Reasons my DH may end up under the patio...

[PringleMcDingle]

My top three...

1. He brushes his teeth with so much toothpaste that it ends up frothing and foaming everywhere. To wipe away this completely ridiculous amount of excess paste he always wipes his mouth on FRESH BLOODY TOWELS.

Every towel in our bathroom is covered in toothpaste. I swear on the odd occasion I've left something like pyjama bottoms on the radiator in there, he's pasted those too.

1. Instead of putting tea bags in the bin (which is right next to the kettle), he'll just leave them on the side or in something like a pan that's waiting to be washed by the sink. Why? Can someone, anyone, explain that to me?

1. Always asks me where certain items of clothing are without looking in his wardrobe. Or even worse, will ask me if he has any socks/underwear... Before just going to the sock/underwear drawer. I don't keep an inventory of sock availability... CHECK THE DRAWER.

So there, if you see me on the 9 o'clock news, you'll know that it was justified.

His harmonica.

1 the sound of him eating
2 snoring loudly most nights
3 B0 when he knows he sweats but won't go & rewash his armpits
4 sneering at the food offered to him for tea
5 talking/ranting over the news
6 BREATHING !!!!!!!!!!!

Just was wondering how we all were when we first met our DH and partners, did we even dare to fart in their presence, or, horror of horrors, use the Loo for a number two when staying over for the first time! Does familiarity breed contempt? Or do we just take each other for granted. Is it a slippery slope? I can remember, 45 years ago, when staying over at my boyfriend's house who lived with his parents, we were 17/18 yrs, his mother quietly asked me if I had just used the bathroom, and if so, could I please rinse the sink out after cleaning my teeth, I was apologetic, mortified and embarrassed. But it did the trick. Since then, I will always rinse sink, bath after use and make sure the Loo has flushed properly. Nothing worse than seeing someone else's poop in the pan! Leave the bathroom as you would want to find it, all teenagers should be drilled in this etiquette, makes for better relationships in the future I think....

Correction, of course there are many things worse than another persons poop in the pan !

He listens to shit music

Nothing to add atm (wouldn't know where to start!!), but just to say how much I appreciate this thread with the hilariously graphic descriptions and literary prowess of posters! Thank you for the belly laughs!!

Haven't the police in the UK picked up on the patio trick? I'd think that was the first place they'd look when someone's DH goes missing.

@MissConductUS

Haven't the police in the UK picked up on the patio trick? I'd think that was the first place they'd look when someone's DH goes missing.

Politicians use Mumsnet, the police not so much apparently.

I think that could explain a lot. 😂😂😂

@Notusuallydown

I wish he'd learn to stack things largest on the bottom. As an intelligent man how difficult is it to put dinner plates on their own shelf and not in side plates? Or the colander in the bowl (set) they came in rather than on the frying pans, with another frying pan on top? (Smallest on the bottom of course).

I'm a little deaf and if he's turned away from me I sometimes can't hear him, if I ask him what he'd said he really snaps at me.

He doesn't like me moving round, to get something from the kitchen, or turn the oven down for instance

On the other hand I'm always mislaying things, but if I ask, "Have you seen...? Don't get up." He invariably sighs gets up and searches. I do wish he wouldn't, I wasn't asking him to.

Someone's coming today to quote for laying the patio. I might ask him to make the foundations extra deep....

I had that. Asked very nicely for him to try and follow my usual stacking pattern (and not balance cups and glasses in the big bowls balancing on little bowls balancing on big plates balancing on smaller plates on tiny bowls). No luck. I had more than enough things to be irritated about already, so I left it.

Then he had to spend about an hour removing shards of glass from my foot where it had all come crashing down, he'd cleaned up but missed a few, not thinking to tell me as I came out from the wetroom until I'd found the missed bits. He did take 'Do you think the way the cupboard was stacked had something to do with it?' very well.

He's also learned that mumbling into my crap ear when I'm lying down doesn't get a great any response. No, it isn't that I don't listen to you. I can't hear you. Please can you repeat it? And turning the light out before saying something makes it impossible to lipread, too. He never snapped about it, he just continued to believe that I was deliberately not listening, rather than his whispering voice being completely obliterated by the sounds of the Pacific Ocean emanating from somewhere inside my head. I had to mix a version of what I hear on his recording software for him to quite understand what I meant.

I trust him with my life. With my possessions, not so much.

@Shinyletsbebadguys

My DP is generally quite well behaved as a rule. However he hasa bloody obsession with shutting every single door every single second its open.

Yes dear I know what the heating bill is but the heating is not on and I've been out o the room for 10 seconds and was coming back with a cup of tea and water for the dc and now I have to aviate getting an old stuck door open with the dog dancing around my feet because you've bloody well shut her out as well.

Honestly he is at the point where he practically races behind me to the door.

Twice he has shut me in a room not realising I as there ...this week!

Yes I know I can open the doors but like most women I am always carrying something to attempt something within the region of tidying up ( which is the equivalent at the moment of dropping a teardrop full of water in a cavern the size of the mariana trench....but at least I try....when I donate to navigate three shut doors with hands full (that were open 2 minutes before when I walked through them....

And I thought I was the only one that had a DH that was obsessed with closing doors! Sometimes I might go through the door intending to come back in almost immediately and I turn round to find the door has been shut. When I get a tad annoyed, he says it causes a drought up his trouser legs 🤦‍♀️

Mine does the pots and pans to ‘soak’ overnight. I refuse to touch that water the next day.
He also uses every pan and utensil in the kitchen to cook.
I seem to be the only family member who knows where the compost bin is.

He gets things to do up as projects to sell on. In the shed there is a folding wooden chair, a huge metal container he's going to paint, a rocking chair in bits and a wooden commode. The shed is nearly 3 years old and they've all been there since we got it. He'd rather spend his free time playing online games.

Squeezes the toothpaste tube from the middle.
Never takes off muddy shoes however much I ask and tracks mud all over the house.
Chews with his mouth open so makes the most disgusting noises (this is partly because he has a sinus problem that means he can't breathe through his nose very well, but).
Always leaves the lids off the jam jars and the jammy knives on the worktop.
Piles. Piles and piles of piles. Of papers, documents, unread magazines, books, tissues, face masks. So many piles.

@MummyMummy01

Tells me I'm a hoarder. Medicine cupboard full of chemist bags with his prescriptions. Under stairs the home of the vacuum has his gym and work bags. Coat stand fill of work clothes as he does not want in his wardrobe.... Which is x2 the size of mine. Find a space hell fill it

Mine does this."We've got too much stuff"-at least 3/4 of which is his!

I totally recognise the piles of stuff to sort out and the ways to prevaricate so as not to start.

@DifficultBloodyWoman Poiticians use Mumsnet? Really, that could be useful to know.

Politicians

Every time he has a cup of tea, and I am not exaggerating, it is EVERY time, he slurps it so violently that it goes down the wrong way and he has a coughing fit. I keep asking him why he doesn't just sip it rather than inhale boiling liquid directly into his lungs, but have yet to receive an explanation.

Currently he's on a 'let's get rid of everything that isn't nailed down' binge. This involves him going into the loft every weekend and bringing down several random items, and saying "we can sell this for ." He then takes a shaky photo of it which he forwards to me and expects me to put on the local Facebook page, or eBay (despite the fact if anyone did actually want it, we don't have a box the right size to ship it.)

Obviously nobody wants to pay £££ for our shit, so these items sit around for weeks before I get fed up and he moves them somewhere else (probably back in the loft). If I put it on for a reasonable price rather than the one he has picked out of thin air, and someone actually buys it, he will inevitably say "we could have got more for that."

Because he has an OPINION!!! And he has the RIGHT to have that OPINION!!! (No matter how fucking stupid or misogynistic his fucking opinion is!!!) I’m about to share one or two myself...

1. Similar to the door closing thing but with lights. He regularly plunges us into darkness because he just assumes nobody is in the room. Yesterday I left the room for a couple of seconds to open the door to the garage so he could come back in after his bike ride (he knocked) and as soon as he entered he strode straight over and turned the light off in the room I'd just left. Aaaaaargh!

2. Passive aggressive throat-clearing.

I love him dearly, but when he goes back to working away frequently, I am going to leave every single light in the house on for a week and have a sort of festival of lights.

Yesterday I left the room for a couple of seconds to open the door to the garage so he could come back in after his bike ride (he knocked) and as soon as he entered he strode straight over and turned the light off in the room I'd just left

Point out that you turning the light on again immediately afterwards because you need to go back into that room uses up significantly more electricity than what he saves by turning it off.

@justilou1

Because he has an OPINION!!! And he has the RIGHT to have that OPINION!!! (No matter how fucking stupid or misogynistic his fucking opinion is!!!) I’m about to share one or two myself...

Don't tell me, he also has his own facts, which don't actually bear any resemblance to reality. People who bang on about their right to an opinion are never able to distinguish between opinion and facts.

@Nith - I just cleared some things up. 😆

I’ve seen way too much of mine over the Lockdown, I can not cope with him speaking constantly about football, golf, horse racing, his glasses, being tired and people not wearing masks. .Not a day goes by when one of this topics is not raised.I don’t even answer him, but he does not give up.

@MirandaMarple

1. He stops breathing in his sleep. Joy? But then he starts breathing again with a sharp, noisy intake of breath.

1. He does this really odd thing when I talk about our nephew/friend's children. I'll say 'x said/did this, it's so cute' and he'll immediately reference it to when/what he did when he was age 2/3/4 etc. How does he even remember at 53?

My Dad used to stop breathing in his sleep then rasp loudly.

My stepmum ended up making a doctors appointment for him and he has sleep apnoea which apparently can be dangerous if left, he has to sleep wearing an oxygen mask now.

Might be work your DH getting checked out x