Was I a Bully?

[Tiktokersmiracle]

Because that's what a GP surgery receptionist just called me.

We've been having a nightmare with shielding not being sorted and then arguments over my DPs place in the Vaccine queue.

My Ds was born very early and has lung conditions amongst other things as a result. One of the conditions is something that you can manage very carefully but he won't grow out of. However, he wasn't put in shielding so we had threats from our local authority that if we didn't provide a shielding letter, he had to be in school or they would dereg him. This will probably happen again in March.

When I queried the GP said they had a letter saying he had "grown out" of his condition- I've since raised this with the consultant who has said categorically this letter does not exist. They have been asked for a copy by me and the consultant but have yet to Hand it over.

Anyway, the Vaccine

DP has a degenerative lung condition. The twat didn't even tell me for two years, I heard it from his Dsis. He is pretty shit at anything medical, typical male.

It's been 5 years since diagnosis and the GP has done nothing. So before covid I chased up about referrals and medications but obviously, this was then put on hold due to covid.

I looked up the online "when should you get the vaccine" and his came up for beginning of February due to age (50s) and his condition. I called, to be told no, he is level 9. They had disregarded his condition as he isn't under a consultant, but that's down to them doing sweet FA on diagnosis.

So I've been back and forth arguing over it.

It's now come to light that actually, we should be higher up the list because our DS has DLA high rate care. This is not easy to apply and be awarded, it takes months of evidence and letters. You can't just rock up to the DWP and get it.

So I called today as the practice manager was meant to call me earlier this week anyway.

I politely explained to the receptionist who got quite flustered, I said, look I know you must be getting calls but I'm concerned that DS and DPs records are incorrect and as a result they are being put at risk.

She then called me a bully and said I couldn't bully my way to jumping the queue!

She then put the phone down.

Yes, we do need to change surgery but our trust has said we can't because we have a surgery and they are only allowing people without a surgery to sign up to a new one. So we are stuck.

It's also been brought to my attention they had 7 year old out of date medication info for Ds so I doubt they've updated anything on him.

Was I bullying?
Should I just accept what I feel borders on medical negligence and wait?
I was really calm and polite, I always am because you have no choice but to speak to them and I know some can get the right arse and make things awkward.

I doubt a doctor receptionist who deals with thousands of calls each week, dealing with rude and demand patient would call someone a bulky and hang up on them when they were just having a reasonable and calm conversation.

You might not have been shouting but maybe you were going on a s in and refusing to listen to what she was trying to tell you.

Your reasons for being looked up sound valid, but you do come across as quite insistent.

DP has a degenerative lung condition. The twat didn't even tell me for two years, I heard it from his Dsis. He is pretty shit at anything medical, typical male.

It's been 5 years since diagnosis and the GP has done nothing. So before covid I chased up about referrals and medications but obviously, this was then put on hold due to covid.

I looked up the online "when should you get the vaccine" and his came up for beginning of February due to age (50s) and his condition. I called, to be told no, he is level 9. They had disregarded his condition as he isn't under a consultant, but that's down to them doing sweet FA on diagnosis.

Your partner can't be suffering too badly, if a) you didn't know anything about it, b) 5 yrs since diagnosis and he hasn't required input from his GP and hasn't deteriorated to such an extent that you have needed medical assistance c) he isn't under the care of a consultant.

Only the receptionist knows how you spoke to her.

There's a difference between being a bully and bullying your way into something. I'd say you did neither, regardless.

Sounds like she got a bit flustered with the various issues and panicked. Pretty unprofessional. Call back and ask for practice manager again

We are all waiting for the vaccine and we have all been advised to wait our turn. We will be contacted when it is our turn.

do you not understand that the DS and the DP both have conditions that mean they should be getting vaccinated now, and that the GP surgery has incorrect records?

I hope you always suck up the potentially life-changing cock-ups people make in respect of your health with a shrug and "it happens".

I have noticed that the accusation of being a bully or arguing with someone is often made these days when I have simply disagreed with them, no insults or personal comments made, just I disagree. Some people find it threatening it seems.

She is probably instructed to put the phone own if she feels bullied. That is the formal instruction at my work and we enforce it.

@AnnaSW1

She is probably instructed to put the phone own if she feels bullied. That is the formal instruction at my work and we enforce it.

What makes you feel bullied?

I’m guessing the receptionist used the word bully because she felt you were being aggressive and/or rude on the phone. And maybe you were. No one here knows if she had a point or if you are in the right. My mum is an absolute nightmare for being an aggressive arsehole and apparently not realising it- I’ve been breaking up arguments with her and other people including strangers since I was a kid. And she always insists she was perfectly reasonable even when I’m right there and can hear/see.

I would call back when you feel calm and ask to speak to the practice manager and tell her/him what’s already happened with the receptionist and sort it out with them.

I would find shouting, swearing and offensive remarks unacceptable, I wouldn't say they were bullying, though.

I've just got home from having my first injection. My recommendation is drive by the place were your surgery's vaccinations are happening and if it's quiet ask the person at the door how to get on the list for left over vaccines at the end of the day. There were two young women at my centre when I arrived, being told that they weren't in any category for vaccination at this time and they couldn't just come in off the street. However they could return at 1 and find out if they could have a leftover jab. I don't really agree with that being the system, but I think in your case you could well find that the staff would be helpful.

Who knows without hearing the conversation?

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

“You do sound overbearing”

If she can’t handle the heat. She should get out of the kitchen and go and sign on.

No one is forcing her to do the job.
I don’t doubt for one minute there are many impeccably mannered unemployed people who would happily take her place.

Seriously?

We don’t know how the op spoke. It could have been more loud and pushy than she thought, or is sharing. Receptionist could have been getting abuse day in day out and be a bit on edge.

You think anyone receiving abuse at work should just suck it up or get sacked?

Did she actually say “you are being a bully” or was it only “you can’t bully your way up the queue”?

I don't understand about your DP- you say he has a lung condition but you say he isn't under a consultant because it hasn't been referred? Are you sure he has been diagnosed with it? Is it too mild to require referral? Many lung conditions are managed by GP without specialist input.

You say your son has a lung condition too but that the GP thinks he has grown out of it? Also that they have out of date medication records- how is that possible if they are the people doing the prescribing? Prescriptions are electronic so whatever is being precribed will be what they have on record. Has your DS been getting the wrong meds for 7 years? I don't understand this at all.

It doesn't sound like you were bullying but I don't understand the medical side of things. I didn't think 50+ age group would be vaccinated in February unless CEV- it doesn't sound like they think your DP is. If he has declined in health and due to being 'rubbish at anything medical' not alerted the GP it doesn't seem like that's their fault.

Put it all in writing. Bullet point by bullet point. To the practice manager and cc in some higher up oversight in the NHS.

The fact the medical records aren't up to date.
The blatant errors about your child, even lies.
The rudeness and dismissal of your inquiries and concerns.
The false accusations about you.

All of it.

Seconding anyone who says that you were being an advocate for your DP and child.

Write to the practice manager giving a factual account as you have done here.

I don’t understand, your DP has a degenerative lung condition but hasn’t been diagnosed with it?
It sounds like you were one of those pushy, questioning type people who doesn’t shout or swear but gets very angry and keeps trying to find loop holes in what the person giving advice is saying. They’ll call you when you need the vaccine, just wait.
As for putting the phone down maybe she needed to deal with actual sick people. Not people who have diagnosed their family through google and thought if they nag angrily enough they’ll be put to the top of the queue.

I would suggest that you put everything in writing, although this thread makes it very clear that it doesn't always help.

Absolutely not! You were trying to get a resolution to a problem, not of your making. FWIW I think the word bully is banded about too often these days and some folk hide behind it when they can't handle normal life situations. I've been called one myself all because I disagreed with a point of view.

I have a pal who works in HR. She deals with bullying accusations all the time. Some are legit but she says the majority are just someone trying to do their job and someone else not liking being told what to do. e.g. line manager pulls someone up for being consistently late then that person accuses them of bullying. WTF!!!

I suggest you do the chasing via email. That way you have a trail to refer back to, otherwise it all gets a bit Chinese whispers.

None of us know if you were a bully. We weren't there.

@BaliB1

I don’t understand, your DP has a degenerative lung condition but hasn’t been diagnosed with it? It sounds like you were one of those pushy, questioning type people who doesn’t shout or swear but gets very angry and keeps trying to find loop holes in what the person giving advice is saying. They’ll call you when you need the vaccine, just wait. As for putting the phone down maybe she needed to deal with actual sick people. Not people who have diagnosed their family through google and thought if they nag angrily enough they’ll be put to the top of the queue.

I truly do not understand people who post this kind of projection.

You do sound overbearing OP.the receptionist can't magic your family to the front. Shouldn't your husband be dealit with it as it's to do with him and then he can sort your son aswell. They shouldn't be discussing his records with you.

Put in a complaint to the practice manager, all proof that you can provide, and contact your MP.

Currently having a similar issue, on one hand I can understand if they think you're trying to pull a fast one, but they aren't even giving you the opportunity to provide proof of what you're saying.

I had a similar issue earlier this week. GP was obstructive in getting me into the correct place in the queue. I have been able to make my own appointment as a carer in receipt of DLA. I hadn’t realised this - was literally looking for info on how to complain and found a notice on my local hospital’s website.

Hope you get it sorted. I would suggest your MP if you can’t get an appointment without going through your GP.

I have a pal who works in HR. She deals with bullying accusations all the time. Some are legit but she says the majority are just someone trying to do their job and someone else not liking being told what to do. e.g. line manager pulls someone up for being consistently late then that person accuses them of bullying. WTF!!!

There seems to be a genuine confusion for some people of what is bullying and what is justifiable and necessary correction/criticism.