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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL feels betrayed over my hair

167 replies

BabyBee93 · 01/03/2021 14:58

My SIL is a self employed hairdresser and has been doing my hair for about three years now.

She usually only cuts it , but last year she coloured it. I wasn't happy with the colour and went to another salon in a different town to have the colour retouched (she hadn't done a "bad" job, it was just totally not what I had asked for and I felt a bit miffed that I'd spent lots of money and hours having it done just for it to look practically the same as I'd had before). I've never mentioned to her that I went elsewhere for the colour and thanks to subsequent lockdown(s) she hasn't seen me to know that the colour she gave me is not the colour of my hair currently.

I text her last week when BoJo announced the date for hairdressers to reopen and asked if she could book me in for a haircut. She replied and said "what colour are we going for this time?" to which I replied "just a cut this time please!" She then put just "oh" and no responses since then

I now suspect that she has put two and two together as my brother has called me to say she will be devastated to know I had my colour done elsewhere and has asked me to give her another chance to colour my hair

AIBU to say no to my brother and still go elsewhere for the colour?

OP posts:
Druidlookingidiot · 02/03/2021 18:54

@BabyBee93

My SIL is a self employed hairdresser and has been doing my hair for about three years now.

She usually only cuts it , but last year she coloured it. I wasn't happy with the colour and went to another salon in a different town to have the colour retouched (she hadn't done a "bad" job, it was just totally not what I had asked for and I felt a bit miffed that I'd spent lots of money and hours having it done just for it to look practically the same as I'd had before). I've never mentioned to her that I went elsewhere for the colour and thanks to subsequent lockdown(s) she hasn't seen me to know that the colour she gave me is not the colour of my hair currently.

I text her last week when BoJo announced the date for hairdressers to reopen and asked if she could book me in for a haircut. She replied and said "what colour are we going for this time?" to which I replied "just a cut this time please!" She then put just "oh" and no responses since then

I now suspect that she has put two and two together as my brother has called me to say she will be devastated to know I had my colour done elsewhere and has asked me to give her another chance to colour my hair

AIBU to say no to my brother and still go elsewhere for the colour?

This is the problem with using family. Go to the hairdressers.
MrsKoala · 02/03/2021 19:04

I suppose it depends if she really messed it up (I have had balayage or ombré for over 10 years and have had some real shockers) or if the colour just wasn’t the right tone or shade (I have also had this as my hair is very dark).

I think it also depends on how you acted and what you said when it was done. I’m assuming based on your op that you said nothing- which I find bizarre if so. Every time I’ve ever had a hairdo there is a point where you look and think this is going well or not. There is also a point where you look in the mirror with a hairdresser and they say something like do you like it? At this point I would say no and my reasons why, if I hadn’t pointed it out already when I could see it going the wrong way. If I was your sil and you looked at me and said ‘oh yes it’s lovely, just what I asked for’ then I’d be pissed off. I wouldn’t do weird passive aggressive texts and whine to my H tho, I’d ask you outright if you hadn’t liked it and why, and why you didn’t say anything at the time.

I also pay what you do and I’d never leave unhappy with my do.

AyeKarumba · 02/03/2021 19:13

What @Ileflottante said!

AyeKarumba · 02/03/2021 19:16

And £200?! No.

SpeakingFranglais · 02/03/2021 19:19

Whoever is involved, I don’t think it’s ok to go to a different hairdresser for cut and colour. Maybe ok to go to different stylist and colourists in the same salon, but not different salons.

1forAll74 · 02/03/2021 19:22

Just need to be open and honest about all things, despite thinking that your SIL will feel betrayed and upset, that's just too bad really. Just hope that it won't cause any family strife if she gets upset easily, and can't take any truths on board.

MessagesKeepGettingClearer · 02/03/2021 19:25

I would go back but be very explicit about what you want and don't leave until it's what you've asked for. If you didn't communicate your feelings I'm not sure how she was to know you didn't like it?

Spied · 02/03/2021 19:31

The mistake you made was contacting her to ask for a cut.
I'd have not mentioned anything hair-related to her ever again and just continued to visit the salon.

Daphnise · 02/03/2021 19:46

Just save yourself a lot of petulant drama and go elsewhere for your hair and do not return to your SIL.

The mistake was going to her in the first place, let alone considering repeating that error.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 02/03/2021 19:47

It's your hair, go where you want.

Eddielzzard · 02/03/2021 19:54

I wouldn't go back to her for cut or colour. Why on earth is your brother getting involved? I'd just say something like 'I like to keep trying new things, it's nothing personal'. I learnt the hard way too, never get friends or family to cut hair. Never.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 02/03/2021 20:17

I'm Shock at your SIL charging £200! When that sort of money is changing hands she isn't doing you any kind of favour and isn't owed anything.
I don't understand this thing of charging family members - my mum cuts my family's hair for free and we help her out when she needs something. I can't imagine making money from my own family.
Anyway, since she did charge the full whack, I think you ought to respond as you would to any other hairdresser that you've paid and do what suits you.

Bertiebiscuit · 02/03/2021 20:18

Go elsewhere - getting your hair done should be a relaxing experience knowing you are in the hands of professionals - it's probably worth spending more to avoid this whole nightmare

Stovetopespresso · 02/03/2021 20:38

@SpeakingFranglais

Whoever is involved, I don’t think it’s ok to go to a different hairdresser for cut and colour. Maybe ok to go to different stylist and colourists in the same salon, but not different salons.
really? why? I do it all the time!
MessagesKeepGettingClearer · 02/03/2021 21:33

@BabyBee93

Also to add, if this were an actual independent salon who had messed up £££ worth of colour work, I absolutely wouldn't return and let them fix it. It's like if a mechanic broke your car and asked you for a second chance to fix it Grin
But you shouldn't have left the salon with a colour you didn't like. That's on you for not saying anything.

I actually had a balange colouring 2 yrs ago in a salon and wasn't happy with the colour. It wasn't as vivid as the pic I had showed them and I wasn't happy with the way the colour transitioned. I called them up and went back. The same hairdresser fixed it for me and overall I was happy with the result. I would have said something at the salon the first time but it had taken hours already and my babies were at home and needed feeding.

Hairdressers are artists. And therefore they don't always get it right first time. By all means you are entitled to change whenever you want but it's hardly ludicrous to give them a chance to make it good.

Emeraldshamrock · 02/03/2021 21:34

It is awkward when you get personal with your hairdresser worse if they're family.
My hairdresser isn't great she comes to the house.
I haven't seen her in a long time and cheated in December when salons opened briefly, the new hairdresser was trained in a top salon, the cut is still good I'm afraid I'm ditching my old hairdresser too, she lives local I'll bump into her no doubt. Blush

purplebiscuits · 02/03/2021 21:50

Your hair your choice!

2Rebecca · 02/03/2021 22:03

Wow £200. I agree that I would have gone elsewhere to get it cut as well. I don't like getting relatives and close friends to do jobs because if I'm not happy or they don't turn up I can't complain. Some things are OK but you weren't happy with her colouring and she costs a fortune

2Rebecca · 02/03/2021 22:07

I colour my own hair and just pay for a cut. I dont see why that is different to going to 2 different salons. I found having my hair coloured professionally too time consuming. A £5 box seems to work fine for me

StillCoughingandLaughing · 02/03/2021 22:40

@SpeakingFranglais

Whoever is involved, I don’t think it’s ok to go to a different hairdresser for cut and colour. Maybe ok to go to different stylist and colourists in the same salon, but not different salons.
Why the hell not? When you’re the client, you see who you want.

If a salon owner is so precious that he/she can’t cope with a customer going elsewhere for their colour, they’re really in the wrong business. Clients are not there to massage their egos.

I’ve never had a hairdresser who didn’t try to persuade me I needed a professional colourist. Of course they do - just as they try to persuade clients they need the £12 conditioner only available in salons rather than Wash ‘n’ Go at two for one in Superdrug. That’s where the mark-up is. A hairdresser who takes offence at a client saying no isn’t going to last long.

Mummyyyyyyyyyy · 02/03/2021 22:56

I’d just go elsewhere for the cut & colour. The problem with having family do it is it is difficult to complain when you don’t like it.

Imissmoominmama · 02/03/2021 23:21

Show her your current colour. It’s not difficult!

Buffs · 02/03/2021 23:57

Give her another chance but be honest with her and talk to her about exactly what you want. My favourite Colourist would sometimes get it wrong and she would happily pop back and give me what she called was an adjustment. Colour isn’t always easy to get right but the good thing is that it can pretty much always be corrected. You do need to tell her though.

Flatoutonsofa · 03/03/2021 00:34

I can see from your posts that you've decided to just go elsewhere for both, and I think that's the best solution. Your SIL is being ridiculous - surely she's had clients go elsewhere before? Just because you're related doesn't mean you're tied to her. And it's nothing to do with your brother. Where I live, it's cheaper to get both colour and cut done at the same time. It's not like your SIL is even doing you a favour, so you're a regular client paying regular prices with the same choices as everyone else. She may sulk for a bit, but she'll get over it. Devastated? She needs to grow up.
Enjoy your hair when you finally get it done. Can't wait for my appointment!

Flatoutonsofa · 03/03/2021 00:45

I once had my legs waxed by someone I knew. We weren't close friends but I knew her socially. She was just starting out working from home as a beautician. Turned out she'd done some Mickey mouse online course on waxing. After three hours of really not knowing what she was doing I paid her for a terrible job and ran off on my still hairy legs. It's awkward to say you're not happy in those situations! We never mentioned it again.

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