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AIBU?

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Original poster

Piss off, Pam!

999 replies

FuckingFabulous · 24/02/2021 12:38

A relative- 'Pam'- has pissed me right off this morning on Facebook (yes, I know, the root of all evil.)

And actually, it's not even just Pam, there are a few of them but she's the worst one!

Basically me and DH are group 6 for the vaccine. Me due to caring responsibilities for our DD and DH due to an underlying health condition. DH got the jab this morning and I reposted an article about how well the U.K. is doing with their vaccination programme and mentioned DH was currently having his vaccine and I'm having mine in a few days.

Straight away, Pam comments "so many young people having their jabs- what magic key have you all got to jump the queue? I'm Over 50 and I work with the public but I can't just waltz in like some! Oh well"

I just replied that I couldn't speak for anyone else but DH and I are in group 6, me for caring and him for health reasons and were invited to book, so there has been no queue jumping, and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it. She then commented "So because you're a parent with normal parenting responsibilities, you are saying you have got rights ahead of me, a person over 50? Don't make me laugh."
I didn't reply because I was fuming as she knows full well that I have a round the clock caring role for my daughter (and she's a woman who wouldn't even have her own 20yo DD home to recover from surgery as it was "above and beyond" her responsibility ) so I was reeling from the audacity of her! I went to make a coffee and consider my response to her. I was all for politely telling her that she's being judgemental and although she's disappointed, it's not kind to be so dismissive when she's well aware of the difficulties I face at home, but then when I looked again, I saw it had all kicked off a bit!

Pam has posted another comment saying "And what's Mr FuckingFabulous's magic key condition?" Another older female relative chimes in then with a heart reaction and a comment of "I'd also love to know this, Pam! Beggars belief!!" Pam shoots back with "last time I checked, being an idiot wasn't on the list of conditions!" Cue about five laugh reactions from older relatives and comments like "this is why I love you, you say it like it is, Pam!"

DH has ADHD. Not sure if all older relatives know this but Pam, the one who called him an idiot, does indeed know!! I've had to speak to her and her husband before when they both expressed an opinion that ADHD and ASD don't exist and they're excuses for poor performance. And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab. Several people have also commented to her and some of the others that their comments are disgusting and Pam has been popping on a copy paste reply of "I am entitled to my opinion - it's a free country still."

So Pam has dismissed my caring responsibilities and taken the piss out of my DH for his ADHD. I have deleted the thread and spoken to my mum about it and she said it's best just to leave it, we don't want bad feelings in the family. Um, what about MY feelings? Or DH's??

WIBU to message Pam and tell her how bloody vile she is?? I should do it to all of them really, but I doubt it would have any impact.

OP posts:
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ContessaDiPulpo · 24/02/2021 13:52

OP I've had several friends say 'Hurrah, I am vaccinated!' so far so don't think you were particularly odd to comment on that. Pam sounds like a right arsehole tbh.

I have recently discovered a brilliant reply to people attempting to anger me: I look at them slightly confusedly and say, calmly and slowly "I'm sorry, I don't understand what sort of reaction you're trying to get from me here." I then peer at them a bit. They shut right up, it's amazing Grin

Proudboomer · 24/02/2021 13:52

I have had my first jab before the rest of my age group and don’t feel I need to justify why my try has come before their turn.
And any one with a problem with it can jog on as it is none of their business.

LimitIsUp · 24/02/2021 13:53

It is indeed a cause for celebration op - its great, and I am personally happy for people getting the jab ahead of me due to age, caring responsibility or underlying condition etc, however you said yourself "and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it" - so some people inevitably will react negatively.

Pam however takes the biscuit and I would be blocking her

Original poster
FuckingFabulous · 24/02/2021 13:53

@Aprilx

I think the rules are so broad that they do catch people they were maybe not supposed to. Because I am struggling to understand why you need it because you are a looking after a child, who obviously is at close to zero risk, and I am not sure why somebody needs it because of ADHD either. So perhaps you should not rub people’s noses in it by posting on Facebook, when they probably are at greater risk than you.
Read carefully.

Round the clock care needs that my daughter has. I am her carer. I tend to all her personal care and mobility needs. If I get Covid, who is her carer? Nobody. So that's why, for me. Not due to the fear she'll get it. Due to the concern over what will happen to her and the thousands of other cared for people in the U.K. if their carers get it.

DH has ADHD which Pam unkindly took the piss out of. However, that's not the reason why. I said that. Pam knows the reason why. He has lung damage from an incident years ago that causes respiratory difficulty. That's why for him.

OP posts:
Maryann1975 · 24/02/2021 13:54

I wouldn’t be able to stop myself posting one of the excellent responses that other cleverer posters have thought up above, but even if you don’t want to get dragged down in a public row, I would block her and anyone who liked her comments and I would never engage with her again. What a vile woman.

And if my dm stuck up for her, I’d be having a row with her too! Pam has said some appalling things and your mum should be sticking up for you not telling you to leave it so there isn’t bad feeling in the family. Does she think you will forgive and forget what has been said? Pam has made sure there is bad feeling in the Family forever more!

MrsToadlike · 24/02/2021 13:54

OP I'm not surprised you were taken aback by the spite. I just can't get over the pile on from other family members that you described in your first post (as well as Pam's actual comments). If that was me I would be absolutely livid. It's bullying.

jessycake · 24/02/2021 13:54

I really don't know what people are concerning themselves about , we are all going to get the jab much earlier than we thought

curlyLJ · 24/02/2021 13:54

This pandemic has really brought out the worst in some people. Shocking behaviour from 'Pam', but I've seen plenty of nasty/ unnecessary comments on other FB threads. I try and stay off it these days.

gnushoes · 24/02/2021 13:54

Pam is a stirring twat. However, can we give up with the "old" bollocks if she's basically 50+? She's not in her dotage and nor are the rest of us who are waiting patiently for our jabs and not attacking those rightfully further ahead in the queue.

Sputnikle · 24/02/2021 13:56

Yeah you had it right in the title. Piss off Pam! I got my vaccination a week or so ago - no visible health issues and I'm late 30's and seem healthy - people are surprised but pretty much unanimously pleased for me! haven't had one person demand to know what my underlying health issues are. Pam sounds like a dick. Glad your family are getting your jabs :-)

Branleuse · 24/02/2021 13:56

Honestly, she should be more cross with the people refusing to get vaccinated, not with the people who are taking theirs when theyve been invited. If you declined, it wouldnt be given to her and you wouldnt get another chance

FlorenceinSummer · 24/02/2021 13:57

I don't see anything wrong in posting it on Facebook if you are happy to, anything posted on facebook can be considered controversial nowadays and sometimes posting something is a good way of remembering something in the future. Those saying it is a "special" category really? It's special for you to be considered a higher risk than the general population? TBH I am glad those at risk are getting theirs, and it is nice to see that the government is finally pulling it's finger out. I think some people will be spiteful for spiteful sake and regardless of what you posted she (and others like her) will pick at you - do as others recommend and block

Dagnabit · 24/02/2021 13:58

If only they did jabs for being a dick....

LimitIsUp · 24/02/2021 13:58

The silver lining from this is that it is apparent that many people are clamouring to get jabs, so it looks like we are going to get the population coverage we need

BlusteryLake · 24/02/2021 13:58

Pam sounds like a weapons grade arse. I would use the NHS as your ally here and just say "We're in group 6, as determined by clinical vulnerability to the virus. What group have the NHS determined you are in?"

Champagneandmonstermunch · 24/02/2021 13:59

Pam has been a cow, and was undoubtedly out of order, but I'd leave it be. Lots of people are struggling, and desperate to be vaccinated. While she shouldn't have said what she did, I can understand why she might have behaved out of character if she is scared, and stressed. If she is usually a reasonable person, then maybe you should give her a break.

viques · 24/02/2021 13:59

Dear Pam, thanks for your messages this morning. I realise how upset you are about not being called yet for your vaccination. In view of your distress I want you to know that I have emailed .Matt Hancock and asked him to ensure that people who are Facebook bitches are moved up the system. HTH.

Dunairbeanat · 24/02/2021 14:02

Four of my family and friends have had the vaccine so far, including my DH. The reasons vary including age, occupation and medical conditions.
The only things I feel about this is relief and happiness. Just cannot believe that some people resent their families because they have had the jab. Although after reading the covid threads over the last year I shouldn't really be surprised.
OP you have done nothing to deserve their reactions but you are a better person than me if you can ignore it Smile

saraclara · 24/02/2021 14:02

@LimitIsUp

Horrible, horrible comments from Pam which are inexcusable.

However, as you said:
"and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it"

It is prudent not to post on facebook that you have had the jab for this reason.

I have to agree with this. The world has gone a bit mad, and some people are being horrible right now.

When I got my vaccine, I was really tempted to go "whay hey!!" on FB. But it didn't take me long to realise that it'd be tactless in my case. I know people who were more anxious and more in need of that protection than me, and have a fair wait yet. No need for me to rub it in their faces.

Fortunately I don't have any 'Pam's in my life, but if I did, that would also have factored into my decision.

Of course, telling Pam that she's welcome to have your family's jabs if she'd like the health conditions and the 24 hour caring responsibility to go with them, might have worked.

ekidmxcl · 24/02/2021 14:02

I am not sure why people post stuff on Facebook. You say in the OP that it’s the root of all evil!

The vaccinations issue is going to become very divisive. Of course the unvaccinated are going to want to be vaccinated and rubbing it in their faces that you are vaccinated and they aren’t is never going to end well.

NoGoodPunsLeft · 24/02/2021 14:03

I'm with you OP, I love hearing about people having the vaccine. 3 people in my team meeting were talking about how they've had it, like you it makes me feel like the end is (finally) in sight.

I'd be so tempted to tell Pam what I think of her but I can be a bit too impulsive so maybe best not to do what I would!

HOkieCOkie · 24/02/2021 14:05

I’m sorry but I agree with Pam, first off all why can’t lll keep things to themselves anymore and how on earth does having ADHD make you a priority??

snowisfallingallaroundus · 24/02/2021 14:06

How about "If being a cunt is a condition, you'll be getting the vaccine before anyone".

Gwenhwyfar · 24/02/2021 14:06

@ekidmxcl

I am not sure why people post stuff on Facebook. You say in the OP that it’s the root of all evil!

The vaccinations issue is going to become very divisive. Of course the unvaccinated are going to want to be vaccinated and rubbing it in their faces that you are vaccinated and they aren’t is never going to end well.

There's no way I'll keeping it a secret when I'm vaccinated - if I ever get it.
NoMackerelInSwindon · 24/02/2021 14:07

...you are saying you have got rights ahead of me...

Yes.

You have the legitimate right to receive a vaccine in accordance with Public Health (Control of Disease) Act 1984 and The Health Protection (Coronavirus, Restrictions) (England) (No. 3) Regulations 2020. The right to receive a vaccination was given to you by Parliament.

Post that then stay off Facebook.

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