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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I offered my toddler a drink

468 replies

bridgetjones1 · 18/02/2021 15:47

And a full on tantrum ensued. Crying, throwing herself on the floor and generally distraught that I'd had the temerity to offer something so shocking!!

YABU - I am a terrible mother
YANBU - Toddlers are crazzzzzy

Obviously this is very light hearted. Hoping and praying that this is a short term phase and that her twin sister doesn't decide to follow suit Confused

Anyone want to offer a hand hold or offer advice, equally baffling reasons for meltdowns would be appreciated

OP posts:
Ricebubbles2 · 19/02/2021 05:57

@Esspee

I had two boys (long time ago) neither of them threw tantrums. I remember one friend’s child who did and the rest of us young mums were completely aghast. Why does it seem to be so prevalent nowadays?
Sure 😂
Anycrispsleft · 19/02/2021 07:33

I am so traumatised by the "wrong colour cup" tantrums that I still give my kids their drinks in their favourite colour beakers and they are nearly 9. But DD2 was an epic tantrummer. She was always a bit meh about both sleep and food, and so she would get tired/hangry really easily. Sometimes I would find out what she wanted for lunch by opening the fridge, lifting her up to see what was in it, and just moving her around until she stopped crying. It backfired once when she was getting over a tummy bug and was ravenously hungry and spotted a little packet of gel food colours in the cupboard and insisted she wanted to eat the red one. I tried to explain it was food colouring, that it probably didn't taste nice and sugary like she was expecting, but to be honest I would be surprised if she could even hear me over the sound of her own wailing, so I emptied the wee tube into a cup, made up some runny icing and sucked that up into the tube and gave it to her. She had three or four goes of that and then some proper dinner. It was like that bit in Men in Black when the alien comes down looming for sugar and dumps the entire sugar bowl into a glass of water and drinks it.

To be honest I kind of liked how single minded she was. My nerves were shredded to bits but it was impressive to watch. We went to a toddler group where they had toy pushchairs and also a French window out to the garden with a slight lip where the frame was. My god she could spend like an hour just ramming the buggy against the window frame repeatedly and then every 20 goes or so she would be overcome by the rage and would lie down and roar for a couple of minutes, then get back up and start again. She got it in the end. That's the sort of determination that takes you places IMO.

Imissmoominmama · 19/02/2021 07:41

@Anycrispsleft- didn’t you ever show her how to lift it over...? Grin

Anycrispsleft · 19/02/2021 07:43

[quote Imissmoominmama]@Anycrispsleft- didn’t you ever show her how to lift it over...? Grin[/quote]
Many, many times. It just made her angrier! Grin

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/02/2021 07:49

@StopGo

Interesting comments about a secure and attached child feels safe enough to tantrum. I was that child who never dared tantrum and no I didn't feel safe.

A few years ago DH had to explain to our DC that he had cancer and would be having life altering surgery in a couple of weeks, lots of crying and hugs.
48 hours later DS had an epic tantrum in the kitchen. All his anger was aimed at me, I was a useless mum for letting his dad get cancer. He yelled and yelled until he burst in to tears. We both sat in the middle of the kitchen until he had no more tears left to cry. DS was in his early 20s but he still needed to know he was safe and loved.

This is really interesting.

Let’s just say my reaction was very different when as a teen my father told me he was dying of cancer. No. Comfort. Ever. Apart from the day I was told and hugged my father and said fuck. I was berated for that. And for much more after he died to ensure I knew my place and my place was not to be allowed to grieve him. I saved my screaming and release for when I was walking alone. The loss of control I felt and the feelings still scare me to this day and I’m now older than when he died. A kind man driving past stopped and asked me if I was ok.

I already said upthread there was no secure attachment in my home.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/02/2021 07:50

Anycrispleft
I am also traumatised by cup colour....

Esspee · 19/02/2021 07:51

I have clearly struck a raw nerve. Have a nice day vipers. 😁

Toocold · 19/02/2021 08:00

How old are your children Espee? And how how old are you?

Toocold · 19/02/2021 08:00

Esspee

Pandamumium · 19/02/2021 08:36

I have three children, now 20, 18 and 16. DS was the most angelic child ever. He had his moments but never really tantrummed.
DD 2 (16 years old) also quite placid- tended to go away and sulk rather than tantrum.
DD1 - absolute nightmare. Tantrums nearly every day. She was also the most articulate. She was speaker in full sentences at the age of two, whereas DS only used single words.

Unfortunately I can’t remember any of the funny tantrums.

1dayatatime · 19/02/2021 08:57

Just got screamed at for refusing to provide my DS with Kinder Eggs with Marvel mini figures as a suitable and acceptable breakfast and instead offering Weetabix.

MintyMabel · 19/02/2021 09:05

He puts it down to them having excellent language skills and being able to express themselves to adults

Nope. Not that. DD also had excellent language skills, spoke early and spoke well. The one time she couldn’t express herself well was when she was upset about something. Because she’s human.

Some kids have tantrums, some don’t. Don’t kid yourself that you are an extra special parent just because yours didn’t. I probably wouldn’t admit to my mum how badly DD tantrummed either, she has the same shade of rose spectacles and judgmental nature as you do.

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 19/02/2021 10:57

@Esspee

I have clearly struck a raw nerve. Have a nice day vipers. 😁
I'm not sure you've hit a nerve as much as outed yourself as a sanctimonious, smug, judgemental piece to be honest. You have a nice day too, reflecting on your perfect mothering.
RubysArms · 19/02/2021 10:59

@Esspee

I have clearly struck a raw nerve. Have a nice day vipers. 😁
It's sad your children never felt safe expressing themselves in front of you.
Snazzles2020 · 19/02/2021 11:14

Nephew had an epic meltdown age 4 on a family day out. His absolute obsession was dinosaurs. He nagged for weeks and weeks to go to the dinosaur museum (natural history museum), everyday he asked when are we going to see the dinosaurs. So one weekend before his birthday we all went - BIL, SIL, 3DN, MIL, Me and DH. Whole journey he was excited about the dinosaurs, kept repeating to himself there is going to be a whole room of dinosaurs I can't wait, it's going to be amazing. Got into the dinosaur gallery, huge meltdown - there were too many dinosaurs Grin.

FightingWithTheWind · 19/02/2021 11:20

My 20 month old laid herself on the floor, head in hands completley devastated last night because I took my hairband out

JustLyra · 19/02/2021 12:04

@Esspee

I have clearly struck a raw nerve. Have a nice day vipers. 😁
Nah, just showed yourself up.
CuntyMcBollocks · 19/02/2021 12:14

@Esspee my dd had excellent language skills and actually started to talk at around 10 months old (she's bright, but not a genius by any means), but she still had tantrums. It's a normal part of a child's development. I don't understand how you think you are superior to every other parent in the world because you say your children didn't have tantrums.

Esspee · 19/02/2021 12:30

CuntyMcBollocks At no point did I say, or suggest, that I considered myself superior.
I simply asked why, when in my day, tantrums were not the norm that they seem to be the norm these days.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 19/02/2021 13:13

Sometimes I would find out what she wanted for lunch by opening the fridge, lifting her up to see what was in it, and just moving her around until she stopped crying. GrinGrin

CuntyMcBollocks · 19/02/2021 13:14

Thats how your comment comes across @Esspee. Being 'aghast' at a child doing what normal children do.

Mittens030869 · 19/02/2021 13:17

@Esspee

The problem is that this was supposed to be a lighthearted thread, where parents could share their experiences of their DC's tantrums. It wasn't supposed to be a judgey thread asking whether today's toddlers throw more tantrums than those of a previous generation. (You're welcome to start a thread along those lines if you want.)

YouokHun · 19/02/2021 13:35

@Esspee

CuntyMcBollocks At no point did I say, or suggest, that I considered myself superior. I simply asked why, when in my day, tantrums were not the norm that they seem to be the norm these days.
That’s not the difference between children a generation ago and today’s children, it’s to do with a more open conversation about the way children are. I’m surprised you can’t work that out @Esspee.
SilverBirchWithout · 19/02/2021 14:32

That’s not the difference between children a generation ago and today’s children, it’s to do with a more open conversation about the way children are. I’m surprised you can’t work that out @Esspee.

Absolutely - this IS the main difference.

I’m not convinced language skills are the key either.
Certainly being able to express yourself in a more socially acceptable and effective way is probably why most children do grow out of the toddler tantrum phase.
However I think it is more likely about toddlers learning how to deal with conflicting emotions and understanding the world - most of the amusing tales on here are about children wanting illogical things or faced with conflicting choices. Up thread a toddler wanted to be a cat - a fine and pleasant aspiration! How disappointing to learn this could never happen. Another one is the socks off or on dilemma, socks feel very restrictive and you can’t see your toes wiggle, but cold feet feel awful - what do I do?

It’s so much better for parents today to be able to share their exasperations with others, and reduce their stress through the toddler years. Knowing others have similar experiences is really helpful - isn’t that the main point of Mumsnet?

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/02/2021 14:56

Tantrums and wobblers are normal.

Children lack the necessary understanding of the world, for example, object permanence.. whilst a 2 year old understands half their biscuit is gone and they now grasp that if something is out of sight it may still exist but be hidden they DON'T understand how that biscuit has now turned into mush and is inside them... cue strop because now the biscuit is no longer whole...

They don't have the communication skills, nor do they have the ability to tolerate frustration adults do...put those things together and of course you get upset ranging from quiet tears to outright meltdown.

My sister and I were raised the same, borderline abusive smacking, left to cry it out, expected to speak like mini adults, no baby talk...

She would tantrum like the queen of tantrums, I remember an epic when she was 5, because she had tried to hold her breath (something she did a LOT when much younger) and she couldn't do it any more...

I apparently didn't do tantrums - I suspect I did, just not the epic level of total crazyness she'd do (she threw her ski poles at a bunch of skiers aged 4, fortunately someone stopped her as she was about to take off her skis and throw them too. The gathering crowds crime... one of them had laughed at her...).

I was more the 'go away and cry by yourself' type. She was the 'fling yourself on the supermarket floor, flail around, scream, snot, then go rigid, then go blue and floppy' type.