Reasons my DH may end up under the patio...

[PringleMcDingle]

My top three...

1. He brushes his teeth with so much toothpaste that it ends up frothing and foaming everywhere. To wipe away this completely ridiculous amount of excess paste he always wipes his mouth on FRESH BLOODY TOWELS.

Every towel in our bathroom is covered in toothpaste. I swear on the odd occasion I've left something like pyjama bottoms on the radiator in there, he's pasted those too.

1. Instead of putting tea bags in the bin (which is right next to the kettle), he'll just leave them on the side or in something like a pan that's waiting to be washed by the sink. Why? Can someone, anyone, explain that to me?

1. Always asks me where certain items of clothing are without looking in his wardrobe. Or even worse, will ask me if he has any socks/underwear... Before just going to the sock/underwear drawer. I don't keep an inventory of sock availability... CHECK THE DRAWER.

So there, if you see me on the 9 o'clock news, you'll know that it was justified.

[Rollmopsrule]

Have you done it yet?

[Mimilamore]

Tipping things out.... could be anything; cat biscuits, screws, coffee beans, socks. If there is a container with something in it it, it must be up ended.
Throwing tissues in the direction of the bin, fireplace, log basket, " they'll get burnt eventually."
Stuffing carrier bag dogs in any available crevice or over his shoulder.
Spilling things, usually sticky..... ooh I could go on 😬

[TaraR2020]

@MirandaMarple
Yep this sounds like text book sleep apnoea and he needs to see a gp

www.nhs.uk/conditions/sleep-apnoea/

[BeatricePrior]

I've just spent 12 months of one on one time with my DH.

One one one time 24 hours a day is not for me. Too much of a good thing.

Swear to god my life has the soundtrack of him eating.

Cannot wait to go back to work to just be alone e in the fucking car. Driving to anywhere to see anyone.

I've loved having my DD home but my DH has grated on me. He's so loud. Everything he does is LOUD.

Eating, breathing etc.

I know it's me. I know I iabu but I can't help it

[iwannafurloughmydp]

Maybe she doesn’t want this looked at 😏
...just saying 😅😅😅

[iwannafurloughmydp]

** s byte
Forgot to mention ...
I’m talking about the DP’s sleep apnoea problem that can cause death ...if it happen saves o the paving slabs 😂😂😂

[iwannafurloughmydp]

@BeatricePrior

I've just spent 12 months of one on one time with my DH.

One one one time 24 hours a day is not for me. Too much of a good thing.

Swear to god my life has the soundtrack of him eating.

Cannot wait to go back to work to just be alone e in the fucking car. Driving to anywhere to see anyone.

I've loved having my DD home but my DH has grated on me. He's so loud. Everything he does is LOUD.

Eating, breathing etc.

I know it's me. I know I iabu but I can't help it

I’m so with you !
I always thought I was a horrible “beach” for hating my DP’s loud and hard breathing, and the fu Ck e in g munchingggggg - that’s me banging my head on the wall and pretending punching a rag doll 😡😡 drives me crazy !! Thank god I am sane !

[justilou1]

We have a stool at the end of our bed. Where does DH insist upon sitting to out his shoes on when he gets up at 4:30am to go to work - and on weekends, “Because he’s up anyway?”. Passive aggressive fucker puts his bits and pieces on the stool and then sits on the end of the fucking bed. The number of times I have literally kicked his arse off the bed!!!

[justilou1]

Sucking the tips of each his fingers with a loud, smacking sound after each meal. 🤮🤮🤮

[SneezyGonzalez]

Oh no the socks, pants thing....I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had to remind him I’m not actually his mother 🙄

[ladygindiva]

@Hall84

DH is currently working in the dining room. I have a desk in the spare room. Every day I find crap on the desk or chair or both that needs moving before I can start work.
As a peace offering he made a cup of tea today. It was anaemic

Every morning my dp gets up and makes me a coffee. Lovely. But it's the weakest, milkiest cup of piss imaginable and I have to make another that fits my 7am requirements.

[MusicWithRocksIn1t]

He took food out if the fridge to make room for his fucking Coke. Was meant to be fish for supper tonight and now has to be binned. I'm actually seething

[JWrecks]

Do you know what mine does? He acts totally uninterested and checked out when I randomly spew absolutely fascinating historical information about everything something we encounter. This is in spite of the fact that he constantly tells me mind numbingly boring physics information about everything something we encounter.

That would be fine. It's genuinely funny. But.

BUT!

I then inevitably hear him repeating the aforementioned clearly fascinating historical information to somebody else, as if he knows all about it and actually finds it interesting!! I don't do that with his clearly boring physics information! HOW ABSOLUTELY DARE HE!

The next time I hear him, for example, explain how some tool he uses is actually still nearly the same design as that of the Romans, I will shove said tool straight down his throat and possibly also use it to build my lovely new patio.

[ladygindiva]

Mine has a cold and has used a loo roll, used all but about 5 and a half sheets of it and discarded it on the coffee table. Opened a new one ( he has an addiction to opening the new before the old has run out eg cereal, bread, fish fingers) and sat that also on the coffee table. If the old one is finished, put it in the bin. Ffs.

[Comeondelicious]

@wigglerose

HE TAKES MY NICELY FOLDED BATH TOWEL OFF THE TOWEL HEATER AND HANGS IT OFF THE TOP EDGE OF THE TOWEL HEATER BECAUSE RATHER THAN FOLD HIS BATH TOWEL AND PUT IT ON A LOWER RUNG HE WANTS TO HANG IT.

He could hang his towel without disturbing mine but oh no.

JUST LOVE HOW THIS IS ALL IN CAPITALS. My biggest niggle is how he make about 17 cups of tea to himself a day & when I offer he says, "Oh NO, oh NO!" like he's allergic or something. #luckyreally Also he loves hoovering. We have 4 hoovers, and he's forever ordering new parts or pulling them apart in the first place...

[AvocadoHo]

@Lena18

Yup all of above with the addition of toothpaste on the bathroom mirror...

I also don't even say anymore if i have the cold it will go like this

Me: i think i might be getting the cold
Dp: now you mention it i felt like I was getting the flu earlier

Me: i have a little headache
Dp: i feel a migraine coming on

You get the jist....

Or the latest thing.. Dp has started asking.. How many steps have you done today? When i reply not many i work in office he will reply just me on 15 000 then. Hes the only person i know could do 10k in the house all day. I have visions of running around in circles when im not there

@Lena18 my OH and myself both have Fitbits and have a competition each week to see who can do the most steps. I've been homeschool our DD for 6 months so don't move too often. I'l go in the lounge where he's working from home and catch him jogging on the spot to get his steps up! 🙈😂

Before the pandemic, we met with one of his colleagues and was talking about smart watches and I mentioned our weekly competition and his colleague said "awwww... that's why he's always jogging around the office for 5 minutes every hour!' 😂

[BurtonHouse]

DH met a mutual friend AT THE PUB last night and didn't invite me. His dinner went in the dog.

[HandsIntoTheFire]

Mine has started barking random questions at me. Like earlier he was looking in the fridge to make his lunch and barks at me “what day is the 17th?” Like fuck off work it out yourself.

[WiddlinDiddlin]

*Waits til I am clearly both on the phone AND trying to message someone on facebook or look at photos or videos in relation to the phone call... basically, til he is certain I am multitasking...

THEN tries to ask me what I want from Out, refuses to wait, strops off out and doesn't check messages in case I do want something (and messages is how we do shopping lists!).

• Asks for instructions/order of things to do.. then does something else entirely. For example, yesterday, we had to replace two fence panels the neighbours damaged.
  
  I said: X will come round the back to help. Do not start lifting the old panels until she gets here as we may need more stuff/things and I may need to open back door, releasing dogs, to speak to her.
  
  X arrives via the back, he's already starting lifting the flipping panels so she can't open the back door and let the dogs out to say hi out there, or speak to me. She has to go in the kitchen and talk to me through the hatch whilst 4 dogs go nuts because Aunty X is here and they can't see her....
  
  *Ends questions with 'or something stupid'.. for example: 'I could do you a sandwich or a salad or something stupid' or 'I might by a set of tracks or a loco or something stupid'...
  
  He doesn't mean 'something stupid' he just means 'or something else'.

[Aposterhasnoname]

1. The faffing, dear God the faffing.
   
2. Removing one sock, just the one, and leaving it on his chair. Every Fucking Night
   
3. Saying “say again” to every single thing anyone says to him, even when he’s heard perfectly well.

[8bitgame]

Mine does all 3 as listed in your OP

He also stay up late watching films (And drinking) and then comes to bed, wakes me up getting in to bed and snores like a dying walrus.

Also snuggles up to me and squeezes me really tightly in his sleep. This is not endearing it's claustrophobic and means I can't move or turn over.

How much space do you have under your patio?

[crosstalk]

Oh dear. I'm the laziest woman in the world and have no idea about cleaning or laundry. Happiest planting things. So by rights I should be under the patio if it weren't for my ability to do tech when my latest DH can't work his phone or laptop or printer.

However my current Prince of Perfect is the same as all previous. It's the fatal "where is x?" question. Where's the butter (in the butterdish in front of you). Have you seen my special jumper (where you last took it off). Then there's something which appears to be an asexual faffing around - I'm always ready and waiting when we're going somewhere and after half an hour it's "don't rush me". And worse as we get older (he might not do) he tells me I mumble when he's getting deaf and won't do anything about it.

[sueelleker]

@crosstalk

Oh dear. I'm the laziest woman in the world and have no idea about cleaning or laundry. Happiest planting things. So by rights I should be under the patio if it weren't for my ability to do tech when my latest DH can't work his phone or laptop or printer.

However my current Prince of Perfect is the same as all previous. It's the fatal "where is x?" question. Where's the butter (in the butterdish in front of you). Have you seen my special jumper (where you last took it off). Then there's something which appears to be an asexual faffing around - I'm always ready and waiting when we're going somewhere and after half an hour it's "don't rush me". And worse as we get older (he might not do) he tells me I mumble when he's getting deaf and won't do anything about it.

Oh, yes to that last one! Mine is partially deaf, and has hearing aids-which he hardly ever wears in the house. So every time I say something I have to repeat it; then next time I talk loudly and get told not to shout!

[Eyevorbig0ne]

I use a clean GU dessert pot as a used t bag holder. Then empty that when they're cooked.

My daughter does the tpaste on towels too. Grim.

[SarahBellam]

Don’t bury him under the patio. Bury him in the garden under some endangered species of plant. That way they’ll not be allowed to dig up the body.

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