people to pay at wedding?

[lenovowarrior]

Dear MN, I need your help!

DP and I are getting married later this year when all restrictions are gone. As everything was somewhat uncertain, with Boris' announcement we've suddenly had to plan like mad.

We have a main wedding (MW) abroad which is fancy, 5* hotel, small number of guests, expensive. Booked and sorted. None of this is legally binding.

In the few days before MW we are getting legally married in London. Originally it was just us two and witnesses, discreet. However, with COVID we just want an excuse for a party. 95% of our friends live/work in London. So we are now thinking of making this a small casual and informal event. A lot of the people invited will also be those who can NOT come abroad (due to kids, money or just lack of invite). We want to put no pressure on people to feel the need to attend.

We've decided on a nice informal cocktail bar / drinks event, a bit similar to after work events in the City, where work puts x amount behind the bar, everyone enjoys a bit of a drink after work and then goes home. However I'll be in a white dress.
We've found a private space in a fancy hotel to accommodate around 30 people (maximum). Realistically there would be around 25. The minimum spend to guarantee the space is £1500.

Technically we can afford it, but it would come at impact to our honeymoon and our savings. My ideal would be that we pre-pay for £750 worth of food and drinks and the rest is ordered by other people. This means I'd need at least 25 people to spend £30ish.

Questions:

1. is this a terrible idea?
2. would you be pissed off at paying?
3. would you just leave when bar tab ends?

And for the AIBU poll:
YABU - people won't want to or will just not pay towards it and you'll have to foot it
YANBU - people can easily spend that.

FWIW all our friends have higher paying jobs and regularly spend this amount (more) on an evening in the pub after work.

I thought you were going to post about the loophole in the daily mail regarding numbers at the wedding:

www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9291015/amp/Should-sell-TICKETS-wedding-invite-30-people.html

"I genuinely don't believe anyone here has only ever been to weddings where every single penny has been paid for"

I have. We couldn't believe it when we realised! Jesus, must've cost them a fortune. The bar was drunk dry

Tbf j think it's more grim that people in here are so rude and snobby they'd only bother to go to a wedding if they had free drinks all night long.

That's way more grim odd and weird!

I have never in my life been to a wedding where there are not free drinks all night. I thought it was normal

@donewithitalltodayandxmas

Nowhere does the Op day she is charging people to attend, just that she can only put so much behind the bar How many saying no provided a free bar at their weddings ?

That's how I read it at first. Went back and had another read.

Maybe sack off the paying for drinks completely and just ask people to come? It'll be hard to allocate fair share unless you use tokens as suggested upthread and free bars people behave like idiots.

IMO it's a bit cheap to invite someone and then ask them to pay. I couldn't do it.

@askmeagainin5

I have never in my life been to a wedding where there’s a free bar all night. A few free drinks yes (to toast and with food) but then I always expect to buy my own all night.

My only worry would be that a number of your guests may decide they’re only drinking soft drinks, or only having one or two pints because they’re heading home early. Which (even with London prices ) would be way under £30. So as long as you’re ok with that possibility and would be happy to cough up the excess money to the bar at the end if their takings are short of the £750

I've never in my life been to a wedding where I've had to pay for drinks!

The first drink should be free. After that, not unusual to have to pay for drinks if a buffet.

However, i think hoping that 25 of your 30 guests is pushing it. Some won’t be drinking.

To say it will impact your honeymoon and savings is a little poor form. To use a cliche, cut you garment according to your cloth. Therefore, if you want a 5* wedding, you may need a cheaper honeymoon. Or find a cheaper cocktail bar if you want the more expensive wedding.

I've never ever been to a wedding with a free bar. Usually it's wine on the tables and the first drink bought by the bride's family, IIRC.

I think it's fine!

25 people to spend £30 each after the £750's been drunk? Either the drinks are very expensive or I'd be on my back and whilst I could switch to soft drinks, my preference, once I've had enough alcohol is usually tap water.

I don't object in principle to paying for my own drinks at a party/wedding, but I doubt I'd spend that much if it started with a free bar, simply because I don't have the capacity

I don't think I'd pay £30 for entry to a small private party, if that's what you're proposing and TBH, I'd raise an eyebrow at the request knowing there was another extravagant do planned. A bit different if the couple are doing everything on a shoestring, but that's clearly not the case here.

TBH, in your situation I'd pay it all. You can, you just prefer to spend it elsewhere. It's a bit have your cake and eat it.

You could ask for cash for wedding gifts and replenish your saving that way. Most would give £30+ and it's slightly less half than charging them to attend.

The norm at the weddings I’ve been to is for food to be provided.
Most weddings have also included a few free drinks (e.g. welcome drink, bottle of wine on each table, something for the toasts), but a cash bar on top of that is very normal in the weddings I’ve been to.

I’ve only ever been to one wedding where the alcohol was completely free for the whole event.

So I’d say a cash bar would be fine as far as I’m concerned, but I think you should be prepared for the possibility that your guests won’t be drinking an extra £30 each.

People must know that plenty of weddings don't have a fully free bar - just such disingenuous nonsense

Ewwww I've never heard of such a thing! I'd never! Oh my giddy aunt!

I have wracked my brains and honestly can’t remember a wedding where I didn’t buy my own drinks.

One or two where the couple or parents made a point of buying everyone a drink (that’s what happened at my own wedding) and one where there was money behind the bar but only lasted an hour or so.

I voted YANBU and I’m surprised at the amount of YABU votes!

Are people who agreed to go to the wedding abroad able to get their money back/change their mind about going to that now there is actually a wedding reception happening in the UK?

Incidently, do the people who already have paid for your shindig abroad know there’s going to be another UK event. I’sd be a bit peeved if I’ve used precious holiday time and savings for the wedding abroad, when I could have just attended the cheaper, UK event.

Questions:
1) is this a terrible idea? No
2) would you be pissed off at paying? Not at all. All inclusive wedding dos are pretty rare anyway.
3) would you just leave when bar tab ends Hell no, I haven't been out for a year!!

No I don't think you should charge people for anything at your wedding.

YANBU. I would not be paying anything for people to literally piss it away
@emilyfrost Have you never bought a round of drinks? paid for a toast? what else can a person do but piss it away.

It would be simple for me as I would not attend a function with so many people milling around, many unvaccinated.

Blimey, Thursday evening drinks after work with small food platters would easily cost £1500 at, say, the Sky Bar. And that's just with the people I work with, plus the odd partner who works nearby. Couple of cocktails to start would be around £25
We tend to have the food & 1st round of drinks bought by management and then pay for your own in small rounds. We used to have these sort of evenings about 3 or 4 times a year and never had any problem getting people to come along, a wedding celebration would just be a lovely addition.

Like others, I'm not used to weddings where all drink is paid for - pre-breakfast drinks, toasts and wine with the meal would be provided but everything afterwards would be bought by the attendees. The only time I've been to a wedding with all drink provided was many years ago when I was in my 20s, reception in a social club and there was a (free) alcohol fuelled fight afterwards

I live in London and there’s no way I would spend £30 on drinks , or £60 between my DH and me.

My nephew's wedding had a free bar. People took massive advantage and there was a lot of drunken bad behaviour. Fights, vomiting and passing out all over the place. It wasn't pretty.

I would put the £750 behind the bar and say nothing then if anything is left to pay at the end of the night just pay it. As a couple we would spend over £100 on a night out in London so i think even if some leave and don't spend anything, others will spend way over £30. I would be more concerned that it got cancelled again due to Covid and would be reluctant to book anything!

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Jesus people are just being obnoxious for the sake of it. At least read the post. Blood hell.

To be fair the OP wasn't at all clear.

Lots of people do not have a free bar at weddings. I think it's fine to not have a free bar op however I also think it is likely that you will be footing some of the extra bill. A lot of people won't drink that much - I would buy a bottle of something maybe 20 quid between two if I'd already had free drinks so you are 40 quid down on me and my DP