people to pay at wedding?

[lenovowarrior]

Dear MN, I need your help!

DP and I are getting married later this year when all restrictions are gone. As everything was somewhat uncertain, with Boris' announcement we've suddenly had to plan like mad.

We have a main wedding (MW) abroad which is fancy, 5* hotel, small number of guests, expensive. Booked and sorted. None of this is legally binding.

In the few days before MW we are getting legally married in London. Originally it was just us two and witnesses, discreet. However, with COVID we just want an excuse for a party. 95% of our friends live/work in London. So we are now thinking of making this a small casual and informal event. A lot of the people invited will also be those who can NOT come abroad (due to kids, money or just lack of invite). We want to put no pressure on people to feel the need to attend.

We've decided on a nice informal cocktail bar / drinks event, a bit similar to after work events in the City, where work puts x amount behind the bar, everyone enjoys a bit of a drink after work and then goes home. However I'll be in a white dress.
We've found a private space in a fancy hotel to accommodate around 30 people (maximum). Realistically there would be around 25. The minimum spend to guarantee the space is £1500.

Technically we can afford it, but it would come at impact to our honeymoon and our savings. My ideal would be that we pre-pay for £750 worth of food and drinks and the rest is ordered by other people. This means I'd need at least 25 people to spend £30ish.

Questions:

1. is this a terrible idea?
2. would you be pissed off at paying?
3. would you just leave when bar tab ends?

And for the AIBU poll:
YABU - people won't want to or will just not pay towards it and you'll have to foot it
YANBU - people can easily spend that.

FWIW all our friends have higher paying jobs and regularly spend this amount (more) on an evening in the pub after work.

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Good for you *@ElizaLaLa* but it has no relevance As the op has an alternative scenario with a finite budget.

It’s not a finite budget -

Technically we can afford it, but it would come at impact to our honeymoon and our savings

They can afford to pay the bill but are choosing not to.

Op can have the wedding she chooses Eliza, just as you he the wedding you chose
People, arent compelled to copy you or they can’t get married. That’s somewhat grandiose of you

Every wedding I’ve been to has been two free drinks at the bar and then you pay for your own. I am more than happy to do this and will usually buy another two-three on top of the freebies.

She has a budget and this venue is over it. So she finds somewhere cheaper or invites fewer people.

It’s finite because they’ve chosen how to prioritise what they spend
They’ve set a limit on the bar tab,that’s the literal definition of finite

Or she forks out more of her savings.

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Op can have the wedding she chooses Eliza, just as you he the wedding you chose People, arent compelled to copy you or they can’t get married. That’s somewhat grandiose of you

Not as grandiose as expecting people to sub my wedding/honeymoon.

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

It’s finite because they’ve chosen how to prioritise what they spend They’ve set a limit on the bar tab,that’s the literal definition of finite

Then she cant afford her venue other budget is 750 but the minimum spend is 1500.

*if her

@lenovowarrior I think you're getting a really hard time here. Your idea sounds lovely.

It’s finite because they’ve chosen how to prioritise what they spend

They have chosen to prioritise other people paying for the things they can’t afford, or choose not to pay for.

It’s entitled to think other people should fork out for your ‘dream‘ wedding.

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

It’s finite because they’ve chosen how to prioritise what they spend They’ve set a limit on the bar tab,that’s the literal definition of finite

Then their finite budget doesn’t cover what they want. They need to reduce their plans to fit their finite budget. Not expect their guests to subsidise them.

Op has the wedding she wants and how ever she wishes to plan it
That’s how weddings go, people Enact a plan and a preference usually guided by finance
It’s not a linear choice of pay for everything or you’re not getting married

Incidentally I went to a wedding reception were guests took our own food and drink. It was a wonderful hospitable event with everyone pulling together

Guest should not be graspy greedy inconsiderate expecting a junket

If the guests are paying they’re not guests.

I think £1500 for a wedding party is a good deal. If you want a wedding party it will 'eat into your savings'.

A plan guided by finance is one that is within your budget.

Either this venue is too expensive because OP literally cannot afford the extra. Or it’s not too expensive she just doesn’t want to cover it because she wants to spend the money on other things.

Both are fine, she just needs to find somewhere cheaper.

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Guest should not be graspy greedy inconsiderate expecting a junket

And you drunk?

Or just a bit batty.

It’s hard to tell.

I have never in my life paid for food or drinks at a wedding. In my family we’ve had most of the weddings in our houses, or a marquee in the garden, and it’s unthinkable that you’d not provide everything for your guests.

Guest is a individual invited to social event
The Location, arrangements regard food,drink are all set by the host
Guest doesn’t equal get stuck in be a graspy freeloader who expects a free day

OP I think you’ve worded your original post and title of this thread really badly. Why have you titled it ‘People to Pay at Wedding?’ when you’re not asking any money up front from them at all? I’m not surprised people have interpreted it as an upfront payment request.

What you’re really asking is if £30 per person is a realistic amount people of that demographic and location might pay for their own drinks once they have consumed 3-4 free drinks and if such a cash bar is acceptable.

I’ve attended weddings with both cash bars and open bars. Everyone of course loves an open bar and it’s gracious hosting but this is not affordable for everyone and I have no problem paying for drinks at cash bar weddings. Whether your friends will pay the £30 each to make up the amount you need I don’t know. Depends on what night of the week it is, how much the drinks are, how much they like to drink and how many free drinks they will probably consume before they get to the stage of buying their own. Ultimately you’re the best judge of this as you know your friends.

I agree with the majority of posters about the wedding abroad.

She's won't be charging people at the door and stamping their hands.

People will have a choice as to whether they would like a few extra drinks on top of the ones OP already paid for.

Chances are they will. It's really not that big of a deal.

There is a lot of wilful misreading going on
No one is being charged to attend

OP can Host can her event to her preference and budget. It is irrelevant what some of you did,would,should,could do.

Paid for bars are common. Guest will know what to do. Purse out to get a drink. It’s really that simple

And you drunk?

That poster has a unique posting style. You’re not the first person to have asked that.

@Feetupteashot

I love my booze but I would struggle to get through £60 quids worth, which seems to be the implication

Have you been out in a London cocktail bar?

Shockingly easy to spend £30 ...

@lenovowarrior.

I think it totally depends on the wording in your invitations. If you invite people on the basis of nibbles & arrival drink/s & champagne toast plus a cash bar, I think most people would be fine with that. However if you word it as per your OP, then no.

However, what do you think your chances are if travelling for your 'non wedding' this year? If it was me I'd ditch the two things & just plan something local. You can go to the other location for your honeymoon/a holiday when you can.

I hope you have a lovely time whatever you choose to do