To use son’s money for this

[Merryoldgoat]

My sons have savings - around £3k each which has accumulated over the last few years from DH’s aunt who kindly puts an amount away for them monthly.

We have control over these accounts. Our sons are 3 & 8. DH’s aunt has made no conditions about how the money should be spent.

Both sons have additional needs (autism) and older boy’s room needs redoing. He’s got various obsessions and interests and his room is tricky to organise. We need to upgrade the furniture and storage. We’re thinking a high sleeper with a desk and wardrobe abs bookcases underneath then proper toy storage in the room too.

Parent A thinks we should save ourselves for this but it will be a while as we’re paying off a car and both are averse to taking on more debt

Parent B thinks we could use the money from DH’s aunt but isn’t wedded to it.

We can’t quite agree on the right choice. It’s not causing any friction but parent B wavers.

First world problem I know!

YABU - use the savings

YANBU - wait and pay the car then do the room.

That is one generous great-aunt! Your sons are lucky.

Ah that makes sense. I think it were me I would get a cheap IKEA highsleeper and get a micke desk and a cheap wardrobe (klepstadd or brimnes) to go underneath. It would be more versatile as you could reuse later. I would also save up first but it depends how long it would take.

I am naturally a spender rather than a saver so I say this as someone who has learnt to save rather than it coming naturally. We now set aside a small amount each month for bigger purchases.

Oh I'd use it without a doubt -you could ways out £10 a month in yourselves to top it back up.

Oh please do! DLA/PIP has made all the difference to our lives, and then DH gets Carers' Allowance, which is the cherry on the cake! Have a chat with CAB, then decide. Honestly, it's worth it.

I find it very odd that people would gift money to a child but not want it to be used in a way that would benefit the child.

X is for the parents to provide- well, in theory yes, but if the parents are struggling, then if you care enough about the child to give them money, surely you want them to live in adequate conditions even if their parents are struggling.

A well organised room is likely to make more difference to a DC's quality of life than various other treats mentioned on this thread...

In your situation.

I'd borrow the money from him. Do the room up. Pay it back once car is paid off.

Excellent - it's not means tested at all, @Merryoldgoat , it's based on level of care & support needed.

We have It for my DD and like you, didn't realise we could / should claim.

Sounds like your son(s) needs a lot of care, even if you don't particularly realise it because you've made significant adjustments just because you love him.

@Jux

Oh please do! DLA/PIP has made all the difference to our lives, and then DH gets Carers' Allowance, which is the cherry on the cake! Have a chat with CAB, then decide. Honestly, it's worth it.

@jux - Same here xxx

@MyGazeboisLeaking

Excellent - it's not means tested at all, *@Merryoldgoat* , it's based on level of care & support needed.

We have It for my DD and like you, didn't realise we could / should claim.

Sounds like your son(s) needs a lot of care, even if you don't particularly realise it because you've made significant adjustments just because you love him.

This is really interesting - I think I’m only just coming to terms with how much help he needs. It’s becoming more apparent as he gets older. And seeing the younger with more significant needs is quite hard.

It’s quite the life adjustment.

I adore them both and just want them to have a nice life.

I must stress DH and I do not struggle for money but we don’t have a lot leftover and the car was unfortunate - we’d intended to keep our old car longer but it died last month and we had to replace. As I need it for work we didn’t want to replace it with a banger and have to replace it again. We bought it on interest free credit and it will be paid off before the interest kicks in.

DumplingsAndStew

So it's not okay by some to use a child's savings to improve their quality of life, but its okay by others to gamble said money on bitcoin?

Yeah, that's how a forum works, some people have one opinion, another would do something else. If the money is sat in an ISA, which is always the go to response on here for investments, it's doing nothing at 0.5%, at best, interest. OP should invest it something to make sure it outruns inflation. Cryptocurrency is on fire at the moment. You don't need to take my word for it.

www.noaandnani.co.uk/cabin-beds-c1/midsleeper-cabin-beds-c12

Check out this website op! Some of the beds have slides.

I showed dd (3) and she said she wanted one for her birthday!

As a side note, I was horrified as a child when my best friend chose to spend her birthday money on a high sleeper bed. Then I saw it and I was incredibly jealous!

Can you decorate bit by bit?

@perpetualnamechanger

Ok. Sod the kids. I’m getting the treehouse with slide for myself!

@Merryoldgoat - we were exactly the same as you.

Adjusted our lives, made financial decisions based on DDs care needs, coping ok.

Until an associate pointed out we were doing DD a disservice by keeping her out of the system, as there will come a time when she will be of an age to need to demonstrate care needs for further education, potential independent living etc.

They likened it to needing to get a credit card to build up a credit history and get on the radar for referencing & history.

@fruitbrewhaha

I have ZERO idea how to go about investing the money. It absolutely is doing nothing at the moment but it’s safe from my fucking it up and losing it! Not saying it’s a bad idea but crikey I wouldn’t know where to start.

@MyGazeboisLeaking

Oh he’s definitely in the system - EHCP just awarded - planning meeting next week.

I just hadn’t appreciated financial help would be available to people like us.

That’s definitely a job for tomorrow.

Do you use it for him specifically or do you save it or put it in the family pot?

Spend it on the bedroom. This is the type of thing this money is meant for! Pay it back 😂🙄😂

I'm torn. I did up my daughters room in a similar way to what you've described, but bought some stuff secondhand. It didn't cost much at all.
Why not run it by your aunt? If she's happy, great. But in her head, the money might have been for their future, and not to decorate their bedroom.

How about use some of it and save for the rest ?

[quote Merryoldgoat]@MyGazeboisLeaking

Oh he’s definitely in the system - EHCP just awarded - planning meeting next week.

I just hadn’t appreciated financial help would be available to people like us.

That’s definitely a job for tomorrow.

Do you use it for him specifically or do you save it or put it in the family pot?[/quote]

It's used as an addition to our budget.

We use it for DDs extras - anything she wants for her interest projects (fixations!), activities that would fall outside of the budget, additional or compliment therapy when needed. We've also used it for taxis to appointments when train would have been too challenging.

I'd absolutely use the money for that! Both my kids have savings accounts that their birthday/christmas money, the pocket money their grandad transfers in goes into and I top up when I get paid/ with child benefit/ if I get an unexpected bit of cash. I dip into it all the time for things they'll love. Special bedding, if there's an item of clothing or a dressing up costume they want, We just redid their bedroom ourselves funnily enough and they needed new mattresses for the bunk beds I paid for and with that extra expense it was going to tip me over into them waiting another month so they each bought a mattress and they're over the moon with it. Their new accessories (curtains, bedding, lights, storage boxes to match the new colours and new little nightlights that are for them, a neon heart for dd and a superhero 3D light for ds) came out of their child benefit this month. I also take out £100 or so in cash for each of them when we go on holiday for extras in the arcades, balloons or any other silly little bits which make their holiday and they wouldn't get otherwise because I wouldn't give it like that. Sometimes their funds get lower than I'd like but they're growing year on year rather than staying the same or getting lower. Could you afford to do something like that? Take the money and set up a standing order for £20 or so each for each child to go into their accounts on a regular basis on payday, with the odd £100 'payback' thrown in when you take money out?

A few things:

Haven't RTFT but my son has autism and gets DLA. This would represent around 3 months of DLA and we absolutely have spent DLA money on getting his bedroom the way he wants it. He is a bit of a hoarder so the only way to compromise around his needs and mine was extremely good storage and plenty of it. You absolutely should apply for DLA, but get an advocate to help you with the forms - they are tricky and upsetting as you have to focus on the deficits.

I'm an aunt and have been in the position to gift money in the past, I've always added a note to say 'use this exactly how you see fit'. I would not even pause if DB wanted to spend money on a bedroom, I'd see it as something he wanted to prioritise and would be absolutely fine with it - after all, I trust him to act in his children's best interests at all times.

But thirdly and most importantly, as pp's have said, you can pick this sort of thing up on gumtree and free cycle for buttons. Then all you need to do is get a new mattress.

(Warning: if you buy an ikea set second hand you need to get the matching ikea mattress or measure very carefully to make sure that the mattress doesn't sit too high in the frame which is then a hazard.)

[quote MyGazeboisLeaking]@Merryoldgoat - we were exactly the same as you.

Adjusted our lives, made financial decisions based on DDs care needs, coping ok.

Until an associate pointed out we were doing DD a disservice by keeping her out of the system, as there will come a time when she will be of an age to need to demonstrate care needs for further education, potential independent living etc.

They likened it to needing to get a credit card to build up a credit history and get on the radar for referencing & history.[/quote]
God us too! But as well as those points, I spoke to an advocate to get support with the claim and she was really clear that all those adjustments actually meant something. In that, I went freelance, I still earn well, but actually I would have had a whole different path if DS didn't need that extra support and so I should never be ashamed in asking for financial support on his behalf in return. It was very emotional! But I see DLA as an acknowledgement that our whole family has been affected by DS's autism.

Sorry if rambling,

So ignoring the idiots who say no and pay it back! What are your plans?? Money in the bank made no child happy! A cool high sleeper with a slide definitely did!

I have ordered 4 tree house high sleepers @Sometimeswinning - one for each of us 🤣

But only I’m having a slide...

@Sometimeswinning

So ignoring the idiots who say no and pay it back! What are your plans?? Money in the bank made no child happy! A cool high sleeper with a slide definitely did!

So anyone with a different opinion to you is an idiot?