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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I a Bully?

139 replies

Tiktokersmiracle · 19/02/2021 11:31

Because that's what a GP surgery receptionist just called me.

We've been having a nightmare with shielding not being sorted and then arguments over my DPs place in the Vaccine queue.

My Ds was born very early and has lung conditions amongst other things as a result. One of the conditions is something that you can manage very carefully but he won't grow out of. However, he wasn't put in shielding so we had threats from our local authority that if we didn't provide a shielding letter, he had to be in school or they would dereg him. This will probably happen again in March.

When I queried the GP said they had a letter saying he had "grown out" of his condition- I've since raised this with the consultant who has said categorically this letter does not exist. They have been asked for a copy by me and the consultant but have yet to Hand it over.

Anyway, the Vaccine

DP has a degenerative lung condition. The twat didn't even tell me for two years, I heard it from his Dsis. He is pretty shit at anything medical, typical male.

It's been 5 years since diagnosis and the GP has done nothing. So before covid I chased up about referrals and medications but obviously, this was then put on hold due to covid.

I looked up the online "when should you get the vaccine" and his came up for beginning of February due to age (50s) and his condition. I called, to be told no, he is level 9. They had disregarded his condition as he isn't under a consultant, but that's down to them doing sweet FA on diagnosis.

So I've been back and forth arguing over it.

It's now come to light that actually, we should be higher up the list because our DS has DLA high rate care. This is not easy to apply and be awarded, it takes months of evidence and letters. You can't just rock up to the DWP and get it.

So I called today as the practice manager was meant to call me earlier this week anyway.

I politely explained to the receptionist who got quite flustered, I said, look I know you must be getting calls but I'm concerned that DS and DPs records are incorrect and as a result they are being put at risk.

She then called me a bully and said I couldn't bully my way to jumping the queue!

She then put the phone down.

Yes, we do need to change surgery but our trust has said we can't because we have a surgery and they are only allowing people without a surgery to sign up to a new one. So we are stuck.

It's also been brought to my attention they had 7 year old out of date medication info for Ds so I doubt they've updated anything on him.

Was I bullying?
Should I just accept what I feel borders on medical negligence and wait?
I was really calm and polite, I always am because you have no choice but to speak to them and I know some can get the right arse and make things awkward.

OP posts:
sparklefarts · 19/02/2021 11:35

Not a bully.

Write to your local MP/MSP (wherever you are) asking for urgent help

billy1966 · 19/02/2021 11:35

Of course not.
So unprofessional.
Ask to speak to the manager.
Name calling is not on.
Flowers

MarmedukeDuke · 19/02/2021 11:51

In what manner did you speak to her on the phone? Was your tone angry or aggressive? Did you raise your voice?

Originalusername2021 · 19/02/2021 11:56

All our GP calls are recorded - can you ask for it to be listened to?

Zebraaa · 19/02/2021 11:57

Why isn’t your partner, a grown man, sorting out this own medical issues?

You do sound overbearing.

HaHaVeryBunny · 19/02/2021 12:01

You were absolutely not a bully.
You were doing the correct thing by trying to sort out a serious issue.
The receptionist is the one at fault here not you.
Sorry you're going through this mess, hope you get it sorted soon.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 19/02/2021 12:03

I would ignore the bullying. Could you arrange an appointment with the nurse about DS’s condition so she can notes are up to date. Get DH to make sure his notes are correct. Try to stay firm but polite.

LindaEllen · 19/02/2021 12:05

None of us can tell whether we were a bully or not without hearing how you spoke to her.

You may have been a little more pushy than you thought, given it's such an emotive and important topic right now. Also, the receptionist is probably having to put up with lots of lots of phonecalls asking about vaccines and appointments, and she will have to deliver news that she can personally do nothing to change. So bear in mind that even if you felt you were being reasonable, every single call probably pushes her closer and closer to snapping at the moment!!

We will ALL get our vaccines. We've come this far, we just need to hold tight.

Rillington · 19/02/2021 12:07

I had a similar situation with our GP. Ask to speak to the Practice Manager. My DH had a heart attack. They were giving him medication every month for it but it was never recorded on his records. Some receptionists are lovely and some are up their own backsides.

EmotionallyEncumbered · 19/02/2021 12:12

I would recommend emailing the surgery rather than phoning. It will be easier to ensure you have included all the points you need to make and always good to have a paper trail of what has been said and how they have responded.

Original poster
Tiktokersmiracle · 19/02/2021 12:12

@MarmedukeDuke

In what manner did you speak to her on the phone? Was your tone angry or aggressive? Did you raise your voice?
No, I already said in my op that I always remain calm and polite. I have to be in regular contact with GPs and consultants and by default their various secretaries due to my Ds so whilst sometimes it's a case of someone being unhelpful, i remain calm and polite and when I out the phone down I may occasionally swear once disconnected!

I'm also aware that they have to field a lot of calls, probably from angry or worried people so I don't want to add to their stress level but some don't really help with not adding to mine you know?

As for the query of why I deal with DPs stuff, he has Mental health issues which mean he just doesn't engage, he would rather ignore an issue with medical stuff and hope it goes away than actually sorting it. Yes, that's annoying, yes I would rather he had to speak to unhelpful people but I would also rather have him here for as long as possible so if it means making the odd call for him I'm quite happy to. I'm sure if the roles were reversed he would do the same for me.

OP posts:
DrManhattan · 19/02/2021 12:15

If you spoke to her like shit then that's not on. She's not responsible for any of this.
Maybe calm yourself down and call back?

FOJN · 19/02/2021 12:15

None of us can know if you were being a bully without being party to the conversation. You do need to find a way of addressing the inaccuracies in your child's records but it would be a breach of confidentiality for them to discuss your partners history or records with you. An email detailing your concerns over your child's record may be the way forward and you should discuss the concerns about your partners record with him and let him sort it with the GP.

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/02/2021 12:16

I have often had people claim they “politely explained” something to me or to somebody who was within my earshot, when the reality is they did nothing of the sort. Nobody here knows what your tone sounded like or whether you came across as pushy and a bit obnoxious. The average GP receptionist will have handled hundreds of phone calls over the past few weeks from people who aren’t a vaccine priority trying to gab their way to the top of the list, and they’re going to have received clear instructions to be very firm with those they perceive as trying to do so, until their medical records have been reviewed.

AnnaSW1 · 19/02/2021 12:18

Depends on your tone. If she felt bullied then perhaps you were. And equally perhaps not.

Parrotsandpussies · 19/02/2021 12:18

I can't believe some of these answers. However stressed the receptionist is, she should absolutely not be commenting as she did, and putting the phone down!
Moving forward, I agree that if you are able to email, then that is a good way of making sure there is a record of the communication between you and the surgery.
Good luck OP.

Original poster
Tiktokersmiracle · 19/02/2021 12:20

@HaHaVeryBunny

You were absolutely not a bully. You were doing the correct thing by trying to sort out a serious issue. The receptionist is the one at fault here not you. Sorry you're going through this mess, hope you get it sorted soon.
Thank you

I know and have seen people pop up here and deny being rude but I've had to make calls and deal with so many people over the years down to DS that it's become second nature to smile and be polite as obviously being pushy or rude gets you precisely nowhere.

But yes, it does feel like somewhere along the line they've messed it up and not updated stuff so are now trying to back pedal. In usual times I would have swapped surgery by now but I get why the trust is preventing this right now. So we are very much grin and bear it for now.

I think to my mind we see so many people on TV begging people to get the Vaccine when offered or check if you feel you should already have been offered. I'm not personally looking forward to it, I'm hugely needle phobic and know I'm going to potentially feel like crap for a few days but it's something we all need to do to get some semblance of normality back. I'm also hopeful for the kid vaccine too as we want the DC's back in school when it's safe for all.

I think I'm also more likely to ask because we recently (I posted on here) lost a teacher similar age to dp so we are very aware of how serious this can be. In fact, DP lost 6 people in a fortnight.
Thanks for the comments, I'm going to see if the practice manager calls me and will mention that all this back and forth means I'm now being referred to in a not very pleasant way by her staff so would like to get this sorted.

They want dp to come and speak to a nurse for updated tests but the one he would need to see is off due to a non-covid related issue.

OP posts:
Skysblue · 19/02/2021 12:21

You weren’t being a bully. You were trying to get your family given the medical treatment they’re entitled to. Your GP surgery sounds awful (and she should not have hung up on you).

Suggest you put in a written complaint to the practice manager re. what you have said here and ask them how you can escalate the complaint.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Some GP surgeries are terrible and a problem with the NHS is they are the gatekeeper to all medical treatment so one bad surgery can cause huge difficulty.

Aprilx · 19/02/2021 12:21

You do sound over bearing and like you are trying to force your way to the front of the queue.

We are all waiting for the vaccine and we have all been advised to wait our turn. We will be contacted when it is our turn.

You sound very bossy with your husbands health issues too, that is for him to look after.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/02/2021 12:22

“You do sound overbearing”

If she can’t handle the heat. She should get out of the kitchen and go and sign on.

No one is forcing her to do the job.
I don’t doubt for one minute there are many impeccably mannered unemployed people who would happily take her place.

Rivergreen · 19/02/2021 12:23

The problem is when you are dealing with someone who doesn't want to do something they should, you do have to get pushy. Doesn't make you a bully though. Some people will use it as a label to try to make you back down though.

I am sure the receptionist is having to wade through so much crap because of the inadequate care of the surgery. But that is not your problem. Call the practice manager OP, they probably record calls so can check out the receptionists claim anyway.

ghostyslovesheets · 19/02/2021 12:23

I'm a little confused - sorry - but lots of people have underlying health conditions and aren't top of the list - does your DS need to shield - your posts about the consultant says not?

GP's can't push you ahead of the list - you have to wait - frustrating as it is - you might not have been rude but you do sound like you have been ringing them a lot expecting them to cave? Maybe you where the 57th person who called them demanding the vaccine that day?

It's tough but people have to wait

FuckyouCovid21 · 19/02/2021 12:23

@DrManhattan

If you spoke to her like shit then that's not on. She's not responsible for any of this. Maybe calm yourself down and call back?
Try reading the OP and her following posts
Wetalkedaboutthis · 19/02/2021 12:23

@DrManhattan

If you spoke to her like shit then that's not on. She's not responsible for any of this. Maybe calm yourself down and call back?
What on earth does this mean? There is absolutely no suggestion that the OP spoke in an abusive manner.
Skysblue · 19/02/2021 12:24

My surgery is great at admin (terrible at diagnosis 😢), but the one time they were being v v slow to do a referral, I said ‘look I’d much rather deal with this on by phone/email given the covid risk of us meeting, but if I have to come down to reception and talk to everyone until it’s sorted then I can do that’ - they emailed me the referral the same day, obvs didn’t fancy the idea of me in their reception...