but you were objectively rude. There’s other ways to navigate an awkward conversation. Your husband is at fault if this conversation made you uncomfortable - he feels comfortable enough to discuss this with her, and in turn she felt comfortable enough to discuss this with you. She was overfamiliar due to his overfamiliarity so didn’t realise she crossed a boundary. He could reign in discussing you at work to set boundaries.

True. I remember being 20 and filling silences with awkward phrases and idk I probably overstepped a lot so I can understand some people blurt without thinking

"Little miss pushy is trying to get husband to believe extra marital shagathons are normal and that all the customers and staff are gagging for it"

Or she's very early in her working life and thinks that flirty and loaded banter is normal in every workplace.

"Fight fire with fire" 😂😂

OP I know you already said he's not a firefighter but don't do this. He's already embarrassed at you being off with the staff he has to manage

[quote catnoirr]@Mmn654123 I agree. It doesn't help that I'm huge, feel quite run down and now I know he's got petite little blondes fluttering their eyelashes at him. [/quote]
Exactly. I don’t know your husband so can’t say how best to handle it - but you might want to encourage him to feel very protective of you. She’s clearly trying to make him believe every bloke in the shop is trying to jump her bones which I’m sure they aren’t. So he can protect her from them. While encouraging shagging visions in his mind. It’s pathetic. Only you know if a proper talk would help - but I’d recommend talking about her as if she’s about 12 so that is how he visualises her. A silly little girl playing silly little games. You aren’t imagining it though.

"I don’t know your husband so can’t say how best to handle it"

You don't know his colleague either. Yet you called her several names and seem really very triggered by her.

Are you sure you're not projecting? @Mmn654123

You were rude, she was telling you something that would make most women happy!

All a very bizzare conversation.

But with you referring to her as a girl when she is actually a grown woman, and so many jumping in to assume she must automatically be shagging your husband, I'm sure you got what you were looking for here.

Anyone else thinks she's a stupid shit stirring little bitch? (not the OP)
You are married to her manager and you are pregnant and that's the first thing she thought to talk to you about!! She meant to stir you up!
And your DH defending her!!
Boundaries are being crossed and you need to spell it out to him that it is not acceptable, if you feel strongly about it.

@Mmn654123 yes, I suppose OP could start manipulating her husband.

Personally, I prefer to be married to a man that I don’t have to play mind games and pick me games with. But everyone’s different. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@NotAgainNoMore

Anyone else thinks she's a stupid shit stirring little bitch? (not the OP) You are married to her manager and you are pregnant and that's the first thing she thought to talk to you about!! She meant to stir you up! And your DH defending her!! Boundaries are being crossed and you need to spell it out to him that it is not acceptable, if you feel strongly about it.

No. I think they’re a bunch of twenty somethings who could probably all do with growing up a bit.

She was overfamiliar due to his overfamiliarity so didn’t realise she crossed a boundary. He could reign in discussing you at work to set boundaries.

This has just made me realise/remember I was once (years ago) really rude to someone because their OH found it funny to be cynical/sarcastic and I didn't realise she might not feel the same way. So you adopt a tone in talking to someone and then assume their nearest and dearest are used to it. But that's not necessarily how they talk to each other. Maybe something similar has happened here..?