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Original poster

Married colleague texting me

156 replies

EmilaSa · 22/02/2021 10:41

I'm in a bit of a tricky situation - my married (with 2 kids) colleague has been texting/ emailing inappropriate (sexual) messages.

I have in no way encouraged this. I have recently found out he's done it to a few other women from the office too.

We're all WFH at the moment, so haven't actually seen him in person for a few months.

I can't block him because we're on the same team and need to exchange messages/ emails.

I don't know his wife and I feel that if I go to my boss he will take his side, as they are friends.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
DisgruntledPelican · 22/02/2021 11:31

Agreed with pps - no need to tell him it’s inappropriate. He knows this. He doesn’t need to be given a telling off and a threat of HR, allowing him to make up an excuse or play innocent or even think about the consequences. No one would ever think this is appropriate.

Straight to HR, with screenshots.

HenrysPool · 22/02/2021 11:32

How can your boss take his side of you have evidence?
I’d go to your boss first with the evidence, in writing.
If he doesn’t take it seriously then you have a double whammy for HR

Taikoo · 22/02/2021 11:40

Is there no HR that you can forward this on to?
Don't engage with him at all, send this all on to HR.

Bubblebu · 22/02/2021 11:40

If he is also messaging you about work related matters can you not simply reply to the work related questions and totally blank the inappropriate stuff?
Unpleasant to receive it but if you are all WFH eventually he will just get bored and only message you on the work matters?

The getting HR involved all depends on the type of HR department you have...........

SilverLining22 · 22/02/2021 11:44

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Mochudubh · 22/02/2021 11:53

@DisgruntledPelican

Agreed with pps - no need to tell him it’s inappropriate. He knows this. He doesn’t need to be given a telling off and a threat of HR, allowing him to make up an excuse or play innocent or even think about the consequences. No one would ever think this is appropriate.

Straight to HR, with screenshots.

This. Never mind the "stop or I'll go to HR/Boss" rubbish, just do it.

Are you in a Union? If so have a chat with your rep so they have your back.

SilverLining22 · 22/02/2021 12:01

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Atalune · 22/02/2021 12:04

@SilverLining22 what a load shit! Victim blaming at its best.

HollowTalk · 22/02/2021 12:05

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SilverLining22 · 22/02/2021 12:07

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Keratinsmooth · 22/02/2021 12:07

I’ve had this, I wish I had just messaged “this is inappropriate pls stop” I will next time. I’ve left the company, partly due to this

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/02/2021 12:08

Who pissed on your cornflakes this morning @SilverLining22

It's not "woke" it's called being professional and he's being inappropriate. And fuck off with your victim blaming too

HenrysPool · 22/02/2021 12:08

@SilverLining22 if it’s ‘woke’ to not want to be sexually harassed at work then I must be as some as they come!

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/02/2021 12:09

Anything you report to HR will be investigated and she clearly said or did something so it’s not guilty 100% slam dunk for her

How do you know she clearly said or did something? I suppose all the other women he's being inappropriate with brought it on themselves too did they?

SilverLining22 · 22/02/2021 12:10

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Cpl1586407 · 22/02/2021 12:10

I suggested telling him it was in appropriate so there is a record of her saying that of her boss or whoever seeks proof.

It's all well and good telling women to just deal with creepy men themselves, but not everyone is assertive

SilverLining22 · 22/02/2021 12:11

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BadBear · 22/02/2021 12:12

This is sexual harassment and it is not OK.

You have to report it and make sure it doesn't get swept under the carpet. Like previous posters have said, this is not on you at all and it's not something to be embarrassed by, he should be the one to be!

CommanderBurnham · 22/02/2021 12:13

Definitely flag it up sooner rather than later. Even if you at happy to not take it further, as long as it stops.

Send him a text saying while you have no issues with professional texts, to stop with the sexual harassment.

Then screenshot them and email HR. Tell them this is the situation, if he stops then you want no further action at the moment but reserve the right to take it up in the future. That you want to keep things professional.

The thing is HR need to know as they may have other issues from other people about him so it's important they have the full picture.

Also tell your husband now.

BadBear · 22/02/2021 12:15

@SilverLining22 yeah why don't we all keep quiet when stuff like this happen so women can continue to be harassed in their workplace and keep quiet so people like you don't make them out to be crazy!

IAcceptCookies · 22/02/2021 12:16

Tell him, not politely, to stop it and that you have kept all the messages, as have others, and can show them to the relevant bodies.
Report to HR if it continues.

Not sure why you haven’t told him before.

Noshowlomo · 22/02/2021 12:17

What a fucker. Tell the fucker to fuck off with his filth

CattyCactus · 22/02/2021 12:18

@SilverLining22
I hope to god you’re not a Manager. Or maybe you’re this fella’s mate.
It’s not woke to expect to go to work and not be sent sexually inappropriate message from colleagues. You also need to read up on victim blaming.

Op - just report directly to HR.
If you know the other women he has targeted it would certainly help if you mention them too, to support the fact he has form.

CorianderBee · 22/02/2021 12:18

Complain to HR, he's harassing women

LolaSmiles · 22/02/2021 12:19

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