Reasons my DH may end up under the patio...

[PringleMcDingle]

My top three...

1. He brushes his teeth with so much toothpaste that it ends up frothing and foaming everywhere. To wipe away this completely ridiculous amount of excess paste he always wipes his mouth on FRESH BLOODY TOWELS.

Every towel in our bathroom is covered in toothpaste. I swear on the odd occasion I've left something like pyjama bottoms on the radiator in there, he's pasted those too.

1. Instead of putting tea bags in the bin (which is right next to the kettle), he'll just leave them on the side or in something like a pan that's waiting to be washed by the sink. Why? Can someone, anyone, explain that to me?

1. Always asks me where certain items of clothing are without looking in his wardrobe. Or even worse, will ask me if he has any socks/underwear... Before just going to the sock/underwear drawer. I don't keep an inventory of sock availability... CHECK THE DRAWER.

So there, if you see me on the 9 o'clock news, you'll know that it was justified.

@BeatricePrior

I've just spent 12 months of one on one time with my DH.

One one one time 24 hours a day is not for me. Too much of a good thing.

Swear to god my life has the soundtrack of him eating.

Cannot wait to go back to work to just be alone e in the fucking car. Driving to anywhere to see anyone.

I've loved having my DD home but my DH has grated on me. He's so loud. Everything he does is LOUD.

Eating, breathing etc.

I know it's me. I know I iabu but I can't help it

I agree totally with you. Same here ! The munching, the breathing, the snoring, the gasping for air in the middle of the night... urgh... and if I suddenly turn the bathroom lights or shake the bed and he half wakes up as if he is scared saying “uhh ?? Uhh ??” Jessssss,,,, I can’t do it anymoreeeee ! 😵

OMG it has to be the snoring!! As soon as he goes to sleep it starts, takes all my willpower not to suffocate him, to make it worse he then complains about the bad nights sleep he's had when he snored the entire time!! On a bright note my 14 year old was taught in school how to get rid of a body so there's no evidence so at least I have that up my sleeve

@Kijaji

OMG it has to be the snoring!! As soon as he goes to sleep it starts, takes all my willpower not to suffocate him, to make it worse he then complains about the bad nights sleep he's had when he snored the entire time!! On a bright note my 14 year old was taught in school how to get rid of a body so there's no evidence so at least I have that up my sleeve

😂😂this sounds bit too serious 🧐 Kkkk

@SarahBellam

Don’t bury him under the patio. Bury him in the garden under some endangered species of plant. That way they’ll not be allowed to dig up the body.

Follow me for more gardening tips.

You’ve clearly given this some thought. I’m interested, tell me more!

He puts hot sauce on EVERYTHING

he will add a pinch of salt or whatever to MY cooking and then when eating go on and on about how it made ‘all the difference’

He piles stuff up into the sink, never the dishwasher.

THE dog is MY dog when he’s being a dick. (The dog, not DH)

I'm with you, I love my OH to death but......
He leaves his shavings in the bathroom sink along with his dirty underwear.
He drinks my drinks.
Every night before bed he tells me he's locked up, he hasn't cos I have.
He works away and always leaves something behind, I regularly drive down the motorway to meet him halfway to bring whatever he's forgotten.
He's always tired & very vocal about it, I work full time too.
He gets hot in the night so dumps all the bedding on top of me, I'm menapausal.
He scoops up any money lying around as he assumes it's his.
He announces its bed time cos he knows it irritates me.
He's crap at DIY but that doesn't stop him trying and failing.
🙋‍♀️Alibi available here if anyone wants to bury their oh under the patio🙋‍♀️

Moving furniture.

When we re-arrange either our shop or at home - large piece of furniture, usually with flappy doors / glass or other fragile components etc needs to go from one side of room to other. Room is in disarray because sorting - boxes, piles of stuff etc.

My approach - clear path of obstacles.

His approach - heft and go regardless, requiring me, who is not as strong as him but can manage simple manoeuvres if on stable ground, and usually the going back wards person, to try and step over whatever shit is behind me that I can't see, or spend the whole time trying to look over my shoulder rather than trip and end up under furniture / break an ankle / drop the damn thing and also monitor his movements to make sure he's ok.

Two minutes it would take to clear the floor. Two sodding minutes. And when I brought it up with him recently, he had the gall to grin and say he's a stubborn chap and I knew what I was getting into when we threw in our lot together. So now I'm wondering if it's going to evolve into a proper Krypton Factor exercise every sodding time just to wind me up......

You know, every time your OH does something that passes you off, tell him that he has to come and say to your face that he disrepects you.

Because by not putting stuff in the wash basket, or the dishwasher, or by sitting on the bed instead of the stool, etc, etc, that's what he (or she) is saying to you in a non verbal way.

They're basically telling you they feel more important than you.

My ex was guilty of a few of the things mentioned. And I left.

Does Bury someone under the patio mean murder if could, like, lure them in??

Emptying the bin (when asked to because otherwise he’d compact it down into an immovable brick) and never replacing the binbag.

Oh yes... always tired. Dramatic yawns and lying down. Even when I had newborns, he would find a way to be more tired.

@DareIask

He breathes when he's asleep

His idea of tidying is to just move it to some other random place (this really really infuriated me)

He's tired. All the time

What, isn't that how you're supposed to tidy?

Oh... I'll never get the hang of housework.

Breathing, though, that's completely unreasonable.

@Kijaji

OMG it has to be the snoring!! As soon as he goes to sleep it starts, takes all my willpower not to suffocate him, to make it worse he then complains about the bad nights sleep he's had when he snored the entire time!! On a bright note my 14 year old was taught in school how to get rid of a body so there's no evidence so at least I have that up my sleeve

Do tell - and more to the point, why were we never taught that in school?

Oh dear God. Sooooo happy I'm single 😂😂😂😂😂. Getting digging those patios gals👍👍