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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Piss off, Pam!

999 replies

FuckingFabulous · 24/02/2021 12:38

A relative- 'Pam'- has pissed me right off this morning on Facebook (yes, I know, the root of all evil.)

And actually, it's not even just Pam, there are a few of them but she's the worst one!

Basically me and DH are group 6 for the vaccine. Me due to caring responsibilities for our DD and DH due to an underlying health condition. DH got the jab this morning and I reposted an article about how well the U.K. is doing with their vaccination programme and mentioned DH was currently having his vaccine and I'm having mine in a few days.

Straight away, Pam comments "so many young people having their jabs- what magic key have you all got to jump the queue? I'm Over 50 and I work with the public but I can't just waltz in like some! Oh well"

I just replied that I couldn't speak for anyone else but DH and I are in group 6, me for caring and him for health reasons and were invited to book, so there has been no queue jumping, and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it. She then commented "So because you're a parent with normal parenting responsibilities, you are saying you have got rights ahead of me, a person over 50? Don't make me laugh."
I didn't reply because I was fuming as she knows full well that I have a round the clock caring role for my daughter (and she's a woman who wouldn't even have her own 20yo DD home to recover from surgery as it was "above and beyond" her responsibility ) so I was reeling from the audacity of her! I went to make a coffee and consider my response to her. I was all for politely telling her that she's being judgemental and although she's disappointed, it's not kind to be so dismissive when she's well aware of the difficulties I face at home, but then when I looked again, I saw it had all kicked off a bit!

Pam has posted another comment saying "And what's Mr FuckingFabulous's magic key condition?" Another older female relative chimes in then with a heart reaction and a comment of "I'd also love to know this, Pam! Beggars belief!!" Pam shoots back with "last time I checked, being an idiot wasn't on the list of conditions!" Cue about five laugh reactions from older relatives and comments like "this is why I love you, you say it like it is, Pam!"

DH has ADHD. Not sure if all older relatives know this but Pam, the one who called him an idiot, does indeed know!! I've had to speak to her and her husband before when they both expressed an opinion that ADHD and ASD don't exist and they're excuses for poor performance. And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab. Several people have also commented to her and some of the others that their comments are disgusting and Pam has been popping on a copy paste reply of "I am entitled to my opinion - it's a free country still."

So Pam has dismissed my caring responsibilities and taken the piss out of my DH for his ADHD. I have deleted the thread and spoken to my mum about it and she said it's best just to leave it, we don't want bad feelings in the family. Um, what about MY feelings? Or DH's??

WIBU to message Pam and tell her how bloody vile she is?? I should do it to all of them really, but I doubt it would have any impact.

OP posts:
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FoffeeCoffee · 24/02/2021 19:05

Well done op.

If this is how they like to treat "family" then they can stick their reunions and gatherings. They sound like a pile of ignorant cunts that I wouldn't want to expose my DP and kids to.

Treehops · 24/02/2021 19:05

I deactivated fb a while ago, instagram a bit later. Best thing I ever did. Still have messenger, you can keep that without having fb page active. If you do that you don't have to justify blocking just certain people. If your mum gets sad about a lack of kid pics you can send them to her directly. I know sometimes it feels like everything is tied up in it (I felt like that too) but nothing really important is actually dependent on it. Unless you need it for work (in which case only use it for that) it's really not worth it. Especially with family like that. Though I know when you're a carer there's obvs a lot of online support from groups, so if you can't come off, be selective about sharing or just block them. It may be that some family members will show her stuff she can't see though... maybe a 2nd account with a made up name for any support stuff and bin off the main one.

ShowMeTheSugar · 24/02/2021 19:05

I'd agree that once you've said your bit I would block and forget. Her views on adhd alone would have me ready to block her.

You can't argue with someone who clearly doesn't care about the actuality of the situation so you might as well block them now and make it clear once this is over they won't be darkening your door again.

B3ttyBoop · 24/02/2021 19:05

@FuckingFabulous

My DF shared a post about family this afternoon - "after the pandemic we're all going to get together" sort it thing

Pam commented on it "Family huh don't make me laugh, your daughter and her husband have just jumped the queue to the cure while people like us have to wait in danger for the selfish ones to have their turn! 🤬". Loads of family all over it like "what? That's not right!" And "omg Pam are you serious! Selfish people!!" And my DF didn't say a word to her!

I have commented. I wasn't going to, I was totally going to take the high road, but she and her ilk are fucking horrible and deserve to be knocked down a peg or two. Pam and her sisters are keen embroiderers and constantly share pictures of what they're working on (and even though I blocked one earlier I feel sure she'll be shown this) so I shared this picture and commented "Most unfortunately for most of you and especially Pam: My sympathies to all those who have to deal with your symptoms."

Instant angry reacts from Pam, DF and a few others. I've been tagged a few times but I'm not reading it. I want to feel triumphant for a bit. I've clicked off of it now and decided that I won't answer any PMs or anything from any of them. Won't even read them, will just delete. I think I will block them all once I've given them a chance to read what I think of them. Spiteful dicks.

Short n sweet 👏🏻😂 Don't blame you. Pam and her pals are wilfully ignorant. They don't have any inkling what your day to day lives are like. Or how vulnerable you'd all be if you contracted this virus. They want to blame individuals for getting a vaccine before them. Do they even realise how vaccine rollout works?? Family or not, i'd find it hard to spend any time with people like that.
Twatterati · 24/02/2021 19:07

Wow, what a complete bitch she's been, really nasty behaviour and totally unnecessary.

Hope you don't take her comments or anyone else's to heart. Let them spend a day in your shoes, they'd be less quick to judge then.

I don't know why, but I've noticed SOME people (often the older gen) think it's ok to make utterly appalling comments and dress it up as "just saying it as it is.." or give it the "free country.." type justification.

And the pandemic has definitely made the nasty streak nastier. Bet they all share #bekind as well, sigh.

Thanks for you OP xx

LagneyandCasey · 24/02/2021 19:07

I can't see if anyone's posted this yet. The perfect card and/or cake for her.

Piss off, Pam!
Piss off, Pam!
Anydreamwilldo12 · 24/02/2021 19:09

Well done OP. Bunch of snide bastards.

FuckingFabulous · 24/02/2021 19:09

I have now blocked her, all three of her sisters, taken a break from DF, blocked my GM, blocked all my cousins and literally anyone who is on my friends list and posted anything supportive to Pam, even in the form of a like. And then I had a bit of a two minute spree, blocking people who I have seen be shitty about Covid, the vaccine, children's mental health etc. Bollocks to the lot of them!

OP posts:
Whatafabulousday · 24/02/2021 19:10

Well done OP, she sounds grim

RootyT00t · 24/02/2021 19:11

I don't understand how someone is selfish for being before you

If you were before them, would you not be selfish?

FatCatThinCat · 24/02/2021 19:12

Bloody hell OP, your entire family are utterly toxic. How you've made it this far without exorcising the lot of them is beyond me. You should be sainted for that level of patience and tolerance. I'd have killed the lot of them by now.

drsambeckett · 24/02/2021 19:12

I’m group 6 and had my vaccine last Friday. Anyone else who wanted it was most welcome but I would have expected your fully functioning liver, non-scarred lungs, fully functioning right leg and non-defective genes in exchange. Cheap at the price.

mimi0708 · 24/02/2021 19:13

Hi OP, I completely sympathise with you, I don't even understand some of the nasty reactions you were getting here. I have family like this and I'm so proud of you for saying something. Honestly ignore your mum and just block them. At this point I wouldn't even try to be nice or 'diplomatic', with them, from my experience this never works and the only thing that stops them being nasty is by removing them from your life

aweegc · 24/02/2021 19:13

OP I'm loving you! The embroidery post was fekking awesome! Im sure Tourette's levels have peaked a bit today and probably not helpful to everything else you've had to be getting on with but the embroidery for embroiderers was a touch of genius.

I like your writing style too (generally on this thread)!

Just think, the next time you open Facebook it'll be full of cat videos and not much else! :)

mimi0708 · 24/02/2021 19:15

Just seen your update about blocking them, well done 👏 👏

drsambeckett · 24/02/2021 19:15

Oh and I’m only in my forties.

Honeyroar · 24/02/2021 19:16

They don’t sound much of a loss I’d not bother with them again if they’ve previously insulted you and your family. I regularly delete people on Facebook that aren’t real friends or who annoy me with their dreadful opinions. Life (and Facebook!) is much nicer without them.

drsambeckett · 24/02/2021 19:16

Good for you blocking them. Life’s too short for suffering toxic people.

ShowMeTheSugar · 24/02/2021 19:17

As an aside, I'd be pretty pissed at your DF and DM reactions. I don't know what the dynamic is there but overall it seems quite shit from the lot of them.

Congratulations on your cull!

shamalidacdak · 24/02/2021 19:22

You get the early jab for ADHD? That's insane

Mooloolabababy · 24/02/2021 19:23

👏👏👏 bloody awesome op!
Pam and her sisters are twats

LoudestCat14 · 24/02/2021 19:23

@FuckingFabulous

My DF shared a post about family this afternoon - "after the pandemic we're all going to get together" sort it thing

Pam commented on it "Family huh don't make me laugh, your daughter and her husband have just jumped the queue to the cure while people like us have to wait in danger for the selfish ones to have their turn! 🤬". Loads of family all over it like "what? That's not right!" And "omg Pam are you serious! Selfish people!!" And my DF didn't say a word to her!

I have commented. I wasn't going to, I was totally going to take the high road, but she and her ilk are fucking horrible and deserve to be knocked down a peg or two. Pam and her sisters are keen embroiderers and constantly share pictures of what they're working on (and even though I blocked one earlier I feel sure she'll be shown this) so I shared this picture and commented "Most unfortunately for most of you and especially Pam: My sympathies to all those who have to deal with your symptoms."

Instant angry reacts from Pam, DF and a few others. I've been tagged a few times but I'm not reading it. I want to feel triumphant for a bit. I've clicked off of it now and decided that I won't answer any PMs or anything from any of them. Won't even read them, will just delete. I think I will block them all once I've given them a chance to read what I think of them. Spiteful dicks.

Brilliant! Best possible response.
LoudestCat14 · 24/02/2021 19:23

@shamalidacdak

You get the early jab for ADHD? That's insane
Gawd almighty. Read the thread properly!
greyinganddecaying · 24/02/2021 19:25

What a bunch of tests your family are op - good on you for blocking them. Hope you have a nice break from their ridiculous comments.

MrBullinaChinaShop · 24/02/2021 19:25

@shamalidacdak

You get the early jab for ADHD? That's insane
I mean, you didn’t even have to read the whole thread. The OP makes it clear that the reason for the vaccine isn’t ADHD.
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