Was I a Bully?

[Tiktokersmiracle]

Because that's what a GP surgery receptionist just called me.

We've been having a nightmare with shielding not being sorted and then arguments over my DPs place in the Vaccine queue.

My Ds was born very early and has lung conditions amongst other things as a result. One of the conditions is something that you can manage very carefully but he won't grow out of. However, he wasn't put in shielding so we had threats from our local authority that if we didn't provide a shielding letter, he had to be in school or they would dereg him. This will probably happen again in March.

When I queried the GP said they had a letter saying he had "grown out" of his condition- I've since raised this with the consultant who has said categorically this letter does not exist. They have been asked for a copy by me and the consultant but have yet to Hand it over.

Anyway, the Vaccine

DP has a degenerative lung condition. The twat didn't even tell me for two years, I heard it from his Dsis. He is pretty shit at anything medical, typical male.

It's been 5 years since diagnosis and the GP has done nothing. So before covid I chased up about referrals and medications but obviously, this was then put on hold due to covid.

I looked up the online "when should you get the vaccine" and his came up for beginning of February due to age (50s) and his condition. I called, to be told no, he is level 9. They had disregarded his condition as he isn't under a consultant, but that's down to them doing sweet FA on diagnosis.

So I've been back and forth arguing over it.

It's now come to light that actually, we should be higher up the list because our DS has DLA high rate care. This is not easy to apply and be awarded, it takes months of evidence and letters. You can't just rock up to the DWP and get it.

So I called today as the practice manager was meant to call me earlier this week anyway.

I politely explained to the receptionist who got quite flustered, I said, look I know you must be getting calls but I'm concerned that DS and DPs records are incorrect and as a result they are being put at risk.

She then called me a bully and said I couldn't bully my way to jumping the queue!

She then put the phone down.

Yes, we do need to change surgery but our trust has said we can't because we have a surgery and they are only allowing people without a surgery to sign up to a new one. So we are stuck.

It's also been brought to my attention they had 7 year old out of date medication info for Ds so I doubt they've updated anything on him.

Was I bullying?
Should I just accept what I feel borders on medical negligence and wait?
I was really calm and polite, I always am because you have no choice but to speak to them and I know some can get the right arse and make things awkward.

Not bullying at all. Typical GP surgery, they throw their weight around, but can't take it when challenged.

I need to see a GP and also have blood tests. No matter how many text reminders they keep sending, there is no way I'm darkening their doors again after the shit they've dished out.

Put it in writing.

Can you not just log onto the nhs website and book the vaccine? I did this for my mum before they had started doing the over 65s and she had no issues! Don’t fanny about waiting for the GP!

My dad had a similar issues. He kept being told by the receptionist that he was in group 6 when he knew he was at least in group 5. He called a few times to ask and explaining why he thought he was in group 5. In the end he asked to speak directly to the doctor who told him the receptionist should not be telling him what group they think he is in, and he is indeed meant to be in group 5. GP had him booked for his vaccine the following day.

So maybe see if you can speak to a doctor directly about either your ds or your dh. You might get further as they can see your medical records properly.

No, you weren’t a bully. This sounds very urgent and in need of sorting.

Just because you didn't shout or swear, doesn't mean you didn't bully her. In addition, you might not mean to bully her but she feels how she feels.

Without knowing what you said and the tone you said it in, there is no way of saying if you were wrong or she was.

Seconding anyone who says that you were being an advocate for your DP and child.

I agree. DD had medical issues when she was little and I would have been a proper tiger mum should the need have arisen. Fortunately our GPs and every medical professional we saw were a lot better than the OP's, and communication was a lot better. And we weren't in the middle of a pandemic.

I wonder if the GP is reluctant to discuss your husband's issues with you @Tiktokersmiracle due to patient confidentiality? If he won't advocate for himself or see his GP I expect they think he can't be that unwell, so that might be the reason he is being ignored?

Sorry I don't want to get her sacked!

Not at all!

I do agree bully as a term is used a bit too freely these days.

DLA for adults was scrapped (it's now PIP) but remains for under 16s.

It would make life easier if the practice manager was contactable via email but the surgery asks people to call and leave a message. It doesn't work very well and clearly ends up with situations like this one.

DP is an arse I would thoroughly agree. As I say though there are mental health avoidance issues. And it seems like the surgery have used this to do nothing until I've queried it.

He hadn't made his diagnosis up, he actively kept it from me until I worried about his cough being so severe and the "2 weeks if cough, it might be cancer" ads. The GP who emailed to say no confirmed his diagnosis in early 2016.

It doesn't phase me though, if it means he doesn't avoid the fact he needs help then so be it.

It seems a trend these days to accuse people of bullying when they say something you don’t like! True bullying is quite different to telling someone something is incorrect and needs amending. Personally l would also be complaining about the receptionist to the practice manager, as well as the other issues with the surgery

I don't get what you were expecting a receptionist to be able to do in this scenario.

Regarding DS it sounds like you need to make an actual appointment with a GP to discuss his medical history, the consultants comments, and what the current position is with his diagnosis.

Regarding DP, I wouldn't expect the receptionist to be able to discuss anything with you regarding another adult. Unless it's a child or an elderly person you have medical POA or permission to discuss with the GP, I doubt a receptionist or GP would discuss his medical history with you at all, in which case your DP would need to make a GP appointment and you attend with him

Email them.

You don't sound like a bully op. Although terminology seems to be changing rapidly so that if you disagree with someone it's bullying. Best off in such circs to stop engaging with that person and email.

It's

Also agree with trying direct booking and avoiding gp for this.

Then got quite a short email from a named GP who none of the family have ever met who said as he had been diagnosed 5 years back no he can't have it yet, I asked if they've not updated for 5 years or sent him to a consultant surely it needed to be checked and that I would be concerned that after 5 years of no treatment it's got worse)

Why would they keep trying to get him treatment when you already confirmed that DP has MH issues that cause him to not 'engage' and to ignore problems. The GP cannot know he has deteriorated if DP won't go and tell them what had happened I do think you have a very unreasonable view on healthcare to be honest. I suspect that you think you are lovely and calm and polite etc but that others may perceive you differently.

It seems very odd to me that someone who deals with hundreds of calls a week would get so 'flustered' by your call.

Calmly ring back.

Open the conversation 'I think we got cut off there - '

And continue the conversation, this is a matter that needs resolving with a matter of urgency. If she hangs up again ask for the practice manager, if no one rings you back, make a formal complaint in writing and contact your CWC and MP outlining these issues.

They are endangering the welfare of your child and putting his education in a precarious position because of their medical negligence.

Use words like safe guarding, duty of care and quality of care - they'll shit themselves.

Oh and those who think NHS staff should put up with crap on the phone - because of the area of healthcare I work in, we do have to put with a lot of crap and just grin and bare it. Shouting, swearing, abuse. But it doesn't mean I like it. If I worked in a GP surgery, I wouldn't put up with it to be honest. This woman made it clear she couldn't help and that a plan had been made for DP to see a nurse at last, which will lead to an update of his records. Shame DP didn't think to seek medical help sooner and is only doing so in the hope of a vaccine Anyway I digress, there was nothing more the receptionist could do but the op persisted so I can see why she hung up. She knew she had a queue of helping waiting whom she could actually help. I would love to read the recetoionists view of this!

@PrivateHall

Oh and those who think NHS staff should put up with crap on the phone - because of the area of healthcare I work in, we do have to put with a lot of crap and just grin and bare it. Shouting, swearing, abuse. But it doesn't mean I like it. If I worked in a GP surgery, I wouldn't put up with it to be honest. This woman made it clear she couldn't help and that a plan had been made for DP to see a nurse at last, which will lead to an update of his records. Shame DP didn't think to seek medical help sooner and is only doing so in the hope of a vaccine Anyway I digress, there was nothing more the receptionist could do but the op persisted so I can see why she hung up. She knew she had a queue of helping waiting whom she could actually help. I would love to read the recetoionists view of this!

And the misdiagnosis of OP's son?

The sheer making things up on their medical records?

The entire practice sounds incompetent.

She didn't want the receptionist to sort it, she wanted the practice manager to contact her. Hardly a big ask. 🙄

It sounds as though this is one of many calls you've made, trying to get your son on the shielding list, sorting out your DP's referrals. Which is fair enough, you want to get the right treatment, but it would be rare to have a GP practice commit medical negligence against an entire family, so are both their conditions actually listed on the CEV list? Anyhow, I'm just wondering if the receptionist was reacting not just to today's call but to an accumulation of them? She absolutely shouldn't have called you a bully but I think you should speak to the practice receptionist asap to clear things up and put your side of things.

Sorry, I mean practice manager.

@MarmedukeDuke

I don't get what you were expecting a receptionist to be able to do in this scenario.

Regarding DS it sounds like you need to make an actual appointment with a GP to discuss his medical history, the consultants comments, and what the current position is with his diagnosis.

Regarding DP, I wouldn't expect the receptionist to be able to discuss anything with you regarding another adult. Unless it's a child or an elderly person you have medical POA or permission to discuss with the GP, I doubt a receptionist or GP would discuss his medical history with you at all, in which case your DP would need to make a GP appointment and you attend with him

To confirm again, DP has given them permission to speak to me We don't really need an appointment for DS, he has a consultant who he will be seeing again in March. The GP surgery is well aware of it, it's an admin cock up so not GP.

I really want to reiterate that I wasn't rude, I genuinely just called and asked her to ask the practice manager to call me, with an update on the nurse appointment, and that I had been told elsewhere that parents looking after a child with High rate DLA are entitled to be on the list with unpaid and paid carers. I had to explain as she wanted to know why I was asking for the practice manager to call! I don't really like having to discuss the finer points of my families various scary illnesses but that's how it's set up there at their insistence. As I say in an ideal world I could email the practice manager direct but you can't.

I'm going to take the helpful advice offered and hope the practice manager phones me today or early next week and will raise it with her. I'm hoping I don't need to call again and explain again because it's got me to this point of being called a bully

I so sympathise. My actual GP is very good, but the practice as a whole...dear god. The admin team is appalling. Even back in the good old days before Covid, it was just one long fuck up. I get regular prescriptions and I'd go to the surgery to pick up my FP10 and there'd be a mistake Every Single Time. Something missing, something extra, the wrong quantity, whatever. Getting appointments was hopeless. Getting results was hopeless. Getting referral letters sent out in a timely fashion and to the right person was hopeless. Complaint handling - don't even get me started. As you can imagine, post Covid things are beyone hopeless. The trouble is that incompetent people usually know it on some level, and get defensive when pressed to do their job properly. Trying to make you feel like the unreasonable one is standard operating procedure. I imagine your calm insistence on just getting things sorted out satisfactorily genuinely felt like bullying to her, but it won't do. This sounds potentially like an actual life and death issue and someone at the practice will have to pull their finger out.

I suggest putting it all in writing, with lots of bullet lists for the hard of thinking. Post it, email it, copy in anyone you can think of who is in a position to apply pressure (CCG, MP, consultant, etc). It's all very well to brush someone off on the phone, but once things get into writing they affect performance indicators, which affects the bottom line in general practice. Invite them to review the recording of the phone call (even if there isn't one, your willingness tells its own story). Flag the whole episode up as a retraining issue for the receptionist in question but emphasise that your family's health needs dealing with first.

You should not have to have (or be) an assertive advocate in the family to get your healthcare needs met. This stuff is literally why they are there.

Sounds difficult op.

You must have been at my old practice op.

They were horrific.

@LoudestCat14

It sounds as though this is one of many calls you've made, trying to get your son on the shielding list, sorting out your DP's referrals. Which is fair enough, you want to get the right treatment, but it would be rare to have a GP practice commit medical negligence against an entire family, so are both their conditions actually listed on the CEV list? Anyhow, I'm just wondering if the receptionist was reacting not just to today's call but to an accumulation of them? She absolutely shouldn't have called you a bully but I think you should speak to the practice receptionist asap to clear things up and put your side of things.

Many calls?

Sorry where do you get that from?

I called last year in April, so near on a year back, about shielding and was told a GP would call and explain. Which they did, but that was to say about a letter that his consultant said doesn't exist.

It's only in the context of this that I've spoken to them about DPs illness, the last time I asked about a referral for it was pre-covid in January.

So I've made about 4 calls in over a year? Hardly calling up regularly am I?

Is there also a chance they'll be on the shielding list now 1.7 million others are going to be added to it?