Piss off, Pam!

[FuckingFabulous]

A relative- 'Pam'- has pissed me right off this morning on Facebook (yes, I know, the root of all evil.)

And actually, it's not even just Pam, there are a few of them but she's the worst one!

Basically me and DH are group 6 for the vaccine. Me due to caring responsibilities for our DD and DH due to an underlying health condition. DH got the jab this morning and I reposted an article about how well the U.K. is doing with their vaccination programme and mentioned DH was currently having his vaccine and I'm having mine in a few days.

Straight away, Pam comments "so many young people having their jabs- what magic key have you all got to jump the queue? I'm Over 50 and I work with the public but I can't just waltz in like some! Oh well"

I just replied that I couldn't speak for anyone else but DH and I are in group 6, me for caring and him for health reasons and were invited to book, so there has been no queue jumping, and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it. She then commented "So because you're a parent with normal parenting responsibilities, you are saying you have got rights ahead of me, a person over 50? Don't make me laugh."
I didn't reply because I was fuming as she knows full well that I have a round the clock caring role for my daughter (and she's a woman who wouldn't even have her own 20yo DD home to recover from surgery as it was "above and beyond" her responsibility ) so I was reeling from the audacity of her! I went to make a coffee and consider my response to her. I was all for politely telling her that she's being judgemental and although she's disappointed, it's not kind to be so dismissive when she's well aware of the difficulties I face at home, but then when I looked again, I saw it had all kicked off a bit!

Pam has posted another comment saying "And what's Mr FuckingFabulous's magic key condition?" Another older female relative chimes in then with a heart reaction and a comment of "I'd also love to know this, Pam! Beggars belief!!" Pam shoots back with "last time I checked, being an idiot wasn't on the list of conditions!" Cue about five laugh reactions from older relatives and comments like "this is why I love you, you say it like it is, Pam!"

DH has ADHD. Not sure if all older relatives know this but Pam, the one who called him an idiot, does indeed know!! I've had to speak to her and her husband before when they both expressed an opinion that ADHD and ASD don't exist and they're excuses for poor performance. And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab. Several people have also commented to her and some of the others that their comments are disgusting and Pam has been popping on a copy paste reply of "I am entitled to my opinion - it's a free country still."

So Pam has dismissed my caring responsibilities and taken the piss out of my DH for his ADHD. I have deleted the thread and spoken to my mum about it and she said it's best just to leave it, we don't want bad feelings in the family. Um, what about MY feelings? Or DH's??

WIBU to message Pam and tell her how bloody vile she is?? I should do it to all of them really, but I doubt it would have any impact.

@dontdisturbmenow

I don't think it was silly to share what we are actually being encouraged to share, which is positive vaccine news Because people don't hear every day in the news? Do they really need to hear it from individuals? I don't think so.

It is bragging, pure and simple. Her reaction was more in response to your bragging than you and OH actually getting it, although she let her frustration run wild.

Dear me. If I was given to bragging, it would be about one of my own achievements, not about having my number called in a queue that everyone is in. 🙄 It's literally a piece of information that shows how far we are in the vaccination programme and, along with the article it was shared with, encourages people to either use the NHS booking service if they're in a current eligibility group (as encouraged by the NHS) or to book as soon as their GP invites them so that the other groups can be vaccinated at a similar pace. It's my Facebook. I didn't go onto Pam's and share the post. It was my own Facebook. I also share some information about my life there. My family and friends know how hard and worrying it's been with my DD and with DH's respiratory condition. We had both been tagged in many things that said group six were being vaccinated for about two weeks before we were invited to book. It wouldn't even have entered my mind to think this information was bragging. I find it odd that people think vaccination status is a mark of superiority!

I remember when MN was full of intelligent people who could read and understand OPs perfectly clear posts. We couldn't even opt to show all posts by OP then either.

Auntie Pam is a twat. Covid has shown a lot of people to be twats. :(

OP otoh is a fucking legend.

I'm so pleased that you and your DH have had the vaccine, OP. Brag away! People like Pam need to walk a mile in your shoes.

@Morgan12

Oh I'd be replying for sure. What a bitch.

'It's a pity being a cunt isn't one the reasons for the vaccine Pam or you would have had yours already'

My exact thoughts!

@RandomMess

I would happily give up my group 6 condition and not be eligible for the jab yet as would DH.

Any takers for lifelong life changing conditions in your 30s or 40s???

Exactly! What kind of mindset do people have that they think I'm bragging that my DH has a lifelong lung condition? Bragging that I have to care for my daughter in a way that I never envisaged and to deal with a condition that we are still struggling to handle on a day to day basis?

What am I meant to say? I'm sorry the government thinks my husband is more likely to die than you are if you both catch Covid? I'm sorry the government finally realised that if they didn't decide to prioritise carers, those they care for wouldn't have anyone available to meet their (sometimes complex) needs?

I'm not sorry. At all. We are entitled to the vaccine ahead of my 50 something year old auntie, who isn't vulnerable to anything except perhaps opening her vile gob to the wrong person and getting a smack round it one day.

It wouldn't even have entered my mind to think this information was bragging. I find it odd that people think vaccination status is a mark of superiority!

Exactly. People are odd!

I feel it says more about those cringing and those furious than it does about the person sharing their happiness in these instances.

This. Precisely.

I find people who make a point of telling others, especially people who are more vulnerable than themselves, that they'd had it before them lacking in empathy and getting pleasure in making others envious. It's not nice.

My colleagues and I are Group 2 priority as we're all NHS frontline. I'm currently 8 months pregnant which technically makes me "more vulnerable" than they are, but I'm not working on the frontline at present. Most of my colleagues shared that they had had the vaccine on my social media, and I applauded them, as I felt it promoted and spread the word about the vaccine and I personally saw their updates and felt reassured. I am 100% sure they did not share this information because they sought pleasure from making me envious whilst I'm sat at home unable to have the vaccine. You know why? Because I chose not to see it in that way, because it's ridiculous. And lacking in empathy? They are some of the most caring people in society. Your argument is just silly.

OP, it's just jealousy from the people saying you're bragging. We all have to wait our turn!

I wouldn’t/didn’t - partly for fear of this reaction and because it seems a tiny bit boasty.
I got mine early through work ... was happy to have it ... but also felt strangely guilty as I felt there should be others getting it before me.

Perhaps then this is the difference. You FEEL you got yours out of order and therefore telling people feels boastful. Op DOESN'T feel she and her husband got theirs out of order (because of the respiratory illness and the risk to their child) so it isn't a boast, it's a fact.

It is bragging, pure and simple
Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh, I'm more I'll than yoooouuuu. My child's more vulnerable than yours. My husband's more at risk of serious illness than yours. Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh

This shows you why you shouldn't post your families personal business on Facebook. Pam can think what she likes, if you don't announce your health issues to the world, she won't be able to upset you. If you put information in the public domain, you have to expect to be judged on it, rightly or wrongly.

A public post is like having a group conversation. If you say "Oh I had my jab today!" and your group say "Awesome job!", fine. If one person outside the group then proceeds to insult you, are they right or wrong? Wrong of course.

Exactly this! This is precisely what I don't understand about people who say "why did you feel the need to share that on FB? You should expect the negative comments ..." etc. It's literally the online equivalent of a group conversation amongst friends. Most people in that group situation would and could refrain from being a nasty imbecile, and if they did make a shitty comment to your face, they'd be rightly criticised. But if they do it in FB - fair game. Why did you even post it? Etc. Bizarre attitude!

@FuckingFabulous as I said you should have deleted her a long time ago. I am of the mindset that the more people who get it for whatever reason, which is incidentally none of my business, the better.
You knew she was like that, so shouldn't be surprised by the backlash
People are just wankers sometimes but you put it out there

And of course if they couldn't refrain from making a shitty comment in the face to face scenario, you'd expect them to either say nothing or step away from the conversation, right? But not on FB - they can of course just verbally attack on FB, and that's OK and "expected" by some people's standards on here. 🤷‍♀️

@yomommasmomma

This shows you why you shouldn't post your families personal business on Facebook. Pam can think what she likes, if you don't announce your health issues to the world, she won't be able to upset you. If you put information in the public domain, you have to expect to be judged on it, rightly or wrongly.

I don't put things about my families health or mine on FB. My family and close friends know these things by the virtue of who they all are and the positions they hold in my life. It was she who chose to tear into me for my caring role and repeat her horrible ableist opinion about my DH.

To all those accusing others of 'bragging' about having a jab, what exactly is there to brag about hmm?
Well let's see! I got the vaccin, I'm now highly unlikely to be very poorly with it it die.

You might still do though because even though you're not as much at risk as I am, we know that healthy people have died too.

I didn't expect to feel such relief after getting it and even more 3 weeks later. I'm so happy to be in this position. I can understand how desperate others would be too. That's why I don't mention it unless asked, and that's with me having a condition that could indeed put me at high risk.
.

See! Point proven in the past few quotes from two different posters...

"If you don't announce things, she won't be able to upset you"

And

"You knew she was like that, you shouldn't be surprised by the backlash"

Would anyone honestly say those things of someone who'd been a nasty twat in a face to face conversation with the OP? That she shouldn't have opened her mouth in the first place so it's her own fault?

Nope - this is what people think others should accept because they dare to use social media. That's what this is really about.

This is a relative?
Blimey.

If you don't announce your health issues to the world, she won't be able to upset you.

Hmmm. And exactly how is sharing with a select group of your own family and friends on your own social media account, "announcing to the world"?

@LouJ85

See! Point proven in the past few quotes from two different posters...

"If you don't announce things, she won't be able to upset you"

And

"You knew she was like that, you shouldn't be surprised by the backlash"

Would anyone honestly say those things of someone who'd been a nasty twat in a face to face conversation with the OP? That she shouldn't have opened her mouth in the first place so it's her own fault?

Nope - this is what people think others should accept because they dare to use social media. That's what this is really about.

It's like being told to never ever share any part of your life or experiences or feelings, lest it goad someone into being a wanker, which will 100% be your own fault for sharing in the first place. Certainly not their fault for being a nasty bastard. Oh, no- you INVITED the nastiness by daring to speak.

There are some real twats on this thread.

I doubt everyone posting on Facebook that they have had the vaccine are doing it out of altruism to encourage others to have it too.

There's definitely a whiff of 'Ner ne ne ner ne' I've had it before you'.

I’m glad you’ve had your vaccine and well done for sharing your support for the NHS. Pam is a bitch of the highest order.
Post Greebols reply on your father’s post.

@FuckingFabulous

Honestly the negative attitudes on here to using social media to share with family and friends - the precise reason it was initially invented - baffle the life out of me!

Who has the "world" on their FB page anyway?! Who are these people?

And why is anyone continuing to follow someone who offends them anyway? If your aunty Pam can't control her vicious attitude towards you (or anyone for that matter) online, why isn't the onus on her to remove herself from your page?! Instead, apparently you must take responsibility for her potential viciousness - and that of anyone else you have on there, who chooses to remain there following you, let's not forget that- by editing or censoring what you post on your own account?!

Utter utter bollocks.

Sorry, OP. Rant over!