AIBU to think that lesbians deserve a dating app that caters exclusively to lesbians?

[Glinner]

Recently I opened an account with the app Her to bring attention to the many straight men invading lesbian dating apps by claiming a 'lesbian', 'queer' or 'trans' identity.

Given that lesbians are adult human females exclusively attracted to other adult human females, am I being unreasonable to believe that lesbians deserve spaces of their own, both online and in the real world?

states “she implied” and stating what you think I think or not think or was potentially implying or not implying.

You strongly implied by your words that you felt it was unnecessary, because you commented on putting it on a bio that you were only interested in biologically female people in a negative way, and said that you didn't agree with it. "Unnecessary" is the mildest description I could have made of your opinion of it. I only said "implied" because you didn't actually use the word "unnecessary". But that is what you said in other words.

'an alarming scale'

About one a year in the UK?

Ereshkigalangcleg

It looks like they are going to be presenting some really good articles in the future for the LGB community.

because you commented on putting it on a bio that you were only interested in biologically female people in a negative way

Sorry, badly composed sentence.

Because you commented on the idea of someone else writing on their bio that they were only interested in biologically female people, in a negative way.

transwomen do get murder at an alarming scale)

No they don't, outside of Latin America.

@Ereshkigalangcleg you are literally trying to shame and fighting with a lesbian who is sharing her lived experience with you while you invalidate and dismiss what she says. Maybe take a step back and look at what you’re actually doing here.

Quite a few lesbians have explained in this thread why they don’t necessarily agree with the OP while not disagreeing with the fact that lesbians who feel they need spaces specific to just them, which HER makes clear isn’t that space, should be able to create their own app and navigate it as they want.

Those lesbians are also women don’t their voices/opinion count? Or is it nasty because it doesn’t fully align with the YANBU AT ALL side?

I understand the explanations, I don't understand why you would select the YABU button. Because that doesn't come with an reasoning, it's just a vote so you make it look like 10% of voters don't think lesbians deserve an exclusive dating app.

Obviously there's a lot of nuance to discuss. For example, would a lesbian even be allowed to make such an app. If not, why not and does it matter. Are gay men allowed to have an exclusive gay men app? This is the sunlight that I'm talking about. Lots of people might not know that it's not possible to have a lesbian only app but from reading this thread, they will start to think about it.

Those busily trying to make this about anything at all except what it started out as being about: do you honestly think if an app or any group for female homosexuals that advertised as only for female homosexuals was created.... that it would be allowed to exist for long?

Everything with lesbian or woman on it has been targeted and forced to stop providing only for female people or female homosexual people.

Why do you think so many lesbian groups have gone underground? Have you not noticed this? It's not a nice 'different provisions alongside with mutual respect' situation, it's a colonise or shut down situation.

But sure, go on finding any possible way to throw mud at one of the very few people with both the sex that is allowed to talk without death and rape threats, the guts to handle the fall out and the public voice to draw public attention to the issues for women and possibly help them with this.

Why is it negative to say you're only interested in biological females in your bio? Just because the app is inclusive doesn't mean the app users have to be? It does state it's for women, so however inclusive its idea of 'women' is, that shouldn't be an issue? Saying "I only date women (biological females)" is not anti-trans.

@Ereshkigalangcleg

states “she implied” and stating what you think I think or not think or was potentially implying or not implying.

You strongly implied by your words that you felt it was unnecessary, because you commented on putting it on a bio that you were only interested in biologically female people in a negative way, and said that you didn't agree with it. "Unnecessary" is the mildest description I could have made of your opinion of it. I only said "implied" because you didn't actually use the word "unnecessary". But that is what you said in other words.

I didn’t say it “shows” she has a big problem with trans people. I didn’t even talk about Lucy herself so STOP talking for me, stop trying to interpret, decipher or even quote my words, and just ignore me.

You are making me feel incredibly uncomfortable and I need you to stop. I have no interest in communication with you any further on that thread or in general.

Congratulations on managing to make my interactions with you a much more uncomfortable experience as a lesbian that the ones I have ever had with trans-women, and for enforcing my convictions that trans women are in fact far from being the biggest threat to lesbians and them feeling comfortable and safe. Ignore my posts from now on please.

I am a heterosexual woman, but very strongly feel that there should be an App or whatever for women who are lesbians, that doesn’t include women who were originally born as male.
If people who were born as male people and who have now changed their gender to female, want to have their own group of like minded people, go for it!!! You can change your gender, but you will always be the sex you were born as, regardless of how you change your body.
Stop trampling over women who were born as women, they have a right to meet and be with other women who do not have male anatomy.
I would not like to date women who present themselves as men, and feel I should not have to justify that to anyone else.
That is not being trans anything, but is my own preference, which should count.

I'm not dismissing her personal views, she's entitled to them, as am I entitled to mine. This is AIBU. It's a thread to ask if the OP is unreasonable. It's not her personal thread. It's a thread with a range of views. I'm not telling her what to think, or what to do, I'm defending the view of equally invested women she disagrees with, some on this thread. And I will never accept that biologically male people can be considered women in any sense of the word. So if lesbian now doesn't mean that, there will need to be another word for exclusive female same sex attraction and relationships. That's really it.

@MrsBrunch

Quite a few lesbians have explained in this thread why they don’t necessarily agree with the OP while not disagreeing with the fact that lesbians who feel they need spaces specific to just them, which HER makes clear isn’t that space, should be able to create their own app and navigate it as they want.

Those lesbians are also women don’t their voices/opinion count? Or is it nasty because it doesn’t fully align with the YANBU AT ALL side?

I understand the explanations, I don't understand why you would select the YABU button. Because that doesn't come with an reasoning, it's just a vote so you make it look like 10% of voters don't think lesbians deserve an exclusive dating app.

Obviously there's a lot of nuance to discuss. For example, would a lesbian even be allowed to make such an app. If not, why not and does it matter. Are gay men allowed to have an exclusive gay men app? This is the sunlight that I'm talking about. Lots of people might not know that it's not possible to have a lesbian only app but from reading this thread, they will start to think about it.

I did not personally use the voting system because I agree that the question itself wasn’t unreasonable, I was just saying that why people have vote YABU might be in the answers given on that thread by lesbians (though it might also be from totally different reasons I have no idea of).

@MichelleofzeResistance can you back up any of what you’re claiming please? Which lesbian groups have been forced to go underground? When you say “everything lesbian or woman focused” has been forced to stop providing for women, can you list these services?

and for enforcing my convictions that trans women are in fact far from being the biggest threat to lesbians and them feeling comfortable and safe.

Exactly
Women speaking over and for other women are far more problematic, have always thought so.
The way you're a "handmaid" or just brainwashed by the patriarchy or some other bollocks if you dare to have an opinion of your own, pisses me off more than anything lol

@MrsBrunch it’s not impossible or not allowed to have these apps, they’re just not as profitable as having a wider base.

@expectant88 sounds like more sweeping generalisations that's usually on these types of threads so I wouldn't hold out for examples
(although happy to be proved wrong and stand corrected)

*and for enforcing my convictions that trans women are in fact far from being the biggest threat to lesbians and them feeling comfortable and safe.

Exactly
Women speaking over and for other women are far more problematic, have always thought so.
The way you're a "handmaid" or just brainwashed by the patriarchy or some other bollocks if you dare to have an opinion of your own, pisses me off more than anything lol*

Women calling you a handmaid is more threatening to lesbians than people with penises invading their spaces. Wish I had your life experiences! Wow.

I will ignore your posts, as you wish, Linning. But for the record, I don't require your permission to have a view on anything on this thread, or to call people out for things they wrote that I personally disagree with. If people call me out, that's fair enough, I can deal with it. It's not the first time.

@Mockolate

and for enforcing my convictions that trans women are in fact far from being the biggest threat to lesbians and them feeling comfortable and safe.

Exactly
Women speaking over and for other women are far more problematic, have always thought so.
The way you're a "handmaid" or just brainwashed by the patriarchy or some other bollocks if you dare to have an opinion of your own, pisses me off more than anything lol

Yes.

Women are sometimes other women’s biggest oppressors yet conveniently remain blind to it how much of the pressure women feel societally actually come from wanting to fit in with other woman and not be judged by them rather than actually wanting to please men? Most threads on Mumsnets are about women making other women’s life miserable whether it’s moms at the school gate, MIL, the next door neighbor, a fellow dog owner.

I mean Mumsnet isn’t called the vipers nest for nothing. It really is a space where women come to fight each other and refuse to let go no matter how damaging it might be. So I always find it funny when women on Mumsnet specifically act as if men are the only threat and reason women feel unsafe and inferior/excluded/marginalized.

lesbianandgaynews.com/2021/02/get-the-l-out-the-lesbian-protest-group-speaking-for-themselves/

These gals always have the most amazing pictures taken of them.

Lesbians talking about lesbian-only spaces/places/relationships.

Women are sometimes other women’s biggest oppressors

I agree. Especially when they throw other women under the bus for not wanting males to infiltrate every single space we have.

Toilets
Changing rooms
Rape crisis centres
Mental health wards
Sports

The list goes on. And we're told "oh, you can just start an app for only females." How naive. These men will do anything to access women. And if you can't see that then you haven't been paying attention.

Female socialisation is hard to shake off but when you do, you see the truth for what it is.

Of course, you are not unreasonable. Lesbians need their own spaces. Us het womyn in the early wave recognised and respected this.Shame others can't.

second wave. bloody hell.

@PurpleHoodie theyre a far cry from being underground though surely?