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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was it my fault and do I replace them?

212 replies

Sexnotgender · 01/03/2021 15:57

I do all the washing.

I repeatedly tell people to empty their pockets. DD17 didn’t take her apple headphones out and obviously they went through the wash.

Waiting to see if they still work once they dry out.

Should I have double checked? And should I replace them?

OP posts:
QuidditchQueen · 02/03/2021 06:55

Why is a 17 yo not doing her own washing?
My DC did theirs from the beginning of secondary school nit difficult to press few buttons on s washing machine!

speakout · 02/03/2021 07:00

Bluntness100

I completely agree.
In fact I think there is a "life lesson" in demonstrating kindness to someone even when they have messed up.
That shows real compassion.
This whole idea of sitting back an allowing someone to suffer and bear the brunt of all the bad feeling isn't how we do things in our family.
It seems the OP's DD already felt bad, already knew she had made a mistake, but having someone step in and show humanity can mean so much.
My kids are in their 20s, and I am proud to watch them help others in such situations, including me.
They are compassionate people, they know how good it feels to be shown kindness when the chips are down, even if a mistake is of our own making.

speakout · 02/03/2021 07:03

QuidditchQueen
Why is a 17 yo not doing her own washing?

For some families having everyone do their own washing is not the most efficient use of resources.
At 17 my DD was at school full tiime, worked two days a week, danced 4 nights a week, plus was studying foe exams.
I am at home all day, it is very easy for me to wash everyone's clothes and hang them outside to dry.

BobsDouble · 02/03/2021 07:19

Accidents happen and we all make mistakes that we eat beat ourselves up over. I’d probably replace them after a few days of making her stew a little.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/03/2021 07:22

@QuidditchQueen

Why is a 17 yo not doing her own washing? My DC did theirs from the beginning of secondary school nit difficult to press few buttons on s washing machine!
Because it’s a waste of energy and resources to wash individuals clothes separately rather than fill the machine in most cases.
Bluntness100 · 02/03/2021 07:22

@QuidditchQueen

Why is a 17 yo not doing her own washing? My DC did theirs from the beginning of secondary school nit difficult to press few buttons on s washing machine!
My daughter did her own washing from the age of 14. However it’s not beyond my wit to understand different things work for different families.
LizzieSiddal · 02/03/2021 07:28

100% not your fault.
100% I would buy her a new set. She’s shielding, going through a hard time, accepted it was her fault, you said you can easily afford to replace them and she can’t.

SpringersLoveSofas · 02/03/2021 07:35

Yep. Agree with bluntness and speakout. I much prefer my family, where my mum would have replaced these for me, just because she could and I was having a rough time. Having read this thread I love her even more for being that kind of mum.

It's not led to me being an irresponsible adult. Nor my brother. It's led to an adult family in which everyone pitches in and does whatever they can for someone else, including replacing something they broke themselves - if we can. I am grateful for it.

She also did my washing when I was 17! Oh what a life of luxury I led Grin

Trumpton · 02/03/2021 08:03

I have just been through my tech stash. I have a brand new pair never been out of the case.
I can pop them in the post to you.

Roselilly36 · 02/03/2021 08:10

I usually double check, as my boys sometimes leave something in their pockets, with DS1 usually golf tees, ball marker, coins before gov in their wisdom closed the golf courses, of course.

Hopefully, they will be ok, I would probably replace them, but I am very soft like that. I have done the same too, a pair of my specs were washed & tumble dried recently, easy to make a mistake.

ElizaLaLa · 02/03/2021 08:14

@Sexnotgender

I do all the washing.

I repeatedly tell people to empty their pockets. DD17 didn’t take her apple headphones out and obviously they went through the wash.

Waiting to see if they still work once they dry out.

Should I have double checked? And should I replace them?

Nope.

It's her own fault.

Twinkie01 · 02/03/2021 08:17

I've had mine go through the washing machine twice as I constantly leave them in the back of my grinning tights and forget about them. They still work so hopefully your DDs will.

I'd replace them if they didn't because I'm a soft touch.

Bluntness100 · 02/03/2021 08:20

It's not led to me being an irresponsible adult. Nor my brother. It's led to an adult family in which everyone pitches in and does whatever they can for someone else, including replacing something they broke themselves - if we can. I am grateful for it

Exactly. That’s the lesson, doing something nice for your children doesn’t mean they grow to be irresponsible arseholes who will take from you every chance they get, as some people are posting.

I’d do this in a heartbeat for my daughter, and have done frequently. On Saturday I was out working in the garden and power washing, when I came in she’d spent 50 quid of her own money ordering my favourite takeaway for me.

It doesn’t mean I now expect her to buy me takeaway every night. Or that I will take advantage of her. I saw it for what it was, a kind and thoughtful gesture. Just as she sees it when I do it for her.

That’s what to teach your kids, not you face the consequences of everything yourself and you have no support.

I’m guessing the parents who would not replace them, have not raised children who would consider doing something kind snd thoughtfull unprompted for them. What goes around comes around.

Beamur · 02/03/2021 08:20

Are they the wired ones? If so they will probably work fine. My DD has forgotten to take them out of her pockets about 3 times now - they've been through a full wash and still work.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 02/03/2021 08:26

@Beamur

Are they the wired ones? If so they will probably work fine. My DD has forgotten to take them out of her pockets about 3 times now - they've been through a full wash and still work.
Yes just the basic wired ones. I’m quite hopeful that they’ll work.
OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 02/03/2021 08:31

@Trumpton

I have just been through my tech stash. I have a brand new pair never been out of the case. I can pop them in the post to you.
Another very kind offerFlowers honestly we’re fine though. If they don’t work I’ll buy her a new set.
OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 02/03/2021 08:32

For clarity, she is capable of doing her own washing. She does her own bedding but for day to day washing she generates very little and it’d be a poor use of resources to insist she do it herself to make some kind of point.

OP posts:
towers14 · 02/03/2021 08:35

Wired ones, £19- definitely replace, it would be the nice thing to do but with a warning if it happens again blah blah blah

I treated my son to a designer sweatshirt (£140) only to get bleach from a cloth on it in the first wash, bought him another & could have cried. Expensive lesson learned about cloths and washing.

Mellonsprite · 02/03/2021 08:36

I’m hopeful for you that they’ll still work. I’ve washed DH’s several times, and I think they’ve been through the dryer once too.

Bluntness100 · 02/03/2021 08:41

If they don’t work I’ll buy her a new set

Good for you. She seems a good kid from what you’ve posted, so you’ve done a good job in raising her, and continuing to lead by example ans show kindness, compassion, and support in little things as well as big is a huge life lesson for her. Sometimes the little things mean a lot.

UrAWizHarry · 02/03/2021 08:50

Wow, some people really don't like their kids.

It's a far more important 'lesson' that your family has your back if you make a silly mistake that being a dick about it and making a kid having having a hard time of it shell out money they don't have.

ThisIsClare · 02/03/2021 08:51

@MynameisJune

At 17 not a chance it’s your fault. She doesn’t like it, she does her own washing.
Absolutely this!
BiddyPop · 02/03/2021 09:00

For some reason, my wired apple headphones for my phone ended up in the washing machine last week, DH got upset thinking he'd ruined them (he is a very lovely laundry fairy here 🤣) but they are actually still working.

We still have no idea how they got there as I'd had them round my neck, but if they were ruined, I wouldn't have blamed him.

BoyTree · 02/03/2021 09:09

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

You said:

Because people who never ever face consequences tend to go through life making progressively bigger and bigger mistakes that mummy can no longer fix.

but then

I broke something of mine through carelessness last week. My mother did not replace it for me.... because I am 35. As a teenager I damaged a pair of expensive trainers through carelessness. My mother didnt replace them, she'd warned me to take cars of them.

So your mother's refusal to replace your trainers during your teenage years didn't prevent you from being careless as an adult last week?

Symbion · 02/03/2021 09:12

Gosh, on AIBU we can even be antagonistic about being nice Grin

OP my DD's a bit younger but I would point out to her that the thing that stopped a drama turning into a crisis was her choice of headphones. Had they been £200 airpods, the whole thing would have been much more stressful.

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