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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 28 isn't too young to have a baby?

231 replies

Sprockerdilerock · 18/02/2021 14:45

I'm pregnant with my first child and about to turn 28. DH is 31. Since we started telling our friends and family, a few have commented that they are surprised as we are so young.

I've googled and seen that the average age to be a first time mum has now gone past 30.

Am I going to be the youngest at all baby groups and struggle to make friends?! I thought we were fairly average.

OP posts:
Katjolo · 19/02/2021 10:17

Not too young. Perhaps younger than average depending on your circle and location. At my NCT, mid 30s was average.

HeyDW96 · 19/02/2021 10:24

I'm 24 and when I have my first baby in May I will be 25, I don't feel too young and I certainly do not feel like my life is over! I have a career to go back to in a year when my maternity leave finishes and lots of friends (some with, some without children) who are all equally excited for me. Seriously, do not let the opinion of other hold you back having children. 28 is young but not a young mum.

dottiedodah · 19/02/2021 10:31

I was 27 when I had my first child .Apparently 24 is the perfect age to have children physically,according to a survey.Many people prefer to be in their 30s and get established at work .Just depending on circumstances really.

Mammyloveswine · 19/02/2021 11:11

Ha I was 28 but my mam said the same! I had my second at 30!

I'd like a third and laugh that I'd now be classed as a geriatric mother at 33!

Lanique · 19/02/2021 11:25

I was 28 and 29 when I had my two. I was the youngest in our long-term school and Uni friendship groups, and I am one of the younger mums in our current groups. I know other mums my age but have been unable to form close school gate friendships with them because their dcs are a few years younger than mine.

It doesn't really bother me that much. As you get older, age of friends matters less. Some of my besties are nearly ten years older than me!

I would change it though - as others have said I really do think late twenties is the perfect age. We were settled financially, had done our travelling and we're established in our careers, yet were still young and energetic!

Original poster
Sprockerdilerock · 19/02/2021 11:59

Its very frustrating that its seen as having a good career and wealth is mutually exclusive with starting a family when in the best biological age range.

I love my job, and intend to go back after maternity. We earn both earn around the average UK salary although I'm aware that average is considered crap on mumsnet 🤣 My work is pretty shit hot at being family friendly to be honest. My manager and my managers manager have had time off for kids and it doesn't seem to have stopped them progressing at all.

Hmmm.

OP posts:
GrumpyHoonMain · 19/02/2021 12:08

@Sprockerdilerock

Its very frustrating that its seen as having a good career and wealth is mutually exclusive with starting a family when in the best biological age range.

I love my job, and intend to go back after maternity. We earn both earn around the average UK salary although I'm aware that average is considered crap on mumsnet 🤣 My work is pretty shit hot at being family friendly to be honest. My manager and my managers manager have had time off for kids and it doesn't seem to have stopped them progressing at all.

Hmmm.

It isn’t. My six figure salary started when I was 29 and a lot of my colleagues were the same age when salaries shot up. 29-31 is when already highly paid people often get promotions into senior management in a lot of industries. So it makes sense to wait until after your mid 30s.

So you can’t really compare your situation with there’s. Most people on average salaries at 29 aren’t going to double them in their 30s unless they go self-employed or consult. So as long as you’re happy with your salary and lifestyle that’s all that matters.

stevalnamechanger · 19/02/2021 19:19

It is in London / professional careers .

Where I'm from it would be the usual age , but not in my work circle . Mid to late thirties is more common

Alienchannell21 · 19/02/2021 19:37

I was pregnant when I finished my masters and got my phd when dc was 5. You can definitely have a family and a career.

hansgrueber · 19/02/2021 19:54

One pupil was once horrified that I wasn't a Nan, her mother was a Nan and she was 32! I must have been late 40s, early 50s.

hansgrueber · 19/02/2021 19:56

@Howshouldibehave

My mum had her first at 28 and on her notes, the midwife wrote ‘elderly primip’-that shows how times have changed!
That used to be very common, I was 29 and was referred to in a similar way in the mid 70s.
Peanutbuttercupisyum · 19/02/2021 20:30

I would say that’s a normal age?! I had my first at 25 and was in a very yummy mummy expensive area of London and didn’t struggle to make friends! I mean most of the time you don’t even find it someone’s exact age until you’re fairly matey, and what sort of weirdo would decide to drop you as a friend on finding out that you’re slightly below the average age of having a baby?!

Lubiluxe · 19/02/2021 22:17

I'm 28 and out of my school friend circles and uni circles, only 3 have had a child..2 were much younger (with high school partners) and one is a uni friend..the rest are not near having kids.

DramaAlpaca · 19/02/2021 22:21

@Howshouldibehave

My mum had her first at 28 and on her notes, the midwife wrote ‘elderly primip’-that shows how times have changed!
My mum was the same, I was going to post this.

I was 29 having my first, who's 27 now. It seemed around average then.

Jchina · 19/02/2021 22:56

I was 29 when I had my eldest who is now 6 and was living in London- I didn’t get that reaction from family and friends at all but in my field of work there were a few surprised faces, and I was definitely on the younger side of the other mums I met but certainly not unique.
I definitely didn’t feel too young and that’s really all that matters!

Skysblue · 19/02/2021 23:31

It’s a great age. I had mine at 33 and I’m one of the oldest mums in my child’s school year, only one is older than me. I have so much less energy to run around with my child than I did even a few years ago and wish I started earlier. More importantly, me and so many of my friends wanted more children than we were able to have, because it turns out most women can’t conceive easily in their late thirties. No one talks about it because it suits everyone for women to work for a decade first and then have small families, but I know so many grieving women who didn’t discover until they had a baby how brilliant children are, and wish they started earlier so they could have had a bigger family. But eggs stop working.

Congratulations OP your relatives are talking nonsense - it’s probably less that they see you as young and more that this news has made them realise their own age...

stevalnamechanger · 19/02/2021 23:46

@Alienchannell21

I was pregnant when I finished my masters and got my phd when dc was 5. You can definitely have a family and a career.
Lol not easily .

The cost of childcare is insane . Read pregnant and screwed

MonsterMunchPaws · 19/02/2021 23:56

It is funny though. I’m 34 now and wouldn’t consider a third. I don’t feel my body or career would recover at this stage. No thanks. Grin

MonsterMunchPaws · 20/02/2021 00:07

Just fyi funny as in peculiar not haha. I think the women who have children young but who are still career driven tend to overtake again when the hoi polloi go off on maternity mid to late 30s, at least that’s what happened to me and several of my friends and I am now seeing previously dynamic, beautiful, successful women who I was previously inspired by burn out into bored, tired mums. We can have it all, we just need to insist on it at the right time for ourselves.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 20/02/2021 00:17

I agree that socioeconomic class plays a huge role in this! In the wealthier area I lived most mums were late 30’s-40’s and I was an anomaly having my third at 23; moved to my current area while I was pregnant, and the midwife called me an older more experienced mum.
Ds1 is now at uni and I’m probably ten years younger than the other parents, but the flip side is some of the mums - my age - that I went to baby groups with are becoming grandmothers.

Ploughingthrough · 20/02/2021 00:20

I had DD a few weeks before my 27th birthday. I was the youngest in my NCT group but only by a year or so. My friendship group from uni all had their first baby in their late twenties, it seems like a pretty normal age to me. People will comment on anything, congratulations on the baby.

Ploughingthrough · 20/02/2021 00:21

Things have changed though. I'm the third child in my family and my mum was 33 when she had me - this was considered positively ancient! But a very normal time to have a baby now.

hystericaljellyfish · 20/02/2021 00:24

I had 3 by then! Of course it’s not young, you’ve been an adult for 10 years.

saffire · 20/02/2021 00:25

I was 26/7 and in the antenatal group I was the youngest. Most were ten or more years older than me. But it still said on my notes older mother!

Firebird83 · 20/02/2021 00:28

I had DS at 28 and was always the youngest at baby groups!

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