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Original poster

To hope for the worst re pregnancy :(

349 replies

woooooohhhhhh · 28/02/2021 20:57

So sorry if this is sensitive 😭

Be kind. I'm 40, divorcee.

Ok early pregnancy and I'm exhausted 😭I specifically told me partner last night I was exhausted- I had been for an east scab due to a suspected ectopic pregnancy and I have to go back In 10 days. Still no further forward. I suffered a previous pregnancy as ectopic. This morning I woke early to find him grinding against my back- it's was before 7am and he instigated sex which at first I told him I was still tired and then I caved in.

Later I went out and bought some lovely food and drinks and cooked and then 5 mins before everything was due to be ready I said I wanted to go and watch something that started on tv and could he finish off and bring the food through. He kicked off and stormed out. Now he's disappeared ...again.1

I am too old for this bull shit. So although I adore my kids and don't want a termination...I just don't know how I can move forward here.

I love him. I love my children. But I'm fed up of carrying everything for everyone else.

OP posts:
Original poster
woooooohhhhhh · 07/03/2021 19:01

Thank you everyone. I'm just waiting for the scan now. He works outside the home. Yes I am vulnerable and apart from my children have no family. I am tough but struggling today to deal with some texts from his mum as I am very soft hearted and easily manipulated.

I've been in touch with my GP, practice nurse and Marie stopes and you on MN and am realising just how wonderful and supportive women are.

It's easy to say change the locks but I'm too soft. I can't help it.

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 07/03/2021 23:03

But he has no right to ANYTHING OF YOURS ...

NOTHING

Im literally banging my head off my screen 🙄

AtLeastPretendToCare · 07/03/2021 23:18

Op you need to get out of the helpless mentality You say-

I am easily manipulated

I am too soft I can’t help it.

You can help it and you don’t have to let people manipulate you. Mute or block his mother. Kick him out and he can go back to her. You hold all the cards here.

You’re setting up the narrative that you will keep the baby and let him stay even though you don’t want either of those things and he is abusive. Because poor old you is apparently a helpless victim, just a pawn in a game with no agency. Which Is simply mot the case.

Come on Op I know it is hard but time to find your spine. You will look back in future ans regret it if you don’t.

Original poster
woooooohhhhhh · 07/03/2021 23:58

He doesn't have any right. And he is very unkind a why why why can't I let him go.

My children are not here right now and We had a violent argument. I was exhausted and fell asleep at 10.30 and he cane in ranting and woke me. I started with pain and spotting and he got in my face and started shouting that I was mental and needed help so I made him go but now I'm In pieces, alone and worried about ectopic...my scan is in two days.

I totally understand why you're banging your head but I've been through so much trauma. I'll admit I love him and it's hard to let go because now he won't even dare go back to his parents. Lots of the time he's nice. I just need help and support

OP posts:
Original poster
woooooohhhhhh · 07/03/2021 23:59

I really really do have a spine but yes I'm helpless sometimes, at the moment. I do appreciate your advice. I'm getting all the help I can.

OP posts:
Original poster
woooooohhhhhh · 08/03/2021 00:01

You can help it and you don’t have to let people manipulate you. Mute or block his mother. Kick him out and he can go back to her. You hold all the cards here.

This is what I need.

Thank you.

In fact, since I started this thread, for the first time I've stuck up for myself and arguments have started, some have turned very nasty.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 08/03/2021 00:05

If you are in pain go back to the hospital now , don’t sit around waiting for the scan .

Original poster
woooooohhhhhh · 08/03/2021 00:25

Thank you

OP posts:
TinkerPony · 08/03/2021 00:26

"In fact, since I started this thread, for the first time I've stuck up for myself and arguments have started, some have turned very nasty."
Now please dump him this is now a dangerous time he showing his true colours nasty and violent. Get rid of him. Report to police.
And please go hospital get yourself check out. The stress of having this disgusting evil man under your roof cant be good either. Mind yourself.

Marty13 · 08/03/2021 00:36

Oh dear god I feel for you.

Okay, whether or not you continue with the pregnancy, you should leave him. He is clearly abusive. But I understand how hard it must be emotionally. Can you tell him you need a break and he needs to leave (to his mother's, or wherever) for a while ?

I'm pretty sure that once he is gone and you have some headspace, you'll be so relieved and so much happier. But if it is easier you don't need to burn all the bridges yet. Just make sure he doesn't reel you back in if it isn't 100% what you want.

If you tell your children about what's going on they will definitely be horrified and support you leaving this guy

I'd have a termination in your place. No way would I want to be tied to a douchebag like him for the foreseeable future.

Wishing you strength OP. Don't let him gaslight you. If you doubt yourself, ask here or someone you trust but don't let this bastard get away with it.

Scottishskifun · 08/03/2021 00:38

@woooooohhhhhh please call 111 or go to A & E spotting and pain if worried about an ectopic should not be ignored.
I know you're upset and scared but please focus on your health this moment and get things checked tonight.

Forgivenandsetfree · 08/03/2021 01:23

Hey, I just came to tell you my story. I was 16 when i met my ex, he was older and it ended up not being a good relationship AT ALL. I had a daughter by the time i left him. He's a good dad, luckily, but I knew it wasn't a good environment for her to be in...
You have children and although they're older, your 16 year old is still your responsibility. They shouldn't be witnessing this. I understand you love him, but children should always trump partners. Especially if he is like this towards you. He is a grown man, let him look after himself, you concentrate on you and your children. R.E the pregnancy, I cant comment on that. Best of luck to you OP x

Weenurse · 08/03/2021 01:36

Please seek medical advice and take care of yourself 💐

Travis1 · 08/03/2021 08:07

If you’re in pain get back to hospital

WatchingTVagain · 08/03/2021 14:03

OP you say you have no family support but would your older DC be prepared to offer support if you told them? Even if it's just a case of them being there when you tell him to leave (and YouTube how to change locks - very easy). He's starting to show you who he really is as he can see the control over you slipping away and you need to take notice. Stay strong - you can do this!

AcrossthePond55 · 08/03/2021 16:04

You know what...it's 'ok' that you love him. No point in trying to deny a feeling that is 'there'. We all have feelings that are not, perhaps, the wisest ones to have.

But remember also that you can love someone to distraction but that doesn't mean they are right or good for you AND that love is never enough, not even in the best of relationships. A relationship without respect, without communication, without mutual goals, and without tenderness & caring is not worth having. And that loving an abusive man can never end well for you or for your children. All of your children.

So instead of feeling 'bad' about loving him, just accept it, adapt, and move on. Just the way you would with a broken leg or a life-changing illness. Because that 'love' you feel for him will die once you've gotten him out of your life and have truly felt the peace and freedom that his absence will bring.

Try to visualize your home without him. Visualize it as a place of peace and calm, hear the quiet. No cleaning up after him. No arguing or walking on eggshells. No sexual demands. A place where everything is as YOU want it. A place where you and your children can 'be' and where love and laughter rules the day.

Sounds a lovely place to me.

LagunaBubbles · 08/03/2021 16:11

It's easy to say change the locks but I'm too soft. I can't help it

Of course you can, you just need to learn how.

AtLeastPretendToCare · 08/03/2021 20:49

Hope you are ok OP and have got medical advice for the pain and bleeding.

MumInBrussels · 08/03/2021 21:22

Are you ok, @woooooohhhhhh? Did the pain go away?

Regardless of what you do about your pregnancy (personally, in your shoes, I think I'd be terminating and calling it a miscarriage to the man you're currently living with), I reckon you need to end your relationship with this man. Everything you have said about him is deeply, deeply disturbing. He is abusive, on many levels. The least disturbing bit was that he gets his mum to call you about your pregnancy, and even that's pretty shockingly awful. What kind of person does that? Is this the kind of person you want to attempt to co-parent with? Get him out of your life. You deserve better than this.

GloriaSicTransitMundi · 09/03/2021 08:37

woooooohhhhhh Sun 07-Mar-21 19:01:26
"Thank you everyone. I'm just waiting for the scan now. He works outside the home. Yes I am vulnerable and apart from my children have no family. I am tough but struggling today to deal with some texts from his mum as I am very soft hearted and easily manipulated.

I've been in touch with my GP, practice nurse and Marie stopes and you on MN and am realising just how wonderful and supportive women are.

It's easy to say change the locks but I'm too soft. I can't help it."

Have you had the scan? How are you? You say you're too soft, but you've made the first step by recognising that. You've sought help by talking to GP, Marie Stopes et al. You can do this, keep going. Look after yourself first and get rid of your abuser. It does get easier, I promise. You've taken the first step, keep going, and know the people here are all rooting for you. Flowers Flowers Flowers

Reinventinganna · 09/03/2021 08:58

@woooooohhhhhh you poor poor thing. He’s a disgusting excuse for a human. Everything about him is vile.

What would you tell your daughter if she confided that she was in this situation?
You really need to look after yourself.

Original poster
woooooohhhhhh · 09/03/2021 10:10

Thank you so much everyone. My scan is tomorrow, then I can work out how to find a way forward. I spoke to my GP who has recorded everything and given me a sick note

OP posts:
HTH1 · 09/03/2021 16:25

OP, this man (and his mother) are no good for you Flowers. You need to look after yourself and make sure you have no ties to either of them.

Original poster
woooooohhhhhh · 09/03/2021 21:18

I'm trying. I have so much on my mind tonight. I can't even allow myself - or stomach - a glass of wine to help.

I'll come back tomorrow and report.

OP posts:
TankGirl97 · 10/03/2021 11:32

Good luck today op, I hope you get some clarity on what's going on.

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