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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sorry, another "3rd child" one...

155 replies

BlueGizmo · 17/02/2021 20:36

I know, I know, people are always asking about having number 3, but what if you'll have a big age gap?? I have DS9 and DD7. Does the 3rd feel left out?? Also I'm 36 this year, am I too old?? We have a big 3 bed and if we went ahead we'd either eventually move or convert the loft so not worried about space. We're also well off financially.

Does anyone have experience of having number 3 with this sort of age gap?

OP posts:
Insertfunnyname · 17/02/2021 20:39

Just.... don’t. Honestly you’ve come out the other side you can do the great holidays, leisurely walks and meals out. Pop to town, play monopoly.

Adding another one in now would upset the Apple cart way too much for me! But then my 3 are all very close together. Even with that I can see rationally that we’d have had a better life with only 2! (Don’t tell him!)

NouvelleMamanNouvelleVie · 17/02/2021 20:40

In what way would your life have been better with two?
I'm also considering a third.

underneaththeash · 17/02/2021 20:40

I think that's too big and age gap (unless you're planning to have 2 more, or it's a new husband.)
I don't think 36 is too old though.

underneaththeash · 17/02/2021 20:41

I have three BTW

Original poster
BlueGizmo · 17/02/2021 20:50

@underneaththeash

I think that's too big and age gap (unless you're planning to have 2 more, or it's a new husband.) I don't think 36 is too old though.
No no, it's the same DH. He actually suggested 2 more but I'm really not sure about 4!!

@Insertfunnyname yes... we are enjoying playing board games together! My head says it's a bit silly but hormones are funny things!

OP posts:
Daisydrum · 17/02/2021 20:58

We’ve been thinking the same thing

quarentini · 17/02/2021 21:03

Honestly don't! The age gap will mean that the children probably won't be close to new baby as they will be at completely different stages . High school and toddler for example.
Someone is always going to have to be doing something that's not age appropriate or feel left out

TokyoSushi · 17/02/2021 21:07

Mine are the same age as yours and the thought did cross my mind. However, things are so much easier now than they were, my DC are lovely, so we've firmly decided that we're going to enjoy this good bit rather than making things hard again.

2020iscancelled · 17/02/2021 21:08

I’m torn

One hand you’re through the god awful sleep deprivation years, you can go out (pre covid) and your kids are old enough to enjoy it and behave themselves. You can do holidays and days out without that stress of nap times, buggies, weaning / feeding, routines etc - having a baby means your whole day is set around routines for at least 2 years realistically. That will really impact on your lifestyle that you have with your older children.

On the other hand, it’s only a small amount of time in the long run, the older kids might absolutely love a younger sibling and they would actually be old enough to help out with some of the baby things - grabbing nappies, soothing and cuddling them etc then playing with them as they start to crawl and toddle. It could be the final piece of your family and bring so much joy to everyone.

If I were in your circumstances I would have another. 36 is not too old at all.

If you are financially secure, in a loving and secure relationship and your other children and happy and well adapted then why not?

If I were 5 years younger Id have a third definitely

AnnieKN · 17/02/2021 21:10

I have two siblings who are close to me in age and one who is 6 years younger than me. We weren’t super close growing up but when ‘the baby’ became a grown up we became really close and now we’re in our 30s it feels irrelevant.

Sibling relationships don’t stop at childhood. I’ll always be glad my parents decided to have another baby.

HeidiHaughton · 17/02/2021 21:11

If you have a third your older children may resent having to do baby and toddler things. You don't have the same sort of family days out. And if there are additional needs they may hate you for bringing this on top of them.

Rysimo · 17/02/2021 21:13

You are not too old. I had DS3 knocking 40 and its absolutely fine. 10 year age gap between DS1 and DS2. 3 years between DS2 and DS3. Only such a large gap while NHS investigated recurrent miscarriages, and then bingo.....twice.

DesdemonaDryEyes · 17/02/2021 21:15

Will nobody think of the planet?

skeggycaggy · 17/02/2021 21:15

@Insertfunnyname

Just.... don’t. Honestly you’ve come out the other side you can do the great holidays, leisurely walks and meals out. Pop to town, play monopoly.

Adding another one in now would upset the Apple cart way too much for me! But then my 3 are all very close together. Even with that I can see rationally that we’d have had a better life with only 2! (Don’t tell him!)

I feel the same as you. I have 3, my youngest is 5. My SIL has just had a 3rd, her other kids are 10 and 8, & I just think it’s mad! But maybe I would feel differently if I hadn’t already got 3, & thoroughly done with kids...!
MuddyPawPrintsEverywhere · 17/02/2021 21:16

Speaking from the children's perspective... I'm the eldest of three. My youngest sibling is 10 years younger than I am. We got along as well as most siblings do, and I don't think she felt left out as a child.

It depends on the children in question and the family situation as a whole, but I don't think it has to be a problem. Siblings who are close in age may be more likely to bicker than if one or two of them are a bit older and more mature. I have a better relationship with my youngest sibling than with the one who is closer to my own age, for what it's worth!

Original poster
BlueGizmo · 17/02/2021 21:16

I don't think the age gap would bother the eldest two, they love babies and little kids and are really easy children. It's more about the 3rd maybe feeling left behind when the moved out etc.

@AnnieKN I also have sibling 6 years younger and we were never close growing up but are now! DH has one sibling 11 years older and one 11 years younger! He's really close to the younger one

@2020iscancelled this is exactly where we are!! It's so hard!! DM thinks I'm mad to even consider it

OP posts:
Chunkymenrock · 17/02/2021 21:20

Two children is really enough. Major environmental disasters already happening. Over population/over consumption are the main contributers. The planet doesn't need more people. Why not quit while you're ahead? Life is straightforward!

Nettleskeins · 17/02/2021 21:20

It could be twins! I had twins at 36....As did my cousin

georgarina · 17/02/2021 21:21

I had two siblings when I was 9 and 13 and loved it. I loved looking after them and taking care of them. It was a different relationship but it was great - I don't really get the people saying the older kids wouldn't be close to the baby or would resent it. Generally my friends with an age gap are very protective and loving with their much younger siblings.

Custarddonught · 17/02/2021 21:23

I always think you will never regret having a child but can regret not having one. I have a 12yr old, 9year old and 2 year old, yeah it’s hectic and sometime hard to plan days out to suit everyone( not that that has been a problem for the last year) but I think the baby has made the older 2 closer as they all want to play together with the little one. Also for what it’s worth I have a siblings 2 and 11 years younger than me and I am closer to the youngest one

HeidiHaughton · 17/02/2021 21:27

Rubbish, regretting having a child happens more regularly than any woman is allowed to admit.

Happyd · 17/02/2021 21:28

With regards to age gap .. my sister and I were 9yrs and 7yrs when my brother come along and he's close to us both , and he is very close to my eldest , but I think if my mum had had a boy and girl to be honest don't think she would of had a third

MissHoney85 · 17/02/2021 21:33

I was the third child, born when my mum was 36, my brother was 9 and my sister was 7! I wasn't planned though. My mum loved having me - she was much more relaxed third time around. She knew that everything was just a phase, good and bad, and just enjoyed the ride. Then again she was a SAHM and absolutely adores babies / children so others might not feel the same.

MissHoney85 · 17/02/2021 21:39

Oh and in terms of feeling left out, I definitely had a different relationship with my siblings but not necessarily in a bad way. In some ways for me it was like having all the advantages of being an only child (lots of attention, no sibling rivalry) without the drawbacks (not spoilt, bigger support network now we're all adults). I guess maybe I did miss out on that close sibling relationship though. Sometimes I think that even though rivalries can get a bit intense and difficult, in some ways it's probably quite good preparation for life that I maybe missed out on.

RandomMess · 17/02/2021 21:43

Seriously it's your hormones talking!!!

Teens are really challenging even the "easy" ones and expensive and there are potential uni fees 😳

I have 4DC and I don't regret it but it's a huge difference having 4.

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