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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I offered my toddler a drink

468 replies

bridgetjones1 · 18/02/2021 15:47

And a full on tantrum ensued. Crying, throwing herself on the floor and generally distraught that I'd had the temerity to offer something so shocking!!

YABU - I am a terrible mother
YANBU - Toddlers are crazzzzzy

Obviously this is very light hearted. Hoping and praying that this is a short term phase and that her twin sister doesn't decide to follow suit Confused

Anyone want to offer a hand hold or offer advice, equally baffling reasons for meltdowns would be appreciated

OP posts:
Sunrainsnow · 19/02/2021 20:42

I know the feeling Op. DD (nearly 3) today came into the kitchen just as I was finishing sweeping the floor. She said she wanted to sweep up. I said I've just finished. You can sweep up in the lounge if you want. Cue total melt down 'I don't want to, I don't know how'. We also had one today because her sister finished her raspberries that she didn't want. I think the best/worst was the tantrum that lasted the whole way back from preschool because I wouldn't let her drive the car.

CornishYarg · 19/02/2021 21:01

Just remembered DS having an epic tantrum at the zoo when he was 3. We went on the safari train which he really enjoyed but at the end of the ride, he completely lost it because he didn't want to get off the train. He threw himself on the floor of the little carriage we were in, held on tight to the train when we tried to carry him off, the full works.

The lovely train driver came over and said as it wasn't busy, there was no problem with us going round again. "Isn't that great, DS, the nice man says you can ride on the train again!" Oh no. This was not good news. He continued to tantrum but for a different reason: "Don't want to ride on the train. Don't like trains. I want to play in the paaarrrrk." And then he tried to run off. We were so embarrassed after the train driver had been so nice to him!

81Byerley · 19/02/2021 21:20

@user54328876

Toddlers! A spinning tumultuous sparkling multicoloured cloud of ideas, thoughts and feelings with little more logic, understanding or control than a turnip.

I am not entirely convinced they are human until they hit about six years old, more something ephemeral waiting to fully coalesce into a solid stable form.

My beautiful angelic looking little niece, blonde cherub curls and chubby rosey cheeked face included, use to stand there pulling an icky face saying "yucky, pooey, naughty, yack, nasty" when accused of eating the sugar out of the sugar bowl.

None of us were apparently supposed to notice nor mention her stood on the kitchen chair, up against the counter, next to the tea tray, teaspoon in hand...with sugar on it, the sugar all around her mouth nor the fact she was licking it as she spoke.

@user54328876 What a wonderful piece of writing!
Roughasabadgersbum · 19/02/2021 21:55

When my boy was about 2 and a half he has a meltdown because the imaginary bakers shop had run out of imaginary cakes!
Also my little girl didn't want the sun to go to bed as the moon meant it was her bedtime. I was the worst mummy ever because I didn't stop the sun going to bed!
I love children's logic!

YesPleaseMary · 19/02/2021 22:27

@Esspee are you my MIL?

AuditAngel · 19/02/2021 22:46

DS never had a tantrum that I can remember, but he was a strange child, he was born a little old man and just talked his way through everything.

DD1 didn’t have any I recall because she was just so laid back.

DD2 has certainly made up for it. Not just toddler tantrums, but tempers even now.. I don’t remember any in the supermarkets, but at hone. She was a door slammer (inherited from her father). On one memorable occasion, slamming the door just didn’t hit the spot, she walked back, opened it and slammed it a second time. DH and I just cracked up.

She gets very hangry (like her mum) and invariably if she was naughty, I would ask if she was hungry, she often hadn’t realised it herself.

She’s still mardy now. Not looking forward to the teens with that one!

AuditAngel · 19/02/2021 22:47

I always want to go to the parent of the child having a tantrum, hold their hand, talk to them, give them a hug, but never sure how it would be perceived (obviously pre-covid)

Nearly47 · 19/02/2021 23:05

AuditAngel, I feel the same. Now mother of two mostly well behaved teens I feel so much sympathy for new parents struggling with young kids and probably worried they are being judged

lealea6366 · 19/02/2021 23:13

When my son was 5yo he asked for Weet bix for breakfast and I had the audacity to serve it to him with the spoon in the bowl. He tipped it all in the rubbish bin. Guess who didn't get breakfast that morning?

Covidweddingday · 19/02/2021 23:15

2yo DD was crying about something ridiculous and I said to her ‘can you take that horrible noise somewhere else’ and she instantly stopped crying and said ‘ok mummy, I will take my horrible noise somewhere else’, got up, walked out the room and started up in another room. Grin

cabbagedpickles · 19/02/2021 23:28

@Serin

My cousin at 3 was the worlds worst tantrummer. He would also bang his head into the wall for the smallest incident, like it was raining. He is now a human rights lawyer for the UN Grin They do grow out if it.
Doing that job must make him still want to do that at times
Caramelsmadfuzzytail · 19/02/2021 23:38

I helped a mother a couple of years ago. I could hear her child having an epic tantrum. I listened for 5 minutes, then went out and asked her if she needed a hand. She also had a baby in a buggy. The child having a tantrum was a chunky soul and was sat refusing to move because he wanted something and his mum had said no.
So, while I pushed baby, mum tried to get son to move. In the end I was roaring at him and any time I got near I tickled him, he thought it was awesome. Everytime I said I need to go, little chap promptly parked himself on the pavement.
It was also a hot day. I'm glad I helped, I would also do it again.

Mamanyt · 19/02/2021 23:38

LOL, I am 68 years old. I distinctly remember my very first tantrum, my only tantrum. I even distinctly remember that I learned about tantrums from my playmate, Lee Lee Turner. Even her name is branded in my memory! Lee Lee threw tantrums and got her way, so I thought I'd give it a go. My father very calmly picked me up, tucked me under his arm like an American football, carried me to the kitchen (without a word), turned on the cold tap and stuck my head under it. He then plopped my wet self down in the middle of the kitchen floor, said, "Think about this," and walked out...all very calmly. It only took once. I don't recall either of my sons ever having one, but it was certainly not due to stellar parenting. Like most of us, I just muddled through, hoping for the best, or at least for forgiveness!

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/02/2021 00:22

DD decided to have the mother of all tantrums at Bluewater when she was little , partly because I wouldn't let her headbutt the hard tiled floor .
If she went in the buggy she screamed
If she sat on my lap she leaned forward then threw her (very hard) head back into my chest .
I tried pushing her head forward so she couldn't concuss me which enraged her more .

I ended up holding her under my arm like a roll of carpet so she would wriggle but couldn't kick or scratch me .
She did have form for swinging her head and heatbutting me , I ended up with a broken nose and a broken tooth from her !

She's 18 now and lovely and doesn;t remember being such a tyrant !

Mypathtriedtokillme · 20/02/2021 02:35

Dd used to lose her fucking mind when her toast was cut up incorrectly and no matter what you did it was always WRONG!
Triangles not being Triangular enough, squares were boxes not squares, don’t even get me started on Rectangles.

At one stage my oldest Dd when about 2.5 would pick herself a new name and refuse to answer to anything but that (complete stonewall if you called her anything else or a that’s not my name).
She was Big Bad Barry for a solid 3 weeks then Gabin, Dirty Burty the bus and then a different name each day for about 6 months then suddenly it was her name only.

Typical toddler mind fuck.

Mypathtriedtokillme · 20/02/2021 02:41

My youngest did tantrums where she went stiff as a board laying face down in silent rage. She did anywhere.
I’d just pick her up under my arm and keep going when it was out and about.

Casschops · 20/02/2021 05:37

So many terrible people on this thread. 😉. My son cried bitterly like his heart was breaking when I said that being a horse was not a viable future career option.

Bookwords · 20/02/2021 07:10

At one stage my oldest Dd when about 2.5 would pick herself a new name and refuse to answer to anything but that (complete stonewall if you called her anything else or a that’s not my name).

My niece used to do that when she wore a particular dress, she became Emma! Would only answer to Emma! GrinGrin

Italianmeringuebuttercream · 20/02/2021 09:05

Dd aged 2 had an amazing tantrum because she couldn't wear upsy daisy's skirt. It didn't even fit on her wrist.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 20/02/2021 09:43

@Italianmeringuebuttercream

Dd aged 2 had an amazing tantrum because she couldn't wear upsy daisy's skirt. It didn't even fit on her wrist.
I understand her frustration with this one!
HarriR · 20/02/2021 10:10

Yesterday's tantrum highlight was when. I horrid person, had given them a muffin, but prevented them from eaten muffin paper. Instal Headbutting and full-blown tantrum, so much so he burst a blood vessels. Clearly I should have just let him eat the paper. 14month year old. We have a safe chair! Seems to work with comfy cushion and blanket.

BrownEyedBlonde · 20/02/2021 10:22

Oh boy, this brings back the toilet flushing tantrum days! Ds used to love to flush once he’d had a pee but if I forgot and just flushed an almighty tantrum ensued! It was fun at nursery during this phase! They often forgot too!

Mummabear89 · 20/02/2021 10:44

My 4 year old had a meltdown because I gave him chocolate wheetos as we'd run out of peppa pig flakes. So we swapped cereal I had his wheetos and he had my strawberry shreddies and he was fine because he got to eat out of my new bowl that my husband bought me for our anniversary

Original poster
bridgetjones1 · 20/02/2021 10:48

Well we’ve just been to Costco and DT1 (not the same one who had a tantrum over the drink) became obsessed with a wooden gazebo & BBQ 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️ She got herself tucked right into the corner and I had to crawl in and drag her out, all the whilst screaming & thrashing about.

The fun just never ends 😂😂

OP posts:
Sugarandteaandmum · 20/02/2021 11:34

I don't like the sound of the putting head under the tap stuff. I think some people mistake "letting your toddler express their anger in a safe way" for "giving them their own way".

Never gave in to tantrums- if you tantrum you don't get the thing you want - but always tried to have patience with the big feels and give them time where possible.