My friend’s kids make me not want my own

[Undecided123456]

I may get called a witch for this, and judged as not being cut out for motherhood - can you give me some perspective?

I have a varied group of friends with kids of different ages (babies to early teens). I am thinking about starting a family but I am having serious doubts

More recently I have been spending time with friends with younger kids and as more meet ups are suggested I find I am not looking forward to them. The kids don’t listen, they are demanding and bossy, whiny and unreasonable. The parents shout a lot and/or continually appeasing demands. I know parenting is tough, so is this just how it is? Juggling small rude dictators? Or am I only seeing a particular way of life?

Recent meet ups leave me cold, there seems little joy in it all, just trudging through with ‘it will be better when they’re at nursery/school/out of nappies/sleeping/grown out of xyz’

Am I just a non maternal person, better off out of it?

Totally off-topic but I thought having your hair pulled was a pretty common parenting experience - at least if you have long hair. My DS pulled my hair from about 4 weeks while feeding. Not out of malice obviously. Still bloody hurt. I’m glad he’s grown out of it.

I have 3 female friends who chose not to have children. They are all involved with children in work capacities (one a primary teacher, one a nanny, one a children’s entertainer and guide leader) and really love kids, but ultimately decided having their own wasn’t for them.

I don’t feel differently about them, but then I don’t really like to talk about kids much when I’m socialising. They seem to want to talk about my kids more than I do!

No one likes kids- but people love their own kids- it’s just different.

Having your own children is nothing like hanging out with other people's. That's like saying I don't

OP you are a very sensible individual for this thinking twice about starting a family.

...That's like saying I don't want to get married because I don't like other people's husbands.

Don't get me wrong, raising a child is the hardest job in the world - but given the fact you have no emotional attachment to these children I would say you're only seeing one part of it. When you have your children you love them more than you could ever imagine was possible and there are definitely good times, for me it outweighs the difficult parts

I find it bizarre how many people say they hate kids but then have their own. I quite like kids, I think children often have a fascinating view of the world, I used to run activity sessions for 7-10 year olds, I love playing games with them. Despite all this, I have no desire to have my own.

@Undecided123456 I do still think there’s an element of othering people who’ve chosen not to have children but it’s getting better!

It goes without saying that other people’s opinions isn’t a good enough reason to bring a human into the world!

I actually think with the climate crisis etc more people will decide not to procreate.

Mine are all double digits now. I can’t honestly say I’d choose to start a family in the world we’re in today. I love my kids. I don’t regret them obviously. But I’d have led a happy, fulfilled life as a child-free woman, too.

The earth is a dumpster fire in more ways than one at the moment. Choosing not to bring children into this shit storm is a valid and even sensible choice!

Little kids are a tough slog, but it gets better as they get older (I have older teenagers)

I didnt like any of my friends kids when they were young, prefer them now they're teens.

There's this trick evolution plays on us Mothers that floods us with so many hormones post birth that we fall instantly in love with our babies.

Yes, we are programmed such that even when our kids act like three-headed Satans we still love them more than anything else in the World.

Plus you get free entry to the moaning-about-our-kids-while-drinking-wine club.

I felt very differently! I grew up with siblings, cousins, neighbours, there was always a baby or toddler in the mix and we all looked out for each other. We all knew how to care for smaller children and I was always delighted to spend time with other people's children.

im the same although never really wanted any-just confirmed it relly all they do is moan about how shit it all is

A lot of parenthood is unpleasant. It's also extremely expensive. It may well not be the best thing for you. I suggest you heed the warning.

Juggling small rude dictators

love it! And wait until they’re juggling large rude dictators!

Listen OP, my friends children would make me not want kids too - luckily I was the first one out of my group to have them so I didn’t know any better!
Wouldn’t change anything for the world.

Since having my own children I am more understanding and less judgemental of others' parenting ways! I try to tolerate other children more too, but kids basically can be really annoying. Luckily nature makes you love your own children anyway.

Parental love is totally irrational, children literally shit on your life. If you don’t want to breed then don’t (in studies women who choose to be childless are slightly happier than their peers who chose to become mothers).

Op, your observations are pretty spot on, going out anywhere with toddlers (especially other people’s houses or a cafe) is not enjoyable at all, I remember those days, not being able to enjoy a coffee or eat out in peace, kids crying, arguing, running off, I really hated those years. My kids are now teens and much easier, when I look at other friends with their younger children I feel grateful that I had mine early and the end is near 🤣🤣🤣

I hate other peoples children but my own are entirely different.

In fact its unfair to say I 'hate' the children, really I hate other parents because its their parenting that is usually the problem (ignoring the children, expecting other to do the work, letting them run riot etc...).

Not wanting children is a perfectly valid choice, you don't have to have them.

Some kids really are horrible, usually because of poor parenting. I assume most of them are still treasured by their parents, though.

I wouldn't make my decision of whether or not to have children based on a feeling of indifference for other people's children. It's not the same thing.

Nobody likes other people’s children! Your own are gorgeous, intelligent and fun to be around, other people children are annoying.

OP, I don't know why we do it to ourselves but we do! They are small, rude dictators... and yet, we want one, then two, then three, then four of them, possibly five of these tyrants under one roof. We all think- every single one of us- that our experience will be different (i.e. we'll be better parents than our friends) but nah, it's pretty much a slog until they've outgrown the red book.
Having our own kids kicks in those maternal feelings as well as an inordinate amount of patience with our mini-Muammar Gaddafis.

kids are like farts...you can just about stand your own!