Met guy online - reaction to ending it

[Petra28]

I've been chatting for a month, mostly via text, with this guy I met via OLD. We also had a few video calls.

I'm very busy with work and just last week got a promotion that I'd been dreaming of forever.

I decided to let him know that I could no longer continue chatting, purely because I didn't want to waste his time and I wouldn't be able to commit to anything long term.

He went mental! Said I'd deceived him and sent a string of messages in a row outlining how good we'd be together and that I am causing myself misery by not giving him a chance. He is devastated apparently and it's my fault.

Should I have said something re the promotion sooner?
Or have I dodged a bullet?

@WhereYouLeftIt

"Lovely to see some of the site's resident gaslighters and man pacifiers showed up promptly."

I'd rolled my eyes a couple of times before reaching this comment, with which I agreed. Reading on, coming across more of these, I felt increasingly disturbed.

Just how intense a socialisation did these women receive? To consider that chatting to someone online put you under obligation? To consider that a woman should not prioritise her career, if that prioritisation meant she would step back from getting to know a man? To consider that the feelings of a male who is, frankly, a fucking psycho, should never be hurt? Just how intense a socialisation did these women receive?

I thought that they might be from cultures where women aren't generally "allowed" out of the home to meet men without male supervision. Hence, "chatting" to a man for a month, even just online without meeting, would be a Really Big Thing and indicate quite serious intentions.

I suspect not all are women. Some will be though. Depressing isn't it? Luckily for OP, she never has to set eyes on the loser.

I think if you were really into him then you would have found a way. People with promotions have partners and children. So the fact you ended it shows you weren't that into him and you were right to end it.

Wonderful news about your promotion! Congratulations.

Of course you want to focus on work and your new role. You do not owe this (or any) man your attention. His overreaction shjows him for whjat he it. Double congratulations on dodging that exocet missile!

Dodged a bullet. Years ago I spent ages talking to a guy online and really liked him. Then one day he messaged to end contact because he was giving it another go with his ex. I was gutted but said thanks for letting me know and good luck because I'm sane (mostly).

“
It's not that it means I can't date. However, he was quite full on and making suggestions about meeting as soon as allowed. I didn't want to string him along. I'm going to be busier than ever and it just felt unfair.”
Good for you, job over man!! Still don’t understand why you bothered though

@CutePixie

I agree that his reaction was ott from only talking for a month, but if you truly wanted a relationship then you would make time. People are able to date/raise a family whilst being employed.

I think you are right. If the OP truly wanted a relationship she would find the time. The fact that she doesn't want to that with this man shows us she really isn't that into him. And that's absolutely fine. She doesn't owe him a thing.

Your point is a good one bit doesn't change the fundamental point that this man is a total nutter and she is better off out of it.

I thought that they might be from cultures where women aren't generally "allowed" out of the home to meet men without male supervision. Hence, "chatting" to a man for a month, even just online without meeting, would be a Really Big Thing and indicate quite serious intentions.

😳
I said I'd feel disappointed in his position (if I was into the guy), but that there's no way I'd have sent the barrage of texts he did in response - I'd have bowed out graciously and maybe just expressed my disappointment to friends and moved on.

So I'm intrigued ... do I come under the category of women "not allowed out of the home without supervision"?

This site is utterly mind boggling and hilarious in equal measures. 🤣

Also am I a "gas lighter" and "man pacifier" on the basis of my comment? 🤔

Genuine question because this site genuinely confuses me. 🤣

OPs dont have second thoughts and feel sorry for this nutcase of a man feel sorry for the next poor person he befriends.

God I’m so glad I’m old and been married forever! I’d hate to do the whole online dating thing!

My hairdresser was telling me the other day she met a guy online. He got a bit heavy so she backed off. He got really shitty with her. He looked up her profile on Facebook and saw her business address (which is her house) and turned up there. Phoned her and told her he was outside!

Omg, so much this!

Congrats on the promotion!

Congratulations on your promotion!

I can't even believe people are feeling sorry for and defending the nut job?! He's batshit!

Chatting online doesn't make a relationship. The guy was still a stranger.

There isn't much sympathy for women when a guy leads them on long enough to get a shag and then he disappears. People say well you should have known better. Or the guys who string a woman on for years and then break up and marry someone else.

Sure you can have a relationship and a promotion but this wasn't a relationship. Just some guy she'd been chatting with. She was fair with him and told him. Most guys would have just ghosted.

She owed him nothing.