AIBU to think that lesbians deserve a dating app that caters exclusively to lesbians?

[Glinner]

Recently I opened an account with the app Her to bring attention to the many straight men invading lesbian dating apps by claiming a 'lesbian', 'queer' or 'trans' identity.

Given that lesbians are adult human females exclusively attracted to other adult human females, am I being unreasonable to believe that lesbians deserve spaces of their own, both online and in the real world?

I wasn't talking to you.

It's addressing a point made by yourself, so it's to the whole thread
Or are only the "right type of poster" allowed to reply?

When you say “everything lesbian or woman focused” has been forced to stop providing for women, can you list these services?

Can you name a service that is only for women?

[quote Expectant88]@MrsBrunch it’s not impossible or not allowed to have these apps, they’re just not as profitable as having a wider base.[/quote]
That's not true.

Any app that is exclusive women only dating will be attacked. We all know that. It will be cancelled in line with current culture.

Once again, you have to wonder about that 10%

@PurpleHoodie

I wasn't talking to you.

Very mature.

@Ereshkigalangcleg

I will ignore your posts, as you wish, Linning. But for the record, I don't require your permission to have a view on anything on this thread, or to call people out for things they wrote that I personally disagree with. If people call me out, that's fair enough, I can deal with it. It's not the first time.

I have never said you need my permission for anything, in fact I have stated specifically that I respect everyone’s opinion even if they differ from me this is why on this thread I have NOT attacked you, I have NOT challenged your views and I have NOT even questioned your thoughts and opinions on the topic, I have literally asked nothing of you, and yet you are out here creating a narrative where I have asked YOU to ask me for permission and don’t let you tag people or say your piece. You really need to stop inventing narratives about me supported by nothing other than your imagination. All I have said is that I believe LESBIANS should be the ones creating and leading conversations about LESBIANS. You are free to disagree with that but don’t say it means I have told you you need my permission to talk and address people.

Also, funny how despite me telling you that I didn’t want to be addressed by you, you still felt the need to not immediately respect that and felt tagging me and nagging/saying you piece one last time was more important than my boundaries. Can’t you see how your lack of respect for boundaries shows that how you treat women, specifically lesbians isn’t any different to how you think transwomen treat us? (and they have all treated me a 100times better than you have).
It’s a rhetorical question as I don’t care for the answer as I was being serious when I said I really need you to stop addressing me because you have made our interactions extremely unpleasant and uncomfortable and I don’t wish to engage any further so PLEASE (because it looks like stop isn’t enough and I should beg). Let’s leave it at that. Stop answering me, stop tagging me. Don’t even acknowledge me if you can.

You obviously never cared about my views as a lesbian anyway as you only cared about what you had to say so carry on (with or without my permission before you accuse me of telling you what to do) but for the love of God, ignore me please. Thank you, and enjoy the thread!

Women are sometimes other women’s biggest oppressors

I agree. Especially when they throw other women under the bus for not wanting males to infiltrate every single space we have.

YY.

Female socialisation is hard to shake off but when you do, you see the truth for what it is.

Yes, you do. And you're resistant to manipulative appeals to it.

Glinner

Not for too long. The transparency is obvious.

Plus skim/skip reading is a great tool.

If people respond to me and make accusations about me, I am going to respond to that. So maybe they can stop doing that.

@MrsBrunch

You realize two things can be true though?

Like yes lesbian app ONLY for lesbians that isn’t inclusive might be widely attacked but it doesn’t change the fact that they are also not profitable.

Like I said the death of lesbian bars (in comparison to gay bars who are still thriving!) have little to do with trans-woman and a lot more to do with the fact that bars can’t live off lesbians only. One of my friends owns one of the few lesbian bar still around and she can’t live off lesbian patrons. That’s why she has to make inclusive events or even gay events BECAUSE she wouldn’t be able to pay off her bills if she didn’t.

Lesbians don’t spend as much money in bars, they also couple up quicker and then remove themselves from the dating world and the bar scene. They just aren’t profitable to a business, even a business that caters specifically to them.

Any app that is exclusive women only dating will be attacked. We all know that. It will be cancelled in line with current culture.

Women only anything. This is the state of it all right now. Why do people deny it? It just looks disingenuous.

Where is the lesbian meeting to decide whether dick is allowed in? Because that is really not a definition most sane lesbians use.

Anyone who thinks women can create any kind of space for themselves at the moment needs to go away and go their homework.

Lesbians. Don't. Do. Dick.

YADNBU. The lesbian dating pool on those apps has been well and truly pissed in. As a lesbian who doesn’t have any sight so can’t even see peoples’ pictures, I daren’t go on any of those apps because they’re so full of men. I don’t want to get talking to a man without realising it. They aren’t honest about not being female and I could end up in a very awkward, and potentially dangerous situation.

I am a lesbian, a female homosexual, and I do not want to encounter males of any type on a lesbian dating app. I don’t care what they identify as, they have absolutely no right or business invading lesbian space.

YADNBU. The lesbian dating pool on those apps has been well and truly pissed in. As a lesbian who doesn’t have any sight so can’t even see peoples’ pictures, I daren’t go on any of those apps because they’re so full of men. I don’t want to get talking to a man without realising it. They aren’t honest about not being female and I could end up in a very awkward, and potentially dangerous situation.

That is something I hadn't even considered. Men will do anything to gain access to vulnerable women. You're right to be wary.

That is something I hadn't even considered. Men will do anything to gain access to vulnerable women. You're right to be wary.

Literally 99% of the problem.

@Mockolate

'The main point is a lesbian who put in their bio she wanted to only meet other biological lesbians, was censored and told she wasn't inclusive so removed her from the site.

Why would you feel the need to put it in your bio though, why not just swipe on past or whatever until you saw someone you were happy to date?

Because she is a lesbian! She wanted to be able to exclude penis-havers from her searches! Why is that a problem? The technology exists. Oh maybe it doesn't now, seeing as they ask for gender rather than sex everywhere. (And no it is nothing like excluding people based on race, before that old chestnut gets dragged out again).

Oh, talking of the erasure of female-only spaces, try searching for resources for young women who are lesbians in London. There aren't any; they are all focussed on trans, non-binary and gender-queer.

As much as some women on here consider themselves to be 'trans-inclusive', the truth is that women are in danger from men. It's dangerous that we have no spaces for ourselves.

@notyourhandmaid

Where is the lesbian meeting to decide whether dick is allowed in? Because that is really not a definition most sane lesbians use.

Anyone who thinks women can create any kind of space for themselves at the moment needs to go away and go their homework.

Lesbians. Don't. Do. Dick.

Lesbians could create an app solely for lesbians though. Would they have backlash? Potentially but why potential backlash from men or transwomen be a deterrent to creating an app that doesn’t cater for them? Surely if a lesbian app that is for lesbian only and trans-exclusive is what lesbians want they will sign up for it anyway.

Every business is facing backlash for the smallest thing nowadays (not all or even not most trans related). Cancel culture is big but if you have a viable business idea and a target audience and your financing comes directly from that target audience and your target audience isn’t the one who would give you backlash then the backlash is
almost irrelevant. The KKK receives massive backlash (not to compare lesbians with the KKK at all but to show a group that receives massive international backlash for emphasis purposes) and it doesn’t stop people from joining in and it being lucrative. Backlash is only relevant if it causes your target audience to lose interest in your project or lose trust in the company. In the case of lesbian apps, if lesbians actually do want an app like described in the OP they will still sign up even if transwomen give them backlash because transwomen and men are already the people they are trying to avoid and the app is providing just that so sales and sign ups should be only minority affected by the backlash.

What you would need to account for is how many lesbians would actually want and join this app and how many would not due to preferring inclusive spaces (despite dating only women). It might be a big difference or a minor one but that’s more what would determine the success of a lesbian-only app or not rather than the backlash from trans activists etc...

Whatisthisfuckery

YADNBU. The lesbian dating pool on those apps has been well and truly pissed in. As a lesbian who doesn’t have any sight so can’t even see peoples’ pictures, I daren’t go on any of those apps because they’re so full of men. I don’t want to get talking to a man without realising it. They aren’t honest about not being female and I could end up in a very awkward, and potentially dangerous situation.

So sorry to hear that. It really is bad. And dangerous.

notyourhandmaid

Lesbians. Don't. Do. Dick.

Yep.

That's one of the reasons why the LGB Alliance has sprung up.

[quote Linning]@MrsBrunch

You realize two things can be true though?

Like yes lesbian app ONLY for lesbians that isn’t inclusive might be widely attacked but it doesn’t change the fact that they are also not profitable.

Like I said the death of lesbian bars (in comparison to gay bars who are still thriving!) have little to do with trans-woman and a lot more to do with the fact that bars can’t live off lesbians only. One of my friends owns one of the few lesbian bar still around and she can’t live off lesbian patrons. That’s why she has to make inclusive events or even gay events BECAUSE she wouldn’t be able to pay off her bills if she didn’t.

Lesbians don’t spend as much money in bars, they also couple up quicker and then remove themselves from the dating world and the bar scene. They just aren’t profitable to a business, even a business that caters specifically to them.[/quote]
I'm sure there are enough lesbians to make one exclusively lesbian app profitable were it allowed to grow and not be attacked. If advertisers are not scared off, if service providers are not threatened and doxxed, etc.

What you need to account for is what already happens every time women try to create a space for themselves, or to protect an existing one.

TRA bullies. That's what happens. The inability to hear the word 'no'. The insistence that TWAW. The calling of names, the rape threats, the death threats. The doxxing. The public shaming. The harassment of women in their workplace, the campaigns to get them fired, the security threats.

It keeps happening.

You may choose to be blind to it. It's a luxury most of us don't have.

Why is it called HER and not HIS or Folx (whatever that means?)

I'm dismayed at the amount of shit women get for wanting to simply date women. Why do men have to be on the app in the first place? Are transmen or people who "identify as men" on dating apps for gay men? Any straight women out there having to demonstrate this issue in the same way that Glinner has so skilfully done?

"It’s like choosing to go to an event where it’s made clear there might be certain people showing up and then being outraged when they do show up." You could say the same for plenty responses on this thread. It's AIBU. No one has to post a reply. You can all ignore it. It's not compulsory.

Thank you for highlighting the absolute ridiculousness that women are experiencing and how far we've come in our so-called desire to be "inclusive" so much so that women are being fucked over by entitled men.

Glinner thank you for raising awareness about this & putting your head above the parapet

I think there should be a site where it is just women only. So that women have a choice to meet only women. I fear for my DD who has recently come out and have had to warn her that people aren't always who they say they are. Thanks for drawing attention to this glinner. And I'm loving the blue eyeshadow.