To award my DC all the points

[SayHelloToMe]

DC is in reception. He is a summer baby so still 4.

When he started school, they gave this class point system to the class. Each day, some kids make it to gold. There is a big fuss of clapping etc.

DC has really set his heart to get to gold. Pre lockdown he was helping TAs clear up after lessons. He is bright, very good at maths, well ahead his peer.

Each day while at school, it was only the naughty kids who made it to school... behavioural issues, learning difficulties... so during lockdown, it was only the kids attending school who got to gold.

It’s painful to see him get his hopes up and never get it.

After I complained to school about home schooled children missing out, they said parents could award kids up to 3 points each day to be redeemed when school starts again.

AIBU to award him all the 3 points for each day of homeschool? He’s done all the homework, helped at home, been flexible around my work, etc.

@SmaugMum You sound like a lovely mum and she sounds like a lovely little girl

OMG this thread is vile from BOTH sides. Shame on you all. The lack of empathy from all of you is astounding.

I'm a TA for SEN kiddies. The thing with these points or rewards are that people usually assume they are one size fits all and everyone is on an equal footing in acquiring them. In my experience, the reward or point is achieved by the individual child on an achievement for 'them' not a generic one. I have had conversations with parents on the fact they feel SEN kids or kids with behavioural needs get 'favoured'. It isn't the Intention. The points are usually awarded for a child that has gone above and beyond for them. When you have a child that's always well behaved polite and works hard it can be difficult and I understand your feelings too. I suspect the points system in place is a behaviour management tool rather than a motivational one but i could be wrong. Just my experience x

A good school/teacher makes sure that ALL children are rewarded for their efforts. Grades are less meaningful in my opinion it's the effort put in. The fact that only a certain amount of praise is given to a few children only is a SLT/Teacher problem not anything to do with the merits or non merits of any given child

@twelly

I think there is a question that needs be considered in educational practice with regard to the way that classes are organised. We have moved to a situation where we have adopted total mixed ability. Rather than tables at primary being streamed we now have children in many classroom totally mixed, we have few ability organised classes . I am not suggesting that you label a child at 5, 7, 9, 11, 13 or 15 but what has happened is that lessons all too often focus upon the children who have the most needs. This is detrimental to the vast majority of the class. Inclusivity has a place but at the moment the systems we have in place are not working within schools. We need a system that works for all children.

You are incorrect in your assumptions here, let me give you the reality of "inclusive education". A SEND child often has significant funding (additional to what a school would receive per child via a lengthy, hellish EHCP application), which provides "support for learning within the class". Despite receiving this funding schools often misapply said funding, abusing the provision to cater for other children also in need of support but without additional provision. Guess what? Said SEND child then responds to the clearly identified and hard fought provision being denied. This is where the "inclusion" bit fails as the net result is said child is *unlawfully excluded", child is distressed, without proper education and their parents then forfeits their chosen career, plans for any day at the drop of a hat etc...,

Nowhere and I mean nowhere are any shiny gold stars awarded and all the while schools continue to receive additional funding, leading the parent to make it their life's work to find out where this money and support has gone via again lengthy challenges with the LA. This can take ages and the whole time the "nice" children the OP speaks of continue to receive full education, extra curricular activities, school trips etc. All whilst the SEND parent transforms themselves into an unofficial special needs Carer, teacher, 24 hour supervisor (there's zero sleep or "me time" involved) lawyer and general firefighter.
It feels anything but inclusive for the SEBD child, their family but hey boosts the schools OFSTED and SATS ratings and keeps the middle class parents happy.
The system is broken and until it effects one of you nobody gives a shit as is abundantly clear by the ignorance, misinformation and lack of humanity demonstrated on this thread.
OP I'd love problems like yours, maybe you'd like to return and clarify the purpose of this vile thread and the comments it's encouraged.

Why stop at giving him three stars, OP? Give him ten each day, that’ll really teach those pesky special needs children.

@SmaugMum name call if you want. Plenty on here like to call names and throw around insults. As you’ve pointed out, your daughter is ‘beautifully behaved and polite’ so she’s not kicking off or screaming or being disruptive. Unsurprisingly her teachers find her delightful.
It’s never the fault of the child, in any case.

@eightxmaspaws, so what if she were, though, she’d be equally entitled to an education. It’s great to know that we’re in agreement that it is NEVER the fault of the child. You see, you do have some awareness about the difficulties children with SEN have!

doubleshotespresso- thst is so the part of sen that your average parent has no idea about. My child had a hard fought 32.5 hour funded ta when he was in mainstream. He has no learning disabilities and is actually ahead of age related expectations so it wasn’t for learning it was so he could access education and help him regulate emotions thst he needed 1-1. School received funding for this but it wasn’t given consistently and of course when something kicks off they just blame the child and exclude them they don’t say sorry we were using their 1-1 to support little Johnny who parents were complaining because their child wasn’t getting 1-1 support to do xyz so we had to leave your child to their own devices and they became disregulated. Keeping children in mainstream is seen as being inclusive but it’s the most uninclusive thing ever all it does is reinforce how different and worthless they are. So glad mine is out of mainstream, at age 7 he was trying to throw himself down stairs and out of windows because he would never be able to be good. I must add my child’s school was the sort thst gave awards to the nice children that really deserve it like the op and not sen kids so glad i got him out of there.

4 year olds do not understand that their "reward" is the privilege to enjoy the normal full experience of school and not struggle with it/be denied access/have reduced opportunities.

I understand you OP because I was your child. There was a weekly prize for effort in my infants class. In one school year (that's 40 weeks), I never got it once. I tried SO hard. I watched as every other child got it. I was 6, I didn't understand that the "naughty" child who got it 3 times clearly had additional needs.

Very young children don't understand reward systems like these on a more complex level and simply feel shit if they never win and no child should feel like that.

There needs to be a debate about the mainstream/inclusiveness versus specialist unit. Education is for all and the current system isn't working . I am well aware of the funding methodology and the way that school allocate funding , but the debate needs to focus upon more than whether the way the additional funding is spent within the educational context. It needs look at the at the whether inclusivity is the best approach

@eightxmaspaws and neither does it discount or excuse your previous vile statements . Blatant backpedaling in your latest post, please don't pretend for us you either have any understanding or give a shit. You've clearly demonstrated this in your previous posts.

I get where you are coming from wanted to help your child, but I’d probably invest my time in talking to you DC about why they are so desperate to get gold, what does it mean to them. Then explain how they don’t need stickers/gold status to be proud of themselves and show them some ways they are recognised regularly. I think the time is better spent that way than pacifying the need to reach gold - I’m not sure what that achieves in the long run.

@eightxmaspaws

There are huge disparities with respect to the difficulties that SEN children face. It’s an umbrella term. However with regard to ‘entitled to an education’ I would have to disagree, primarily because I don’t believe that we are ‘entitled’ to education. We are quite privileged in the Uk in this regard. It is a frustrating educational system however, where children whose behaviours are extremely detrimental to the educational needs of others, are in a system which is not appropriate. No-one should have to suffer abusive, violent behaviour within an educational system, nor should it be one rule of behaviour for the majority and yet completely unacceptable behaviour has to be overlooked. The ops point was that it’s not very fair to try hard and to get overlooked and others on this thread have also born witness to that. This happens in schools a lot. It is not to discount the fact that anyone dealing with SEN, either as parent, sibling or within the educational framework - is dealing with tough stuff.

@eightxmaspaws, The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child affirms that every child has a right to education. The purpose of education is to enable the child to develop to his or her fullest possible potential and to learn respect for human rights and fundamental freedoms.

@twelly

There needs to be a debate about the mainstream/inclusiveness versus specialist unit. Education is for all and the current system isn't working . I am well aware of the funding methodology and the way that school allocate funding , but the debate needs to focus upon more than whether the way the additional funding is spent within the educational context. It needs look at the at the whether inclusivity is the best approach

And @twelly if not inclusivity what are you suggesting? Or should we just put SEND children in a cupboard until year 11? Jesus H Christ

@twelly

There needs to be a debate about the mainstream/inclusiveness versus specialist unit. Education is for all and the current system isn't working . I am well aware of the funding methodology and the way that school allocate funding , but the debate needs to focus upon more than whether the way the additional funding is spent within the educational context. It needs look at the at the whether inclusivity is the best approach

I don’t disagree, the presumption of mainstreaming doesn’t favour anyone really :(

Twelly and eigthxmaspaws- though you’re posts are different they both ultimately come down to the same thing. Basically education as a whole is underfunded including mainstream and sen. Sen will consist of children that don’t have funding as it’s a massive battle to get sen funding with many ppl Having to go to tribunal to fight for this and children they do have funding. For children that do have funding it’s not always used exclusively as it should- so for example a child’s 1-1 that is supposed to help them regulate emotions may be used to support another child with maths thst doesn’t have any funding.

Eightxmaspaws- I agree thst children shouldn’t have to suffer violence, disruption etc but if the school if receive funding to specifically support a child full time thst is being disruptive and they choose to use it in other ways to Support other children as parents are moaning that their children need support then people can’t really have it both ways. From my experience of having a child thst was disruptive in mainstream people moan that they are being disruptive then when we get them funded support so they are not disruptive people moan that’s it’s not fair. Mine is nice out of mainstream and in a specialist placement which is costing even more

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

4 year olds do not understand that their "reward" is the privilege to enjoy the normal full experience of school and not struggle with it/be denied access/have reduced opportunities.

I understand you OP because I was your child. There was a weekly prize for effort in my infants class. In one school year (that's 40 weeks), I never got it once. I tried SO hard. I watched as every other child got it. I was 6, I didn't understand that the "naughty" child who got it 3 times clearly had additional needs.

Very young children don't understand reward systems like these on a more complex level and simply feel shit if they never win and no child should feel like that.

Of course they don’t, that’s why their parents exist, to educate them.

I have one perfect high achieving never put a foot wrong in school and never struggled ever, and another with autism and significant difficulties in school. I know who’s had and is going to continue to have the easiest time in his education, irrespective of points and certificates.

And for the Op just reward your child the points. Everyone should get a shot of the “star of the week” or whatever it is.

You now say: It is not to discount the fact that anyone dealing with SEN, either as parent, sibling or within the educational framework - is dealing with tough stuff.

Your first post said this rather differently didnt it? You said: The SEN crowd are full of shrieks about the insjustice of having an SEN child and how they need many special privileges in life, with no idea about how much said kid is making school unpleasant for the rest of the class (and teacher). I say kid but there’s usually more than one.

What a thoroughly unpleasant person you are.

Also this gem which shows no understanding whatsoever of the fact that 'really minor things' vary for each child: Much as half of mumsnet don’t want to hear this - it’s an absolute ball ache for all the well behaved kids having to learn with the SEN kids kicking off and getting special recognition for really minor things.

You've made yourself look really ridiculous on this thread, congratulations!

My last post was to @eightxmaspaws in case that wasn't clear!

@youvegottenminuteslynn thanks for the above , you've summarised my points re @eightxmaspaws perfectly. Total insanity along with barefaced ignorance. Just awful comments.

Holy crap OP! I actually was going to say I understood what you were saying despite the fact I'm a percent of one of those awful Niamh things children you talked about but then you went and went nuclear! Bloody hell. These really is no hope is there, you can't see beyond yourself. You chid probably doesn't get points because your a mum that makes teachers go 🙄.

Life isn't fair, while you're complaining that your child doesn't get a good medal or whatever, some of us worry our children won't live to adulthood, or worry they won't ever be able to be independent, or how they will negotiate life with complex needs. Some of us have children who find school so stressful they self harm, or lash out at their parents, teachers, other children etc as they can't deal with the situation. Some of our children face painful surgeries, or degenerate diseases. Some of our children have lost a parent to death this year. Some of our children have been taken into care this year. Some of our children have only eaten one meal a day or no meals. Some of our children have a parents with addictions.

I personally have children with complex needs, my life doesn't look like my friends lives, everything takes extra planning, I barely sleep, negotiating change is really difficult as they have extremely rigid routines, our school work takes longer and is often very different from that of their peers. You know what? Teachers give them rewards because they know that exercise that another child can easily do in 15 minutes has taken my child 4 hours. You know what else? The other children recognise that and celebrate their achievements just as he celebrates theirs.

Wouldn't it be nice that instead of creating a nice and naughty list of children you taught your child to celebrate others, "oh look, Nikki got a certificate today, isn't that great? Nikki really struggles to sit still but look he did it!" Or "look, Lucy got a medal this week for her maths, isn't that great? We know you are awesome at your maths but Lucy really struggles so isn't that great she managed this week?"

Education is underfunded in so many areas , SEND is underfunded but sadly I feel that it along with many others areas will never be funded to the degree that we would all like. Therefore it is a case to seeking the best way of allocating resources. The changes made towards inclusivity a number of years ago has not been revisited , specialist units or providing small specialist classes within schools may be more appropriate.