people to pay at wedding?

[lenovowarrior]

Dear MN, I need your help!

DP and I are getting married later this year when all restrictions are gone. As everything was somewhat uncertain, with Boris' announcement we've suddenly had to plan like mad.

We have a main wedding (MW) abroad which is fancy, 5* hotel, small number of guests, expensive. Booked and sorted. None of this is legally binding.

In the few days before MW we are getting legally married in London. Originally it was just us two and witnesses, discreet. However, with COVID we just want an excuse for a party. 95% of our friends live/work in London. So we are now thinking of making this a small casual and informal event. A lot of the people invited will also be those who can NOT come abroad (due to kids, money or just lack of invite). We want to put no pressure on people to feel the need to attend.

We've decided on a nice informal cocktail bar / drinks event, a bit similar to after work events in the City, where work puts x amount behind the bar, everyone enjoys a bit of a drink after work and then goes home. However I'll be in a white dress.
We've found a private space in a fancy hotel to accommodate around 30 people (maximum). Realistically there would be around 25. The minimum spend to guarantee the space is £1500.

Technically we can afford it, but it would come at impact to our honeymoon and our savings. My ideal would be that we pre-pay for £750 worth of food and drinks and the rest is ordered by other people. This means I'd need at least 25 people to spend £30ish.

Questions:

1. is this a terrible idea?
2. would you be pissed off at paying?
3. would you just leave when bar tab ends?

And for the AIBU poll:
YABU - people won't want to or will just not pay towards it and you'll have to foot it
YANBU - people can easily spend that.

FWIW all our friends have higher paying jobs and regularly spend this amount (more) on an evening in the pub after work.

@MiddleParking

There’s a great crossover on here between posters that have been prolific on every Covid thread wanting lockdown to go on til 2055 and are now on here sniffing about weddings with paid bars. We get it, you’ve got no friends.

I noticed that too.

I'm 62. I've been to a lot of weddings, some small and low budget some posh and expensive. Some in the UK, some in Europe ( family living abroad) I've never been to one with a free bar all night or a child free one.

What day of the week is it? You're much more likely to have people staying longer and spending on a Friday after work than a Tuesday, for example.

I don't see it as charging people to come. Lots of places have a room hire charge which is waived with a minimum bar spend. I had a free bar at my wedding but my parents are very old school. Most weddings I've been to have a cash bar. My first job was as a wedding planner too and most couples had a cash bar.

In theory if the bar was totally cash I could see people spending £30 (it’s about three drinks each in reality).

However you’re also stumping up some - so they may well have say one or two drinks on your tab and then not have any more.

Thinking about it - I got married in a central London venue - we did pick up the tab - and the total was about £1200

Obviously the day guests had also had wine, champagne etc with the meal but we had about 40 evening guests - so I do think it’s possibly over ambitious to think they’ll all spend £30 each.

I don't know why you are going abroad for a fake wedding, why not cancel all that and have a good all paid wedding here with everyone?

@joystir59

I don't know why you are going abroad for a fake wedding, why not cancel all that and have a good all paid wedding here with everyone?

Why bother to comment when you clearly haven't read the thread. So rude.

I have now read all updates op. Good decision and well done for finding alternative with no minimum.
Hope it all goes well. Both U.K. and elsewhere celebrations.