To award my DC all the points

[SayHelloToMe]

DC is in reception. He is a summer baby so still 4.

When he started school, they gave this class point system to the class. Each day, some kids make it to gold. There is a big fuss of clapping etc.

DC has really set his heart to get to gold. Pre lockdown he was helping TAs clear up after lessons. He is bright, very good at maths, well ahead his peer.

Each day while at school, it was only the naughty kids who made it to school... behavioural issues, learning difficulties... so during lockdown, it was only the kids attending school who got to gold.

It’s painful to see him get his hopes up and never get it.

After I complained to school about home schooled children missing out, they said parents could award kids up to 3 points each day to be redeemed when school starts again.

AIBU to award him all the 3 points for each day of homeschool? He’s done all the homework, helped at home, been flexible around my work, etc.

"I don’t think that SEN children should not be awarded, I just think it would be nice if the nice children were awarded every now and then."

The two are not mutually exclusive Plenty of nice children with SEN and plenty of not so much children who are NT.

*were not we're. I did go to school, I promise! 🤣

If your son is so bright and advanced then surely he gets constant verbal praise when in school from the teacher or TA for his work.

I know your thread was about your sons home rewards. I get that. However I seriously think you should examine:

1. If it is really worth getting so het up about this? What does it say about you? Your son has only been at school one term. If he had been in school as normal he probably would have got a star. Writing to the head??? They are probably busy trying to make everything Covid safe and dealing with child protection issues, or spending an hour on a zoom call to parents like me who need to work out a plan about how to enable my child with a speech disorder able to access the learning.

1. I generally think you need to examine your prejudices about SEN children. Even if you think you are open minded and non discriminatory, your language suggests otherwise. Today in the park my daughter was behaving in a manner that you would consider ‘naughty’ - throwing a toy pram, screaming. The reality is that she has low muscle tone and processing disorder and gets really tired and then can’t communicate and doesn’t cope. Everything is harder for her.

The one good thing to come out of this is that I’ve been really pleasantly surprised by the lovely comments in support of the SEN children. Attitudes are clearly changing amongst many.

Instead of fretting that your neurotypical, healthy, smart kid with a supportive mum and a nurturing home life is losing out on 'gold' to the naughty kids, why not start now with a bit of resilience, empathy and kindness?

Mould him into a kid who sees others succeed and is pleased for them.

If you laugh it off, make it seem unimportant, he will too.

And never presume to know what's going on in those kids' lives, or why the teacher awards the points.

You've got 14 years of education ahead of you, it'll be exhausting if you - and he - perceive injustice and unfairness in decisions you know nothing about.

I mean - you complained that the kids in school were being motivated by a reward system, when they have to attend during a pandemic? Come on.

LOL at the lack of understanding from OP.

"My privileged, smart, clever, talented, well-behaved, achieving and kind son, who lives in a home where he is loved and supported. Has expensive hobbies, wants for nothing, has loving parents and family, three meals a day, all the resources he needs... Is at an disadvantage because he didn't get a gold sticker from his teacher. They will insist on giving those awards and support to those who are from broken or violent homes, with kids that rely on FSM, don't have coats in winter, go to school with gaffer taped shoes, ate a cold McDonald's for breakfast, had to listen to their parents shouting, screaming and swearing, or be a victim of violence. And because they act out in anger, frustration or whatever they do to lash out, because they have no other safe space... they shouldn't get the gold star for controlling their anger. BECAUSE MY BOY DESERVES IT MORE!!!!?"

The kids in school are either key worker kids or vulnerable. You referring to them as “naughty” is completely out of order... you wouldn’t want to know the backgrounds some of them have. As for your precious little one.. are you always so entitled? Get a grip!

Some people moaned about Sen kids being allowed into school this lockdown saying it wasn’t fair on their kids. Bearing in mind it was mainly only Sen kids with ehcps that were allowed and not even all Sen kids. Lockdown certainly brings out the worst in some people

@Morph2lcfc yeah my son is going back to school Thursday (2 days early) in the hopes it will ease things for him going back. Around 30 children are doing the same. Quite a few parents have complained saying it's not fair on them. My son is an only child and referred for ASD and both his dad and I are key workers (I cringe using that as we don't work for the NHS or anything). I was so happy that they'd appreciated how anxious he was and that he can go in 2 days early before ALL the children are back but seeing some of the parents have complained as definitely put a dampener on it.

I hear you OP. Problem is this, sen kids get awarded gold points as an incentive to help them, and the kids that are extra good always get recognition.
I think that the middle kid gets ignored when they try really hard, and it's unmotivating for them, I feel the same with my kid. There's not much we can do about it, except maybe do our own reward system at home for when they have exceeded themselves. I think rewarding kids is great.
I don't think you have said anything detrimental about sen kids, and for the record, I am always on their side as I'm a teaching assistant and I love working with sen kids myself.

Also, I don't think you called sen kids naughty, you were referring to them as a separate entity. I've always found naughty kids are naughty as they have bad circumstances which of course is not their fault, and that is probably why they are getting extra gold points.

Doesn't mean the middle kids should get ignored

You’ve phrased yourself badly in your OP but I completely agree with what you’re actually asking. Both my kids have fallen through the net and had to watch children who misbehave get rewarded for being good for one day out of an entire week. I’ve seen them with special Ipad time for reading a page in a book without grumbling etc etc. I was a volunteer who read with reception kids for a while and that’s how I know this is true.
No one is saying we don’t understand that children who struggle with mental health need praise in order to understand how they should behave. We are simply saying that our kids are feeling disheartened by never being chosen, despite trying their best 9/10.
If you can’t understand how it looks to a 5 year old, you are mad. I’ve had to explain countless times to my kids and made special award charts etc at home to make up for them not being chosen in school.

So yes, OP. Give your child whatever he deserves.

Vallmo47! Exactly this!

I guess points are awarded for doing something exceptional.

For kids with SEN that might be reading a page out loud.

For NT kids the bar will be higher.

@DianaT1969

OP, did you never go to school yourself? In my school, the quiet, least confident girl would be given the role of Mary in the Nativity. Children who couldn't play musical instruments well, or sing well we're still given starring roles in the orchestra and choir. Of course I would have loved the lead roles, but I knew even at that young age that the teacher was trying to be inclusive and encouraging quieter children to participate. Perhaps my mum was good at explaining that to me. What do you think? Is that something a parent could explain to their child?

Heh yes.. it’s amazing how much that demotivated me as a kid. Knowing full well that teachers were trying to be inclusive, not based on ability

[quote eightxmaspaws]@SayHelloToMe. Much as half of mumsnet don’t want to hear this - it’s an absolute ball ache for all the well behaved kids having to learn with the SEN kids kicking off and getting special recognition for really minor things. They feel very disregarded.
It’s something of a life lesson in that you can as a kid, do everything right and yet still get overlooked in favour of the class fusspot.
You are lucky in that your DS is bright and sounds like a lovely helpful little boy - but I’m afraid that in class this will just be something of a relief whilst the teacher has to deal with the nightmares from shitty backgrounds and with behavioural difficulties. The SEN crowd are full of shrieks about the insjustice of having an SEN child and how they need many special privileges in life, with no idea about how much said kid is making school unpleasant for the rest of the class (and teacher). I say kid but there’s usually more than one.[/quote]
Wtf

@eightxmaspaws you are a complete and utter cunt

@SayHelloToMe

What about non SEN children? Why don’t they ever Get rewarded? Genuine question.

Their “reward” is not having to cope with having special needs, and the judgement of ill informed people.

@eightxmaspaws

Because teachers have to put up with it and kids do too? And that actually school is supposed to be about learning lessons not having to listen to screaming and kicking off?

You sound vile. I've reported an earlier post of yours.

@eightxmaspaws if your comments are genuine not only are vile, you are subhuman.

I think there is a question that needs be considered in educational practice with regard to the way that classes are organised. We have moved to a situation where we have adopted total mixed ability. Rather than tables at primary being streamed we now have children in many classroom totally mixed, we have few ability organised classes . I am not suggesting that you label a child at 5, 7, 9, 11, 13 or 15 but what has happened is that lessons all too often focus upon the children who have the most needs. This is detrimental to the vast majority of the class. Inclusivity has a place but at the moment the systems we have in place are not working within schools. We need a system that works for all children.

[quote quarentini]@eightxmaspaws you are a complete and utter cunt [/quote]
That's what I meant to say. Thank you. Yes.
I've reported them. Vile.

[quote eightxmaspaws]@SayHelloToMe. Much as half of mumsnet don’t want to hear this - it’s an absolute ball ache for all the well behaved kids having to learn with the SEN kids kicking off and getting special recognition for really minor things. They feel very disregarded.
It’s something of a life lesson in that you can as a kid, do everything right and yet still get overlooked in favour of the class fusspot.
You are lucky in that your DS is bright and sounds like a lovely helpful little boy - but I’m afraid that in class this will just be something of a relief whilst the teacher has to deal with the nightmares from shitty backgrounds and with behavioural difficulties. The SEN crowd are full of shrieks about the insjustice of having an SEN child and how they need many special privileges in life, with no idea about how much said kid is making school unpleasant for the rest of the class (and teacher). I say kid but there’s usually more than one.[/quote]
My DD1 is SEN as she is blind; she is beautifully behaved and polite (it’s something all of her teachers and SLT comment on). She is also at a super-selective grammar school. She is from a ‘shitty’ (quoting you here) background as she is adopted. Her form teacher is delighted to have her in her form as she is regarded as one of the most pleasant and equitable members of her form.

You, however, are an arsehole.