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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Piss off, Pam!

999 replies

FuckingFabulous · 24/02/2021 12:38

A relative- 'Pam'- has pissed me right off this morning on Facebook (yes, I know, the root of all evil.)

And actually, it's not even just Pam, there are a few of them but she's the worst one!

Basically me and DH are group 6 for the vaccine. Me due to caring responsibilities for our DD and DH due to an underlying health condition. DH got the jab this morning and I reposted an article about how well the U.K. is doing with their vaccination programme and mentioned DH was currently having his vaccine and I'm having mine in a few days.

Straight away, Pam comments "so many young people having their jabs- what magic key have you all got to jump the queue? I'm Over 50 and I work with the public but I can't just waltz in like some! Oh well"

I just replied that I couldn't speak for anyone else but DH and I are in group 6, me for caring and him for health reasons and were invited to book, so there has been no queue jumping, and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it. She then commented "So because you're a parent with normal parenting responsibilities, you are saying you have got rights ahead of me, a person over 50? Don't make me laugh."
I didn't reply because I was fuming as she knows full well that I have a round the clock caring role for my daughter (and she's a woman who wouldn't even have her own 20yo DD home to recover from surgery as it was "above and beyond" her responsibility ) so I was reeling from the audacity of her! I went to make a coffee and consider my response to her. I was all for politely telling her that she's being judgemental and although she's disappointed, it's not kind to be so dismissive when she's well aware of the difficulties I face at home, but then when I looked again, I saw it had all kicked off a bit!

Pam has posted another comment saying "And what's Mr FuckingFabulous's magic key condition?" Another older female relative chimes in then with a heart reaction and a comment of "I'd also love to know this, Pam! Beggars belief!!" Pam shoots back with "last time I checked, being an idiot wasn't on the list of conditions!" Cue about five laugh reactions from older relatives and comments like "this is why I love you, you say it like it is, Pam!"

DH has ADHD. Not sure if all older relatives know this but Pam, the one who called him an idiot, does indeed know!! I've had to speak to her and her husband before when they both expressed an opinion that ADHD and ASD don't exist and they're excuses for poor performance. And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab. Several people have also commented to her and some of the others that their comments are disgusting and Pam has been popping on a copy paste reply of "I am entitled to my opinion - it's a free country still."

So Pam has dismissed my caring responsibilities and taken the piss out of my DH for his ADHD. I have deleted the thread and spoken to my mum about it and she said it's best just to leave it, we don't want bad feelings in the family. Um, what about MY feelings? Or DH's??

WIBU to message Pam and tell her how bloody vile she is?? I should do it to all of them really, but I doubt it would have any impact.

OP posts:
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lobsteroll · 24/02/2021 16:32

Pam sounds like a complete bitch. I don't blame your husband for replying to her taking the mick. She deserves it.

On the other hand; I do think I posting about getting the vaccine on social media is poorly thought out.

It's absolutely fine to be thrilled to have been vaccinated and I'd certainly mention it to friends or family as and when I spoke to them but broadcasting it on Facebook just seems a bit unnecessary to me.

friendlycat · 24/02/2021 16:33

Just ignore her and step away from Facebook. Surely you don’t want to get into some form of slagging match on social media.

muffb · 24/02/2021 16:33

I think that Pam sounds a nasty bully who is just trying to belittle you. The reply from your DH is brilliant and made me laugh though.

I don't think there's anything wrong with posting about it on social media either, it's made me feel less worried about having the jab when seeing people I know in real life have had it, and it may encourage people to get it done too.

Mumtwoboys90 · 24/02/2021 16:34

also genuinley interested about ADHD being on the list? i was diagnosed as a child but as far as im aware its a learning disability that doesnt affect your physical health?!

harknesswitch · 24/02/2021 16:35

I think I'd respond to Pam with

'well I can't argue with stupid, you'd only beat me with experience'

And then block her

FuckingFabulous · 24/02/2021 16:36

@PotDaffodil

Not in the north-west are you by any chance? Only this is the kind of general daily unpleasantness I associate with the north west.

Your dh made a good reply, now do tell them to stop being so self-centred, over 50s are not the only people on the planet. Then block and don't bother with.

No, south west. I think vaccine cuntery seems to be universal judging by the comments
OP posts:
Covert19 · 24/02/2021 16:36

OP you've done nothing wrong.

Pam has issues, clearly. I'd block and move on. I wouldn't even dignify her comments with a response. She'll not change. I'd just leave her to it and sail on with the rest of my life with no Pam in it. Who needs someone like that in their life?

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 24/02/2021 16:36

I think a vaccine is small consolation for living with a chronic condition or being a full-time carer. Hope you and your DH get by with no side effects OP, and enjoy your Pam-less-life Grin

JustLyra · 24/02/2021 16:36

@Mumtwoboys90

also genuinley interested about ADHD being on the list? i was diagnosed as a child but as far as im aware its a learning disability that doesnt affect your physical health?!
The ADHD is not why the OP's husband received the vaccine. He has another condition, he just also happens to have ADHD as well.
FuckingFabulous · 24/02/2021 16:37

Ha! Mice clothing. 😂😂

Obviously I meant "nice clothing" but mice clothing also fits

OP posts:
GingerAndTheBiscuits · 24/02/2021 16:37

@Mumtwoboys90

also genuinley interested about ADHD being on the list? i was diagnosed as a child but as far as im aware its a learning disability that doesnt affect your physical health?!
Go back and read the OP’s posts properly.
harknesswitch · 24/02/2021 16:37

@Mumtwoboys90 if you read the ops post you'd see his adhd has nothing to do with him getting the vaccine, the fact he's got Respiratory problems due to an accident is why.

turnthebiglightoff · 24/02/2021 16:38

Pam is a prick. Make sure everyone knows about her. Arsehole.

foodiefil · 24/02/2021 16:38

@FirewomanSam

it's doesn't sound like anyone I'm your household is very vulnerable

Her husband has a respiratory condition!

I agree completely with this. You posted it for the right reasons, it is a special moment.

I'm SO annoyed for you. I don't have a family member like this but I do have a mother who wouldn't want me to say anything. But I WOULD.

She sounds like an absolute cow. Who the hell does she think she is. I'd post on Facebook again and tag the bitch. Telling her she's a bitch and that you hope she gets chronic piles for two weeks minimum.

foodiefil · 24/02/2021 16:39

ARRGHHH I didn't mean to quote that message. I'm sorry @FirewomanSam wrong message

Mydogmylife · 24/02/2021 16:40

@solicitoring

Pam is a twat. But did your husband seriously get the vaccine early due to adhd?
Nooooooooo! He has a lung condition - read the posts ffs
muddyellowdog · 24/02/2021 16:40

I think Pam is probably absolutely terrified of catching Covid and is desperate for her vaccine so you should give her a break. Replying with a nasty response is just stooping to her level.

Posting on facebook is just showing off and I can't understand the need to broadcast this information. I think it's an extremely old fashioned way of using facebook - very 2007!!

I am pleased that you and your husband have had your vaccines and definitely think you needed them asap.

Snowwaiting · 24/02/2021 16:40

Ignore Pam - limit what she can see of your posts - in future maybe rethink just how much you share on Facebook - it really does invite the idiots in.

ThePlantsitter · 24/02/2021 16:41

Pam sounds like a vicious terrier - I hope you get her with a real zinger before you block her.

I have been vaccinated and haven't told many people - not because I worry about 'showing off' but because I don't want to have to explain myself when I just followed instructions on a text. People are weird.

ShagMeRiggins · 24/02/2021 16:41

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal

"You're right Pam, it has nothing to do with my caring responsibilities or DH's condition, I was just trying to spare your feelings. The truth is, the medical community at large discussed it, and agreed that as you'd be no great loss to humanity, they wouldn't rush to vaccinate you. Sorry Sad"
GrinGrinGrin

Obviously that’s not a serious suggestion, but excellently phrased!

FuckingFabulous · 24/02/2021 16:41

@Mumtwoboys90

also genuinley interested about ADHD being on the list? i was diagnosed as a child but as far as im aware its a learning disability that doesnt affect your physical health?!
As far as I know, it's not (Dh is being vaccinated due to a respiratory condition) but someone shared something earlier about everyone with learning disabilities being included in group six now. Adhd is not considered a learning disability, but I've done a bit of reading and some people seem to have been invited for their vaccine when they've only got ADHD as a difference between them and the general public. I think in some area it's classified as a mental health issue and those are also being included? Honestly I don't know: I just know DH got his for his lung issues but he also has ADHD and that's what Pam chose to be a dick about
OP posts:
Womencanlift · 24/02/2021 16:43

Honestly the posters on here are ridiculous. I have seen loads of posts on social media (and on here) of people saying that they had their vaccine and it wouldn’t occur to me to feel offended or that the poster should be more sensitive

OP you are most certainly not being unreasonable

ShanghaiDiva · 24/02/2021 16:43

@muddyellowdog

I think Pam is probably absolutely terrified of catching Covid and is desperate for her vaccine so you should give her a break. Replying with a nasty response is just stooping to her level.

Posting on facebook is just showing off and I can't understand the need to broadcast this information. I think it's an extremely old fashioned way of using facebook - very 2007!!

I am pleased that you and your husband have had your vaccines and definitely think you needed them asap.

One more person vaccinated is better for the whole community. Posting on social media helps to normalise the vaccination process which is a positive. I don’t see it as showing off.
LouJ85 · 24/02/2021 16:43

*Not in the north-west are you by any chance? Only this is the kind of general daily unpleasantness I associate with the north west.
*
Wow. That's quite possibly the best nonsense sweeping generalisation I've ever read on MN.

Strokethefurrywall · 24/02/2021 16:43

I'm just here for the expertly crafted response you're sending later OP!

Lots of good material here, keep us posted. And, oh yes, Pams a cunt.

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