Was I a Bully?

[Tiktokersmiracle]

Because that's what a GP surgery receptionist just called me.

We've been having a nightmare with shielding not being sorted and then arguments over my DPs place in the Vaccine queue.

My Ds was born very early and has lung conditions amongst other things as a result. One of the conditions is something that you can manage very carefully but he won't grow out of. However, he wasn't put in shielding so we had threats from our local authority that if we didn't provide a shielding letter, he had to be in school or they would dereg him. This will probably happen again in March.

When I queried the GP said they had a letter saying he had "grown out" of his condition- I've since raised this with the consultant who has said categorically this letter does not exist. They have been asked for a copy by me and the consultant but have yet to Hand it over.

Anyway, the Vaccine

DP has a degenerative lung condition. The twat didn't even tell me for two years, I heard it from his Dsis. He is pretty shit at anything medical, typical male.

It's been 5 years since diagnosis and the GP has done nothing. So before covid I chased up about referrals and medications but obviously, this was then put on hold due to covid.

I looked up the online "when should you get the vaccine" and his came up for beginning of February due to age (50s) and his condition. I called, to be told no, he is level 9. They had disregarded his condition as he isn't under a consultant, but that's down to them doing sweet FA on diagnosis.

So I've been back and forth arguing over it.

It's now come to light that actually, we should be higher up the list because our DS has DLA high rate care. This is not easy to apply and be awarded, it takes months of evidence and letters. You can't just rock up to the DWP and get it.

So I called today as the practice manager was meant to call me earlier this week anyway.

I politely explained to the receptionist who got quite flustered, I said, look I know you must be getting calls but I'm concerned that DS and DPs records are incorrect and as a result they are being put at risk.

She then called me a bully and said I couldn't bully my way to jumping the queue!

She then put the phone down.

Yes, we do need to change surgery but our trust has said we can't because we have a surgery and they are only allowing people without a surgery to sign up to a new one. So we are stuck.

It's also been brought to my attention they had 7 year old out of date medication info for Ds so I doubt they've updated anything on him.

Was I bullying?
Should I just accept what I feel borders on medical negligence and wait?
I was really calm and polite, I always am because you have no choice but to speak to them and I know some can get the right arse and make things awkward.

My friend is in her early 30s and has a lung disease and has had shielding letters and already had the vaccine. Surely he would have a consultant if he has a lung disease? Sounds like maybe he thinks he may have lung disease and has just told you that.

@Aprilx

You do sound over bearing and like you are trying to force your way to the front of the queue.

We are all waiting for the vaccine and we have all been advised to wait our turn. We will be contacted when it is our turn.

You sound very bossy with your husbands health issues too, that is for him to look after.

From my comments, in what way do I sound "over bearing". I've not rung often, I rung about 4 weeks back (Dsis moaned that we should have heard about the vaccine, I checked the NHS queue thingy, saw, yep actually he probably should so rang to check. Then got quite a short email from a named GP who none of the family have ever met who said as he had been diagnosed 5 years back no he can't have it yet, I asked if they've not updated for 5 years or sent him to a consultant surely it needed to be checked and that I would be concerned that after 5 years of no treatment it's got worse). The practice manager then phoned as the GP passed it to her and she agreed 5 years is a long time and hence why they wanted him to come in and see this specific nurse but she's off. So I've made like 2 calls. But yeah please let me know where I've come across as over bearing? I'm quite practical and I do check on appointments with Ds but that's only when I've been told of you don't hear by X time give this number a call. You have to be quite on the ball with his illness as when managed he is fine but obviously, that takes effort.

We are all waiting for the vaccine and we have all been advised to wait our turn. We will be contacted when it is our turn

This is fine if you are correctly placed in the queue. If not, we do have a right to challenge the placing - to leave it may cost a person their life.

@Wetalkedaboutthis yes it’s totally unlike the projections of ‘you did nothing wrong hun, get her sacked’. All for what? The vaccine a fortnight earlier.

I don't think having a child on high rate DLA automatically moves you up the list yourself. Paid carers for your child yes( as in if your child has direct payments or similar for care) and some areas are offering it but not all. My son is on high pip and when I enquired (politely) I was told that there is no code for prioritising unpaid carers...however they double checked HIS code and he will be vaccinated next week.
Unless you are formally recognised as your husband's carer because he is considered to lack capacity then it is pointless ..they will not discuss his medical condition with you for GDPR reasons!!! If he feels he should be further up the list he has to sort it!

@ComtesseDeSpair

I have often had people claim they “politely explained” something to me or to somebody who was within my earshot, when the reality is they did nothing of the sort. Nobody here knows what your tone sounded like or whether you came across as pushy and a bit obnoxious. The average GP receptionist will have handled hundreds of phone calls over the past few weeks from people who aren’t a vaccine priority trying to gab their way to the top of the list, and they’re going to have received clear instructions to be very firm with those they perceive as trying to do so, until their medical records have been reviewed.

Even if the OP was pushy and obnoxious, the receptionist still shouldn’t have said/ done what she did.

In most customer service jobs, you can get fired for a lot less!

I would suggest an apology to the receptionist in the first instance! Yes, you may think you were 'calm and polite' but perhaps it didn't seem like that to her, answering yet another phone call from somebody with a complaint. The thing is, apologies work wonders, and you never know, she might respond and put your query on the top of the pile!!

@ghostyslovesheets

I'm a little confused - sorry - but lots of people have underlying health conditions and aren't top of the list - does your DS need to shield - your posts about the consultant says not?

GP's can't push you ahead of the list - you have to wait - frustrating as it is - you might not have been rude but you do sound like you have been ringing them a lot expecting them to cave? Maybe you where the 57th person who called them demanding the vaccine that day?

It's tough but people have to wait

No it was the GP surgery who declined to put him on the shielding list. I found out through MN funnily enough that people who thought they were missed couple apply online so did. It was declined by the GP. I was then told that a letter was on file from his consultant saying he has "grown out" of an illness you can't grow out of. So of course, I asked for a copy (I keep them all due to DLA) and contacted the consultant through her lovely secretary. No one can find this letter and the GP have not sent this copy they supposedly have to me or the consultant. The shielding letters are gained via GP. So we still don't have one, so I'm now going to have grief again from the LEA about his place if he doesn't go back. We and school are arguing it though.

A lot of GP surgeries are doing really badly right now. It doesnt help that a lot of their doctors are working in hospitals and leaving them short staffed. Sorry you had this. Do they have a patient group? Or a practice manager? It seems like that this needs to be escalated to them, and the senior partner. I used to work in GP surgeries and some of the receptionist were real horrors. Most were lovely, but in any job there are always those people.

Bullying is a perception not an absolute and whilst being assertive is not bullying, someone else may see it differently. Judging by the reputation of GP receptionists (whether real or imagined) I expect you were unfortunate to get a response which followed may others being aggressive or trying it on. What is fact and not perception is the phone being put down on you though.

DP should be dealing with this not you, and I suspect would have had a different response from the receptionist.

OK!

So make yourself a timeline, all contact and repsonses.

Send it to the practice manager and ask for a call for some resolution of the issues. Copy in PALS and your MP.

www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/other-services/Patient%20advice%20and%20liaison%20services%20(PALS)/LocationSearch/363

No more phone calls. Everything in writing, tell the Practice Manager that you will be doing this as accusations of bullying to a concerned parent and partner with serious concerns strongly indicate that their staff are overwhelmed!

Good luck!

@DrManhattan

If you spoke to her like shit then that's not on. She's not responsible for any of this. Maybe calm yourself down and call back?

Where did op say she spoke to her like shit? She literally said she was calm.

[quote BaliB1]@Wetalkedaboutthis yes it’s totally unlike the projections of ‘you did nothing wrong hun, get her sacked’. All for what? The vaccine a fortnight earlier.[/quote]
Where did I say 'you did nothing wrong hun, get her sacked' or even imply it? You do seem very adept at putting words into other people's mouths and then running with them, do you work for the government or a tabloid newspaper?

I don't think having a child on high rate DLA automatically moves you up the list yourself

It worked for me. The criteria was to be in receipt of any one of a list of benefits and a carer. It specifically said you could be working and not caring for a living.

Well for a start unless you have written permission from hubby or have powers of attorney the gps receptionist shouldn't be discussing you hubby with you anyway. So if you were insisting yes you were pressuring her .your son is a different matter bit if its asthma they have actually put that further down the list x

@MagicSummer

I would suggest an apology to the receptionist in the first instance! Yes, you may think you were 'calm and polite' but perhaps it didn't seem like that to her, answering yet another phone call from somebody with a complaint. The thing is, apologies work wonders, and you never know, she might respond and put your query on the top of the pile!!

But I don't think I should. As I say I deal with GPS and consultants and stuff all the time, they can be arsed but I'm always always polite.

Basically, I called and said I had spoken to the practice manager, but had since found that due to DS having DLA high rate care, we should be on the list with unpaid carers. She straight away got defensive about the list, I let her speak, and said, I got that they were getting lots of calls, but we have had other instances of info not being up to date, and we would like to sort it out so could she ask the practice manager to have a look into it whilst we wait for the nurse to come back. She then got arsey again, that the practice manager isn't there and why would she be dealing with it, all flustered and I said, ok well there was confusion over his pre-existing condition so I've spoken to her about this ans she was asking dp to come in and see a nurse who isn't there so she had approached me. I said I'm sure lots of people are calling for all sorts of reasons and I sympathised.
You can't email our practice manager, you have to ring and leave a message elsewise I would have just emailed.
It was at that point she quite angrily said I can't bully my way up the list and I'm bullying her and she put the phone down.

I think, hope, she was just having a bad day but she immediately jumped on the defensive and was interrupting me, at any time she spoke over me I paused and let her continue then calmly corrected her.

@MagicSummer

I would suggest an apology to the receptionist in the first instance! Yes, you may think you were 'calm and polite' but perhaps it didn't seem like that to her, answering yet another phone call from somebody with a complaint. The thing is, apologies work wonders, and you never know, she might respond and put your query on the top of the pile!!

Ooh yes, what a fantastic idea!!

DLA was scrapped years ago

Just write to them.

@TooTiredToCoo

DLA was scrapped years ago

No it wasn't.

Disability Living Allowance (DLA) for children may help with the extra costs of looking after a child who:

is under 16
has difficulties walking or needs much more looking after than a child of the same age who does not have a disability
They will need to meet all the eligibility requirements.

The DLA rate is between £23.60 and £151.40 a week and depends on the level of help the child needs.

@ItsJackieWeaverBitch

I’m guessing the receptionist used the word bully because she felt you were being aggressive and/or rude on the phone. And maybe you were. No one here knows if she had a point or if you are in the right. My mum is an absolute nightmare for being an aggressive arsehole and apparently not realising it- I’ve been breaking up arguments with her and other people including strangers since I was a kid. And she always insists she was perfectly reasonable even when I’m right there and can hear/see.

I would call back when you feel calm and ask to speak to the practice manager and tell her/him what’s already happened with the receptionist and sort it out with them.

But if I called back when I felt calm I would literally have done so straight away. She was the only one not calm.

The reason I know of DP having degenerated is because about two years ago when Dsis told me about his diagnosis, there were lots of adverts on about if you've had a cough for two weeks you must see a GP. I told him to do so, he fobbed me off. I spoke to his sister and she told me. Since then, certainly in the last year, he is terrible. He has woken me up most nights with his cough. He has had so many covid tests as a result all negative. But he clearly struggles and being that DS has lung conditions I recognise the signs. DS has actively handed him his inhaler before as he can recognise it too.

You don’t think you were in any way in the wrong so this is another pointless thread.

Thinking logically, why would someone call you a bully if you were being polite and friendly?
You obviously have come across differently TO HER then you believe you did.

One of the ways in which people like secretaries, receptionists and the like sometimes deal with awkward and difficult situations (particularly when you are questioning their judgement/records/procedures) is to suggest that you are being aggressive. Its a sort of weak catch all for "go away I dont want to deal with this its too difficult".

Sometimes the only recourse is to ask another person to intervene.

nhscomplaintsadvocacy.org/

I don't get what you were expecting a receptionist to be able to do in this scenario.

Regarding DS it sounds like you need to make an actual appointment with a GP to discuss his medical history, the consultants comments, and what the current position is with his diagnosis.

Regarding DP, I wouldn't expect the receptionist to be able to discuss anything with you regarding another adult. Unless it's a child or an elderly person you have medical POA or permission to discuss with the GP, I doubt a receptionist or GP would discuss his medical history with you at all, in which case your DP would need to make a GP appointment and you attend with him.

Just from the anger and tone of the OP I think its highly unlikely you where as calm and nice as you claim to be and that this accusation just came out of nowhere.

It doesnt matter though because your call was likely recorded so if you where agressive you wont have a leg to stand on and if you truely werent then you just compain and they sort it... nothing requiring back up from MN.