To award my DC all the points

[SayHelloToMe]

DC is in reception. He is a summer baby so still 4.

When he started school, they gave this class point system to the class. Each day, some kids make it to gold. There is a big fuss of clapping etc.

DC has really set his heart to get to gold. Pre lockdown he was helping TAs clear up after lessons. He is bright, very good at maths, well ahead his peer.

Each day while at school, it was only the naughty kids who made it to school... behavioural issues, learning difficulties... so during lockdown, it was only the kids attending school who got to gold.

It’s painful to see him get his hopes up and never get it.

After I complained to school about home schooled children missing out, they said parents could award kids up to 3 points each day to be redeemed when school starts again.

AIBU to award him all the 3 points for each day of homeschool? He’s done all the homework, helped at home, been flexible around my work, etc.

This thread is the biggest pile of bollocks. You do realise OP that this stuff is just utter bullshit and when your kid grows up I hope you look back and are embarrassed for getting so invested in it? It is laughable how small your world is that this bothers you. I can see why you have the views on SEN that you do. I hope life does come and bite you on the arse and teach you a lesson about real life and other people. Writing these things/having those views is wrong and hurts other people. You deserved your arse handing to you.

@ItscoldinAlaska

This thread is the biggest pile of bollocks. You do realise OP that this stuff is just utter bullshit and when your kid grows up I hope you look back and are embarrassed for getting so invested in it? It is laughable how small your world is that this bothers you. I can see why you have the views on SEN that you do. I hope life does come and bite you on the arse and teach you a lesson about real life and other people. Writing these things/having those views is wrong and hurts other people. You deserved your arse handing to you.

I think it can't be real, no-one could be so clueless

Argh

Leaving aside all the vitriol, no it is not fair that children who rarely need positive praise to get the best from them also 'win' less from schemes like this, than children who do.

In YR I think it is too early for a 'life lesson' personally, and could do more harm than good, so YANBU. When he grows up he will understand what getting these kind of prizes early on is really an indication of.

You bothered the Head with this!!! World has gone mad. @SayHelloToMe I think you are doing yourself and your poor child no favours. The school will have marked your card and your precious prince's time there is similarly forever changed. At these most challenging of times your inability to see beyond your clearly intelligent, well trained child is embarrassing (for you btw). Teachers know this type of parenting and they'll appease you to keep the phone calls away but just know that the 'awards', parts in the Nativity etc are all now given because of your attitude not your child's abilities. You have done him a disservice and lack of personal resilience will be more harmful than gold points.

Children with ASD, LD or ADHD type disorders are not naughty. That's a very generalised statement. Children who have ASD, LD and ADHD type disorders can have poor self control and exhibit poor behaviour. However it is a bit of stretch to say that all children as described above never knowingly misbehave.



@derxa

Children with ASD, LD or ADHD type disorders are not naughty. That's a very generalised statement. Children who have ASD, LD and ADHD type disorders can have poor self control and exhibit poor behaviour. However it is a bit of stretch to say that all children as described above never knowingly misbehave.

That's very ignorant and ablist. Children's behaviour is always communication, that you cannot manage it does not mean it is poor, rather it is you who is unskilled.

I think you have to remember that it is not a competition- and if it was your child is already well ahead.
For one child sitting and concentrating for half an hour may be an epic achievement and this is what the rewards are for.
You son is obviously the world to you and you see this as an injustice- but you can reward him with praise for his effort.
Please think really carefully about your phrasing - all 4 year olds are doing their very best at being four year olds - they definitely don't need other adults labelling them.
And a quick heads up - wait until the nativity play comes around - you're head will explode!



@SayHelloToMe

Some context... I never introduced a reward system at home. Nursery did not have one either.

On DC’s first day at school, they introduce this point system and tell the children they should aspire to gold etc.

DC is very bright (and I’m not just being PFB). I know he is ahead in maths because I know what level maths we are doing at home and what is expected at
School for his age group.

I am well aware of DC’s privileges. He is a happy and healthy child. He has an expensive hobby that not many children of his age get to experience.

I still think his school is pretty shit with their reward system. I don’t think that SEN children should not be awarded, I just think it would be nice if the nice children were awarded every now and then.

Thank you for the posters who gave some good advice. I will focus on his reflection of his day rather than the point system.

Well, get used to it. The system will be there throughout his school life, culminating in SATs scores and exam grades.

Lol, yes, the school plays...the sports teams... You'll be pissed that Little Johnny is Joseph AGAIN this year, and he was the lead in the summer play.
Oh and why is the football team the same as the rugby team,and the basketball team?

Fun times 🤣

For one child sitting and concentrating for half an hour may be an epic achievement and this is what the rewards are for. Absolutely.
OP just reward your DS for his good work and behaviour yourself for now. Teaching at the moment must be a nightmare. Don't make the teacher's life any harder than it is.

interactioninstitute.org/illustrating-equality-vs-equity/

There was supposed to be a visual that I use in teaching to explain to students why it may seem that some people get more attention/praise than others.

You are a good parent - your child is loved and you want what is best for him.
You don't know any of the circumstances of the other children- but trust that the teachers know what they are doing.

If it helps at all OP my son never wins any prizes either, despite being the opposite of your DC. His class rewards always seems to favour the same two or three very able children, who can do all the things it rewards with ease. They have to put so much less effort in than my DS for the same result, and yet they are rewarded much more regularly. It isn't fair, but then with a class of 30 and the massive range of abilities and needs that entails, how can it be fair?

That's very ignorant and ablist. Children's behaviour is always communication, that you cannot manage it does not mean it is poor, rather it is you who is unskilled.

I don’t think it’s ignorant to say that children with SEN never knowingly misbehave; in fact it seems a bit patronising to suggest the opposite. I have given warnings/sanctions to students with SEN (and lots more to students without SEN!) because they were misbehaving in some way and never been challenged on it by their form teachers, SLT or the parents of those students.

This is secondary though, not for four year olds.

@HalfTermHalfTerm

That's very ignorant and ablist. Children's behaviour is always communication, that you cannot manage it does not mean it is poor, rather it is you who is unskilled.

I don’t think it’s ignorant to say that children with SEN never knowingly misbehave; in fact it seems a bit patronising to suggest the opposite. I have given warnings/sanctions to students with SEN (and lots more to students without SEN!) because they were misbehaving in some way and never been challenged on it by their form teachers, SLT or the parents of those students.

This is secondary though, not for four year olds.

Quite. Just as both NT and SEND children are both capable of being "nice".

Quite. Just as both NT and SEND children are both capable of being "nice".

Indeed!

I completely messed up the first part of my post and essentially wrote the opposite of what I meant, but hopefully the meaning was clear enough...

", I just think it would be nice if the nice children were awarded every now and then."

Op you can reward your child as much as you like. Give him gold stickers.

But you need to stop seeing children with SEN as "not nice" .
Your child does have incredible advantages in life. Learning empathy will go a long way.

Next time he goes horse riding pop along to the riding for disabled classes. Volunteer there. Get to know some kids with different abilities and challenges and their families.

But you need to stop seeing children with SEN as "not nice" . Yes try seeing all children as individuals who have good qualities and some not so great. Just like everyone.

Why is everyone getting their knickers in a twist about saying some children are naughty? They're in reception! Most children are naughty - they're children! They're still learning how to behave, and that's ok.

OP give your son the points. Also, have a look on Facebook or Etsy - if you think your son has worked hard at homeschool, there are little homeschooling medals and things you can buy. You are his teacher throughout homeschool, so no need really for external validation from the school - give him your own award.

I also felt that sometimes my DS would be very good in school - do their work, be helpful, polite but then get looked over and didn't get recognition as they were "usually good". We got over this by doing special things ourselves - "Wow you got whatever% in maths that's so good we should do something special to celebrate" let's have a picnic in the park where you get to choose all the food (or whatever). Or let's have Gran round and we can tell her how well you've done (serve an iced bun with DS name on or similar). You get the idea.. I found this really helped and the upset of not being recognised at school receded a lot.

I don’t think that SEN children should not be awarded, I just think it would be nice if the nice children were awarded every now and then.

Oof bloody hell OP. SEN children vs 'nice' children? Christ.

You are definitely "THAT"parent!
Expensive hobby most couldn't afford 🙄
Excellent at math 🙄
Not just PFB 🙄
Putting other peoples children down to justify why your child doesn't get rewarded 🙄

Honestly your attitude is shit and your competitiveness over a 4 year olds " star " chart" Makes you come across as a total dick 🙄

OP, did you never go to school yourself? In my school, the quiet, least confident girl would be given the role of Mary in the Nativity.
Children who couldn't play musical instruments well, or sing well we're still given starring roles in the orchestra and choir.
Of course I would have loved the lead roles, but I knew even at that young age that the teacher was trying to be inclusive and encouraging quieter children to participate. Perhaps my mum was good at explaining that to me. What do you think? Is that something a parent could explain to their child?