SIL feels betrayed over my hair

[BabyBee93]

My SIL is a self employed hairdresser and has been doing my hair for about three years now.

She usually only cuts it , but last year she coloured it. I wasn't happy with the colour and went to another salon in a different town to have the colour retouched (she hadn't done a "bad" job, it was just totally not what I had asked for and I felt a bit miffed that I'd spent lots of money and hours having it done just for it to look practically the same as I'd had before). I've never mentioned to her that I went elsewhere for the colour and thanks to subsequent lockdown(s) she hasn't seen me to know that the colour she gave me is not the colour of my hair currently.

I text her last week when BoJo announced the date for hairdressers to reopen and asked if she could book me in for a haircut. She replied and said "what colour are we going for this time?" to which I replied "just a cut this time please!" She then put just "oh" and no responses since then

I now suspect that she has put two and two together as my brother has called me to say she will be devastated to know I had my colour done elsewhere and has asked me to give her another chance to colour my hair

AIBU to say no to my brother and still go elsewhere for the colour?

Wait - she USUALLY ONLY cuts it, and is offended that you booked her in for a cut?
She could've straight out asked you if you didn't want a colou.r. Very childish.
I'd tell all this to brother. SOunds like she is immature and will be upset no matter what you do

£200??????? No wonder she is keen to colour it!!!!
My friend colours my hair. I pay for the supplies, a take away and she does it for free.

Good grief, if I had to pay anyway, I'd go somewhere where I feel appreciated and have a treat. I'm glad you are intending to go elsewhere for your cut too.

Sounds a hell of a lot to me. I reckon she knows she’s been overcharging you and is now panicking she’s lost a customer she thought was a soft touch - hence pulling the ‘But we’re faaaamily!!!’ routine.

Sounds very petty on their part.

I pay slightly more in a salon in mayfair - take your money elsewhere OP! Tell her thanks, but no thanks.Jesus - and to get your brother involved!

200.00 for a home hairdresser cut and all this drama ,,,pissing myself laughing here..insanity !!!!

Every party in this scenario behaves in a peculiar manner to me

I think you’re a hairdresser who guilt trips her family, Chewingle. OP has done nothing peculiar at all.

If/when next time it comes up you could say you went to the SIL for colour because your regular hairdresser was on holiday/leave/sick and you never had any intention of changing permanently and leave it as that.

@bigbird1969

well the issue here is your getting family doing your hair, if it was a salon you would tell them your not happy with the colour and go back and get it sorted. You havent felt able to be honest with her. With covid she is likely relying on regular customers, So you might want be honest with her

Really? I've never complained to a salon. If I haven't been happy with the colour I have always gone to a different place and never returned to the first place. But then again I don't have a specific hairdresser that I've formed a relationship with.

I’ve complained about 5 times (I do get my hair done a lot and and am in my 50’s). 2 times it was the cut and 3 or so times it was the colour. They’ve always rectified it for no cost.

I don’t think OP has behaved peculiarly at all.

She paid £200 for a cut and colour. She didn’t pay £200 for a cut alone. Balayage involves bleach highlights and toning, it takes like 3 hours to complete. £200 is a completely normal price to pay for highlights, cut and blow dry.I pay more for the same services at a salon so the home hairdresser’s price is in line.

There’s also no expectation that clients must go back to the same hairdresser after they ruined your hair. Sometimes you know the stylist just doesn’t understand what you want, or doesn’t have the skill set you need, so it’s better to just go to a professional elsewhere. Its the same with any service - if a cowboy builder botched your renovations, why would you go back to them to fix it? Why would you subsequently return to them on another date for separate services?

Your brother has some cheek involving himself in your hair.🙄

Go elsewhere.

Rewis a salon coloured my hair and when i got home and looked at it, it looked dark purple. I went back and told them i wanted it fixed. I wasnt walking around with deep dark purple hair. Not sure why if your not happy with a service you wouldnt return and complain? I also wasnt spending another hundred pounds getting another salon to fix it

£200!!! Christ OP how long is your hair!!!

I had full balayage done with a cut on my mid shoulder length hair and it was £85 (and I thought that was a bit steep, clearly I’ve gotten off lightly 😂🙈) absolutely no chance would I let her attempt it a second time!

it depends how much you value your relationship with Bro and SIl.....do you value it more than your hair?
but yeah I wouldn't have gone to a relative in the first place unless we were close enough that I could tell the truth and reli would not feel hurt.

@godmum56

it depends how much you value your relationship with Bro and SIl.....do you value it more than your hair? but yeah I wouldn't have gone to a relative in the first place unless we were close enough that I could tell the truth and reli would not feel hurt.

It can’t be that great a relationship if the SIL is sending messages through her husband about being ‘devastated’ when the OP hasn’t even said she was unhappy last time. You’d think the SIL would have at least asked whether there was a problem last time - unless she already knew deep down that there was...

This is why you keep business and family/friends separate.

I used to have a mobile hairdresser who did my hair and my children's. Once I had to cancel an appointment and she replied quite aggressively. Never used her again. For the sake of a text she lost a lot of business.

Dil wanted to charge my friend 100 for a cut and colour using foils in her own home. I thought that was cheap but she said she only pays 75 in the salon. Seems like you can never win when faaaamily/friends are involved. Friends & family and business just don't mix!

Its a bit weird being devastated.
A very good hairdresser friend of mine coloured my hair once, I said absolutely no orange, guess what it was bright orange and looked God awful.
I have since used professional hairdressers so that I can leave if I don't like how they do my hair. Relations are far too awkward as you have found out.

Just say you'd like to try out a new place/ experience. It's just a matter of personal freedom. Noone should take it personally. Maybe you don't tend to stick with the same hairdresser anyway. It's nice to chop and change.

@bigbird1969

Rewis a salon coloured my hair and when i got home and looked at it, it looked dark purple. I went back and told them i wanted it fixed. I wasnt walking around with deep dark purple hair. Not sure why if your not happy with a service you wouldnt return and complain? I also wasnt spending another hundred pounds getting another salon to fix it

I guess it depends on the situation. If my hair was objectively bad and turned to completely different colour then I might complain and get it fixed. But on the other hand I'm not sure i would trust them to do it. So I'd rather pay extra £100 and never go back to the first place.

The problem has been solved by me not colouring my hair anymore.

I’d be really irritated she has not bothered to confirm the cut. Just book elsewhere.

I've been going to the same salon for several years because I like the way the stylist cuts my hair. When I had regular colour (pre-lockdown) it was always a dedicated colourist. Being a good colourist is not the same as being good at cutting and styling hair. If it was me and you are happy with the way SIL cuts your hair then continue to use her, but I would get my hair coloured by a professional, dedicated colourist.