Reasons my DH may end up under the patio...

[PringleMcDingle]

My top three...

1. He brushes his teeth with so much toothpaste that it ends up frothing and foaming everywhere. To wipe away this completely ridiculous amount of excess paste he always wipes his mouth on FRESH BLOODY TOWELS.

Every towel in our bathroom is covered in toothpaste. I swear on the odd occasion I've left something like pyjama bottoms on the radiator in there, he's pasted those too.

1. Instead of putting tea bags in the bin (which is right next to the kettle), he'll just leave them on the side or in something like a pan that's waiting to be washed by the sink. Why? Can someone, anyone, explain that to me?

1. Always asks me where certain items of clothing are without looking in his wardrobe. Or even worse, will ask me if he has any socks/underwear... Before just going to the sock/underwear drawer. I don't keep an inventory of sock availability... CHECK THE DRAWER.

So there, if you see me on the 9 o'clock news, you'll know that it was justified.

Oh can I join in?

• NEVER completes a task - leaves a tiny bit unfinished so I have to finish it and acknowledge that he started it, so:
• empties the kitchen bin but leaves the lid off
• puts a wash on, but never empties/ tumble dries or hangs stuff up

Also has this thing about liking curtains drawn and lights on in every room downstairs in the evening, then pisses off to bed early leaving me to go round switching off all lights etc.

DH does the toothpaste thing, so we all have individual towels now.

DH dries his hands on the kitchen teatowel then leaves it on the work surface. I pick it up and throw it on the cooker top as I rarely use the gas rings. He is the house cook.

Every surface in the living room is covered with the contents of his pockets.

These are so funny. My DH does most of them too! He will go on cleaning rampages every few days which is great...
But will also pile up any "stuff" before he cleans because he "doesn't like tidying" (who actually likes tidying though ).
He also will "man look" for anything / everything and then claim it is lost or must've been stolen by a burglar. No love, I don't think a burglar stole just your diary but left everything else in the house untouched.
Ooh that reminds me, if I bother asking him if he knows where a well used item of mine is (e.g. work shoes, shared car keys) he will deny all knowledge of EVER having seen said item before, along the lines of "What handbag?! I didn't even know you owned a handbag?!". He will say this in all seriousness.

The snoring dear god the snoring. When I'm awake feeding and resettling the baby and he rolls and starts. I've given many a silent middle finger and mouthed many a "fuck you". I don't mind doing the night shift at all but it's like the snoring just rubs it in

Do it.

If I send my DH to you can you make room for him too?

No 1 irritation is asking me where something is without even looking. If he asks where a certain item is (the storage place will be obvious like cheese in the fridge, bread in the bread bin etc)

When I say "the cheese is in the fridge" he will stick his head in and say "where?"

Cooking something, anything, he will just appear and ask "what you cooking" spying the side dishes on the worktop he will say "what are we having with it?"

Whatever leftovers there are, whatever meal and in whatever quantity he will say "is that my lunch tomorrow?"

no, just no, no to everything. OP, please make the hole large enough.

mine are mainly food related!

@Mumski45

Can I bury my teenager. I asked him to strip his bed 5 mins later I hear this shouted down the stairs

"Where do I put my bedding and why is the washing basket right outside my room I nearly tripped over it!"

His defence was it was too early in the morning to have his brain in gear. 🤷‍♀️

This made me laugh!

My dh snores really loudly,

He kisses me when he has stubble and it hurts my lips.

He cooks curry and I cant stand the smell in the kitchen, it makes me feel sick.

If we disagree on something, he very annoyingly turns out to be right more than me. I find that so annoying especially when he just smiles but says nothing.

Leaves manky washing up water in the bowl overnight so I constantly have to clean it.
Wipes the cat's bowl with kitchen roll instead of cleaning it then puts the new food on it with yukky dried old food stuck on it
Leaves every single light on in the house and closes the curtains in the lounge
Brings up the fresh laundry and leaves it in everyone's rooms right next to the drawers it needs to go in.
I could go on......

SNIFFING! Drives me fucking crazy
Leaving cracker and cheese crumbs on the counter
And a buttery knife
Leaving a soggy scrunched up flannel in the sink
just being generally fucking lazy and annoying

@Fwaltz oh yes the boiling water without a lid on and having it on really high- drives me mad

I need a space under the patio, sat watching tv and he's crumbling crisps over his dinner. Just stripped his tshirt off and dumped it on the floor along with the throw cushions, apart from the one he uses to put his plate on. Slippers are dumped on the floor right where I'm likely to trip over. As for ds there's a pile of washing where he changed for bed and he left a cup of milk on the table and the cat decided to knock it flying.

@33goingon64

OK, devil's advocate here on #2. I do this because it gives the teabag chance to cool down. If you put it straight in the bin still steaming it causes condensation in the bin. I scoop all teabags into the bin when I do the washing up at the end of the day. But yes the other ones are definitely annoying.

Yes, that’s why I leave teabags to cool.

07:07HandyBendySandy

My DH is Mr Perfect, most of the time I am probably the one headed for the patio.

However...when he cooks, he uses every possible saucepan, dish and utensil in the kitchen. Then he piles it all up in the washing up bowl without rinsing anything, and then...DRAINS VEGETABLE/PASTA WATER OVER IT.

I do the cleaning up (I'm not a total monster) and it means I have to empty the sink of manky pans and crockery first and wash all the grease and slime from the sink and bowl before I can even start. And now the outside of said pans are covered in food detritus as well as the inside.

We're moving soon and I have demanded a dishwasher because I'm a princess. 👸

Sounds just like my hubby

How much room do you have under your patio, OP? Asking for a friend...

He always leaves his dirty washing on the floor right next to the empty laundry basket, always leaves the dirty plates, pans etc in the sink when the dishwasher is empty 🙄

DP never puts things away, he only ever puts them down. Wherever he happens to be.
And when we get down to the last bit of washing up liquid, he adds water to get it out - then starts a new bottle. While the diluted one sits there reproaching me.
Leaves the newspaper out on the kitchen table every single day. So if I don't crack before, I end up being the one who moves it in the evening so we can eat - even though the basket for papers is right behind him when he's sitting reading. And leaves his porridge bowl in the sink bowl full of soapy water, so when I want to use it I end up washing it. Every day.

But it's probably not patio worthy, and we're having the driveway relaid next week. I reckon it would do 20 in comfort, so get your PMs in asap. First come, first served!

@Turnedouttoes

Mine shaves his stubble every single time I clean the bathroom. My lovely clean pristine bathroom then has little tiny black hairs all over the place. I find them stuck to the wall and everything!

^ this! Literally my life

Mine eats his evening meal later than us but always forgets to put the preloaded dishwasher on with his dirty plate/cutlery.- I always find them sitting in the sink /on the side the next morning. Puts me on the back foot for the whole of the day.

Leaves worn socks and underwear in random places.

Buys so many supplements and vitamins from Amazon subscribe and save it’s a wonder he doesn’t rattle. it’s a real pain finding places to store them all too.

[quote skeenskeenjellybean]Number 3 on your list reminded me a lot of this OP:

[/quote] Haha so true! I've often said to DH, what would he do if I died.

Ditches empty bottle and tins on the worktop, literally a yard from the recycling bins the other side of the door
Washes his gym clothes and then leaves them in the machine forever
Dumps his crap on the bench in the hall where we all dump our crap, and then complains that the hall is untidy
Always leaves the cafetiere with grounds in it
Puts saucepans away wet
Snores like a walrus
Leaves stubble all over the bathroom sink and then claims he cleaned it

Oh god:
Leaves toothpaste around the sink.
Walks past clean laundry rather than taking it upstairs.
Leaves several glasses and a mug rinsed on the draining board and never puts them away.
Never thinks to do any cleaning.
Keeps putting rubbish in a full bin rather than empy it.
Leaves dirty dishes etc on the worktop above the dishwasher rather than putting them in the dishwasher.
Leaves trainers on the floor in the hall rather than putting them in the hideously expensive shoe storage under the stairs.
Can't sit on the sofa without messing up the cushions and throws and doesn't straighten them after.
Thinks pulling the duvet up a bit constitutes bed making and doesn't notice that his pillows are the wrong way round (plain on top instead of patterned).
Walks around the house in dirty shoes and never cleans the floor.
The list goes on. But, despite that, he's a keeper for lots of other reasons.

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman

Ditches empty bottle and tins on the worktop, literally a yard from the recycling bins the other side of the door Washes his gym clothes and then leaves them in the machine forever Dumps his crap on the bench in the hall where we all dump our crap, and then complains that the hall is untidy Always leaves the cafetiere with grounds in it Puts saucepans away wet Snores like a walrus Leaves stubble all over the bathroom sink and then claims he cleaned it

Yes to most of these

@BlokeTarget

My DW:

Refuses to put dirty pots/plates/
Cutlery in dishwasher. Instead places then in the bowl of sink- RIGHT NEXT TO DISHWASHER. enraging.

Creates deferral trips hazards with work bags and items when arriving home from work and refuses to use the custom. Built double coat / bag cupboard in the very same hallway.

Uses dental floss in the bathroom mirror so close to it , all the plaque and food splatters all over the mirror. Walks away, doesn’t wipe off, leaves for me to clean.

Drinks and eats off of several plates and cups throughout the evening. Leaves all on the table by sofa. Goes to bed. As the week progresses the like gets larger and larger until I cave in and actually put them in the dishwasher for her.

Opens mail and letters. Reads. Leaves on kitchen works surface for months. Then panics when she can’t find certain documents and things like vehicle V5’s. They’ve been in the same pile of mail you’ve left in the kitchen for 6 months... try there?

Unloads work bag and lunchbox. Leaves any plastic containers full of fruit peels/ soup/ salad dressings inside containers and leaves on top of dishwasher for me to sift through. Makes me yak.

I feel sick just writing most of these to be honest. Shall I LTB?

Darling, is that you?

If so,

• your clothes go in the drawers, not on top of them
• the mustard is in fridge, use your eyes
• we don’t need whatever it is you want to buy in the supermarket and I can guarantee it will blow the grocery budget
• when you aim badly in the toilet, you need to clean up after yourself

PS - I love you