AIBU to think that lesbians deserve a dating app that caters exclusively to lesbians?

[Glinner]

Recently I opened an account with the app Her to bring attention to the many straight men invading lesbian dating apps by claiming a 'lesbian', 'queer' or 'trans' identity.

Given that lesbians are adult human females exclusively attracted to other adult human females, am I being unreasonable to believe that lesbians deserve spaces of their own, both online and in the real world?

@MrsBrunch - I suspect the people who have voted unreasonable are the ones pointing out that the app in question is clear that it is for trans and queer people as well as lesbians? From before you even download the app. If the question had been “AIBU for thinking it’s an issue that straight men, who are not actually trans, are going on dating apps meant for lesbians, trans people and queer people” the response may be different.

@Ereshkigalangcleg

People have announced they are straight (some the most vocals and present on this thread), are we supposed to pretend they are not and not address the fact they are straight when they have stated it themselves *@notyourhandmaid* ?

Yes, I was being honest about my perspective. If I had not been, and changed names, you wouldn't have known. You have assumed other people's sexuality, as not everyone posting on this thread has announced theirs. Plus, you seem to be advocating for these definitions to be utterly meaningless anyway.

You realize that my interactions haven’t been solely with you and that you weren’t the only one who “came out” as straight on this thread, right? You had mentioned you were speaking on behalf of a lesbian friend before I even interacted with you. I have never even addressed people by assuming they were straight. I addressed the straight women on this thread which means that any straight women on this thread would fit under the umbrella and never tagged anyone being like “you straight woman.” So stop saying I assumed anything when I did not.

It’s like you saying “lesbians on this thread need X” And others assuming you assume everyone on this thread is a lesbian. You are obviously addressing a subgroup of the people on the thread not randomly assuming everyone is gay.

You also don’t know what I am advocating for or not because you have spent more time talking over me than actually caring about what lesbians like me have to say, so don’t tell me what I am advocating for!

You really are quite the ally aren’t you, never failing to tell me how I feel, what you think I assume , how outraged I should, what things I should consider problematic and whatever else.

It’s almost shocking you aren’t a lesbian since you enjoy speaking for and over us so much.

@Ereshkigalangcleg where are these trans inclusive women happy being talked over by men? You can’t just gesture vaguely around and “I heard from my friend who knows a friend that this happens!!”

Right here in this thread, Linehan showed up to cause drama, try and get mumsnetters to fight his cause for him, had posters point out that he could use his resources to create an app just for this group rather than bully individuals who were on an app created with them in mind. That’s here, that’s this thread. That’s a straight man shouting over lesbians and other women. What are your thoughts on that? Because that’s what we can see and prove right here, not your nebulous “most trans inclusive women”. I am one of those, I’m not letting anyone talk over me. I don’t know any other trans inclusive women who do either. Stop making rubbish up and hiding behind sweeping generalisations.

Start questioning what Linehan is getting out of all this. Funny how he started this with very loaded comments and then disappeared when posters suggested he help create a solution, isn’t it? Quite manipulative, troll-like behaviour. Almost like he doesn’t want to do anything productive but just looking for more attention. After all, this is his career now.

There's a lot of sunlight on this thread

can cause such anger.

how nasty it can get

Who's getting angry, or being nasty?
That's just different opinions you're hearing.
So why when you hear things you don't like against the usual viewpoint, it's try to paint it as "ooh, sunlight, angry, nasty!"

Glinner isn't fighting 'his' cause, he's fighting the cause of women and girls.

'The main point is a lesbian who put in their bio she wanted to only meet other biological lesbians, was censored and told she wasn't inclusive so removed her from the site.'

How is it ok that a lesbian be excluded from a so-called lesbian dating website? Why can't lesbians use the site called 'HER' to meet other lesbians without being thrown off it?

'The main point is a lesbian who put in their bio she wanted to only meet other biological lesbians, was censored and told she wasn't inclusive so removed her from the site.

Why would you feel the need to put it in your bio though, why not just swipe on past or whatever until you saw someone you were happy to date?

The main point is a lesbian who put in their bio she wanted to only meet other biological lesbians, was censored and told she wasn't inclusive so removed her from the site.

Yes, this is what Lucy Masoud, a lesbian, says happened to her. This is a wider problem, about female erasure, boundaries and sex based rights. Linning has implied that she thinks what Lucy (politely) wrote was unnecessary and shows she has a big "problem with trans people", even though she herself swipes away all "people with penises" and doesn't think two people with penises are lesbians.

Having had problems with other apps, Lucy was careful to select the “woman seeking woman” option. This was so she “would only see profiles of other women who had selected the same.”
But despite this Lucy was “shown profiles of trans women and men who identified as non-binary or gender fluid. There were also a large number of profiles of heterosexual couples who wanted threesomes with another woman.”
Frustrated by attention from biological men and straight couples, Lucy updated her profile “to let users know that I was only seeking other females.” She changed it to read “all I ask is, that you are on time, that you don’t judge me for watching Love Island, and that you are a biological female”.

lesbianandgaynews.com/2021/02/lesbian-women-talk-about-meeting-transbians-on-women-only-dating-sites/

Why shouldn't you put it in your bio, as your sexuality? Why should you have to walk on eggshells?

It's amazing how the simple 'AIBU to think that lesbians deserve a dating app that caters exclusively to lesbians?' can cause such anger

Probably because of the way it was worded (probably deliberately) to create a bias, because people would be like "of course YANBU!" not knowing the real narrative or backstory.

Glinner is a narcissist who has seen that putting the gender critical label on his vitriol gets him support from a certain amount of women who will blindly support anyone who claims to be fighting for their cause, regardless of how obvious that person’s true intentions are.

Also, lesbians deserve their own space, somewhere where they won’t be kicked out for only wanting to date women, considering that they are, you know, lesbians...Unfortunately Her is not that space and they have made that very clear.

Frankly these are two separate issues.

where are these trans inclusive women happy being talked over by men?

They're happy for men to talk over other women who value sex based rights, is what I said.

@MrsBrunch

There's a lot of sunlight on this thread.

It's amazing how the simple 'AIBU to think that lesbians deserve a dating app that caters exclusively to lesbians?' can cause such anger.

I wonder at the 10% that think they don't, and why.

I hope that lots more lurkers are reading this thread and starting to understand what women are up against and how nasty it can get.

Quite a few lesbians have explained in this thread why they don’t necessarily agree with the OP while not disagreeing with the fact that lesbians who feel they need spaces specific to just them, which HER makes clear isn’t that space, should be able to create their own app and navigate it as they want.

Those lesbians are also women don’t their voices/opinion count? Or is it nasty because it doesn’t fully align with the YANBU AT ALL side?

Where are all the trans inclusive women telling males to pipe down and stop talking over women objecting to males in female spaces?

See I don't see it the same way some people do.
What glinner is very good at is getting issues that have been hidden or people feel like they can't discuss into the sunlight.

Just like this issue, lots of lesbian voices and feelings have not been heard for years on this issue. He has highlighted this so we are now discussing it.

Whether you agree or not, it's that this is now being discussed. We will all have differing opinions but by doing what he did he has highlighted this to a greater audience.

My concern is for the future, As you say her is an "inclusive" app, but female voices are being censored. Do we believe this is correct.

What if all dating apps have to be this way or they won't be allowed on a platform.

Is that inclusive for everyone?

You only have to look at the abuse the lady who developed the giggle app (female only) gets all over social media.

Is she targeted to demonstrate to other females that they will receive this as well?

Is anyone else, female or otherwise, posting screenshots on popular blogs of other platform users so they can be mocked? Not as far as I’ve seen

You're joking aren't you? There are loads of accounts on Tiktok dedicated solely to people taking the piss out of other people's dating profiles. Straight, gay, men, women, sometimes just for amusement or mostly to call them out for being dickheads (not saying it's right, but Glinner hasn't invented this).

You only have to look at the abuse the lady who developed the giggle app (female only) gets all over social media.

Indeed, so the dismissive "go build your own app, what's the problem", isn't really engaging with the wider issue.

Straight, gay, men, women, sometimes just for amusement or mostly to call them out for being dickheads (not saying it's right, but Glinner hasn't invented this).

YY, I said this on another thread when this claim was made.

@Ereshkigalangcleg hello, I’m a trans inclusive woman telling a man talking over me about my rights as a woman to sit down. I don’t see any men here doing what you’re talking about, though. Are you listening to the lesbians in this thread telling you their loved personal experiences don’t line up with what Linehan is peddling?

Or is it nasty because it doesn’t fully align with the YANBU AT ALL side?

That sounds about right

@AndreaMarteau I am not on Tik Tok so thankfully I have missed all of that. However I was discussing this specific situation regarding the ‘Her’ app and Glinner’s blog posts.

telling a man talking over me about my rights as a woman to sit down

Would you please stop misrepresenting my words? I quite clearly enunciated that I meant calling out males you agree with, not males that you don't.

[quote Ereshkigalangcleg]The main point is a lesbian who put in their bio she wanted to only meet other biological lesbians, was censored and told she wasn't inclusive so removed her from the site.

Yes, this is what Lucy Masoud, a lesbian, says happened to her. This is a wider problem, about female erasure, boundaries and sex based rights. Linning has implied that she thinks what Lucy (politely) wrote was unnecessary and shows she has a big "problem with trans people", even though she herself swipes away all "people with penises" and doesn't think two people with penises are lesbians.

Having had problems with other apps, Lucy was careful to select the “woman seeking woman” option. This was so she “would only see profiles of other women who had selected the same.”
But despite this Lucy was “shown profiles of trans women and men who identified as non-binary or gender fluid. There were also a large number of profiles of heterosexual couples who wanted threesomes with another woman.”
Frustrated by attention from biological men and straight couples, Lucy updated her profile “to let users know that I was only seeking other females.” She changed it to read “all I ask is, that you are on time, that you don’t judge me for watching Love Island, and that you are a biological female”.

lesbianandgaynews.com/2021/02/lesbian-women-talk-about-meeting-transbians-on-women-only-dating-sites/[/quote]
Lol here you go again talking for me and reformulating what I said when you clearly states “she implied” and stating what you think I think or not think or was potentially implying or not implying.

Why don’t you speak FOR yourself on the behalf of the straight woman that you are. Stop (mis)using me to fit your agenda.

This thread (and my interactions with you) have been way more unpleasant to me as a lesbian than my entire experiences with transwomen IRL and on dating apps and people like you are exactly the people who make my life has a lesbian harder.

The typical straight woman who thinks she is being an ally but instead makes me (and some other lesbians) feel extremely uncomfortable by projecting onto us and using us to further preach her own agenda while feeling she is doing lots of good for the lesbian community and not a threat herself because we obviously need her to explain things to us and show us the way.

Would you please stop misrepresenting my words

It's going by what you're putting though.
People are saying you don't speak for them.

Just realised this app that relies on scanning the shape of a users face to identify if they’re female enough to join is the big app that people have been talking about. Using phrenology in 2021.
www.indy100.com/news/gender-biometric-trans-inclusive-app-giggle-9323956
For goodness sake, so a woman with a square jaw isn’t female enough to join the app? Grow up.

Looks like there’s still space to actually create a dating app that fits the brief, @Glinner are you working with a team to help make this happen or just bullying trans people?

@AndreaMarteau

Is anyone else, female or otherwise, posting screenshots on popular blogs of other platform users so they can be mocked? Not as far as I’ve seen

You're joking aren't you? There are loads of accounts on Tiktok dedicated solely to people taking the piss out of other people's dating profiles. Straight, gay, men, women, sometimes just for amusement or mostly to call them out for being dickheads (not saying it's right, but Glinner hasn't invented this).

No but it’s always despicable to potentially out people who might be closeted, and might face massive repercussions (again transwomen do get murder at an alarming scale) especially when you intend to preach to the LGB community.

One can’t fight for the gay community and support someone who out others online in the most despicable way.