Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Piss off, Pam!

999 replies

FuckingFabulous · 24/02/2021 12:38

A relative- 'Pam'- has pissed me right off this morning on Facebook (yes, I know, the root of all evil.)

And actually, it's not even just Pam, there are a few of them but she's the worst one!

Basically me and DH are group 6 for the vaccine. Me due to caring responsibilities for our DD and DH due to an underlying health condition. DH got the jab this morning and I reposted an article about how well the U.K. is doing with their vaccination programme and mentioned DH was currently having his vaccine and I'm having mine in a few days.

Straight away, Pam comments "so many young people having their jabs- what magic key have you all got to jump the queue? I'm Over 50 and I work with the public but I can't just waltz in like some! Oh well"

I just replied that I couldn't speak for anyone else but DH and I are in group 6, me for caring and him for health reasons and were invited to book, so there has been no queue jumping, and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it. She then commented "So because you're a parent with normal parenting responsibilities, you are saying you have got rights ahead of me, a person over 50? Don't make me laugh."
I didn't reply because I was fuming as she knows full well that I have a round the clock caring role for my daughter (and she's a woman who wouldn't even have her own 20yo DD home to recover from surgery as it was "above and beyond" her responsibility ) so I was reeling from the audacity of her! I went to make a coffee and consider my response to her. I was all for politely telling her that she's being judgemental and although she's disappointed, it's not kind to be so dismissive when she's well aware of the difficulties I face at home, but then when I looked again, I saw it had all kicked off a bit!

Pam has posted another comment saying "And what's Mr FuckingFabulous's magic key condition?" Another older female relative chimes in then with a heart reaction and a comment of "I'd also love to know this, Pam! Beggars belief!!" Pam shoots back with "last time I checked, being an idiot wasn't on the list of conditions!" Cue about five laugh reactions from older relatives and comments like "this is why I love you, you say it like it is, Pam!"

DH has ADHD. Not sure if all older relatives know this but Pam, the one who called him an idiot, does indeed know!! I've had to speak to her and her husband before when they both expressed an opinion that ADHD and ASD don't exist and they're excuses for poor performance. And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab. Several people have also commented to her and some of the others that their comments are disgusting and Pam has been popping on a copy paste reply of "I am entitled to my opinion - it's a free country still."

So Pam has dismissed my caring responsibilities and taken the piss out of my DH for his ADHD. I have deleted the thread and spoken to my mum about it and she said it's best just to leave it, we don't want bad feelings in the family. Um, what about MY feelings? Or DH's??

WIBU to message Pam and tell her how bloody vile she is?? I should do it to all of them really, but I doubt it would have any impact.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
LouJ85 · 24/02/2021 16:44

It's really not my responsibility to be mindful of every single thing that could offend every single person. 🙄*

Besides, she wasn't offended, she was being a nasty offensive cow.

Anything in my life that I post about could considered offensive or coast by someone! If I go on holiday, should I not post in case someone else can't go? Should I not be photographed in mice clothing in case someone else doesn't have it? Not post about my degree studies in case someone is salty about their own lack of higher education.

I wasn't being a bitch. I wasn't gloating. I was sharing support for the vaccine!*

Exactly!!! ALL of this.

ekidmxcl · 24/02/2021 16:45

Whilst Pam is a twat, I still think people who have been vaccinated would find it easier not to broadcast it so explicitly. What sort of response would you expect to get if you posted on Facebook, yay I got a pay rise, now up to £350,000? The vaccine is similarly high stakes IMO. People who truly love you will be happy for you. But I think Pam exposed herself as someone who doesn’t like you at all.

LouJ85 · 24/02/2021 16:47

But I think Pam exposed herself as someone who doesn’t like you at all.

Wtaf? 😳

nitsandwormsdodger · 24/02/2021 16:48

You did absolutely nothing wrong with promoting the vaccine and celebrating
Anyone who isn't totally pleased for you is no friend especially as you have life long struggles to put you in those categories
Pam has been unforgivably rude and I would not give a shit about causing s scene and removing her from your life block her and all her evil monkeys ! Your mum should be furious and hurt and have your back

ekidmxcl · 24/02/2021 16:48

I imagine support for the vaccine is more needed in countries where the population has low take up. In the UK we have massive take up - the 70-74 category that has been done is looking at about 96-97% take up. The UK population take up is not a problem.

Tlollj · 24/02/2021 16:49

Well I for one am absolutely made up for you. I’m glad we’re getting through the groups quickly. Pam is a cunt.
Best wishes to you and yours 👍

LouJ85 · 24/02/2021 16:49

@ekidmxcl

Have you actually read the comments Pam made? Including referring to her DH as an "idiot" in a passive aggressive snipe?

Do people who like you talk to you like this?!

LouJ85 · 24/02/2021 16:50

@ekidmxcl

Apologies - just realised I misread your comment Grin

SuperSange · 24/02/2021 16:51

If you'd like to wind her up further, you can tell her I've just recieved the text asking me to book my vaccine appt. I'm 49 and very fit, but am immunosupressed. She'll love that.

LovePoppy · 24/02/2021 16:52

@LouJ85

But I think Pam exposed herself as someone who doesn’t like you at all.

Wtaf? 😳

Do you speak to people you like like that?

I certainly don’t.

Nor do I mock their partners.

Whythesadface · 24/02/2021 16:52

Tell her this,
Mum always said if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all!
I thought Nan had been the person who instilled this thought into our family. It now seems you missed the day kindness and consideration was talked about.

myrtleWilson · 24/02/2021 16:53

@ekidmxcl

I imagine support for the vaccine is more needed in countries where the population has low take up. In the UK we have massive take up - the 70-74 category that has been done is looking at about 96-97% take up. The UK population take up is not a problem.
Broadly, you're right but take up variance is causing concern within communities and population cohorts so general safe awareness raising is very much encouraged by the govt - indeed they have provided funds for identified LA's to do support this activity.
PopcornPeacock · 24/02/2021 16:53

She wouldn't be a relative of mine any longer with behaviour and comments like that. So rude and nasty.

LovePoppy · 24/02/2021 16:54

I’m now wondering if nobody in the UK should talk about the vaccine at all? After all, other countries don’t have nearly enough vaccine to vaccinate their populations. Maybe the UK should just “shut up and get on with it and stop bragging?”

I mean, honestly people.

wandawombat · 24/02/2021 16:54

Pam is indeed a grade A cunt.

I have adhd, she could come live in my head for a while, that would be come-uppance.

I've not read any shitty comments on here but massive warm somethings for being there for your DD.

Family, eh?

wandawombat · 24/02/2021 16:55

Any of the shitty comments, that is, as I cba with adhd stigma. You sound a great mum!

LouJ85 · 24/02/2021 16:55

@LovePoppy

No, I misread the comment for which I apologies to the poster concerned

LouJ85 · 24/02/2021 16:55

*apologised

RoSEbuds6 · 24/02/2021 16:56

What a mean-spirited person she is OP - just ignore her (if you can) there are horrible people in the world and Covid has brought a lot of them to the fore.

BlueThistles · 24/02/2021 16:56

there is a certain irony on this thread 🤣

londongirl12 · 24/02/2021 16:58

The amount of people that don't read the post properly 🤦🏻‍♀️.

OP, even though Pam is family, you don't have to have toxic people in your life. She clearly brings no benefit to it. So I would unfriend her and the others that commented horribly. Don't send a nasty message, just unfriend her. And then if it's bought up at any family gatherings etc, just say calmly I don't appreciate how you speak about my family. And let that be it. Don't engage in any form of a slagging match. Unfriend, now!!! Smile

LovePoppy · 24/02/2021 16:59

[quote LouJ85]@LovePoppy

No, I misread the comment for which I apologies to the poster concerned [/quote]
I was obviously typing as you did
Sorry :)

VaVaGloom · 24/02/2021 16:59

Pam is a twat but envy and frustation doesn't bring out the best in people, for example, my children's primary school persist in putting up videos of the children in school doing various nice activities. Unlike Pam I bite my tongue and understand there is a bigger picture . But it would be better if the school didn't broadcast the happy onsite pictures in the first case. Likewise probably better if you hadn't broadcast about the vaccine (although why begrudge anyone a vaccine when it improves the situation for everyone in society?)

I would block Pam. I've had to hide my inlaws on SM - they've had too much time on their hands and posted some thoughtless and unpleasant stuff on facebook - better not to see it!

Don't let someone else's pettiness take the shine off what is a good day for your family.

itsgettingwierd · 24/02/2021 17:00

She's a twat. Try and realise this says more about you than her.

And I live some of the suggested replies here. Pure genius!

ArnoldBoo · 24/02/2021 17:01

FuckingFabulous Pam is really unpleasant, as are her supporters. No idea how you should deal with her. She sounds so clueless that nothing will resonate.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.