Reasons my DH may end up under the patio...

[PringleMcDingle]

My top three...

1. He brushes his teeth with so much toothpaste that it ends up frothing and foaming everywhere. To wipe away this completely ridiculous amount of excess paste he always wipes his mouth on FRESH BLOODY TOWELS.

Every towel in our bathroom is covered in toothpaste. I swear on the odd occasion I've left something like pyjama bottoms on the radiator in there, he's pasted those too.

1. Instead of putting tea bags in the bin (which is right next to the kettle), he'll just leave them on the side or in something like a pan that's waiting to be washed by the sink. Why? Can someone, anyone, explain that to me?

1. Always asks me where certain items of clothing are without looking in his wardrobe. Or even worse, will ask me if he has any socks/underwear... Before just going to the sock/underwear drawer. I don't keep an inventory of sock availability... CHECK THE DRAWER.

So there, if you see me on the 9 o'clock news, you'll know that it was justified.

Just started reading this thread and my OH has shouted up the stairs, “there’s a stain on the rug in the living room”

Why is this my problem? And why does he feel the need to tell me, when I’m upstairs trying to get ready for work?!

Who said they are having a new patio laid?? PM me

@Turnedouttoes

Mine shaves his stubble every single time I clean the bathroom. My lovely clean pristine bathroom then has little tiny black hairs all over the place. I find them stuck to the wall and everything!

Mine too, and my bearded son, so when he trims his beard it looks like someone’s been trimming their pubes. 🤮 those curly fuckers get everywhere. And our sink is prone to blocking, so when the next person (me) comes along the sinks blocked. Can I add into the mix answering my questions with “uhuh”. So do you want tea or coffee. “Uhuh”. When’s your doctor’s appointment? “Uhuh”. Aaaaargh!

Can I bury my teenager. I asked him to strip his bed 5 mins later I hear this shouted down the stairs

"Where do I put my bedding and why is the washing basket right outside my room I nearly tripped over it!"

His defence was it was too early in the morning to have his brain in gear. 🤷‍♀️

Pees on the floor at least once a day.

Finishes a bottle of shower gel and leaves the empty bottle on the side of the bath for at least two weeks before moving it into a bin, usually when I've passive aggressively put the current full bottle he is using back in the cupboard to make a point.

We do the teabag thing, except we have a small dish next to the kettle to put them in, to save taking a dripping tea bag across the kitchen to the bin. However, he never empties it, and if it is piled high he will continue to add more teabags, creating a teabag leaning tower of Pisa.

He is working from home in our bedroom and leaves work stuff everywhere and never puts anything away. There is a half empty glass of water on the chest of drawers that has been here for two weeks.

Works in the living room each night and leaves his laptop open on the floor overnight, then complains when the kids go in there in the morning and knock it.

Has been tired for approximately ten years. But not so tired that he needs to go to the GP to do anything about it of course.

Never, ever, ever, makes the bed.

My DP has a really bad sense of smell and not great taste (20 years of smoking & living next to a dual carriageway rather than COVID) so he frequently over salts food and doesn’t change his gym shorts.... he’ll do a gym session (when not in lockdown) and come back before he showers, sits on the sofa and everytime I have to say “you smell, please shower” and he acts like I’m a dictator.

He doesn’t usually smell btw just forgets he can’t smell himself!

Mine does the 'this' thing too

'where's that thing I had earlier'
'Pass me that'
'move that out the way' (where's there are several things he could mean)

And then gets annoyed when I move the wrong thing!

I keep telling him he needs to specify what he's talking about and he just says that he cant always think of the word and it's always obvious what he's talking about anyway!

I've only noticed this in the last few months so I'm not sure if it's a thing he's started doing recently or if he's always done it and I just haven't noticed.

He's also got into the habit of mumbling so I am constantly asking him to repeat himself and he says it's because he's forgotten how to talk loudly because he only ever talks to me now lol.

One more, he says 'really' after almost everything I say.

'it's sunny today - really - yes really'
'jono (our cat) did a poo by the flowers again - really - yes'
'Jane says she's getting a new sofa - really - yes'
'we've run out of bin bags - really - YES REALLY OR WHY WOULD I SAY THAT'

Again I hope this is a lockdown/boredom thing.

I cant wait until I can spend some time with someone who isn't him

@Markies

Change this to reasons my wife may end up under the patio. Aye, not so funny now is it. 🙄

Not so funny because male violence against women is a real and present threat. Approx 2 women a week are killed by their partners.

Which of the posters in this thread do you actually think poses a threat to their DH? None. That's why it's amusing. It's lighthearted with no real basis in reality.

I love mine dearly but he thinks underpants only need changing every other day 🤮 and he likes to talk to me from another room and expects me to stop what I'm doing and go to where he is, and he will shout at the bloody telly too!
But mostly I joined this thread because I'm desperate to know why condensation in the bin is a bad thing

Mine would walk past the dishwasher to put his mug in the sink. Why? We had a perfectly good dishwasher for washing dishes and mugs. It worked. It went on every day. But not with his mugs in.

The other thing was a complete failure to grasp that food goes off if you don't put it on the fridge. His mother had form here and would leave stuff out for days and then moan when she got sick.

Living the single life does have advantages. No mugs in the sink, an extra wardrobe and as many cats as I can afford.

For the PP who agreed putting the seat down is pointless- incorrect.
Everyone should put the LID down before they flush to stop germs flying all over the bathroom, and usually the toothbrushes!!

Tea or coffee? - yes

Leaving dishes in soak. When I wash up all the cupboards and drawers are full, ready to use. When he washes up its a game of hunt the pan/peeler/chopping board when I go to cook. It's either “in soak” or he's stashed it in the first space he saw and not the cupboard where we decided it lives.

This is when he's not bringing in stacks of plant pots to wash (despite having an outdoor tap) and leaving them scattered over the work surfaces. For weeks at a time.

He disappears
Where is he?
We are about to go out/ do something/I want a bath...
Having an hour long shit.
Why?
Why?
Just why?

So many reasons:

1. I tidied kitchen, sorted dishwasher etc and he just leaves his bowl plate and spoon on side next to it. Do you think they have fucking legs?!

1. Leaves so many teaspoons from his cups of tea all over the house the place looks like a heroin den.

1. NEVER fucking listens. To ANYTHING I say. Then comes across as dopey.

1. NEVER fucking remembers anything. Then comes across as dopey.

1. Is SO clumsy he breaks everything in sight including one of a pair of rather special (sentimental) wine glasses we brought back from a wine festival in Italy

1. Following on from (5) above, then complains when he had to use the smaller glass (we are in between moves so all glasses bar a couple packed away).

1. Eats every pack of crisps I buy, none for me. Ever.

1. Doesn’t help with the shopping list/meal planning then complains when we are out of something (never tells me when we run out of something).

1. Doesn’t help with the mental load. Example: has no fucking clue when the kids need clothes, nappies, wipes and never thinks about what they need. Another example: I’d ordered Mother’s Day gifts for my mother and his. Asked him to sort cards. Of course he hasn’t so I’ve had to do it to make sure they get there in time.

10. Following on from (9) above, every time I complain about the mental load, says “all you need to do is ask”. Obviously I do ask and it doesn’t get done (see second example at 9 above) so then I’ve got two lots of mental load: 1) the actual thing that needs going 2) reminding him/checking he’s actually done it (and he rarely has).

He drives me insane.

Fills the dishwasher and puts it on.
His eyes cannot scan anywhere other that the vicinity about the dishwasher so dirty pots, pans & plates remain scattered everywhere.
Ffs.

If DH or DC ask me what I’m doing, when it’s pretty bloody obvious, I just say that I’m picking my nose and eating it. They soon got the message and don’t ask any more.

He never sleeps. Ever. He's lucky if he manages 1 or 2 hours a night. Nobody sleeps as badly as he does. Nobody.

I'll join you.

Never closes a drawer of cupboard.
Never wipes up his crumbs.
Thinks it's fine to pebble dash the loo and leave it there
Takes bread from bag and leaves the bag open so bread goes stale.

I could go on.

Mine leaves coffee granules everywhere but complains I don't wipe the work top when I clean up. Yes love because those are always your granules

My DH knows l absolutely hate losing stuff, even for a minute, drives me nuts if things aren't where theyre supposed to be. I think it''s baggage from living with my exh who used to always be lending stuff out (Inc. my personal stuff) to his grabby entitled family and we never got it back. I used be in tears looking for stuff regularly till he finally would admit 'oh my siste/mother/whatever asked to borrow it, what was l supposed to say'
Anyway l have a system in place when we're going out l put everything out on lounge settee as l go along that lm going need or take with me. eg shopping bags, umbrella, coat, scarf, items lm returning, car keys, loyalty cards, etc etc.
'D'h despite being told several times not to do this wil' help' me by taking things out to the car but without telling me. I then have to go out to the car to check he's taken whatever it is, then go back in house get rest of my stuff and lock up. He will also put stuff in the boot that l wanted handy on back seat and vice versa if were going a long journey (remember those?)
I know this all sounds minor and yes l know lm a bit OCD but lve asked him over and over, just leave my fecking stuff alone will you, youre not helping and are stressing me out.

Mine is blind to any washing up and once I start doing the dishes he says "I'd have done them"
So annoying lol

never ever closes cupboards or drawers

sanctimonious tidying up

not talking to me all day long in favour of gaming or watching sport and then the moment I want to watch something deciding he needs to have an indepth conversation

my friend is a chemistry teacher and assures me she has the knowledge to help me dispose of the body completely

My guy is a lovely lovely man who does pull his weight in all general aspects of the housework/home chores and i am 100% sure there are things that drive him potty that i do but...

He will load the dishwasher with the absolute meticulousness of of a tetris grandmaster but never actually turns it on because there might be one. more. thing. he can just squeeze in there (there never is)

It is physically impossible for him to leave or enter the house without slamming the front door. It booms through the whole house, rattling the windows and making the letter box clatter (and cringeworthily I know it booms through next doors adjoining wall) I have mentioned it several times and he looks confused, is convinced he doesn't but promises he wont going forward...… and then........

BOOM! CLATTER/RATTLE 'Hi honey I'm home'

It is pointless, he might be the next one to use it. Putting it down for yourself isn't hard.

Men can pee sitting down, men can pee standing and not piss all over the seat.

This thread makes me glad I live alone.

I don't have a patio but there is a spot in my garden that would make an excellent patio, I recon it could fit 4-5 bodies.

Still howling at these this morning. Sharing them with DH and some he is like that's not me - it is!

He just said is there a thread about women as these would be mine (his words honestly)

1. Leaving the toothpaste cap/lid off so the top dries

1. I always have to write lists and diagrams for everything. Going on holiday, jobs/chores for the day, planning and birthday cake

1. Getting abbreviations mixed up like ASAP into SAAP. I have baby brains still - 16 months on but they were twins so it's lasts loads longer 😂😂😂

He said there are others that he can't think of at the minute

This is funny. DH splatters toothpaste too, and when he shaves I find his hair all over the bathroom mirror which he apparently NEVER notices

But my pet peeves are when he leaves the toilet roll on top of the toilet and not on the side. We have sort of a basket type toilet paper holder with a cover, toilet roll lives on top of it. Not for DH. I am 17 weeks pregnant and need to twist my entire body to reach for it and be able to wipe my arse. I asked him the other day if he thinks there's a reason why people don't install toilet roll holders behind the toilet

Another one is whenever he deals with something he always either gets shit half done or only tells people half of the information they need (result: see above). I always have to get involved to finish things off properly.

But by far my biggest hate is when he leaves half a piece of kitchen roll instead of getting rid of it, who in the name of god will use it and for what

I feel better already having written this