Piss off, Pam!

[FuckingFabulous]

A relative- 'Pam'- has pissed me right off this morning on Facebook (yes, I know, the root of all evil.)

And actually, it's not even just Pam, there are a few of them but she's the worst one!

Basically me and DH are group 6 for the vaccine. Me due to caring responsibilities for our DD and DH due to an underlying health condition. DH got the jab this morning and I reposted an article about how well the U.K. is doing with their vaccination programme and mentioned DH was currently having his vaccine and I'm having mine in a few days.

Straight away, Pam comments "so many young people having their jabs- what magic key have you all got to jump the queue? I'm Over 50 and I work with the public but I can't just waltz in like some! Oh well"

I just replied that I couldn't speak for anyone else but DH and I are in group 6, me for caring and him for health reasons and were invited to book, so there has been no queue jumping, and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it. She then commented "So because you're a parent with normal parenting responsibilities, you are saying you have got rights ahead of me, a person over 50? Don't make me laugh."
I didn't reply because I was fuming as she knows full well that I have a round the clock caring role for my daughter (and she's a woman who wouldn't even have her own 20yo DD home to recover from surgery as it was "above and beyond" her responsibility ) so I was reeling from the audacity of her! I went to make a coffee and consider my response to her. I was all for politely telling her that she's being judgemental and although she's disappointed, it's not kind to be so dismissive when she's well aware of the difficulties I face at home, but then when I looked again, I saw it had all kicked off a bit!

Pam has posted another comment saying "And what's Mr FuckingFabulous's magic key condition?" Another older female relative chimes in then with a heart reaction and a comment of "I'd also love to know this, Pam! Beggars belief!!" Pam shoots back with "last time I checked, being an idiot wasn't on the list of conditions!" Cue about five laugh reactions from older relatives and comments like "this is why I love you, you say it like it is, Pam!"

DH has ADHD. Not sure if all older relatives know this but Pam, the one who called him an idiot, does indeed know!! I've had to speak to her and her husband before when they both expressed an opinion that ADHD and ASD don't exist and they're excuses for poor performance. And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab. Several people have also commented to her and some of the others that their comments are disgusting and Pam has been popping on a copy paste reply of "I am entitled to my opinion - it's a free country still."

So Pam has dismissed my caring responsibilities and taken the piss out of my DH for his ADHD. I have deleted the thread and spoken to my mum about it and she said it's best just to leave it, we don't want bad feelings in the family. Um, what about MY feelings? Or DH's??

WIBU to message Pam and tell her how bloody vile she is?? I should do it to all of them really, but I doubt it would have any impact.

• Sapho47 "And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab"

So why mention adhd if that not why he's getting jt?*

Maybe if you’d read the op’s posts you’d know why?

Don’t bother with the idiots,
They sound rough and completely stupid and ignorant if they can make these types of comments.
You’re not missing out not having these people in your life.

OP, I think you are marvelous. The hard of reading and understanding will not probably see what you have done as they are too outraged to see sense, but I hope that you are your vaccinated family skip off into the sunset together, and don't give them a further moments thought.

@Sapho47

"And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab"

So why mention adhd if that not why he's getting jt?

Blimey, why are people's reading and comprehension skills so poor.

The ADHD was mentioned for context. Part of explaining exactly what a twat Pam is because she thinks it means the DH is an idiot.

OP does VERY clearly explain (multiple times) that her DH also has a respiratory condition, which is why he became eligible for the vaccine when he did.

There. Clear now?

@Sapho47

"And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab"

So why mention adhd if that not why he's getting jt?

CONTEXT. Why do so many people struggle with a spot that says more than

"Pam said on FB we were queue jumpers but we're not. Aibu to be upset?"

People would immediately ask for details and accuse op of drip feeding when it turns out she has a penchant for being a bitch.

FYI if you don't want to RTFT, at least read OP's posts! You can filter by post by clicking the funnel on the top right on the app or on the site there's a button that says something like "Filter by poster".

'Auntie Pam' & anyone else who moans on here or in real life are absolute twats.
You & your family have valid reasons to get one of the vaccines. The more the merrier the better.
I get the impression that 'Auntie Pam' is the type of person who would complain that the local GP surgery gave 10 Covid jabs to complete randoms as it was a case of bin or use due to expiry as (can't remember which one) one of the vaccines only has a few days shelf life once it is taken out of the deep freeze.

I've only read the first page & last pages & ops posts & I totally understand that his lung condition entitles the DH to the Covid jab.
Whilst silly 'Auntie Pam' seems to have got the wrong end of the stick & is being nasty about the DH having ADHD & saying that's why he's had the jab even though she knows full well about the lung condition & the disabled DD.
I honestly despair about some MNetters comprehension skills.

@TracyBeakerSoYeah - I believe it's the Pfizer one with the lesser stability and shelf life.
That was one of the sticking points of us getting it in Australia - getting it out to some places in Australia without it de-stabilising and becoming useless!

She sounds like an arsehole. Block.

@Sapho47

"And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab"

So why mention adhd if that not why he's getting jt?

As you can't be bothered to read the OP posts or all the people referring to OPs posts I'll explain.

As mentioned umpteen times it's because Pam believers ADHD (and asd) are just excuses for poor behaviour or struggling with things. Basically for being what's an idiot in her opinion.

Pam put being an idiot isn't a reason for a jab. Because Pam believes he had the jab for his adhd.

Pam is wrong.

Pam is an idiot.

There is a lot of Pams on this thread who don't want to read and understand who are also shallow and judgemental. .

Pam is a bitch.

I am glad you gave back as good (better) than you got.

I am 49 and I have had it. Because I have severe asthma. The only people I told were my parents who live abroad and are nowhere near getting their jab yet and they cried with happiness for me.

The correct response from Pam should have been 'thank heavens the process of putting the vulnerable quickly in the queue is working. All praise the vaccine!'.

But sadly as you so epically pointed out, There is no cure for being a cunt.

[quote RuledbyASD]@FuckingFabulous I've tried using the online service every single damn day! Not eligible apparently!!!![/quote]
Group 6 cannot book online. You are invited by GP.

Check you are in list. My ds who had hereditary spastic paraplegia is for same reason as MS. And MS is actually named as a condition.

Your aunt is a fool in her beliefs but you were silly for broadcasting it to her. What did you expect?
You should have deleted her the minute she insulted your husband

What's wrong with posting you've been for a jab? I did. Got no abuse even though I know many people who don't agree with the way the system works. I've had my first one due to where I work and happy I've had it.

Whatever you post does not entitle others to publicly ridicule you.

Think of social media like this:

A public post is like having a group conversation. If you say "Oh I had my jab today!" and your group say "Awesome job!", fine. If one person outside the group then proceeds to insult you, are they right or wrong? Wrong of course.

A private message is the equivalent to a very private talk between you and one or two others. In confidence.

My point is that if someone insults you either face to face or via SM, you can cut them out of your life calmly and rationally, in the safe knowledge you don't need that type of person in your life whatever.

HTH.

@korawick12345

I don’t know why you felt the need to broadcast that you have had the jab. By putting it on Facebook you are basically announcing that you are in a special category and then getting angry and defensive when people ask what that category is. ‘Pam’ sounds awful but the entire incident occurred because you felt the need to tell everyone that you are in group 6. I also think you have made an enormous leap to get from idiot to a reference to your partners Adhd

'A special category?' 😂 Personally, I'd rather NOT be considered priority for a vaccine. What a weird attitude.

Very annoying of Pam and her ilk.

But also agree that I can’t see why you should mention it/broadcast it.
I wouldn’t/didn’t - partly for fear of this reaction and because it seems a tiny bit boasty.

I got mine early through work and a colleague posted on fb about hers which I found odd and cringey. I was happy to have it and know that each jab makes a difference to the big picture but also felt strangely guilty as I felt there should be others getting it before me.

@MrsKFZeeeeee

Your aunt is a fool in her beliefs but you were silly for broadcasting it to her. What did you expect? You should have deleted her the minute she insulted your husband

I expected people to be happy that the U.K vaccination programme is going so fast that we're almost through group 6. I expected people who are a bit dubious about the vaccine to feel a bit more confident about having it. I expected, as I have seen on many posts, people who have had it to share their experience of having it. I expected people to read the article and resolve to book their own vaccines as soon as they're invited to.

I didn't expect Pam, whom I have had to speak to in the past for calling my husband a "certified idiot" when she found out he had diagnosed ADHD, to get vicious about his eligibility for the vaccine and say that being an idiot isn't a criteria. Even more so because she knows full well that he has a respiratory condition. I also didn't expect her to write off my caring responsibilities as simple, normal parenting when she also knows exactly what's going on here in my home and when she's the kind of woman who would refuse to keep a houseplant alive if she felt it was asking too much of her.

I don't think it was silly to share what we are actually being encouraged to share, which is positive vaccine news. I really cannot understand all these people who think it's goading and boasting. We are in group six because we have conditions and situations that put us in group six! Being annoyed that you're not in group six is akin to wishing you had a condition that affects your life to this extent.

Pam needs to swallow her bitterness. However I've been taken by surprise as the number of people, who got the jab ahead than others under dubious it just pure unexplainable luck, who openly brag about it.

I was lucky to have been offered the hab very earlier on, a few weeks before I've been eligible under the official rules. I kept it quiet. No point in sharing the information which is of no use to others when it is just going to raise questions and the sense of unfairness.

I find people who make a point of telling others, especially people who are more vulnerable than themselves, that they'd had it before them lacking in empathy and getting pleasure in making others envious. It's not nice.

I don't think it was silly to share what we are actually being encouraged to share, which is positive vaccine news
Because people don't hear every day in the news? Do they really need to hear it from individuals? I don't think so.

It is bragging, pure and simple. Her reaction was more in response to your bragging than you and OH actually getting it, although she let her frustration run wild.

I can't believe some of these replies! So much jealousy over someone getting a vaccine. I'm glad I'm not considered 'vulnerable.' Jesus!

@RuggeryBuggery

Very annoying of Pam and her ilk.

But also agree that I can’t see why you should mention it/broadcast it.
I wouldn’t/didn’t - partly for fear of this reaction and because it seems a tiny bit boasty.

I got mine early through work and a colleague posted on fb about hers which I found odd and cringey. I was happy to have it and know that each jab makes a difference to the big picture but also felt strangely guilty as I felt there should be others getting it before me.

You got yours early through work. Your feeling of being a bit uneasy because you felt there were others who should have had it first is an understandable thought if you weight up workplace policy against clinical need. However, we are in group six. Five other priority groups have been vaccinated before us. Everyone in this area eligible in groups one to five have been vaccinated (if they chose to be) and everyone in groups six to nine will be in the next couple of months before the rest of the general population is. It's not boasting, it's sharing that we are already vaccinating through group six and to take up the vaccine when you're offered. There are people in my life who were vaccinated in group four and five who have barely left their house in a year and were as thrilled as could be and shouted it from the rooftops. After all, everyone else in the same clinical position would be vaccinated too! Should they have been quiet in case people cringed at their 'boasting'? Or in case people in later groups were furious? I feel it says more about those cringing and those furious than it does about the person sharing their happiness in these instances.

And even if someone is furious and considers themselves higher priority, insulting someone else's protected characteristics and inviting others to do the same isn't ever acceptable as a response to anything.

Quick message
" fuck off pam. You've gone too far this time. Don't contact us again."
Defriend block ignore.
Yanbu.

@dontdisturbmenow

I don't think it was silly to share what we are actually being encouraged to share, which is positive vaccine news Because people don't hear every day in the news? Do they really need to hear it from individuals? I don't think so.

It is bragging, pure and simple. Her reaction was more in response to your bragging than you and OH actually getting it, although she let her frustration run wild.

Bragging? Is someone getting the all clear after cancer bragging too?

To all those accusing others of 'bragging' about having a jab, what exactly is there to brag about hmm? The fact that you're, in some way, vulnerable? Or that you have caring responsibilities for someone who is vulnerable? Going for a jab is hardly a fun day out, it could even make you feel quite unwell. So, what on earth about any of that would warrant 'bragging?' Grow up!

I would happily give up my group 6 condition and not be eligible for the jab yet as would DH.

Any takers for lifelong life changing conditions in your 30s or 40s???