Met guy online - reaction to ending it

[Petra28]

I've been chatting for a month, mostly via text, with this guy I met via OLD. We also had a few video calls.

I'm very busy with work and just last week got a promotion that I'd been dreaming of forever.

I decided to let him know that I could no longer continue chatting, purely because I didn't want to waste his time and I wouldn't be able to commit to anything long term.

He went mental! Said I'd deceived him and sent a string of messages in a row outlining how good we'd be together and that I am causing myself misery by not giving him a chance. He is devastated apparently and it's my fault.

Should I have said something re the promotion sooner?
Or have I dodged a bullet?

I never said I wanted to continue with OLD.

@stealthninjamum

His reaction was over the top but I do think you should have told him about the potential promotion before it happened. Online dating is so full of flakey or married people who don’t have any intention of ever meeting it would be frustrating for a genuinely nice person to get over invested in you. (Obviously he was an arse and you are well rid of him.)

Why on earth would you tell someone you barely know and have never met about promotions you've applied for and might never get?

Just how much personal infornation do you think it's wise to divulge to near strangers? People get ghosted on online dating all the time, he will have had much worse.

Dodged machine gun fire Best.answer.ever.

Well done on your promotion. And phew that you didn't take it further and phew he's let you know he's not worth picking up if you realise you do have time.

Bullet dodged.
Funny... I think they all read from the same script.
I just recently got told the same things when I ended it.
Congratulations on the promotion.

Amazing how he thinks yelling at you is going to get you to change your mind about how you feel.

So true and it's the biggest red flag. It shows that he thinks throwing a tantrum gets his own way, like OP would go 'ok I'm sorry let's meet for a walk this week'. No. What hes actually done is burn all his bridges and cement the feeling that she's made the right decision.

I get the impression that as he was 'full on' you felt that this would happen at some point if you continued. You rightly want to focus on your promotion (congratulations!) and if you had to work late or whatever, you've now seen that he would throw a strop.

I don’t think you really ended things just because of the promotion - you would have found a way to do both if you really liked him - maybe you sensed he wasn’t really for you and the promotion just gave you the push you needed to end it!

He doesn’t sound very nice - you deffo dodged a bullet. Just block and move on - how dare he get bloody angry at you ffs

Massive red flag

Personally, off he doesn't know where you live or work Id have to tell him "word of advice, this does not make you more attractive"

Congratulations on your promotion and getting out of that before you got invested and found out later what he’s really like! Wow.

@torquewench

You know the thing they used in Star Wars to blow up a planet? Thats the amount of ordnance youve dodged.

I just felt this post deserved some love.

@TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup

Bet he is a self-proclaimed "nice guy".

Block him and forget him. You've done nothing wrong.

BOAK

Why is it that blokes who proclaim themselves to be ''Nice guys'' are actually needs bastards and narcissists?

OP, Well done on promotion, and you had a lucky escape with ''Mr Nice''

@shavenraven

Try not to waste anybody else's time. You say you're going to be busy and bin off the guy and then say you want to continue with old

You sound like you don't know what you want

Erm! No can be said at any time, for any reason!

She wasn't wasting anyone's time! That's just how any kind of relationship goes. It ain't for life just because "polite"

And you are mistaken. OP hasn't said she intends to continue with OLD!

She has said she wants to concentrate on her promotion!

You know when an asteroid hits the Earth and causes the wiping out of Dinosaurs?

That is the size of the bullet you dodged.

@Tiktokersmiracle

Massive red flag

Personally, off he doesn't know where you live or work Id have to tell him "word of advice, this does not make you more attractive"

Do NOT do this.

Do NOT, under any circumstance, give the cretin any tips on how to convince his next victim more successfully.

Big Bang, dodged.

Eek! He sounds scary.

You can end a relationship at any time for any reason .

Well done on your promotion! And thank God for women like you who prioritise their own needs instead of chasing cock.

I don't get the whole "You should have been honest" - what, about a promotion OP thought she wasn't going to get? What if the promotion had been offered out of the blue, or the opportunity to apply only came up after OP got involved with this colossal bellend man? I sure as hell wouldn't be running my life choices past someone I barely knew.

Life changes and the fact that this man (and absolutely yes to the PP who said he'll almost certainly describe himself as a "nice guy"; a phrase that has more red flags than a Communist rally) flew into the entitled rage that he has means OP has totally and utterly dodged a Battle-of-the-Somme-style hail of bullets.

Hahahahahaha!

Oh wowzers, well that would have been a massive mistake, wouldn't it.

Thank fuck for that OP.

You are all making me feel so much better 🤣

And do you know HOW many women I've met over the years that would have put some bloke they hardly knew over their own prospects?

I did it myself when I was 19. I tell you what, if I hadn't my life would be vastly different now. But I chucked it all away on a bloke I'd known for six weeks because I wanted to be with him rather than move across the world to peruse the opportunity of a lifetime.

He slept with my friend two months later and dumped me because I was too upset over it and he was concerned that meant I had mental health issues.

He clearly thinks he knows you better than you do. Having never met you.

Did you send him 'a string of messages in a row outlining how good we'd be together' or is that completely in his head?

I think it’s possible to do online dating without revealing too much about yourself at the beginning - for example your surname, you can be vague about where you live / work and can make social media private. But if there’s something that is going to stop you chatting to someone or dating them like a promotion why not tell someone early on? You don’t have to reveal too much information and if a man pushes for more than you want to reveal then you just tell him you won’t be taking things further.

I got stupidly overinvested in a couple of men doing online dating and would prefer to know if one of them was having a promotion that meant we were never going to meet sooner rather than later so I could move on.

That was for greenlandthemovie

I had one a bit like this a couple of years ago.
Exchanged messages for around a month - he love bombed. We met up and both him and I still on OLD. I told him I was meeting another guy for a coffee. He went mental - apparently I had betrayed him. How odd - just chatting and met up for a drink twice - how the heck can you betrayed someone when you aren't in a relationship with them just chatting!

You dodged machine gun fire as some others have said.

@TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup

Bet he is a self-proclaimed "nice guy".

Block him and forget him. You've done nothing wrong.

This!

I can understand him feeling rejected, and led on. Why does you getting a promotion mean you can no longer date him?

On the other hand, him “going mental” isn’t on. No one has the right to go mental at anyone for any reason.

@torquewench

You know the thing they used in Star Wars to blow up a planet? Thats the amount of ordnance youve dodged.

The Death Star. “ that’s no bullet dodged, it’s Death Star dodged “