Married colleague texting me

[EmilaSa]

I'm in a bit of a tricky situation - my married (with 2 kids) colleague has been texting/ emailing inappropriate (sexual) messages.

I have in no way encouraged this. I have recently found out he's done it to a few other women from the office too.

We're all WFH at the moment, so haven't actually seen him in person for a few months.

I can't block him because we're on the same team and need to exchange messages/ emails.

I don't know his wife and I feel that if I go to my boss he will take his side, as they are friends.

I don't know what to do.

SilverLining is very obviously a troll. I don’t know why people are feeding it.

@EmilaSa you know you can’t sit on this? HR or manager. The texts are proof enough.

Come on. You know you don’t have to be in a predicament here. It’s black and white.

If he is sending you sexual messages without your consent then it’s sexual harassment surely? I’d go to HR.

Take a step back a minute, and look at this from the outside, as if you were advising your daughter, or a friend. This is utterly unacceptable. If you sit back and allow it he will continue his behaviour. You would also be sending the message that this is okay by you. His wife is none of your concern- it's irrelevant whether he's married, single or whatever. He needs to be held to account now. Do the right thing.

Do NOT be fearful of coming forward. Anyone who didn't take your complaint seriously would be breaking the law. Document and screenshot everything. Put your complaint in writing, dispassionately stating the facts and including screenshots of messages, dates and times. Copy in HR, the overall CEO / Chair, and your line manager.

Also speak to your union if you have one. Good luck.

I'm reporting you @SilverLining22 cor your terrible unsafe advice to the OP which goes against all workplace guidelines.

I can only imagine you're a man who's been caught behaving inappropriately in the workplace.

First you need to get it in black and white that those messages are unwanted and inappropriate and must cease now. Professional messaging only. See what happens, some of these twats back off as it is no longer fun. Don´t threaten or engage. See how it pans out, if it continues then go to your boss. These guys think they are god´s gift to women, and must be so desirable, what woman wouldn´t want them in their pants. Their self awareness is null. Just pathetic worms who poison many a work environment.

No, I'm reading this thread. Because I'm interested in supporting the OP.

You sound like a child on half term.

Why would the boss take his side? What side is that?

If you are in the UK:

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/what-are-the-different-types-of-discrimination/sexual-harassment/

www.safeline.org.uk/sexual-harassment-in-the-workplace-is-found-to-affect-over-half-of-uk-women/

www.landaulaw.co.uk/sexual-harassment-at-work/

www.simpsonmillar.co.uk/media/what-is-classed-as-sexual-harassment-at-work/#a1
There is a limited time period for you to make a sexual harassment claim against your employer. You only have three months from the date of the sexual harassment or from the last episode.

silver. Are you really saying that unsolicited emails of a sexual nature with no response from
the recipient does NOT constitute sexual harassment??

@FoxAndRabbit

I'm reporting you *@SilverLining22* cor your terrible unsafe advice to the OP which goes against all workplace guidelines.

I can only imagine you're a man who's been caught behaving inappropriately in the workplace.

With all due respect, there is absolutely no such thing as universal 'workplace guidelines' on how to deal with irritating colleagues.

SIlverLining's advice is just one end of a spectrum of how to deal with it, with the 'join a union!' and 'tell the CEO!' people being at the other end of it.

Without some context of where the OP works, it is impossible to know what the company response might be. EG if she works for a council, it is going to be very very different to working at a 5-person start up

I would tell him its inappropriate and to stop. Screenshot and send to your boss, with the message that you are not taking it further right now but if it continues you will be going to HR.

That way you have a paper trail. Your boss has been informed, and if your boss chooses to ignore it then he will have to answer to HR as well if you need to report further.

Thanks to everyone who reported SilverLining22's inflammatory posts. We've removed them all now - hopefully the thread will be able to get back on track.

Sorry for the interruption, OP.

Have you not all got work email addresses as opposed to personal ones? And if he's doing it on work ones he will absolutely be in big trouble.

That way he can be monitored re his behaviour and there's one record of all of it.

But do report him

I think I'd send a message to him saying 'Errrr, was this message meant for your wife??? Otherwise its wholly inappropriate sending this to a work colleague, don't you think?' Then if he didn't fuck off, I'd go to HR. You're allowed to do your job without being sexually harassed. Utter twat.

Tell him one more inappropriate message and you will be contacting HR to complain. I don't think I'd bother with the boss if he's his friend.

Or you could e-mail boss (his friend) to say you have blocked this number because you have been receiving inappropriate personal messages from this number. Could he please investigate.

Why all the advice to give him "one more chance"?

At what point do we simply draw the line and say no to sexual harassment from men?

Get the sleazy fucker reported OP and follow the correct processes. If that means going to your boss first then so be it.

I assume you have discussed this with other woman in the office or how do you know he’s done this before

But regardless he is in the wrong

Keep all messages from him

Tell your partner if one

Def tell boss and hr with pics as proof

Agree send one message to him saying stop sending these inappropriate messages

"Tell him one more inappropriate message and you will be contacting HR to complain. I don't think I'd bother with the boss if he's his friend."

You'd pick and choose which policies to follow based on who likes who? Not very wise.

Why give him "one more message"? He's sexually harassed several colleagues

I cannot see why you would do anything other than message him to tell him his messages are inappropriate, unwanted and making you feel uncomfortable and to only contact you for work related purposes in future. Screenshot them so you have copies. Then if there is any more unwanted contact or if he behaves inappropriately or you think you are being discriminated against, go to HR. Because you have copies of these messages, you will always win any claim of sexual discrimination in a tribunal should you suffer detriment as a result of it.

You could also report it at the stage it is at for sexual harassment, but you are absolving yourself of any possible blame by telling him to stop.

The married work colleague is a liability to the company.