To think I wasn't rude to husbands colleagues?

[catnoirr]

Good Afternoon,

It's been playing on my mind all morning, yesterday I had to go to DH work to collect something. He's just a manager in retail.

As I was waiting a colleague came up to me and was like "Oh you're (dh name) wife, been wondering what you look like!" and started giggling, and then she goes "Aww he's such a good man, he doesn't even flirt with anyone and customers come in asking if he's married, giving their numbers but he just doesn't entertain it! He must really love you a lot!"

I just responded like "That's normal, don't think I'm gonna give him brownie points for acting like a married man" (I said it in a nice tone so not serious or anything)

Dh comes over to give me what I needed and colleague goes "I was just telling your wife how loyal you are compared to previous managers" and Dh just goes "oh yeah, but she doesn't appreciate it" (all jokey!)

I didn't say anything just smiled, said my goodbyes etc then left.

Dh comes home demanding why I was rude to his colleague embarrassing him. I said, I'm sorry but I don't appreciate the first time someone comes up to me gushing how you don't flirt with people lol, It's normal to not be disloyal.
He then goes on about how she's only young and was just trying to be nice (I'm 27, the girl was around 20). I said I don't need reassuring from a stranger lol but now it's just weird.

I'm literally dumbfounded at the whole situation lmao! He's now moody saying I've embarrassed him!
I am heavily pregnant and maybe hormonal but I don't think I'm being unreasonable here?

She's after him

Did he actually hear what you said to this colleague? Could she have exaggerated what you said or twisted it somehow? Seems weird that he would think you were being rude in such a black-and-white way without actually asking you what was said. Hope he doesn't manage people without hearing both sides of the story at work, it's bad form. As for her, she's conniving and trying to drive a wedge between the two of you. He shouldn't be showing her photos of you, she sounds obsessive. If he's her manager he should keep professional distance from her.
I would also have questions about why the first thing she felt the need to say to you was about his fidelity, and why she specifically mentioned the customers he doesn't flirt with.

Loyal compared to previous managers?!

So...she's been shagging the management up til your DH arrived?

It’s perfectly normal at my workplace to ask to see a photo of colleague’s husbands or wives. Doesn’t mean we fancy them, just showing an interest in their life.

@Honeyroar

It’s perfectly normal at my workplace to ask to see a photo of colleague’s husbands or wives. Doesn’t mean we fancy them, just showing an interest in their life.

But is it perfectly normal to then tell the spouse you were wondering what they looked like, even though you’d already seen a photo?

It reminds me of when you walk into the room and kids leap apart and go "we weren't fighting".

@TimeForTeaAndG

Loyal compared to previous managers?!

So...she's been shagging the management up til your DH arrived?

LMAO that gave me a giggle.

I did ask him about that comment, his response was "Oh all the supervisors and what not openly flirt with customers regardless of girlfriends etc and apparently the previous manager was always cheating on his wife"

I genuinely thought it was just a normal supermarket now I'm wondering what else goes on

Another vote for she fancies your DH!

@NotFabulousDarling

Did he actually hear what you said to this colleague? Could she have exaggerated what you said or twisted it somehow? Seems weird that he would think you were being rude in such a black-and-white way without actually asking you what was said. Hope he doesn't manage people without hearing both sides of the story at work, it's bad form. As for her, she's conniving and trying to drive a wedge between the two of you. He shouldn't be showing her photos of you, she sounds obsessive. If he's her manager he should keep professional distance from her. I would also have questions about why the first thing she felt the need to say to you was about his fidelity, and why she specifically mentioned the customers he doesn't flirt with.

and, he has chosen to believe the exaggerated sum up of a 20 year old he works with (who he must know has eyes on him) rather than his wife.

I'd be telling your husband that there is absolutely no reason for him to be annoyed with you and he is to 1) snap out of his mood immediately and 2) not encourage her to think that he is in the market for an affair.

If he sulks after you say that to him, then I'd say you have a HUSBAND problem

@StopGuacAndRoll

Bit embarrassing that you think your husband is ‘just’ a retail manager

I think she meant just that it's not like he is in the kind of role where women might typically fancy a man.

My husband is a policeman and he was on duty in the town one night when I was out with friends, we crossed paths and chatted briefly and in that short time I had comments about "wouldn't kick him out of bed" etc.

@NotFabulousDarling

It reminds me of when you walk into the room and kids leap apart and go "we weren't fighting".

THIS!

This is exactly the feeling I get now.. but I couldn't word it!

Yep. She fancies him and he likes that.
How dare he pull you up. She was the one who got personal and you weren't even rude.

What an odd thing for his colleague to even say to you in the first place. Bizarre and way too forward for me.

Agree with PTW. Incredibly odd!

Had she said something like "Lovely to meet you - he talks about you all the time" (and, as you are obviously pregnant) "He's so looking forward to the baby." I would have thought "Fair enough". but to make remarks about women trying to flirt with him etc is totally out of order.

All agree with others - she fancies him.

"oh god I've had enough of hair today with (said colleague) asking me what hair colour she should have after she asked to see your picture".

And why would she want to see your picture? I've worked with umpteen blokes, and never once asked to see their significant other's picture. Nor have any of them asked to see my husband's.

She's checking out the competition.

In regards to the "he's just a retail manager" I understand how it looks now, I wanted to give context of the environment where he would be with customers/colleagues every day facing in close contact (especially in these times)

And yes, to me he is the most gorgeous man, but I didn't want to give the wrong impression that he's a muscly big smouldering firefighter rescuing etc just to give context lol!

Echo others - that's weird behaviour from both of them.

Suspect there's flirting or worse between the two of them (one sided or both).

@Honeyroar

It’s perfectly normal at my workplace to ask to see a photo of colleague’s husbands or wives. Doesn’t mean we fancy them, just showing an interest in their life.

I disagree.

I've seen photos of colleagues' spouses if they are showing photos of family holidays etc, but there's no way t would occur to me to say "Can I see a picture of your missus?"

You might want to drop a jokey comment saying 'You realise your reaction to my entirely normal reply to your colleague makes it sound like a) she flirts with you all the time and b) that you like it, right?'

I treat DH like this sometimes (in a sort of 'let's have it all out in the open') vein and thus far it has been sufficient to make him cop on to his own silliness. Well I think so anyway!!

Urgh

Watch out for her, she sounds very forward indeed

@StamfordHill

You were rude. When someone tells you something nice about your nearest and dearest, you acknowledge it.

What about, "I love working with your dad, he's such an honest and scrupulous man." Or, "It's a pleasure teaching your daughter, she's always so well behaved."

Would you also respond stiffly, "I'm not giving anyone brownie points for doing what they should,"?

The salesperson was telling you something nice - even if it's expected of him - and you brushed her off.

If they said "I love working with your dad, he's so faithful to your mother" or "It's a pleasure to teach your daughter, she' never acts like a trollop." would you think the same?

Yes - it was a compliment - of sorts. But a totally inappropriate area of life to compliment him on.

@StamfordHill

You were rude. When someone tells you something nice about your nearest and dearest, you acknowledge it.

What about, "I love working with your dad, he's such an honest and scrupulous man." Or, "It's a pleasure teaching your daughter, she's always so well behaved."

Would you also respond stiffly, "I'm not giving anyone brownie points for doing what they should,"?

The salesperson was telling you something nice - even if it's expected of him - and you brushed her off.

Erm those examples are a bit different from “your husband is hot and did you know he doesn’t shag around behind your back?”

Bonkers behaviour from her, can't understand anyone doing that?
Dh response daft too.

They fancy each other and probably flirt at work. She was testing the water.

Almost like how kids go "I like apples" instead of asking for an apple. She wanted to see what you thought of him, your opinion on him flirting at work and wether you would indulge a personal conversation about him with her.

I would be veryyyyy aware of their relationship at work going forward.

@UhtredRagnarson

Btw she’s probably the one flirting with him. She was just letting you know that he has attention from someone else.

That's what I thought, she clearly likes your husband enough to wonder what his wife looks like and if he's always getting people trying to give him his number, he's obviously objectively attractive. I'd be wary of her trying her luck with him.