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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Piss off, Pam!

999 replies

FuckingFabulous · 24/02/2021 12:38

A relative- 'Pam'- has pissed me right off this morning on Facebook (yes, I know, the root of all evil.)

And actually, it's not even just Pam, there are a few of them but she's the worst one!

Basically me and DH are group 6 for the vaccine. Me due to caring responsibilities for our DD and DH due to an underlying health condition. DH got the jab this morning and I reposted an article about how well the U.K. is doing with their vaccination programme and mentioned DH was currently having his vaccine and I'm having mine in a few days.

Straight away, Pam comments "so many young people having their jabs- what magic key have you all got to jump the queue? I'm Over 50 and I work with the public but I can't just waltz in like some! Oh well"

I just replied that I couldn't speak for anyone else but DH and I are in group 6, me for caring and him for health reasons and were invited to book, so there has been no queue jumping, and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it. She then commented "So because you're a parent with normal parenting responsibilities, you are saying you have got rights ahead of me, a person over 50? Don't make me laugh."
I didn't reply because I was fuming as she knows full well that I have a round the clock caring role for my daughter (and she's a woman who wouldn't even have her own 20yo DD home to recover from surgery as it was "above and beyond" her responsibility ) so I was reeling from the audacity of her! I went to make a coffee and consider my response to her. I was all for politely telling her that she's being judgemental and although she's disappointed, it's not kind to be so dismissive when she's well aware of the difficulties I face at home, but then when I looked again, I saw it had all kicked off a bit!

Pam has posted another comment saying "And what's Mr FuckingFabulous's magic key condition?" Another older female relative chimes in then with a heart reaction and a comment of "I'd also love to know this, Pam! Beggars belief!!" Pam shoots back with "last time I checked, being an idiot wasn't on the list of conditions!" Cue about five laugh reactions from older relatives and comments like "this is why I love you, you say it like it is, Pam!"

DH has ADHD. Not sure if all older relatives know this but Pam, the one who called him an idiot, does indeed know!! I've had to speak to her and her husband before when they both expressed an opinion that ADHD and ASD don't exist and they're excuses for poor performance. And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab. Several people have also commented to her and some of the others that their comments are disgusting and Pam has been popping on a copy paste reply of "I am entitled to my opinion - it's a free country still."

So Pam has dismissed my caring responsibilities and taken the piss out of my DH for his ADHD. I have deleted the thread and spoken to my mum about it and she said it's best just to leave it, we don't want bad feelings in the family. Um, what about MY feelings? Or DH's??

WIBU to message Pam and tell her how bloody vile she is?? I should do it to all of them really, but I doubt it would have any impact.

OP posts:
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Bugslydoo · 24/02/2021 17:02

Tell her to fuck off-and that while she may get a covid vaccine eventually she won’t get a vaccine for being a cnut!
I’m having my vaccine on sat-I’m a carer for my daughter too!

WingingIt101 · 24/02/2021 17:04

Bloody hell op what a cow! Glad you've removed her from your Facebook as nobody needs people like that in their lives.

Whether or not you should have broadcast having the vaccine isn't the issue here. It seems that in doing so you were just sharing your own joy and not intending to show off or upset anyone, and frankly even if you were a bit smug it doesn't warrant nastiness from others. 2 wrongs and all that (if anyone does see your original post as "wrong" - I actually don't)

I'd be telling Pam where she can shove her vaccine but then I've got no shame.

I had mine yesterday. I'm 33. I obviously have a condition on the list to have had the call but I felt there might be others more deserving.
Called my gp to check and he said please just go. It protects you, it helps toward reducing cases and therefore protects others and its more hassle to push you down the list and keep calling you so don't create an admin burden and just have it now rather than 10 weeks time.

LouJ85 · 24/02/2021 17:04

Tell her to fuck off-and that while she may get a covid vaccine eventually she won’t get a vaccine for being a cnut!

😂

dingoesatemybaby · 24/02/2021 17:05

If this pandemic has done anything, it's really brought out the nasty, snide and downright vicious bastards from under their rocks.

I'd rip her a new one (public or private message) the block her and the rest of the idiots laughing and liking her posts.

Some people are just fucking horrible and you don't need that in your life OP

Perfect28 · 24/02/2021 17:05

Pam is rude. That much is obvious. I do find it interesting that adhd is classed as an underlying condition though, does it make a person any more at risk?

Originalusername2021 · 24/02/2021 17:06

@Perfect28

Pam is rude. That much is obvious. I do find it interesting that adhd is classed as an underlying condition though, does it make a person any more at risk?
Fuck me! 🤦🏻‍♀️
birdglasspen · 24/02/2021 17:07

Enjoy your vaccines, Pam sounds like an utter cow, anyone getting a vaccine is good news. Bitter, jealous, small minded folk out there!

Perfect28 · 24/02/2021 17:10

Nevermind.

Saz12 · 24/02/2021 17:10

“Pam” is a nasty bitter small-minded bitch, as are her online cronies.

I would comment on her response to point out, just as you did here, that DH is in Group 6 due to respiratory condition, and you are in Group 6 as an unpaid career for your severely disabled child. That you didn’t come up with the groups, nor have you any influence over them, and being jealous and bitter on Facebook won’t change anything.

When she comments on old pictures, point out the date. Just a one liner is enough.

I don’t see why YOU should ignore her awful comments, though you probably shouldn’t lay into her!

Craftycorvid · 24/02/2021 17:10

‘Fuck off, Pam and take your self-righteousness and shove it up yer bum.’

foodiefil · 24/02/2021 17:11

@FuckingFabulous

To the people who are wondering why I would post about vaccination, I genuinely do think it's cause for celebration and that if we're on group six and storming through it, all the other groups are not too far behind at all. I see it as a hopeful message that we are on our way out of this! I've seen literally dozens of people posting about their vaccine or changing their profile picture to have a frame by NHS England saying they'll be getting it or that they've had it. I was very taken aback to be met with such spite over it!

Pam is an aunt, by the way.

I agree completely with this. You posted it for the right reasons, it is a special moment.

I'm SO annoyed for you. I don't have a family member like this but I do have a mother who wouldn't want me to say anything. But I WOULD.

She sounds like an absolute cow. Who the hell does she think she is. I'd post on Facebook again and tag the bitch. Telling her she's a bitch and that you hope she gets chronic piles for two weeks minimum.

PamDenick · 24/02/2021 17:12

I say block her.

And it's not me.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 24/02/2021 17:13

@Perfect28

Pam is rude. That much is obvious. I do find it interesting that adhd is classed as an underlying condition though, does it make a person any more at risk?
Go back to the OP!

And all of the other posts, some in shouty capitals,l.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

IT

DOES

NOT!

Nomoreporridge · 24/02/2021 17:14

OP- I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all these ‘Pam’s’ not reading the bloody post properly!

You absolutely deserve to be on a priority list. I’m also appalled at Pam 1.0 for not having some understanding given she knows your situation.

The problem with the Pams of this world is they don’t understand collective effort- every person who is vaccinated lowers the risk of it spreading, so I can say I’m massively bothered if someone younger than me gets it first.

Nomoreporridge · 24/02/2021 17:16

@Nomoreporridge

OP- I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all these ‘Pam’s’ not reading the bloody post properly!

You absolutely deserve to be on a priority list. I’m also appalled at Pam 1.0 for not having some understanding given she knows your situation.

The problem with the Pams of this world is they don’t understand collective effort- every person who is vaccinated lowers the risk of it spreading, so I can say I’m massively bothered if someone younger than me gets it first.

  • can’t say!
MistakenAgain · 24/02/2021 17:19

If she knows your DH has a health condition why did you bother replying to say he has a health condition other than to set the record straight with other people reading it? Sorry but you enticed her to then make her stupid argument. I'd have ignored it. Silence speaks volumes.

From this point, block her. You literally do not have to follow what other people say e.g. don't make a fuss etc. The comment about ADHD would be the straw for me, that is bullying (I have ADHD and I would be properly annoyed).

If it makes you feel better to write an email about how nasty they are then go ahead. It is not my style personally as it usually goes wrong for me. I go by the motto when I do bad more bad happens. Defo block her though as you don't want her slating your spouse publicly again.

MistakenAgain · 24/02/2021 17:19

^Or slating you.

HOkieCOkie · 24/02/2021 17:19

@FuckingFabulous I know how annoying.

harknesswitch · 24/02/2021 17:20

Another response to Pam

'Shame you can't get vaccinated for being a bitch eh'

mainsfed · 24/02/2021 17:20

It's a shame you've unfriended her, you should have responded to her comments.

Did she reply to DH's comment?

TitOfTheIceberg · 24/02/2021 17:23

@ekidmxcl

Whilst Pam is a twat, I still think people who have been vaccinated would find it easier not to broadcast it so explicitly. What sort of response would you expect to get if you posted on Facebook, yay I got a pay rise, now up to £350,000? The vaccine is similarly high stakes IMO. People who truly love you will be happy for you. But I think Pam exposed herself as someone who doesn’t like you at all.
FFS, listen to yourself.

Equating getting a Covid vaccination in Group 6 with getting a mega pay rise only works if you think "yay, my husband has a condition that puts him at increased risk of dying or becoming seriously ill from Covid and if I'm incapacitated with it my daughter will be utterly screwed because of needing round the clock care that only I can give" is a boast. I don't see the Pams of this world clamouring to swap with the OP when it comes to the shitty circumstances that made them eligible for the vaccine this week.

Figgygal · 24/02/2021 17:24

Your family are arseholes sorry op
You’ve done nothing wrong and I’m happy for you getting the vaccine to protect you and your family

WingingItSince1973 · 24/02/2021 17:26

We have a Pam in our family. Shes an aunt who loves drama and causing problems. We are a large family, some pander to her and some, like me, delete and block. If her names every mentioned at get togethers we politely change the subject. Sadly although most of the family agree she's a trouble maker, she won't change. Its no loss to me. X

Setindarkness · 24/02/2021 17:26

@PotDaffodil

Not in the north-west are you by any chance? Only this is the kind of general daily unpleasantness I associate with the north west.

Your dh made a good reply, now do tell them to stop being so self-centred, over 50s are not the only people on the planet. Then block and don't bother with.

I can't take seriously anyone who makes a comment like this about a whole region! And incidentally, north west of where?
QueenPaw · 24/02/2021 17:31

@TitOfTheIceberg exactly. I'm 37 and had mine 3 weeks ago
You can have my vaccine if you take my condition that makes me CEV

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