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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Piss off, Pam!

999 replies

FuckingFabulous · 24/02/2021 12:38

A relative- 'Pam'- has pissed me right off this morning on Facebook (yes, I know, the root of all evil.)

And actually, it's not even just Pam, there are a few of them but she's the worst one!

Basically me and DH are group 6 for the vaccine. Me due to caring responsibilities for our DD and DH due to an underlying health condition. DH got the jab this morning and I reposted an article about how well the U.K. is doing with their vaccination programme and mentioned DH was currently having his vaccine and I'm having mine in a few days.

Straight away, Pam comments "so many young people having their jabs- what magic key have you all got to jump the queue? I'm Over 50 and I work with the public but I can't just waltz in like some! Oh well"

I just replied that I couldn't speak for anyone else but DH and I are in group 6, me for caring and him for health reasons and were invited to book, so there has been no queue jumping, and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it. She then commented "So because you're a parent with normal parenting responsibilities, you are saying you have got rights ahead of me, a person over 50? Don't make me laugh."
I didn't reply because I was fuming as she knows full well that I have a round the clock caring role for my daughter (and she's a woman who wouldn't even have her own 20yo DD home to recover from surgery as it was "above and beyond" her responsibility ) so I was reeling from the audacity of her! I went to make a coffee and consider my response to her. I was all for politely telling her that she's being judgemental and although she's disappointed, it's not kind to be so dismissive when she's well aware of the difficulties I face at home, but then when I looked again, I saw it had all kicked off a bit!

Pam has posted another comment saying "And what's Mr FuckingFabulous's magic key condition?" Another older female relative chimes in then with a heart reaction and a comment of "I'd also love to know this, Pam! Beggars belief!!" Pam shoots back with "last time I checked, being an idiot wasn't on the list of conditions!" Cue about five laugh reactions from older relatives and comments like "this is why I love you, you say it like it is, Pam!"

DH has ADHD. Not sure if all older relatives know this but Pam, the one who called him an idiot, does indeed know!! I've had to speak to her and her husband before when they both expressed an opinion that ADHD and ASD don't exist and they're excuses for poor performance. And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab. Several people have also commented to her and some of the others that their comments are disgusting and Pam has been popping on a copy paste reply of "I am entitled to my opinion - it's a free country still."

So Pam has dismissed my caring responsibilities and taken the piss out of my DH for his ADHD. I have deleted the thread and spoken to my mum about it and she said it's best just to leave it, we don't want bad feelings in the family. Um, what about MY feelings? Or DH's??

WIBU to message Pam and tell her how bloody vile she is?? I should do it to all of them really, but I doubt it would have any impact.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
FunnyWonder · 24/02/2021 15:38

Don’t waste another second of your time on Pam, as this just feeds her desire for conflict. She sounds like an ignoramus and is unlikely to have a lightbulb moment where she recognises how awful she is. I’ve known loads of Pam’s over the years - they haven’t changed, they’re just older. Nobody needs that shit in their lives.

RavingAnnie · 24/02/2021 15:39

@Pixilicious

I think my response would be ‘fuck off Pam you nasty bitch’ and then block her!
This.

I don't know Pam but she and her ilk can fuck right off.

I'd block her and have nothing more to do with her on or off social media. Do the same to any of her "fans".

LouJ85 · 24/02/2021 15:40

I wonder if Pam is on MN? Grin

Zzzexhaustedzzz · 24/02/2021 15:40

Sorry I can’t read the whole thread. I’m just shocked at how this woman has behaved. However, I’m concerned actually that it’s a symptom of the current Covid scenario combined with uneducated/inexperienced prejudiced people who are looking to vent. When they don’t have a place to do that, we get Trump supporters etc. Has she always been this much of a w*er, OP?
The best you can do is be the better person in these situations. Fighting back in any way will not help you. Sorry you have been upset by a relative like this. A quiet, calm word at the next family gathering maybe.

NovemberR · 24/02/2021 15:41

I'd block them all.

Agree with pp saying if you're asked why - Because you're a cunt, Pam. Just telling it like it is.

islockdownoveryet · 24/02/2021 15:41

Block Pam but first send her a scathing dm reply . It’s bad enough random idiots on the internet talking crap but a own relative. We are all going to get the vaccine they is no need to be bloody annoyed with anyone . The sooner we are all vaccinated the better . This vaccine roll is just another opportunity for the Pam’s of the world to complain , it was that people not following the rules , not wearing masks now the vaccine . Honestly some people need to have a good hard look at themselves.

SilverBirchWithout · 24/02/2021 15:42

Although as I said upthread Pam sounds awful and both her friends and your Mum sound really unkind.

I do wonder whether posting on social media that you are about to have the vaccine was a bit stupid and certainly very insensitive.
You were understandable pleased, but by posting the news, you were indirectly inviting people to comment. A friend of ours posted they had received the vaccine - and people politely asked why he’d received It so early, unfortunately he has a specific health condition which he is pretty uncomfortable with people knowing about so he suggested some other reason, which people gently questioned. It made me squirm to watch the comments.
As for being insensitive - so many people are anxiously awaiting their turn, and the groups are not totally perfect. I’m in group 7, but certainly will not broadcast on social media because my dear DIL is a teacher, a couple of younger friends have asthma, other people work full-time in riskier professions. It’s just not kind to rub their faces in my good fortune. It would be like posting about your pregnancy when a friend has just had a late miscarriage, not wrong but terribly insensitive.

IMHO the only people who should be publicising their own vaccination is those in the public sphere, in order to encourage others to get theirs.

justilou1 · 24/02/2021 15:44

She’s going to make Christmas dinner extra special, isn’t she? What a fucking bitch!

RavingAnnie · 24/02/2021 15:44

Oh and btw you can just delete comments like this to your own posts on FB. I have family members a bit like this (no comments this bad though to date!!) and if they post anything awful I just delete them now 😊 Very satisfying and avoids a spiralling SM confrontation.

RavingAnnie · 24/02/2021 15:45

I also usually say "and you can fuck off" to myself as I click delete 😊

FuckingFabulous · 24/02/2021 15:45

@SilverBirchWithout

Although as I said upthread Pam sounds awful and both her friends and your Mum sound really unkind.

I do wonder whether posting on social media that you are about to have the vaccine was a bit stupid and certainly very insensitive.
You were understandable pleased, but by posting the news, you were indirectly inviting people to comment. A friend of ours posted they had received the vaccine - and people politely asked why he’d received It so early, unfortunately he has a specific health condition which he is pretty uncomfortable with people knowing about so he suggested some other reason, which people gently questioned. It made me squirm to watch the comments.
As for being insensitive - so many people are anxiously awaiting their turn, and the groups are not totally perfect. I’m in group 7, but certainly will not broadcast on social media because my dear DIL is a teacher, a couple of younger friends have asthma, other people work full-time in riskier professions. It’s just not kind to rub their faces in my good fortune. It would be like posting about your pregnancy when a friend has just had a late miscarriage, not wrong but terribly insensitive.

IMHO the only people who should be publicising their own vaccination is those in the public sphere, in order to encourage others to get theirs.

I don't consider myself to be brimming with good fortune to be priority group 6, considering what actually places me in it.
OP posts:
BloggersBlog · 24/02/2021 15:46

DH, who is normally not at all bothered by FB has commented and said "We're still celebrating here! Looks like you're not getting invited to anything, Pam

Brilliant reply!!! Well done Grin

CuriousaboutSamphire · 24/02/2021 15:47

Why insensitive?

You can either write / read such posts as a "Hurrah! Local NHS is a jabbing miracle. Thank you"

Or you can write / read them as a smug, self centered exercise in pissiness.

Why choose the be the latter?

Why not take assurance that the vaccination roll out is working well for your friends and family, in your area, across the nation etc?

Mardiness is quite self destructive, as well as unpleasant.

Mydogmylife · 24/02/2021 15:48

@132orbust

Gosh I didn't know ADHD was one of the conditions that puts you in Group 6. is that a recent change OP? Btw every family had a Pam - sadly!
It's not - read the post. It's another condition that enabled DH to have jab- Pam used it as a stick to call him an idiot sadly
Mydogmylife · 24/02/2021 15:50

@solicitoring

Pam is a twat. But did your husband seriously get the vaccine early due to adhd?
NOOOOOO - please read the post !!!!!!
grapewine · 24/02/2021 15:51

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Although I don't condone Pams behaviour at all, I'm not sure what response you hoped for when posting.

People are dying, people are scared, everyone is waiting for the vaccine and instead of just quietly getting it, and thanking your lucky stars you have, you announce on social media that you have the one thing everyone wants right now.

It was always going to cause resentment.

Regardless of that, Pam and her pals have said some unforgivable things and you should block them.

Yes to all of this!
LouJ85 · 24/02/2021 15:51

*It would be like posting about your pregnancy when a friend has just had a late miscarriage, not wrong but terribly insensitive.
*

Rubbish. I posted about my pregnancy last summer as I was really happy and excited, as were my friends who commented on my post. Unbeknown to me at the time, one of my friends had recently had a miscarriage, but she hadn't felt able to tell anyone. She messaged me privately to congratulate me and then told me. Obviously as soon as I got that message I was completely sympathetic.

Was I insensitive to post in the first place though? Just in case someone was hurt or offended, that I couldn't possibly know about?

It's not up to the FB poster to think "now, let me not share my good news just in case someone is upset...". It's up to the individual themselves to manage their own emotional reaction to social media and come off it if they're finding it hard.

I lost my mum as a little girl - I stay off FB on Mother's Day. I don't berate my friends for being "insensitive" because they post about their wonderful mums. I just know what I can and can't deal with and manage my own behaviour accordingly, without expecting others to edit or censor their posts to suit my needs.

QuizzlyBear · 24/02/2021 15:51

@GingerAndTheBiscuits

Maybe I’m in a minority but I love seeing posts on Facebook that people have had the vaccine, or getting updates that friends or family have had it. It makes me feel one step closer to a) my turn and b) normality.

Anyway, block Pam or if you can’t, amend your privacy settings so she no longer sees anything you post. Greebo’s response is perfect.

I do too. I'm delighted every time I see another 'I've been vaccinated' post, it is actual progress towards normal life. Don't feel you have to hide it OP 💐
WhereYouLeftIt · 24/02/2021 15:51

@littlefireseverywhere

Can you get one of those meme's that says, be like Pam, Pam is a twat. Or similar?
My personal favourite;
Piss off, Pam!
KisstheTeapot14 · 24/02/2021 15:51

I wouldn't be sharing medical things like jab on FB.

Pam does sound like a knob.

Just to balance out tales of older people being snidey about jabs and places in the line - DM said to me a few weeks ago 'If I could give you my place in the line for a jab I would. You younger ones are the ones who need to be able to get on with their lives, we've had plenty of life and can take a back seat for now!'

Bless her, big bunch of flowers on Mother's Day.

I'd block Pam and move on. I'm sure people see her for what she is.

FunnyWonder · 24/02/2021 15:55

This is what I just love about Mumsnet - all the replies from posters who haven't read the OP properly. If you're going to bother to respond, at least make sure you have your facts right.

THE OP's DH DIDN'T GET THE VACCINE BECAUSE OF ADHD, IT WAS SOMETHING ELSE - ALRIGHT?!!

Aaah, that's better ...

greeneyedlulu · 24/02/2021 15:55

I'd have ripped her a new one for being so rude and would carefully detailed her lack of parenting skills about not looking after her own DD after an operation!! That alone beggars belief!!

Originalusername2021 · 24/02/2021 15:57

@LouJ85

*It would be like posting about your pregnancy when a friend has just had a late miscarriage, not wrong but terribly insensitive. *

Rubbish. I posted about my pregnancy last summer as I was really happy and excited, as were my friends who commented on my post. Unbeknown to me at the time, one of my friends had recently had a miscarriage, but she hadn't felt able to tell anyone. She messaged me privately to congratulate me and then told me. Obviously as soon as I got that message I was completely sympathetic.

Was I insensitive to post in the first place though? Just in case someone was hurt or offended, that I couldn't possibly know about?

It's not up to the FB poster to think "now, let me not share my good news just in case someone is upset...". It's up to the individual themselves to manage their own emotional reaction to social media and come off it if they're finding it hard.

I lost my mum as a little girl - I stay off FB on Mother's Day. I don't berate my friends for being "insensitive" because they post about their wonderful mums. I just know what I can and can't deal with and manage my own behaviour accordingly, without expecting others to edit or censor their posts to suit my needs.

Absolutely - I think that’s how the majority of normal people deal with SM.
myrtleWilson · 24/02/2021 15:58

I LOVE seeing people post about their vaccinations. It makes me feel happy that the scientific effort is having a huge impact, it makes me feel delighted for the individual concerned that their health will be less at risk and selfishly it makes me happy for myself as I know the programme is progressing well and soon it will be my turn (post 1-9). I'd never ask someone why they've had the jab before me - not my business.

I'd be blocking Auntie Pam and her troupe of cackling friends too.

Finally @FuckingFabulous, your username is apt, you sound like you're coping with a great deal in your life so Flowers and Gin for you!

OwlBeThere · 24/02/2021 16:00

Why should people hide which group they are in or if they’ve been vaccinated??? That’s weird.

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