Harassed and excluded by villagers

[thearctic]

Hello

Hoping to get some perspective from writing this down and to hear some other insights. At the moment the only solution seems to be to move house.

We live in a small village and another local family have been harassing us for several years. It began with a falling out over a shared right of way. They attempted to claim it as their own but we were able to prove it is shared. That came to a conclusion a year ago, but the other family seem unable to move on.

They have continued to harass our family and our children. There are verbal attacks, shouting/name calling, verbally abuse towards my children, following and watching us. No opportunity is missed; if we see them, they react.

We avoid them where possible, but there is a playground nearby which we all use. Avoiding them entirely would mean avoiding the playground and my children missing out on playing with friends.

The other family have developed friendships with our other neighbours and those neighbours are now frosty with us. Not all our neighbours, but a small handful.

The police take the view it's a civil matter.

If you did move would you have to declare the dispute?
Would they try the same thing (trying to claim a right of way) with new owners?
Have you spoken to anyone from the local council over the harassment, or with your local MP? (apologies if you've said so already)

On the house selling form you just say that there was a disagreement about the shared lane (or whatever) a couple of years back but that it was resolved on your solicitor checking the deeds (or whatever) and you now enjoy full access.

I would just move. Cut your losses. Otherwise god knows what their teenage children will do/say to your teenage children when this age comes

Another thank you for the support on here. It has given me perspective and I feel more positive today.

We will try the police again and hope it won't be brushed off as a neighbour dispute. I have been to the playground today and ignored them. I think they may even realise that they need to be more careful with their public outbursts.

Village life sounds awful.

Hi Arctic,

Well my particular situation has been put in perspective today as a friend has killed himself. Still processing it.

Re the police - we went to the police twice and were told it was a civil matter but looking back I see now that we framed it as a civil matter because of the bully controlling us.

The third time we called 101 directly after an incident that had some evidence and that was much more effectively. After we showed things had been going on for a long time we were referred to the neighbourhood policing team who have been great.

My abuser uses the pen, however, as well as other things.

.... so what I'm saying is, there are ways of presenting what has just happened to the police that are more effective than other ways.

Just like if you go to your GP and say "I have a cough that has lasted for more than 3 weeks" they listen but if you say "I've been feeling awful for weeks" they might not.... does that make sense? You need to find the trigger words that make the police sit up.

@myneighboursdomyheadin, that's devastating and I'm so sorry for your loss. You must be in deep shock. I hope the next few days are manageable as you process things.

Thank you for the advice you've offered. Yes, I understand that the police treat matters differently when they realise this began with a right of way issue. It seems all too easy to dismiss neighbour disputes and I can imagine they have to deal with many of them.

Thanks. I am shocked and feeling many emotions.
It isn’t deep distress - it’s not my tragedy. But it’s tragic and a long long path ahead for his wife and two small children.
I started another thread about it and it’s been nice to have company today.

Btw on behalf of the whole of mumsnet to you for going to the playground today.

I would always always ignore or be polite, utterly polite and explain to your kids that some people sadly are not well and may sometimes be unkind but that we should still be polite. I'd cheerily greet them 'Good morning Mrs Smith and Lily-Mae, what a lovely day ' especially if anyone else is in earshot. I'd ignore any insults and just be utterly polite. I'd make steps to get in with the school your kids go to and volunteering there. I'd see if there are any village groups you can get involved with - or even start something like a book club or litter picking group, and I'd get back in touch with the vicar and volunteer away for the re-opening later in the summer, the village fete and anything else you can .

@thearctic if they ignored you today have you thought they might have read this post.

Noidea that would be fab!

[quote Noidea2114]@thearctic if they ignored you today have you thought they might have read this post.[/quote]
Oh gosh that would be fantastic.

They might not be so brave if they did know it's them against MN and not against just the OP!

Not because they are scared of random posters words on a screen but because they know the advice and that they won't get away with it if followed!

Neighbour