Piss off, Pam!

[FuckingFabulous]

A relative- 'Pam'- has pissed me right off this morning on Facebook (yes, I know, the root of all evil.)

And actually, it's not even just Pam, there are a few of them but she's the worst one!

Basically me and DH are group 6 for the vaccine. Me due to caring responsibilities for our DD and DH due to an underlying health condition. DH got the jab this morning and I reposted an article about how well the U.K. is doing with their vaccination programme and mentioned DH was currently having his vaccine and I'm having mine in a few days.

Straight away, Pam comments "so many young people having their jabs- what magic key have you all got to jump the queue? I'm Over 50 and I work with the public but I can't just waltz in like some! Oh well"

I just replied that I couldn't speak for anyone else but DH and I are in group 6, me for caring and him for health reasons and were invited to book, so there has been no queue jumping, and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it. She then commented "So because you're a parent with normal parenting responsibilities, you are saying you have got rights ahead of me, a person over 50? Don't make me laugh."
I didn't reply because I was fuming as she knows full well that I have a round the clock caring role for my daughter (and she's a woman who wouldn't even have her own 20yo DD home to recover from surgery as it was "above and beyond" her responsibility ) so I was reeling from the audacity of her! I went to make a coffee and consider my response to her. I was all for politely telling her that she's being judgemental and although she's disappointed, it's not kind to be so dismissive when she's well aware of the difficulties I face at home, but then when I looked again, I saw it had all kicked off a bit!

Pam has posted another comment saying "And what's Mr FuckingFabulous's magic key condition?" Another older female relative chimes in then with a heart reaction and a comment of "I'd also love to know this, Pam! Beggars belief!!" Pam shoots back with "last time I checked, being an idiot wasn't on the list of conditions!" Cue about five laugh reactions from older relatives and comments like "this is why I love you, you say it like it is, Pam!"

DH has ADHD. Not sure if all older relatives know this but Pam, the one who called him an idiot, does indeed know!! I've had to speak to her and her husband before when they both expressed an opinion that ADHD and ASD don't exist and they're excuses for poor performance. And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab. Several people have also commented to her and some of the others that their comments are disgusting and Pam has been popping on a copy paste reply of "I am entitled to my opinion - it's a free country still."

So Pam has dismissed my caring responsibilities and taken the piss out of my DH for his ADHD. I have deleted the thread and spoken to my mum about it and she said it's best just to leave it, we don't want bad feelings in the family. Um, what about MY feelings? Or DH's??

WIBU to message Pam and tell her how bloody vile she is?? I should do it to all of them really, but I doubt it would have any impact.

I’m slightly envious of people that have had their jab. I can’t wait for mine. But I don’t begrudge any of my friends that have. I’m pleased for them. And it’s not like they’ve had any influence over when they were invited for it anyway!

I keep wanting to like your posts @FuckingFabulous Well done on not taking Pams abuse. I loved your response, wish I were as brave.

Well done OP. I too am a carer for a disabled child, and am eligible for my vaccine in the next few days. I am disgusted that anyone would be anything other than happy to see a family member who had been deemed vulnerable be given some protection from this vile illness. Good for you, she sounds a terrible combination of mean, thick and entitled. I’m so sorry your DF joined in; knowing what you deal with in regards to your DD that is unconscionable.

You could reply: ahh Pam, funny you should mention this: I did try to decline and suggested that you take my place but the computer said noooo

OP you legend!! You are right - there are times when it's more satisfying not to rise above it and ignore. Enjoy your victory!!!

Massive respect for you OP, you live up to your username. Every post on point.

As a 36yr old with Multiple Schlerosis and a carer for a 6yr old with ASD who is apparently not eligible yet, I can understand a little where Pam is coming from! Though I don't condone her vile attitude.

Why does ADHD make someone's body vulnerable to Covid?

I'm terrified of catching it as my child would have to go into foster care if I became ill as there is absolutely nobody to care for them.
It is infuriating when behavioural problems (NOT that I'm in any way mocking or putting down your husband's condition) are put before people with serious health conditions which aren't quite classed as 'extremely vulnerable' it makes zero sense!

@noraclavicle

Before anyone else who finds comprehension difficult decides to comment - THE OP’S DH DIDN’T GET THE JAB FOR ADHD!

Seriously RTFT before you comment 🤦🏻‍♀️

Sorry that was to @RuledbyASD

I would have gone for shaming her with..."as you know full well Pam, dh has lung condition and therefore is absolutely entitled. His ADHD is neither here nor there and I find it disgusting that you would repeatedly mock someone with a medical condition diagnosed by professionals. Your personal opinion on the validity of this means less than nothing and we would appreciate you stopping your ignorant and offensive comments. You have caused enough hurt and offence over the years in ill founded attempts at humour which we have refrained from commenting on due to respect for you and our family relations, but you seem to have no such respect or consideration unfortunately.

With regard to myself and my daughter, again you know full well that "carer" does not mean "parent." Dd's condition is so serious that ... (give examples you feel comfortable with that would make Pam squirm....maybe things like assisting a teenager with toiletting? Up to you to decide how much to share - a balancing act between shaming Pam and embarrassing your dd. If you receive carers allowancce or DLA, explain that you have had to fill in lengthy forms explaining in detail all dd's difficulties and that these are not only soul-destroying to do but also require professional reports and many still get turned down, so that gives an indication of just how difficult it is to "be a carer" and highlights differences between "parent" and "carer.")

Finally, state that you are upset and disappointed that so many relatives appear to feel that mocking conditions such as these is acceptable, and express your hurt and anger, followed by "as I'm sure all reasonable people will understand, I will no longer be engaging with you or this thread, and will be unfriending/blocking you. I hope that those who have commented thoughtlessly without knowing full facts will recognise that significant damage has been done to family relationships and that it will difficult to move forward until apologies have been made."

Then exit and block who you need to. You've defended and stood up for your family and hopefully shamed those who need shaming and given thoughtless posters something to think about.

That’s suppose to be your aunt?! Some family that is. So glad you’ve blocked them all as they sound vile. Have nothing more to do with them. If you’re group 6 you’re group 6 end off. It’s not for anyone to comment on and especially not the the disgusting way Pam did (and those that liked and commented with her). I’d be delighted if you were my family member getting it. We will all get out turn eventually. Your caring role sounds exhausting. I’m glad you have your vaccination and have at least one small thing off your mind now. Please just ignore that whole side of your family - they aren’t nice and they don’t care about you or your DH or DD.

@NoGoodPunsLeft

Sorry that was to *@RuledbyASD*

Well that wasn't what she said, was it?! Why mention he has ADHD if it's not the condition he had the jab for?! Either way, bragging that you've had the vaccination when you have more vulnerable people on your friends list is really poor taste and a bit tone death. I've recently deleted someone for doing exactly that when they know very, very well how unwell I am and the battle I've had being a widowed single parent during this pandemic - a 'good' friend apparently. Or so I thought. I'm NOT condoning the vile, childish behaviour of 'Pam' but there are two sides to it, that's all I'm saying

NoGoodPunsLeft

And the hard of comprehension don’t even need to RTFT - just the OP!

@ RuledbyASD for the umpteenth time the OP made it clear from the outset that it wasn’t for ADSD that got her DH the jab!

@RuledbyASD

As a 36yr old with Multiple Schlerosis and a carer for a 6yr old with ASD who is apparently not eligible yet, I can understand a little where Pam is coming from! Though I don't condone her vile attitude.

Why does ADHD make someone's body vulnerable to Covid?

I'm terrified of catching it as my child would have to go into foster care if I became ill as there is absolutely nobody to care for them.
It is infuriating when behavioural problems (NOT that I'm in any way mocking or putting down your husband's condition) are put before people with serious health conditions which aren't quite classed as 'extremely vulnerable' it makes zero sense!

I’m sorry you e been told you aren’t eligible yet. As a Carer with a health condition yourself that must be scary, snd I hope you get it soon.

However the studies have shown that people with neurodevelopmental conditions are in fact much more susceptible to covid. The brain isn’t a thing that functions by itself, separate from the body - it’s an organ like any other.

Why mention he has ADHD if it's not the condition he had the jab for?!

OP mentioned it because Pam used the ADHD to spew her bile.

Reading isn't everyone's strong point, evidently.

@FuckingFabulous Bravo!! 👏👏👏

This thread has made me so angry, not just at fucking cunty Pam and your family for being such nasty bastards, but at all the people who think that it's 'unfair' that people who have to live with/care for people who have debilitating health conditions get a vaccine before them. Entitled cunts.

Oh, but mostly people who can't read the fucking thread

I’m sorry you’re struggling RuledbyASD
but the OP wasn’t boasting, as she’s also made clear. Nothing justifies the response this relative made. If you read her posts again you should see why.

One point: while this one incident was nasty, it is NOT an isolated incident. Pam has previously sneered at people with neurodevelopmental problems, accusing them all of either being lazy and making excuses, or being 'idiots'. She has explicitly included OP's husband and son in the sneering. This is inexcusable, and especially perhaps in someone who is apparently in her 50s: I might excuse it slightly more (but not very much!) in either an immature teenager or a very elderly person who had never heard of invisible disabilities.

Her current dismissiveness of OP's role as a carer to a seriously disabled child is all part and parcel of a vicious, tauntiing attitude toward disabilities.

This attitude cannot be blamed on fear of Covid; it preceded Covid. Nor is it relevant whether the OP should or shouldn't have mentioned getting vaccinated. The vaccine was just the current excuse for Pam to show her vile attitude. She is just a bully who resents and despises people with disabilities, and unfortunately her acolytes encourage her bullying.

Yes, it is what she said. From the OP, towards the end:

DH has ADHD. Not sure if all older relatives know this but Pam, the one who called him an idiot, does indeed know!! I've had to speak to her and her husband before when they both expressed an opinion that ADHD and ASD don't exist and they're excuses for poor performance. And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab.

Perfectly plain if you read the whole thing. As I said above, if it seems odd, go back and re-read and check you didn't miss anything or misunderstand something.

The OP said about the ADSD because of the horrendous 'idiot' comment RuledbyASD and speaking of 'behavioural problems' how about you read the thread before you wade into the vulnerability olympics.

@RuledbyASD

As a 36yr old with Multiple Schlerosis and a carer for a 6yr old with ASD who is apparently not eligible yet, I can understand a little where Pam is coming from! Though I don't condone her vile attitude.

Why does ADHD make someone's body vulnerable to Covid?

I'm terrified of catching it as my child would have to go into foster care if I became ill as there is absolutely nobody to care for them.
It is infuriating when behavioural problems (NOT that I'm in any way mocking or putting down your husband's condition) are put before people with serious health conditions which aren't quite classed as 'extremely vulnerable' it makes zero sense!

Ok.

If you read the OP, it states that ADHD is NOT the reason that he got his jab, it's just a nasty comment that Pam decided to make because she's a bitch and she's called him an idiot before because of it. If you read a few more of my posts, you'll come across one where I explain that situation. He isn't getting the jab because he has a "behavioural" issue. He's getting it because he has a respiratory issue and this is a respiratory disease. I'm getting it because I'm a carer for a high needs child. Pam
thinks she ought to have it before people with a clinical need because she's 56

The righteous indignation on this thread, largely resulting from a lack of basic comprehension skills, is hilarious 😂

Read the thread

@RuledbyASD sorry that was for you. Read the thread.

Have you confirmed what group you are Ruled? Essentially if the GPs to k the box on your file that says carer it should put you into group 6. I know some doctors have been difficult but you should be group 6 as a carer even without your own health issues.

Out interest what did your friendliest, the one you deleted? Are you actually deleting everyone who says they've had it?