Harassed and excluded by villagers

[thearctic]

Hello

Hoping to get some perspective from writing this down and to hear some other insights. At the moment the only solution seems to be to move house.

We live in a small village and another local family have been harassing us for several years. It began with a falling out over a shared right of way. They attempted to claim it as their own but we were able to prove it is shared. That came to a conclusion a year ago, but the other family seem unable to move on.

They have continued to harass our family and our children. There are verbal attacks, shouting/name calling, verbally abuse towards my children, following and watching us. No opportunity is missed; if we see them, they react.

We avoid them where possible, but there is a playground nearby which we all use. Avoiding them entirely would mean avoiding the playground and my children missing out on playing with friends.

The other family have developed friendships with our other neighbours and those neighbours are now frosty with us. Not all our neighbours, but a small handful.

The police take the view it's a civil matter.

“I think for the time being I'm just going to avoid the playground altogether. It's not fair but I just don't want to give it any more of my energy.”

If you make your children avoid the playground I think you’ll regret it.

These people are pathetic bullies. Scum.

Whoever you come across, except them, plaster a smile on your face and give a friendly hello. Even if you believe your nightmare neighbours have slated you to them. People with half a brain will come to their own conclusions.

Carry on going to the playground. Appear carefree and content even if you feel far from it. Knowing they aren’t having an effect on you takes away their power.

annamagnani offers good advice.
If you do want to sell - don't engage or you'll have to declare a dispute.

As for the church 'blocking you* . I'd get talking to the vicar in confidence and get him on side.

I'd not avoid the playground - if you do, people will not get the chance to see you as the normal person you are. Get out there, head held high.

Small rural communities can be utterly ghastly. Like others on this thread, we suffered from a sometimes violent bullying neighbour, with terrible shared access problems. He was eventually sectioned under the Mental Health Act, then not long after he came home, he died. I have to confess his death was a relief. We also have a most unpleasant pair of Queen bees in the neighbourhood. I love living in the country, but next time we move I want to be totally isolated from anyone else!

I moved away. I was the person who was there a long time. Recent new arrivals in the area are not mixing with the longer stay people. They seem to think they run the area.

I decided enough was enough and moved away. I have decent friendly folks for neighbours. The new area has a lower crime rate than the old area. Even in the pandemic and restrictions people in the new area exchange a few words when they meet. You could land with a nicer area and nicer people.

I felt I was being a wimp leaving my home but the outcome is better for me.

Roadtohades

I would agree with @StoneofDestiny regarding being blocked on volunteering at the church - speak to the vicar.

However if your toxic person is unfortunately the village power person, eg chair of Parish Council, in charge of the church roof committee or whatever it is that counts as top bod in your village I would give up and move.

OP think of it this way.
You enforced your access right. Your neighbours feel you were unreasonable. Even if they were completely right about you being unreasonable the children should not be affected
Practise saying it aloud until you start to believe it, it’s the first step.

I think you are behaving like an abuse victim. Don’t let these people affect your children!

Could you get one of those dash cam type cameras for a bike and try and use that a lot? So it films but isn't obvious.

Do they have children?

What are they actually doing to you, OP?

I'm asking because I'm trying to work out a way you could film it without running the risk of being accused of 'provoking' it.

If it is really intimidation and harassment you are going to need some kind of video evidence. There are very small cameras available that can be fitted onto a handbag or onto the back of a satchel. But I'm just trying to work out if this is behaviour that someone could be reasonably aware would be received as intimidating and distressing.

Ugh - small village mentality. If your family hasn't lived there for 5 generations your are, and always will be, an outsider.

I lived in a chocolate box village for 3 years. Three years of hell. Even the head teacher bullied my kids. I moved, and will never live in a small village again.

I understand that they are absolutely doing it on purpose, by the way.

They sound awful, they possibly used to manipulating to get their own way and are not used to others standing up to them. Keep a log of incidents with times and dates. You can get very discreet body cameras if you want to get footage. Feel for you!

I’d move. Life is too short for this shit.

"What are they actually doing to you, OP?

I'm asking because I'm trying to work out a way you could film it without running the risk of being accused of 'provoking' it."

Just to say OP, the nature of harrassment and intimidation is that you are intimidated from reacting or gathering evidence.

If you decide not to let your 4 year old play at the playground - you are being controlled.

This sounds awful. Honestly, you should move. It might feel like losing but holding your head up high isn't sorting this problem out. Move and start again and hopefully you won't be scapegoated like you have been on this occasion.

Get involved with positive things in the village , can you take old people for their vaccines and deliver food parcels , get your kids to bake a cake for the neighbours , just kill everyone one else with kindness and avoid knobheads
I'd get a ring doorbell at the very least

What's keeping you in the village?

We do feel prevented from gathering evidence or reacting

I wouldn't move because you would loose a fortune in stamp duty.

They approach us and shout abuse, always in front of our children. They follow us on our road or if they see us in the village. If we turn around, they stand and watch, smirk, laugh.

They stand next to our front gate alone or with their friends, laughing, staring. This is very difficult and I have to steel myself to walk into my house

It is the social exclusion that has escalated lately

You have to gather evidence but can you explain what exactly they are doing?

Are they staring at you?
Waiting for you?
Stepping in front of you?
Watching your home?
Following you?
Walking towards you as if to confront you?
Laughing at you?
Saying abusive things or making insulting gestures?
Trying to physically harm you or make you flinch?

Any of this could be filmed with unobtrusive cameras that can be fitted into a coat - believe me, I know!

All you need in the civil court is enough evidence to make it seem likely to the judge, along with a strong and detailed harassment diary, that this narrative is true. It doesn't need to show a criminal offence.

I just don't know what form this harassment takes.

@thearctic is this in the New Forest by any chance? Had a similar experience while living there.