Reasons my DH may end up under the patio...

[PringleMcDingle]

My top three...

1. He brushes his teeth with so much toothpaste that it ends up frothing and foaming everywhere. To wipe away this completely ridiculous amount of excess paste he always wipes his mouth on FRESH BLOODY TOWELS.

Every towel in our bathroom is covered in toothpaste. I swear on the odd occasion I've left something like pyjama bottoms on the radiator in there, he's pasted those too.

1. Instead of putting tea bags in the bin (which is right next to the kettle), he'll just leave them on the side or in something like a pan that's waiting to be washed by the sink. Why? Can someone, anyone, explain that to me?

1. Always asks me where certain items of clothing are without looking in his wardrobe. Or even worse, will ask me if he has any socks/underwear... Before just going to the sock/underwear drawer. I don't keep an inventory of sock availability... CHECK THE DRAWER.

So there, if you see me on the 9 o'clock news, you'll know that it was justified.

I love this thread 😂

My DP will end up under the patio due to..

*Putting his dirty clothes on the floor right next to the washing machine ALTHOUGH he can simply just open the door & throw them in or if that is too difficult there is also a washing basket in the kitchen NEXT TO THE WASHING MACHINE!!

*Toilet roll.. We go through tons of toilet roll! I find them all over the house! It drives mad! & the worst thing is he will use the tissue then squish it into the hole in the middle! So they all have snotty tissue in them 🤮😠

*His offer of washing up is, he'll wash up everything that is easy to wash such as plates, cutlery & cups. But anything I've used to cook with gets left on the side next to the sink!

Oh I've got to go against the grain on my own thread! DH has softened me tonight.

He does a lot of video editing with his job and he's just spent ages sat doing something, wasn't sure what, until he sent me the loveliest video of our son through from scan pics, pregnancy, baby pics etc... to now all topped off with the most emotional background music

So I've been thawed slightly and he's avoided the patio for tonight (unless I go to brush my teeth later on and find you know what...!).

Good thread!

Mine would be: walking away when food is ready. His dinner is ready. On the plate, nice and hot, looking delicious... and something so f*cking essential it can’t wait until after we’ve eaten calls him to walk away. Most offences get forgiven, but it’s when it’s EGGS!!! How have I picked a mate who doesn’t given a toss if his eggs have gone cold!? I’ll lay that patio, but I won’t eat my eggs sitting on it. Not taking them outside to cool down too fast.

How big is the patio?

I'm hoping that "P-Space" is like Terry Pratchett's "L-Space", and like the Unseen University Library, the Mumsnet Patio extends into 12 dimensions of time, space and everything . . .

And I would welcome the civilising presence of an Oran-Utan as a patio curator after living with Mr Schaden for 4 turbulent decades!

@PringleMcDingle

Oh I've got to go against the grain on my own thread! DH has softened me tonight.

He does a lot of video editing with his job and he's just spent ages sat doing something, wasn't sure what, until he sent me the loveliest video of our son through from scan pics, pregnancy, baby pics etc... to now all topped off with the most emotional background music

So I've been thawed slightly and he's avoided the patio for tonight (unless I go to brush my teeth later on and find you know what...!).

He's come across this thread, hasn't he . . . ?

Are we married to the same man by any chance? 😜

@PringleMcDingle

Oh I've got to go against the grain on my own thread! DH has softened me tonight.

He does a lot of video editing with his job and he's just spent ages sat doing something, wasn't sure what, until he sent me the loveliest video of our son through from scan pics, pregnancy, baby pics etc... to now all topped off with the most emotional background music

So I've been thawed slightly and he's avoided the patio for tonight (unless I go to brush my teeth later on and find you know what...!).

Ah but this is also worthy of the patio... lulling you in to a false sense of love and fuzziness only to be plunged back in to frustration and fury....

Oh god... where to start?!
But mainly that he stomps around the house every morning looking for keys, asking everyone to help him, when he could just put them on the KEY HOOK when he gets home the night before!!!!!

He ate my cupcake 🤬

1. He stops breathing in his sleep. Joy? But then he starts breathing again with a sharp, noisy intake of breath.

1. He does this really odd thing when I talk about our nephew/friend's children. I'll say 'x said/did this, it's so cute' and he'll immediately reference it to when/what he did when he was age 2/3/4 etc. How does he even remember at 53?

Incapable of remembering to brushing the kids teeth.
Can't listen without interrupting.

So glad it's not just me. On the bonus side he is a key worker. So I haven't had to put up with him long term.
He cleans the sink, toilet and bath. Which is nice, but leaves me with the tiles, and ceiling, which get covered in mold. I asked him why, he didn't do the tiles, as I struggle to reach. He goes that he cannot stand on the bath, to do the ceiling above the bath. I explained he is taller than me so wouldn't need to stand on the bath. I stand on the sink unit too, but again I cannot reach from the step ladder.
The other night, he was in bed next to me and his breathing was bugging me.
My list goes on and on. It's a good job, he isn't in lock down with me, or he would have been dead last May. 😜

How many of you are going to carry on picking up after your husbands? All the, he leaves me to tidy it away, clean it, wash it, fetch it? Doesn't mean you have to do it and most certainly should not do it.

The soundtrack of my life - my DH fucking eating.

I need no soundtrack of anything.

Swear to god by next week I'll be on here asking for an alibi.

Puts on too much hair wax, uses MY hairbrush to brush it through, there is too much so rubs some off with a clean towel. Leaves towel on. The floor. Pass me the shovel.

Keeps putting rubbish in a full bin rather than empy it

As any man will tell you, a bin that you can still balance things on top of is not a full bin.

😂 these are making me feel so much more reasonable in my seething!

To add to the list for my DH....

• completely and utterly incapable of pushing his chair back in. He is wfh and so having to use our dining table as an office. Meaning the chair is always left out. Always an obstacle course for me whilst carrying the baby, plates of food, anything. Always bloody in the way.

• talking at a volume whereby the phone is not actually required. Even if the person on the other end were in France I’m sure they’d hear him. Just as I’m putting the baby down for a nap.

For mine it’s not the toothpaste round the sink, it’s the build up of dregs on the toothbrush holder/charger. Layer upon layer building each day of dried scaley toothpaste/water solution. Will not admit he doesn’t rinse his toothbrush properly before docking it but funny that mine doesnt have the same problem 🤷‍♀️ grrr!

The other one is taking out a clean bowl from the cupboard to put the egg shells in when cooking -WHEN THE BIN IS RIGHT THERE IN THE CUPBOARD NEXT TO HIM! Literally wouldn’t have to move, just open the cupboard door and pull out the bin before starting with the egg cracking, but no, the only way it can be possibly be done is by dirtying a clean bowl 😬

@RunnerDuck2020

My DH does the same thing with the toothpaste - nice clean towels never stay that way for long!

I do the towel thing. Well I have a designated toothpaste towel and I do my own laundry 😅

Mine dumps his dishes in the washing up bowl. We have a dishwasher. When I asked why he doesn't put them in the dishwasher, the answer was, "Can't be arsed."
Definitely one for the patio.

Beatrice** you have my sympathy, i get the full symphony of mmmmms in different notes depending on his verdict of what he is eating, grrr,he used to walk passed the recycling bin and leave his bottles/cans by the back door,2 week stand off sorted that out

For me, it is DH’s usage of the kitchen work surface which will earn him a space under the slabs. We have a small kitchen with limited worktops. On there he likes to put his vape and its charger. His phone and its charger. His wallet, specs and keys. Miscellaneous receipts and small bits of stuff from his pockets. There is no room left for preparing or dishing out food. We do have places for keys etc on a dresser in the hall but he walks passed it to go and deposit his myriad of possessions on my fucking worktops!

• empties the dishwasher but there is always about 5 items he does not know where they go so they are left on the counter. And yes, the items are always the same.

• brushing teeth so close to the mirror that it is covered in toothpaste

• incapable of throwing away the plastic bag where the loo rolls were when used the last one

• also, how much loo roll does a person need?

• whenever I do a chore he was just about to do it and comes to 'help'

• inability to use door handles and just pulling the door close making noise

• general disagreement on what items need to be washed at 30

• why is the kitchen cupboard always open?

• when cleaning. Always leaving the one item behind. Also, how many set-top whipes does a person need when cleaning a surface? I manage with one. He needs about 6.

• how many pots and pans does a person need when cooking tortellinis with ready made pasta sauce?

So, so many reasons. I've chosen some highlights.

1. Pees all round toilet and never puts the lid down
2. Leaves shoes at front door yet goes spare at the kids for not putting theirs away in storage in the hallway
3. Leaves lid off tea caddy
4. Clothes live on bedroom floor
5. We had lovely wardrobe fitted yet still hangs shirts in opposite direction, trousers in with shirts, jeans folded on top of jumpers
6. Moves things from one place to another. That isn't putting it away!!! And if it is put away its not in the place it came from. Why??

7.hoovering, apparently that's the only housework that is required. Washing, ironing, dusting, cleaning toilets are done by fairies apparently

1. Deodorant, shower gel, mouthwash left empty and new bottles taken out. I finally cave or my bathroom would be a midden

Finally, a new one for you all to behold. My DH brushes his teeth in the shower and every morning trails his toothbrush droppings from the sink to the shower and then leaves toothbrush in there... I refuse to move it but stainless steel dial always crusted in paste.

@sashh

That's it ladies. The happy place cafe is getting a patio. As it is virtual it will hold as many bodies as you can imagine.

Hahaha I’m in !