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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's Plans

313 replies

TheEasterBunnies · 26/02/2021 15:57

DH has made various plans this weekend. Mostly for Saturday, these include having a Covid Test, visiting his DF and cleaning out his car for resale.

I'm kind of annoyed about it. Firstly, because he seems to always make plans for the weekends, solo plans, without talking to me first. He works FT all week and like most only has weekends off. Every other weekend we have his children to stay and he never makes solo plans for those weekends and expects us all to have family time but it feels like he isn't interested in having family time on the weekends we don't have them to stay, he'd rather do DIY or make solo plans.

So I spend all week looking after our toddler and then come the weekend, would like us to spend time together as a family. So, for example, this Saturday, it's just expected that I'll spend all day looking after our toddler whilst he goes off and does his things. It's really starting to annoy me. AIBU.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 26/02/2021 20:25

So you have 15 hours a day whereby your toddler is asleep. You sleep 8, work 2 ( why are you not working tonight?) that gives you five hours a day to do jobs.

Honestly if you want family time at the weekend then you need to do the jobs in the week- clean cars, go to tip etc .

Original poster
TheEasterBunnies · 26/02/2021 20:28

@Dishwashersaurous

So you have 15 hours a day whereby your toddler is asleep. You sleep 8, work 2 ( why are you not working tonight?) that gives you five hours a day to do jobs.

Honestly if you want family time at the weekend then you need to do the jobs in the week- clean cars, go to tip etc .

I work 5:30 until 7. Didn't go tonight as I didn't feel up to it. I wake up between 9 and 10. Have the toddler with me until 5:30. Go to work. Get home just just after 7.
OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 26/02/2021 20:31

So you only work an hour and a half a day- and you partner then must do tea and bedtime every single night.

Tonight you couldn’t be bothered so didn’t go!!

Therefore actually you have 7 hours a day to choose what to do without a toddler ( eight hours a night sleep).

This must be a wind up no one can be this unselfaware.

EarringsandLipstick · 26/02/2021 20:32

OP is clearly winding us up, but what an odd way to do it!

EarringsandLipstick · 26/02/2021 20:32

Cross post with Dishwash!

Original poster
TheEasterBunnies · 26/02/2021 20:39

This isn't a wind up or a reverse.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheEasterBunnies · 26/02/2021 20:40

Lordy, I also sometimes send DH to pick up the weekly click and collect before he goes to work if the only slot I can get is 7am-8am! You must think I'm awful 🤣

OP posts:
diddl · 26/02/2021 20:40

So you'd like to do things just the three of you sometimes on a weekend?

So tell him, orgaise it & do it!

Original poster
TheEasterBunnies · 26/02/2021 20:42

@Dishwashersaurous

So you only work an hour and a half a day- and you partner then must do tea and bedtime every single night.

Tonight you couldn’t be bothered so didn’t go!!

Therefore actually you have 7 hours a day to choose what to do without a toddler ( eight hours a night sleep).

This must be a wind up no one can be this unselfaware.

Wait, where does the 7 hours come from?
OP posts:
imalmostthere · 26/02/2021 20:42

I'm honestly so confused. Is this a wind up? I don't get it

Original poster
TheEasterBunnies · 26/02/2021 20:43

@imalmostthere

I'm honestly so confused. Is this a wind up? I don't get it
I'm confused why people think it's a wind up! It's really not.
OP posts:
AlohaMolly · 26/02/2021 20:43

I know this isn’t the point, but my DP would hit the roof if the kitchen

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 26/02/2021 20:45

@TheEasterBunnies because you're being very unreasonable and it sounds like a wind up or a reverse

sunflowersandbuttercups · 26/02/2021 20:48

@TheEasterBunnies

Lordy, I also sometimes send DH to pick up the weekly click and collect before he goes to work if the only slot I can get is 7am-8am! You must think I'm awful 🤣
Are you taking the piss?
Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 26/02/2021 20:48

If confused too, so this is a wind up? Because otherwise, like, what do you do...

AlohaMolly · 26/02/2021 20:49

... pressed post when I shouldn’t have!

Essentially, I’m quite slovenly too OP and, while I’m not a SAHM I might as well be as I only work one day a week, rising to two during busy times. DP works hard 5/6 days a week and everything else falls to me.

I do resent being chief cook and cleaner but when I occasionally look up from cooking yet another bloody meal I realise that I’m privileged to be in this position and I enjoy it.

I have to make myself clean and tidy because I don’t want to live in a shit tip and DP doesn’t either.

I know this isn’t the point, but could you designate half an hour a day to the kitchen? It’s what I do now. Half an hour in the morning or evening can be surprisingly productive and isn’t actually that long if you’re listening to a podcast or something. I treat it as me time. Then I do a room a day as a semi deep clean.

EarringsandLipstick · 26/02/2021 20:51

@TheEasterBunnies

Lordy, I also sometimes send DH to pick up the weekly click and collect before he goes to work if the only slot I can get is 7am-8am! You must think I'm awful 🤣
Ok, enough OP. It's tiresome now.
EarringsandLipstick · 26/02/2021 20:52

You must think I'm awful

Nope. Just boring with the old porkie pies now.

imalmostthere · 26/02/2021 20:52

@TheEasterBunnies because how on earth can anyone be this unaware? He literally does everything for you :S
Nothing about anything he planned for the weekend is unreasonable - the poor bloke works all week and he just wants a covid test and to see his dad 😩 I really can't figure this out. You absolutely have to be winding us up

AlohaMolly · 26/02/2021 20:53

Well, the thread moved on quite a bit in the time I took to post.

morninglive · 26/02/2021 20:53

I have read the OP where OP says he spends his free weekends (the ones without his kids visiting) doing solo activities. Is she now saying this wasn't true and it has only been this weekend? If so why say

but it feels like he isn't interested in having family time on the weekends we don't have them to stay, he'd rather do DIY or make solo plans

That is a selfish man imo

EarringsandLipstick · 26/02/2021 20:57

Morning

OP is changing her tune very rapidly as the thread progresses, I wouldn't worry too much about the detail!

Original poster
TheEasterBunnies · 26/02/2021 20:57

@morninglive

I have read the OP where OP says he spends his free weekends (the ones without his kids visiting) doing solo activities. Is she now saying this wasn't true and it has only been this weekend? If so why say

but it feels like he isn't interested in having family time on the weekends we don't have them to stay, he'd rather do DIY or make solo plans

That is a selfish man imo

No, this is true. It's pretty much every weekend he makes these plans without talking to me first.
OP posts:
Original poster
TheEasterBunnies · 26/02/2021 20:59

@EarringsandLipstick

Morning

OP is changing her tune very rapidly as the thread progresses, I wouldn't worry too much about the detail!

What? I haven't changed anything. Everything I've said is genuine.
OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 26/02/2021 21:07

Toddler is asleep for 15 hours.
Adult needs 8 hours sleep.
Therefore you have 7!hours without toddler and not working

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