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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I offered my toddler a drink

468 replies

bridgetjones1 · 18/02/2021 15:47

And a full on tantrum ensued. Crying, throwing herself on the floor and generally distraught that I'd had the temerity to offer something so shocking!!

YABU - I am a terrible mother
YANBU - Toddlers are crazzzzzy

Obviously this is very light hearted. Hoping and praying that this is a short term phase and that her twin sister doesn't decide to follow suit Confused

Anyone want to offer a hand hold or offer advice, equally baffling reasons for meltdowns would be appreciated

OP posts:
CroutonsAvatar · 20/02/2021 13:22

New in!

Last night we had a half an our hyperventilating meltdown because she had ‘fallen down the stairs’.

We don’t have stairs.

Joanofbach · 20/02/2021 16:22

@Esspee apparently having a non tantrumming child is tantamount to abuse these days! Flowers my sympathies.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 20/02/2021 18:13

When I read the title of the post I thought you meant an alcoholic drink!

cannockcandy · 20/02/2021 18:25

My son had many many meltdowns, the most absurd was because I wouldn't let him put his fingers in the plug socket!
How terrible am I! Lol

Sunrainsnow · 20/02/2021 18:33

@Joanofbach I don't think people were objecting to @Esspee not having tantruming children. It was the superior tone of her message, especially in response to someone having to deal with a tantruming child. Some kids tantrum others don't. Neither make you a good or bad parent it just a matter of the child's personality.

Hotzenplotz · 20/02/2021 19:30

You are clearly evil. Grin

Sewfrickinamazeballs · 20/02/2021 19:32

I ate a banana today. Not the last banana, but a banana. An hour long tantrum ensued. She is 5Confused

Joanofbach · 20/02/2021 19:39

@Sunrainsnow I didn't think she meant it like that, and people were being mean! But you're right of course, and several people have said they've had one that tantrums and one (or more) that doesn't. I don't suppose we'll ever know the logic!

Cantstopeatingchocolate · 20/02/2021 20:23

DS didn't really tantrum, he moaned, he cried a bit, would throw himself on the sofa whining (he was and still is a bit precious about hurting himself) but he was quickly brought out of it.
'Are you done now?'

And that was it.
Now age 7-8, man that was a trying time, he cried at the drop of a hat. I was the meanest mummy ever. Learned to stomp off and slam his door. Hey ho, got over that, now we've hit preteens (11) and I can see trouble ahead.
DD.....well what can I say. She's a law unto herself and although the tantrums don't last long, she is going to be awful in years to come. She is very independent and will NOT allow help. Then gets angry. Last night she wanted dinner so I said well come and eat it. NNNNNOOOOOO I don't want it, well leave it then............over and over and over...........
She has even been known to yell 'DS don't hit me' as I'm watching him walk past her about 2m apart. Trying to get him into trouble.
I think she likes to get in trouble herself but likes it more when she gets him in trouble too.

Kajlo · 20/02/2021 20:38

You are so out of order!
My DD has a meltdown whenever I call her a child. Because she wants to be ‘a children’. Ffs. Grin

Esspee · 21/02/2021 08:56

[quote Joanofbach]@Esspee apparently having a non tantrumming child is tantamount to abuse these days! Flowers my sympathies.[/quote]
Thank you so much Joanofbach. I asked a simple question and everyone takes it as criticism. I still don’t understand, after reading most of this thread why tantruming seems to be the norm these days when it was the exception just a generation ago.
Clearly I hit a nerve.

Flibbertygibbertywoo · 21/02/2021 10:42

Your doe eyed protestations won’t work on woman who been on the receiving end of your aghast stares or those of us who do 90% of the heavy lifting in parenting while our husbands tell their mums how wonderful their kids behave when they’ve barely lifted a finger.

For what it’s worth my eldest never trantrummed either and none of mine have ever had what I’d describe as a meltdown, but that’s just the luck of the draw and nothing at all to do with me being a wonderful parent.

Flibbertygibbertywoo · 21/02/2021 10:44

And was it fuck the exception a generation ago. The only difference was if a child threw a wobbly it was walloped or shoved out of the door to play in the streets until tea time.

Most of us were children back then, we remember.

Nith · 21/02/2021 11:02

it was the exception just a generation ago.

But it absolutely wasn't. My children are "a generation ago", I did the rounds of mother and baby groups, toddler groups, NCT groups, playgroups etc and saw plenty of children having tantrums. Nor was it the case they were walloped or shoved out of the door if they had a tantrum: parents dealt with them more or less the same way parents do now.

This idea that 20 or even 30 years ago we were in some sort of halcyon age where either children were little angels or parents were appalling parents is really bizarre. This was well after we began tuning in and dropping out in the 60s. Penelope Leach was the middle class go-to child care guru of the time, and she strongly advocated an approac which is very similar to the norm nowadays, and may well have been what led to that becoming the norm.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 21/02/2021 11:10

@Esspee, that's nonsense, as many of us have told you. I don't know how old you are, but I'm 59 and as I've already said on this thread, as have many other older people, my children had tantrums in the early 90s and I know for sure I had them in the early 60s because my mother has told me so. It wasn't exceptional then and it's not new now. Why do you keep on repeating the same thing, ignoring what everyone else has said?

yesyoudoknowme · 21/02/2021 11:37

Escapee is right though. The one thing I notice now, far more than when I was growing up is the screaming (not tantrums per se). When I was growing up the only time you heard children screaming was when they were hurt. Now if a child screamed because they were being abducted no one would take a blind bit of notice! When DID screaming children become the norm? Oh, and I have sat in a coffee shop on a Sunday morning ( in the olden days, obvs) and had to take out my hearing aids because of a screaming toddler. It is physically painful. (They ended up taking the child out after everyone was glaring at them. It was rather extreme) And PLEASE don't start on about NT children, my youngest is ADHD and didn't scream in public...

BrumBoo · 21/02/2021 11:54

@yesyoudoknowme

Escapee is right though. The one thing I notice now, far more than when I was growing up is the screaming (not tantrums per se). When I was growing up the only time you heard children screaming was when they were hurt. Now if a child screamed because they were being abducted no one would take a blind bit of notice! When DID screaming children become the norm? Oh, and I have sat in a coffee shop on a Sunday morning ( in the olden days, obvs) and had to take out my hearing aids because of a screaming toddler. It is physically painful. (They ended up taking the child out after everyone was glaring at them. It was rather extreme) And PLEASE don't start on about NT children, my youngest is ADHD and didn't scream in public...
My child didn't do it so obviously it wasn't a thing.

I didn't hear any when my kids were young, so it obviously never happened.

Fields were green, dog poo was white, royal Princes knew their places, tralalala magical lands of the past......

theleafandnotthetree · 22/02/2021 12:15

@bjjgirl

Just when you finally get safely past toddler stage they begin with the teenage strops! Dd 12 refused to take her coat off all day because I would only "go mental when she left it on the floor and tell her to put it away" Confused
Well they do say they turn back into toddlers, only bigger and possibly meaner. I love her logic, I think they all read the same playbook.
yesyoudoknowme · 22/02/2021 12:18

But it's true! You simply didn't hear kids screaming in the street/ park. Perhaps because they would have got a thick ear! Just because it isn't like that now doesn't mean it didn't happen. And yes, dog poo WAS white, but presumably because it isn't now it never happened Hmm

JustLyra · 22/02/2021 12:21

@yesyoudoknowme

But it's true! You simply didn't hear kids screaming in the street/ park. Perhaps because they would have got a thick ear! Just because it isn't like that now doesn't mean it didn't happen. And yes, dog poo WAS white, but presumably because it isn't now it never happened Hmm
Perhaps it’s because it’s no longer acceptable to abuse or assault children for simply being children?

That said you’re definitely using selective memory because kids definitely shrieked and screamed in the park when I was a kid. It’s like many things that people insist “never” happened when it actually only happened a little less.

BrumBoo · 22/02/2021 15:27

@yesyoudoknowme

But it's true! You simply didn't hear kids screaming in the street/ park. Perhaps because they would have got a thick ear! Just because it isn't like that now doesn't mean it didn't happen. And yes, dog poo WAS white, but presumably because it isn't now it never happened Hmm
Yes, the magical land of the past where it was perfectly acceptable to hit small children for... check notes being small children. What a lovely world for adults, venting their frustrations through violence under the pretence of 'discipline'. No wonder a few of the older generation seem so sour, unable to excise their rights to give a screaming toddler a good whack in the supermarket when they're playing up.
BluebellsGreenbells · 22/02/2021 16:44

The other thing to remember is small children didn’t go to the shops unless necessary.

There weren’t the bars and restaurants that allowed children in - strictly adult only places

Children’s entertainment places didn’t exist.

Joanofbach · 22/02/2021 22:46

WHY was dog poo white?

Cynthia13 · 22/02/2021 23:03

Yabu. It so obvious the drink wasn't the problem, you obviously offered the wrong cup and were not dressed as mr tumble whilst impersonating peppa pig whilst offering said drink....

Poppins2016 · 23/02/2021 03:30

My DS got upset earlier because he wanted a plate for his snack (Mummy and Daddy were clearly being uncivilised and lazy...).

Stereotypical red faced teary toddler frustration due to not yet having the language needed to request what he wanted...

"Plate?" OK, gave him a plate, "Noooo". Tried a bowl, "Nooo, PLATE MUMMY" (but you just refused your plate, dear child) then another plate "Noooo, PLATE!" Hmm then finally another plate from the middle of the (multicoloured) stack...

I'll be so relieved when he can describe the colour of plate he actually wants! 🤣