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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend is really rude ,aibu here?

318 replies

sanber · 27/02/2021 18:51

We have been friends for over 10 years but the last year she's been really rude.
She rarely texts me first,rings me once every couple of months.
Today for example I text her "oh I have the worst headache today,hope you've had a good week"
Went on WhatsApp and didn't click on it for two hours,then read it and didn't respond.
Now obviously it wasn't a question but normally that's how you speak with friends.
Yet she's on Facebook,sharing random rubbish.
Yet can't be arsed to string a two second reply.
Then other times mid conversation she just stops responding and you will see her on Facebook.
Am I being over sensitive or is it rude ?

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 27/02/2021 21:54

[quote RavingAnnie]@partyatthepalace 😂😂😂

My thoughts entirely!!

I am shocked and depressed actually by the amount of posters saying they couldn't be bothered with someone who had nothing positive to say.

This is how I think people feel. I have been chronically ill with both physical illness and my mental health over the past 4/5 years and rarely have much positive to say as there aren't many positives in my life. As I don't think people want to hear that I've gradually cut myself off from people (I don't ring as I don't know what to say to people and that adds up to you not toning for weeks then months then years). I now don't really have any support network which has made things feel so much worse.

Awful to hear my thoughts are true and people don't even want to hear you have a headache as that's too depressing. No hope for me then.

Hope you are feeling better OP anyway and sorry you are feeling unsupported by your friend. [/quote]
I think OP is getting a very hard time on this thread, and it’s not reflective of most/many people. As long as friends don’t endlessly dump and it’s not all one-way, I’m totally willing to respond to unhappy messages and try to help or just listen.

The other side of the coin is to try a gratitude journal, which I’m doing in an ad hoc way due to MH.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 27/02/2021 21:54

@sanber

Feel sorry for a lot of your friends tbh You don't seem to value people very much Hopefully you won't need your friends (who you roll your eyes at and can't be arsed with ) and they will ignore you
Are you always like this? Many of us have bothered to reply to your post, on your thread, trying to explain why/what your friend may be feeling/thinking.

I have two '4am' friends, they can ring me anytime, ask anything of me - and it's mutual. Everybody else is arm's length - they know and I know it and we're ok with that.

Maybe give your friend a ring if you're that bothered, rather than posting a bloody thread about her and her lack of response?

Feedingthebirds1 · 27/02/2021 21:55

Until she argues with her partner then I'm treated to 4 phone calls a day.

So she phones you - which means you have to respond to her right there and then. It doesn't matter whether you are busy, or just don't want to be bothered, she demands your immediate and undivided attention.

OP she's changed her mind about your role in her life, and if you don't want to play the part she's written for you let her go. Don't try to cling on to something that isn't there any more.

AnyName1 · 27/02/2021 21:56

Be a giver, not a taker. I would lol someone texting me they have a headache. Don't we all?

Poptart4 · 27/02/2021 21:58

OP I dont think you deserve all of the harsh replies your getting. It's not needy to expect a reply from a friend. Have you ever heard the saying :

"No response is a response"

Shes fading you out.

It sucks and I've been there before, I've also done it before. It doesn't necessarily mean you've done anything wrong, maybe shes just out grown the friendship. It happens sometimes.

Stop messaging her.

BrownFootStool · 27/02/2021 22:01

I get you OP. People on MN think friends should only contact you once every 2 months with concrete plans and there should never be any expectation that a friend keep in touch or consider you at all. Anything else is 'desperate'.

Maybe your friend is going through a hard time. Give it some time and see if she improves.

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 22:04

Don't know why my message Was deleted by MNHQ. I didn't personally attack, spam,hate speech, defame anyone. Nor was I racist, sexist , ableist, or inflamatory .care.to.explain that one @MNHQ?

BrownFootStool · 27/02/2021 22:07

I have around 7 or 8 friends who I message every day or every other day or they message me. Just with little inconsequential chat about our day, good or bad, something fun we saw online, the fact that I stood in dog poop etc. That is what good friendships are, sharing your time and thoughts, keeping active in each other's lives. It was the same before covid and is the same now. They all live in other countries and I haven't seen some of them for over a year, but we are part of each other's day.

OP YANBU.

1Morewineplease · 27/02/2021 22:08

Do you honestly expect a response within minutes? Or a couple of hours?
I'm not sure what to say , really
I rarely respond to any messages as soon as they've been sent... I reserve a few minutes in the evening to do responses
Blimey... maybe I'm wrong?

cheesetoastiewithham · 27/02/2021 22:11

Sounds like she doesnt want to talk to you. I'd just leave it.

MsHedgehog · 27/02/2021 22:16

Urgh over sensitive people who get upset at no response to a text are really annoying!

cherrybunx0 · 27/02/2021 22:19

even if you have stuff going on in your life, I think there is a time expectation if you are close. if one of my friends didnt reply to me for weeks but had been on social media I would probably be a bit concerned. maybe I'm showing my age here (twenties) but that wouldnt be a normal or acceptable attitude amongst the people I hang out with, they would think I was incredibly rude. why do you have time to update Facebook but not respond to a message? unpopular opinion on here apparently but that's really weird.

bit different if someone is usually like that, like I mentioned my sister but that's why I dont bother with her because she cba and I dont care either. I think that's the level you need to get to OP. you get out what you put in and if the communication is all one sided then time to get rid.

cherrybunx0 · 27/02/2021 22:20

and honestly, dont take most of the responses to heart. in the real world it is unbelievably rude to ignore someone, especially if its constant.

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 22:21

I get that some people have just moved to an area and so may not hAve any friends yet, but very few people only have one friend. I have a friend who I enjoy spending time with but she sometimes rings and rings for a whole evening and I can't always respond right away. I know she has other friends and so she can call them when am unavailable.

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 22:23

@cherrybunx0

and honestly, dont take most of the responses to heart. in the real world it is unbelievably rude to ignore someone, especially if its constant.
Well, i am late 30s and usually don't respond immediately to a small talk Facebook or WhatsApp message until a few hours later. Then I have the luxury of responding at my own pace when am able and willing to do so.
cherrybunx0 · 27/02/2021 22:27

theres a difference between not responding straight away and taking a week or more (if the OP is lucky) or not getting a response at all. I would find it fairly difficult to keep a friendship going if every time I tried to have a conversation or initiated any kind of chat I was ignored or not responded to for weeks.

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 22:29

@cherrybunx0

theres a difference between not responding straight away and taking a week or more (if the OP is lucky) or not getting a response at all. I would find it fairly difficult to keep a friendship going if every time I tried to have a conversation or initiated any kind of chat I was ignored or not responded to for weeks.
Oh I would never not respond at all or leave it weeks. But didn't the OP text.earlier.today?

I don't think it an age thing. I think it's an extrovert vs introvert thing.

SeasonFinale · 27/02/2021 22:30

With each post you write you sound harder work. It's no wonder she doesn't engage.

timetochangeagainforever · 27/02/2021 22:31

I think it is rude.
I and all of my friends (and there's many in various groups) always respond to WhatsApp messages within hrs. I would think it odd if any of my friends, including my ex husband even, ignored my messages and they'd feel the same if I did it.
I've just responded to a message I received earlier and apologised as it took me two hours to reply (I forgot).
Takes seconds to reply to a message especially when you're on FB.
If a 'friend' of mine did that - I'd take a step back and do the same.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated yourself I always think

cherrybunx0 · 27/02/2021 22:31

I mention age because I'm aware there is a big difference in how my parents/grandparents view social media interactions and how my friends do. no insult intended there, just an observation.

nopenotplaying · 27/02/2021 22:35

I get you op that would annoy me too. If my friend text me saying she has a headache I'd be concerned and ask about it, show sympathy etc. I don't know what is wrong with the majority that have replied to you!

I don't think there's a lot you can do here though. It's a very one sided friendship, It's maybe just come to a nature end.

Original poster
sanber · 27/02/2021 22:38

I'm early 30s and all of my friends and me speak daily (all with families etc ) sometimes it's not actually conversations
Just random things we've seen on Facebook
It's been 14 hours since I messaged.
She's been on WhatsApp etc since then many times
It's not about just today
It's how little she values our friendship
She couldn't even text after I sent her flowers for her birthday.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 27/02/2021 22:44

sanber
She couldn't even text after I sent her flowers for her birthday.

Why dripfeed this in? She didn't thank you for birthday flowers? If so, she doesn't value your friendship at all and it's time you realised that. Cut it off, for your own sanity - and stop looking at how often she's on WhatsApp, just bring it to a halt.

Just stop.

Sometimeswinning · 27/02/2021 22:46

@lyingwitchinthewardrobe I feel sorry for you that you dont have the same friendship I have. Or I could get that you dont have the same friendship group I have. No judgement or stress. I just wouldn't bother with you.

Original poster
sanber · 27/02/2021 22:46

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I didn't ,I posted this on my earlier posts

OP posts:
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