Reasons my DH may end up under the patio...

[PringleMcDingle]

My top three...

1. He brushes his teeth with so much toothpaste that it ends up frothing and foaming everywhere. To wipe away this completely ridiculous amount of excess paste he always wipes his mouth on FRESH BLOODY TOWELS.

Every towel in our bathroom is covered in toothpaste. I swear on the odd occasion I've left something like pyjama bottoms on the radiator in there, he's pasted those too.

1. Instead of putting tea bags in the bin (which is right next to the kettle), he'll just leave them on the side or in something like a pan that's waiting to be washed by the sink. Why? Can someone, anyone, explain that to me?

1. Always asks me where certain items of clothing are without looking in his wardrobe. Or even worse, will ask me if he has any socks/underwear... Before just going to the sock/underwear drawer. I don't keep an inventory of sock availability... CHECK THE DRAWER.

So there, if you see me on the 9 o'clock news, you'll know that it was justified.

[Theunamedcat]

My 12 year old is in training so far we have asking me if the dishwasher has dirty things in if I say yes you can put your plate in he puts it in the side or balances it in the dishwasher at an awkward angle so i have to move it, talking to his brother when his brother is having a wee so his brother turns around mid stream and hoses my floor "forgets" to tell me, he man looks cannot see whats right in front of him throws his washing onto the washing basket not in (it doesn't even have a lid)

Any dedicated trainers about?

[LemonCrab]

Beard stubble.

On the mirror?!?

And his work boots are left on the mat at the front door if they're wet.

That's fine. Except they're always so close that I can't open the door.

I bought a runner length mat to stop this problem. But no. Always right behind the door.

Other than that though he's way less annoying than me. I leave my shit all over the place.

[Theunamedcat]

He blocks the toilet too every damm time

[justletmeadoreyou]

You’ll regret this thread if you ever genuinely want to bury him under the patio. Great evidence for the police.

[DinosaurDiana]

I see my DH in lots of these posts.
I’d say that maybe it’s a man thing, but I’d be accused of being sexist.

[BerniesMittens]

Brings me a cup of tea in bed (nice) then potters around talking at me while I'm trying to wake up and get my thoughts in order. While his coffee goes cold downstairs. Either being both drinks up if you want to chat or bugger off and leave me be!

Hovers behind me when I'm cutting bread or cooking (I'm a trained chef!) watching every move so he can say “you may wish to consider doing xyz when you do that”

Yes, I'm considering the old roll of carpet and the lake. Hungry fish will eat anything...

[DinosaurDiana]

@justletmeadoreyou

You’ll regret this thread if you ever genuinely want to bury him under the patio. Great evidence for the police.

Always put him under someone else’s patio !

[imyournextdoorneighbour]

@101Pizzaqueen

Only puts the dishes directly in front of him in the dishwasher before turning it on. Heaven forbid there's a spoon in the sink or a mug on the worktop behind him and he has to make the effort to take two steps to reach it.

THIS!!

And using the BREAD board to cut the bread (fine) butter it (I can live with that) then cuts cheese AND TOMATO on it () spreads the pickle then cuts the sandwich WITH THE BREAD KNIFE and leaves all the knives on the board. I go to cut the bread and I know EXACTLY what sandwich he had because most of it is still on the bloody BREAD board...

Your DHs will have to shove up under the patio cos mine is 6'2"

[Changeismyname]

Ooh beard stubble all over the sink and side.

And using a full sized dinner plate for one slice of toast - this one disproportionately enrages me.

Saying that “we” need to do X when what he really means is he would like me to sort it.

[PumpkinPie2016]

My husband asks me where the butter/cheese/whatever is without first looking in the bloody fridge As if I am some inventory for the fridge!

If it helps anyone, I have a large field. We're very remote too! No witnesses to be had apart from cows and sheep

[Tinkerbell456]

Maybe it should just be one gigantic patio in the middle of nowhere. Anyway, we’ll all be acquitted on the grounds of provocation if the crimes are discovered. Bloody Hell, in Midsomer, it’s called a quiet Tuesday morning.

[DinosaurDiana]

@PumpkinPie2016

My husband asks me where the butter/cheese/whatever is without first looking in the bloody fridge As if I am some inventory for the fridge!

If it helps anyone, I have a large field. We're very remote too! No witnesses to be had apart from cows and sheep

How many do you think you could squeeze into it ? 🤣🤣

[WanderingMilly]

Every time I read threads like this I am so very grateful I live alone...!!
No-ne messes up my house, I can live my life MY way (even down to what I do with the tea bag), no-one's irritating ways can annoy the shit out of me and my irritating ways can't annoy anyone else either. Bliss!

[SassenachWitch]

Yes to shaving after I’ve cleaned, he attempts to clean the sink afterwards ATTEMPTS!

Apparently it’s not him shaving when I’ve cleaned, it’s me cleaning on his shaving days!!

[hedrivesmecrazy]

Mine keeps receipts for EVERYTHING! Not important things you need to keep receipts for (they're kept in a file) but for milk & bread he bought in 2015! He comes home from the shops & will leave receipts on the kitchen table, on top of the microwave, they're everywhere! So I collect them all & put them in a little pile on his pillow & ask him to sort through his receipts that I've found all around the house before I throw them out just in case there's anything important, but really just to show him what I have to put up with 😜

I buy his favourite foods & then have to throw them out the following week because how could he eat them if I "didn't tell him they were there" even though they've been staring back at him from the fridge every time he opened it during the week 🙄

[SassenachWitch]

@WanderingMilly sounds like heaven!

[frumpety]

1. Having a massive poo, then once finished, leaves the door open, so the incredibly strong poo fumes permeate the whole of the house. Never pops a bit of bleach down to deal with the poo smears or odour either, thank goodness we are not allowed visitors.

[gamerchick]

@Markies

Change this to reasons my wife may end up under the patio. Aye, not so funny now is it. 🙄

Why don't you do your own thread then?

[Oldraver]

Mines a toothbrushing one.

We have a downstairs bathroom that OH uses and when he brushes his teeth he doesnt stay at the sink oh no. He will wander round the downstairs, into the hall to wherever I am.

Now I cant stand the smell of his toothpaste, the sound of crrsshing against his teeth as he brushes so hard, and just the general feeling of him spreading his foamy-ness around

Oh and the constant snorting of snot

Would I be cnvicted ?

[gamerchick]

@Joeblack066

For the PP who agreed putting the seat down is pointless- incorrect.
Everyone should put the LID down before they flush to stop germs flying all over the bathroom, and usually the toothbrushes!!

Yep, the males in this house always close both lids. They're not lazy gits and understand why toilets have a lid.

[Nocaloriesinchocolate]

Why why why does DH have to make such a NOISE blowing his nose? Especially when I'm just drifting off to sleep

[Nith]

I think in your shoes, OP, I would leave just one towel in the bathroom and make sure every other member of the family has their own towel that they are instructed to hide in their room, And then I wouldn't wash that towel. Maybe once the towel has several layers of toothpaste encrustation he will work out that there are better ways of dealing with it.

[Whatthechicken]

I have so many annoying habits that must drive my husband mad, but he’s never said anything (unless he’s secretly planning to dispatch me and he’s keeping his powder dry?)

He has two habits that I’ve noticed since lockdown that drive me mad. He does everything loud, he doesn’t shout or bang around, it’s little things like opening the door, getting plates out of the cupboard, putting cutlery away...the kettle even seems to boil louder when he does it! Also, if he ever comes across something that he’s not sure what to do with, stuff like old cooking oil, old batteries, a broken glass....they just get left behind the sink until they magically disappear (I find them a place to go).

[ineedaholidayandwine]

I put a cheap flannel out for wiping after teeth brushing as this pissed me off too

[Whenwillow]

If DH shuffles off this mortal coil before I do, or runs off with a younger model, this thread is all I need to remind me never to look for a replacement!
I did just get out a little glass jar to put our teabags in though ☺️